The Del Rio Destroyer hissed and gurgled as it cooled. The elderly truck was no longer quaint or interesting, and the term “restoration project” was no longer something he could afford to be interested in. Now he needed something reliable and safe. Whoever said money wasn’t the answer wasn’t completely right. Sometimes it was. Money was the only thing standing between him and decent transportation. Remy Charbonnet’s offer looked better every day.
****
Candi hit the gas and sped out of her gated complex. So she was going a little fast for the residential street. If her neighbors didn’t like the way she drove, they should stay off the sidewalk.
She headed for I-45 south and ranted at the drivers ahead of her who actually stopped at the last lame two-way intersection on their way to the freeway. She tapped her brakes and rolled on through.
Shade’s truck was easy to spot. She whipped into the lot and came to an abrupt stop. Her bright orange flip-flops sprayed loose gravel as she sprinted toward them.
A pitiful sight, the dusty pair huddled near the building while the truck made gasping death noises nearby and their plastic grocery bags danced in the breeze.
She dropped to her knees beside them.
“That was fast,” Shade said.
“I went a little rogue with the traffic laws. It’s miserable hot out here.” She glanced around at the cars whizzing by. “And not exactly safe.”
“We’re OK. The traffic noise lulled her to sleep after I got some formula in her.”
Candi lifted the corner of the pale green receiving blanket with the same kind of excitement and expectation as opening a gift on Christmas morning.
The pudgy-cheeked angel slept with her face smashed against his shoulder and her tiny fingers clutching at his chest.
“Aw, Shade, she’s
beautiful
...but I can’t see her eyes.” She dropped the blanket and met his gaze. “Please tell me they’re as gorgeous as yours.”
Her comment stunned them both.
“I mean,” she stammered, “your eye color is so unusual. Sometimes it’s green then goes to an amber.”
“Forget it,” he said and tried to push himself up. “It’s out there now. You like my eyes. You can’t take it back.”
“Fine. You have nice eyes.” She stood and reached for the baby. “I’ll take her so you can get the car seat bolted in but, be warned. My only experience with babies is in the church nursery, and they don’t invite me back very often.”
“
You
be warned,” he said and placed the sleeping bundle in her arms. “She’s sweaty and stinky and overdue for a fresh diaper.”
“She can’t help it. Even princesses have a bad day once in a while. What color are her eyes, anyway?”
“They are bluer than the west Texas sky. Everything I’ve read says they can still change, but I don’t think so.”
She stood by the car while he piled his groceries in the trunk and secured the safety seat.
“I wondered about that car seat,” she said.
“What about it?”
“I wondered if your old truck had the right belts and latches to adequately secure a baby seat.”
“Believe it or not, it can be done. I had to call a child safety seat hotline to make sure, but it works. Of course it would be helpful if the truck ran consistently.”
“What about that? Do you want me to come back here after I take you home and wait for a tow truck?”
“Thanks, but I’m not letting you do that. It could be hours. The dispatcher told me all the high schools around here are graduating tonight and the tow trucks are way behind with fender-benders and over-heated cars on the way to the ceremonies.” He closed the trunk. “I’ll get Max to help me out later after Rachel goes home and his date is over.”
“Did you tell them you had a baby with you? I thought they were supposed to give priority in that situation.”
“Everybody has a crying baby.”
She nodded and tucked the blanket around Rachel’s face to block the wind.
He tossed the diaper bag in the back seat. “See? You’re a natural. You’re doing that thing.”
“What thing?”
“That thing all women do. I’ve noticed it everywhere since I’ve had to learn all things baby.”
“What thing?”
“You put a baby in a woman’s arms and she immediately starts that rocking-swaying thing. Must be instinct. You all do it.”
She wasn’t doing any such thing.
Yes she was. There was no way to resist the urge.
Every maternal impulse and baby related mechanism inside her surged to life. Comfort the baby, protect the baby, rock the baby. She studied Rachel’s perfect little face. A scripture from Psalms popped into her head.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...
She never thought much about when she’d have children. Now she wanted ten.
“Let me get her buckled in,” Shade said and peeled the baby from her grasp.
Was it possible to bond instantly with a sleeping baby you didn’t know and who wasn’t yours? If not, the sudden loss she felt was inexplicable.
She turned to get in the car. “So which way?”
“Not far. Want me to drive? She’ll sleep the whole way.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I assume we’ll take my car to the conference next week, and I don’t want to do all the driving so you might as well get acquainted. Is the truck locked up?”
“No. I’m hoping someone will steal it.”
As he pulled onto the road, Candi fidgeted with her shorts and wiped dirt off her shirt. She pulled down the visor mirror. Several strands of hair stood straight up. “Oh, wow,” she said and tried to tame them.
“What?”
“I was cleaning house when you called. Guess I should have stopped to look in a mirror on the way out.”
He glanced her way. “You look great. Thanks for coming to get us.”
“Sure.”
She continued to be restless. She had so many things to say to him. Why couldn’t she open her mouth and just talk?
As Shade pulled up next to his trailer, Rachel began to stir. He shut off the engine and hurried to get her. Her eyes were wide and bright, and even more blue than Candi expected. As Shade planted his daughter proudly on his hip, Candi stepped closer to smooth damp tufts of hair off the baby’s forehead. She clasped Rachel’s tiny outstretched hand and attempted soothing baby talk until she’d coaxed a smile from the little cherub.
“She likes you,” Shade said.
Candi snorted. “Only because she doesn’t know me.”
“That’s not funny.” He shouldered the diaper bag. “Let me get inside and change her and then I’ll get all this stuff.”
“No, you go ahead. I can get it.”
“You sure?”
“I think I can unload the car, Shade. Go give her a nice lukewarm bath.”
“I can give her a bath later. Right now I’m just going to clean her up a bit.”
Rachel burped and spewed her dinner down the front of her shirt.
Candi laughed. “Or you could give her a bath.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”
She unhooked the car seat and set it inside the door. The small mobile home was clean, with homey touches and an entire area dedicated to his growing collection of baby equipment. She put the diapers in the pile and then stacked his bountiful supply of canned ravioli and tuna in the pantry. She dropped the lunchmeat in the refrigerator drawer and was soon drawn to the splashing in the bathroom. Those pesky maternal urges pulled her down the narrow hallway.
She leaned against the doorframe and pretended she had a reason for intruding. “Do you keep or throw away the plastic bags?”
He steadied the baby with one hand, and poured water over her from a Styrofoam cup with the other to wash away the suds. Rachel kicked both legs and waved her arms.
“Keep,” he said. “They’re great for the nasty diapers.”
“OK. They’re on the counter.”
“Towel, please.”
“What?”
“Cold naked baby alert,” he said and lifted her from the water.
She yanked the fluffy yellow duck covered towel from the rack and draped it over Rachel. While Shade tucked her close against his body, Candi gently rubbed the baby’s head and swiped the insides of her tiny pink ears.
“Mission accomplished,” he said. “I’ll go get some clean clothes on her.”
“You’re pretty good at this.”
“I wouldn’t know. This was only our second bath.”
Candi returned to the living area and approached the rocking chair. She set it into motion with a gentle nudge. CD’s and magazines littered his coffee table along with his Bible and a book of daily devotionals. The notebook he always carried lay open with phone numbers on sticky notes placed inside. The name Remy Charbonnet caught her eye. Isn’t that the name her father mentioned? What did it mean?
“I need to make her another bottle,” Shade said as he joined her. “Can you hold her for a minute?”
“She was asleep when I held her before. Will she come to me now?”
“Sure. Sit in the rocker with her. She loves that.”
Candi reached for the baby much like she’d reach for a bouquet of tender daffodils. She inhaled across soft clean skin the same way. It was another urge she couldn’t resist. When Shade handed her the bottle, Rachel settled into the crook of her arm and seemed content.
He dropped onto the couch nearby as if exhausted. “Thanks for putting the groceries away.”
“Don’t thank me yet. You may not be able to find anything.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
She pulled the bottle out of Rachel’s mouth and wiped away a stream of liquid that ran down her chin. “I’m fine,” she said and put back the bottle.
Several moments of companionable silence went by, and she contemplated ways to say the things she needed to say.
He put his feet up on the coffee table. “Have you heard from your father?”
That was one way to get the conversation started.
“Not exactly. I had a missed call one day, and I think that was him, but there was no message. I haven’t tried to call him yet because Pastor Charles has me on a strict schedule of prayer and Bible study. I’m supposed to be reflecting on and accepting all the changes God is making in my life and preparing to calmly explain all my feelings to my father and hopefully reach a truce.”
He nodded. “I’m sure that’s what your father wants.”
“Then why didn’t he come to church that Sunday? I know I said I didn’t want him to, but even I have to acknowledge in all my anger that it’s where he needs to be. And if he wanted to make things right, why didn’t he come?” She slashed a tear from under her eye. “I’m sorry. I’m not going to sit here and cry all over your baby—you’ve seen enough of my tears—but this part has been so hard. I’ve been coming to grips with how wrong I was about everything and at the same time, he didn’t follow through that morning. I mean, how do you forgive someone who won’t stop hurting you long enough to accept forgiveness for the
first
series of hurts? It’s mind-boggling.”
“But Pastor Charles is trying to help you with all this, right?”
“Oh, yes, in case you haven’t heard, I’m being pruned. God has taken me out behind the woodshed for an attitude adjustment. Pastor Charles is just making sure I learn my lesson, because he says he’s had enough of my drama.”
“Back up a minute. You’re being what?”
“Pruned. It’s in John chapter fifteen. You can look it up later.”
“That aside, I never thought of God as being a ‘behind the woodshed’ kind of father.”
“Well, apparently it takes a special kind of stupid to earn a pruning, get a trip to the woodshed, and end up in the doghouse like me.”
Now he laughed at her. “C’mon, Candi, I don’t know much about spiritual stuff, but I’m pretty sure you’re exaggerating.”
She set the bottle aside and moved Rachel to an upright position against her chest. As she rubbed her back, the baby slowed her jerky movements and finally rested her soft head against Candi’s shoulder. It was a peace and perfection Candi had rarely experienced.
“Maybe a little exaggeration,” she said softly. “But I have learned a lot these past couple weeks, and I have you to thank for some of it.”
He sat up straight. “Me? What’d I do?”
“You were there for me at that music festival when my father showed up. I was a hysterical mess. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t been there. Before I saw him, I had this weird feeling something was going on. I couldn’t figure it out, and I didn’t say a word but, even then, you took my hand in that crowd and it helped.”
“We’re friends, Candi. More than friends. You must know I’d do anything for you. I...uh—”
“I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable.” She rushed to put him at ease. “I want you to know you’re an amazing person, and I know I haven’t always been fair to you. I’m just trying to say how much I appreciate the time we’ve spent together since you came to Cornerstone.”
He practically jumped to his feet. “OK, now you’re making it sound like we won’t be spending any more time together.”
“
No
,” she said a little too loud. Rachel trembled and lifted her head until Candi soothed her. “No,” she repeated. “I don’t mean that at all. But see what I mean? There’s a reason I kept all my feelings inside. I’m not very good at expressing myself.”
He leaned against the couch as though his knees were wobbly. “Can I talk for a minute?”
She nodded.
“As for your father, I’m sure the only reason he didn’t come on Sunday was because of how bad it went Saturday night. I think he stayed away to spare you another round of heartache. It couldn’t have been easy for him to see you in so much pain. He may have thought it best if he gave it some more time.”
She held the baby closer and nuzzled her neck. “Possibly...”
“As for all that other stuff, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. For everything you’ve done you think is so horrible, you’ve also done a whole lot of good. If I can forgive myself for Pete, you can get past this thing with your father and get through whatever it is you feel you need to fix.” He knelt in front of the rocker and took her hand. “If I remember correctly, you were the one who finally convinced me in the truck that night that I could let go of the accident and move on.”