She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand. “Now you’re gonna make me cry.”
“I don’t want you to cry.”
“You must think I’m pretty ridiculous to get so bent out of shape over my petty issues after all you’ve been through.”
“No, I think I know my Bible, too and Luke says. ‘
to whom much is given, much is required.
’ Someone like you, who has so many spiritual gifts and earthly talents, must have to go through the woodshed once in a while in order to be the most productive vessel you can be.”
She squeezed his hand. “That is so freakishly deep that I know for sure you’ve been holding out on me. You are far more spiritually wise than you let on.”
“It’s completely by accident.”
She laughed. “Forget it. It’s out there now. You can’t take it back,” she said mimicking what he’d said earlier
The jarring ring tone of his cell phone rattled both Candi and the baby. Rachel shuddered and then started to cry.
He glanced at the screen. “It’s Jess. That’s Rachel’s mother. She’s probably on her way.”
Candi stood and reluctantly passed the crying baby to her father. “I better get out of here.”
“Wait. Why? I can have friends over when Rachel’s here. Stay and meet her.”
“I’m not one of the guys, Shade. You’re still working through this situation. Real or imagined, Jess doesn’t need any reason to question anything right now.”
The ringing stopped. “You’re right. It’s bad enough I have to tell her we broke down. She doesn’t trust that truck, anyway. That’s why she drops Rachel off and picks her up.”
“You’re a great father, Shade. That kind of thing happens to everyone.” She pressed her lips against Rachel’s forehead and lingered there as if to soak up as much as she could. “I’m going now. Call me later if you need help with the truck.”
She rushed out the door with the scent of baby shampoo still on her clothes.
Never had her heart and arms been so empty.
15
From:
Pastor Charles Littleton
[mailto:[email protected]]
Sent:
Friday, June 05 10:00 AM
To:
Candi Canaberry <
[email protected]
>
CC:
Shade Blackledge <
[email protected]
>
Subject:
Worship Conference
Candi and Shade:
Attached is all the hotel and registration confirmation information you need for the worship conference this weekend. Keep all your receipts, and we’ll do our best to reimburse you for meals and parking. Please forward or copy for Max. I still can’t reach him. Don’t forget to take him with you. Be careful, and I look forward to hearing all about it when you get back.
Charles
Shade set his duffle bag by the door and waited for Candi and Max to pick him up. He prayed he could be patient on the three-hour car ride to Austin. He always considered himself an easy-going guy. He got along with most people and most people didn’t have a problem with him. Live and let live, to each his own, and all that.
But Candi Canaberry...
Candi Canaberry had become the proverbial thorn in his side that provided daily nails-on-the-chalkboard irritation and inflicted general pandemonium into his otherwise laid-back existence. Though many things had gotten so much better for her as she fought her way to a new level of spiritual understanding, her ability to clearly see what was right in front of her cute little nose continued to elude her.
They’d bickered so much at their last practice over a simple series of chords that Carol Ann used the emergency whistle on her key chain to shut them up. She reminded them if they couldn’t say something nice, they shouldn’t say anything at all.
So they said nothing.
Their entire relationship had become like a recurring computer problem. There were erratic starts and stops, crash dumps, and near fatal errors. Just when he thought they were getting somewhere, an unexpected shutdown would occur. Files were lost. Data seemed unrecoverable.
Life would be simpler if she’d just admit she had feelings for him. Her inability to do so was driving him insane.
Some days he wanted to give up. Most days he just wanted to kiss her.
Someone pounded on his door. “Let’s go,” Max shouted.
Shade stepped outside. Candi sat in the driver’s seat with her sunglasses perched on her nose. She tapped the steering wheel.
“Is she in a good mood?”
“She’s in a great mood,” Max answered.
But an hour and a half later, as they stopped to get gas and change drivers, she seemed annoyed.
Shade got out when she pulled up to the pump. “I’ll get it.”
She tossed him the keys and scrambled to beat him to the nozzle. “That’s OK. I got it.”
“No, I’ll do it. Go stretch your legs and get something to drink.”
She swiped her card before he could. “I pump my own gas all the time, Shade. I got it.”
He raised his hands in surrender. “Fine.”
“Fine.”
Max joined him in the front seat. “You two crack me up.”
“Glad you’re amused.”
Candi got in the back. “Do you want to get something to eat before we get there? I think the only food tonight will be at the welcome reception, and I’m sure it’s not much.”
“Good idea,” Shade replied.
“Yeah,” Max added. “The free food won’t amount to anything, and I don’t want to spend my money on hotel food.”
“What are you in the mood for?”
“Doesn’t matter to me,” Candi said. “You’re driving. Your choice.”
“I know a great barbeque place about twenty miles from here.”
“That sounds good,” Max said.
Candi sighed heavily. “No barbeque.”
“I thought you said it didn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t. Just no barbeque.”
Shade pulled onto the highway. “I know of a mom and pop Mexican place that’s pretty good and not far from here.”
“No Mexican,” Candi said.
Shade flexed his hands on the wheel and glanced over his shoulder to give her a dirty look. “You’re doing this to annoy me, right?”
“No. I just don’t want Mexican food.”
“Know what I wish?” Max asked.
Neither took the bait.
“I wish,” he continued, “we were in Vegas and it was my turn to drive. That way I could go straight to a drive-thru wedding chapel and get you two hitched. Poof!” He waved his hands and wiggled his fingers in the air. “All the tension disappears. It’s a miracle and you two live happily-ever-after. We could get Elvis to do it. I’ll hold the bouquet and then take pictures.”
“I’m not getting married in a Vegas drive-thru,” she said adamantly. “Elvis, or no Elvis.”
“I don’t think you have to worry,” Shade mumbled.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
He caught sight of her in the rearview mirror. As frosty glares went, it was one of her frostiest. He needed a parka to warm up after that one.
“So what do you want to eat?”
She bunched her travel pillow behind her head. “Doesn’t matter to me. You’re driving. Your choice.”
****
When Max and Shade entered their room, Max proceeded to touch everything like he was six years old. No complimentary shampoo or soap was left unturned.
Shade collapsed on his bed and reached for one of the many pillows lined up against the headboard. “That woman’s trying to kill me.”
“And you’re letting her.”
“How do I make it stop?”
“Take control of the situation, my friend.”
“How do I do that?”
Max toyed with the T.V. remote. “Do you love her?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
The television blinked on, then off again. “Then why are you here? Go get her. Tell her how you feel.”
“Yeah, right. I’m gonna lay that on her on the first day of a worship conference. She’d skin me alive.”
“Couldn’t be any worse than what you’re feeling right now.” He tossed his door card on the nightstand and pulled out his phone. “Go for it. I’m texting her right now. There,” he said and flipped it closed. “She’ll meet you downstairs in twenty.”
Shade sat up. “What’d you do that for? I’m not sure this is the right time.”
“Look, Shade, you can go down there and tell her you love her, or you can go down there and buy her a fancy over-priced latte. Doesn’t make any difference to me. All I know is you two love each other, and it’s time you put all of us out of our misery and do something about it.”
Shade hoisted his bag onto the bed and started digging for a clean shirt. “I’ll get you back for that text.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Max settled in to watch T.V. “Go get her, tiger. And find out what her roommate’s like. We can double date.”
Eighteen and a half minutes later, Shade headed for the elevator. He waited with several other conference attendees, all of them wearing their nametags and chattering about various workshops and people they’d already seen.
He glanced out the eighth floor window at the Austin skyline.
I’m not going to tell her I love her…it’s too soon...it’ll make things worse...
When the doors opened, Candi was already inside. She met his gaze amidst the people who piled on. Warm and inviting, that smile had to be only for him. She reached for his hand and tugged him to her side through the crush of the crowd. Soft light shimmered across the sparkling buttons on her white sweater and glistened in her eyes. She smelled like springtime. How could he
not
tell her he loved her?
“Max said you needed to see me.” They snuggled closer as more people got in on the next floor. “What’s up?”
“Uh...” Her soft hair brushed against his chin as they huddled in the corner. So much for being able to answer her. “You smell great.”
Yeah, he was one smooth operator...
“Thanks. I’m sorry I was so snarky on the way up here,” she whispered. “I’m nervous about my presentations tomorrow. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you and Max.”
They spilled out into the lobby.
“What did you want to talk about?”
His throat started to close. “Do you want something to drink?”
“I’m OK. The meet-and-greet starts in a bit. I can wait.”
He couldn’t. He snatched a bottle of free water off the registration table and downed it in a couple big gulps.
“You OK?”
“Yeah.” He took her hand. “Let’s take a walk.”
They passed through the lobby and into the long, glass-enclosed hallway that led to the workout room, the sauna, and eventually out to the pool. The steamy walkway only added to his feeling of suffocation. Professing his love was going to choke him to death.
Hotel staff in black pants and crisp white shirts scurried from the side door to the buffet with everything from napkins and rolls to baskets made out of watermelons. He dragged her to the most private corner possible.
She sat on the low brick wall that surrounded a jungle of tropical plants. “Now you’re scaring me. Are you sure you’re OK?”
He sat down beside her. “I’m fine. I just need to talk to you.”
But nothing came out of his dry mouth.
She jumped up. “You don’t look so good. I’m going to get you some more water.”
“
No
.” He yanked her back down to his side.
“O-K.”
She smoothed her flowery skirt and clasped her hands in her lap.
He met her expectant gaze. All at once, everything made sense.
“Here’s the thing,” he began. “I know my timing stinks, but I love you, Candi. I’ve been miserable trying to keep it to myself, and I just want it all out in the open. I want to be a couple and spend more time together and see where it goes. And...”
Though she seemed surprised, her smile was hopeful and encouraging. Right up until the second it wasn’t.
A bag of rocks landed in his gut. “...and I can see I’ve seriously missed the mark here so—”
“No, no,
no
.” She took hold of both his hands and squeezed them in hers. “It’s not that.”
“Are you worried about Rachel?”
“Heaven’s no! Not the way you think. I love that baby. I know everything with her and Jess and everything would be just fine.”
He searched her face for answers. What started out looking like joy now looked like pain. Something struck him. He held out his arms. “Seriously, Candi, are you still hung up on these tattoos? I told you I was young and stupid and if I could undo it, I would. I’ve done research and even if I could afford the laser removal it would take forever. I think they’re too big anyway. I’ve talked to someone about re-working the art into some other image but I’m not sure what can be done.”
“Please don’t think it’s that. I don’t even see those tattoos anymore. I don’t care what they are.”
He jumped to his feet. “Well, if it’s this stupid ponytail, I can take care of that right now.” He pulled his knife out of his pocket.
She screamed when he exposed the blade. “What are you
doing
?”
He grabbed the wad of hair with one hand and started sawing with the other. It took years to grow out, but only a few quick passes with the sharp blade to cut it loose. He tossed it into the ivy with the rubber band still attached. He slid the knife back into his pocket. “End of problem. I was tired of it, anyway.”
“Oh, Shade, what have you done?” Her hands shook as she reached for his and pulled him back down beside her. “It’s not the ponytail. I told you none of that superficial stuff matters. It’s not you, or your love for me, or you being a father that scares me. It’s
me
. You hear me? It’s not you, it’s me.”
“Here we go. If the next words out of your mouth are something about being friends, I’m gonna drop your snarky little keister in that pool.”
“Please listen...all this time I was worried about those things, but now I know I was wrong. I’ve had to reevaluate everything I was comfortable with, and I’ve made some not so flattering discoveries about myself. I’m a mess. Rachel needs strong Christian women in her life. I don’t know if I can be what she needs. My mother died and left me, remember? I only recently understood what that did to my insides, and I’m trying to let it go.”