Unspeakable Truths (11 page)

“Not without him!” I yell throwing out my hands. “He was a part of my goals and dreams and now I know that it was all a lie, it was all wrong. And I’m sorry if I’m having a hard time dealing with that.”

“I don’t think it was a lie. He genuinely loved you, but he’s not here.”

“Just stop please.”

“No, Everly he’s not here. He’s never going to be here again. It’s time for you to let it go. Change your goals and dreams; make it so that they fit your new life. But don’t just give up, don’t just sit back and let the world pass you by when you have so much to live for.”

“What! Huh? What do I have to live for? I lost everything, and I’m not sure I had it all to begin with.”

“You have a family, you have your health, and you have a future. You get the future that he didn’t get, and you’re just wasting it. And for what? You think that he would thank you for putting your life on hold, for grieving for four years? He wouldn’t.”

I stand there breathing erratically, wanting so badly to pick something up and throw it across the room. I have the urge to watch something shatter and break into a million pieces the way that I’ve been broken; the way that Tyler has broken me.

Luca takes a step closer, I take one back in response. His frustration with me is visible, almost palpable. Why does he care so much about what I do with my life when he never actually gave a damn about me to begin with? He could have taken a chance that day we met, made a move and I would have gone for it, because I felt something, even then. But he didn’t, he let me leave, and I ended up with Ty instead.

And now I’m pissed, pissed at him for not seeing me all those years ago, because if he had, maybe my destiny would have been different. So I’m pissed at him for thinking he can railroad me and tell me anything regarding how I choose to lead my life. And I’m frustrated, completely gutted, that he would use Tyler against me. Tyler who wanted to be the best at everything he did, Tyler who wanted me to be the best too and this… this life I’m living is not what he would have wanted for me. In fact he’d be disgusted by what I’ve become.

I shake my head and let out a sigh, “Really? And what would you have me do huh?”

“For starters get out of this fucking house every once in a while. It’s a big world out there, start interacting with other human beings for a change.”

“You’re delusional if you think you can come here and tell me what to do with my life. How to fix
my
life! I’m perfectly fine the way I am.”

“You’re scared,” he declares, as though it’s a statement of fact instead of his jaded opinion. He says it as if he’s absolutely certain that he’s right, and that pisses me right off. I take four strides forward stopping inches away from his face, invading his personal space and not caring one bit.

“What am I scared of Luca? You think you’re so goddamned smart, you know everything, you know me so fucking well? What am I scared of?”

He tilts his head to the side, making sure never to break eye contact. He’s trying to make me uncomfortable, and I force myself to remain stone faced, never letting on that his tactics are working. “Living your life. Moving on.”

“You’re wrong,” I reply defiantly, sounding like I mean it, even though I’m bluffing.

“Prove it.”

I flinch at his words exposing a chink in my armor. “I’m not playing this game with you.”

“Prove. It. Everly.”

“How?”

“I want to get you out of this house, somewhere other than work and the grocery store.”

He must be out of his mind. Yes. I’m pretty sure he’s completely out of his mind if he thinks I would ever entertain the idea of going out with him.

“I’m not going anywhere with you. Seeing you at work everyday is plenty.”

His hard face softens, and his lips tip up into a grin. “Are you afraid that you might actually like spending time with me? You might actually have some fun?”

I scowl at him. “Believe me that’s not a concern, I can barely stand to look at you.”

“Ah come on Ev, I’m not so bad, you might actually have a good time.”

“That’s doubtful.” I roll my eyes and place my hands on my hips. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you. Thank you for your offer but no thanks.”

“You know it wouldn’t be too hard to paint a picture of mental instability. The more and more you retreat, the easier it would be to convince people that you’re capable of hurting yourself. What would your parents do if that seed was planted in their heads?”

“Are you threatening me?” I shriek in disbelief.

“It’s not a threat. If they’re scared enough for your safety, they would never leave you alone. They’d be breathing down your neck constantly, and maybe they’d insist that you move back in with them. Go to a therapist, take antidepressants, all the shit that you’ve been avoiding.”

“You wouldn’t do that. All it would do is scare them for no reason.”

“Try me.”

We glare at each other, venom in my eyes in what would appear to be a good ole fashioned standoff. Me with a death glare on my face and my hands on my hips, and Luca with a devilish grin and an heir of cockiness I’d like to slap right off of him. God only knows how long we stand there, but I break contact first.

“Fine, what am I supposed to do?”

The grin turns into a full-fledged smile. “Nothing, just be ready Saturday night at six o’clock,” he says before walking past me and out the front door as abruptly as he arrived. I’m left standing there wondering why I just let Luca Jensen railroad me into getting exactly what he wanted.

The remainder of my week flies by a little too quickly for my liking. Once Friday morning arrives a sense of dread slips over my normally drab persona because I knew it was just a mere twenty-four hours away from my coerced outing with Luca. Seeing him at work is one thing, going out with him socially is totally different.

I couldn’t be sure if he was bluffing about going to my parents, but I would do whatever I have to do to spare them any more pain. The stress of seeing me crumble took a toll on them, and they’ve spent so much time being afraid for me, worried that I’d do something to hurt myself after Tyler’s passing and now that they know I’m having such a hard time dealing with the truth. I may be self-centered and selfish in my grief, but I’d like to think that even I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt the people that I love. If that means going out with Luca to shut him up then that’s what I’ll do.

I nearly jump out of my skin when the doorbell rings. I haven’t been able to think of anything else but this all day long. I hate that I’m having this reaction to Luca; the fact that he has any effect on me at all makes me uneasy. Since I have no idea where we’re going I’ve opted to wear a dark pair of jeans and a pretty blush top with scalloped edges. My brown hair is straight and falls freely down my back and my makeup is applied minimally. I don’t want him to get the impression that I tried too hard to look good for this. As I walk to the doorway I’m hoping that I’m dressed appropriately for whatever he has in store for me. Regardless of how I felt about him personally, I always knew that Luca was a good looking guy. I knew it the first time I saw him in the bookstore, but when I open the door tonight, I realize just how good looking he is. His hair is styled in that just rolled out of bed way that guys pull off so well. His jeans are fitted to perfection paired with a grey button-down top.

I tear my gaze away, mentally chastising myself for noticing his looks. This is Luca for God’s sake; my mind should
never
go there.

“Let me just get my bag,” I throw over my shoulder as I head back into the living room. I grab my purse and a light jacket, take a breath, and head back to the open doorway.

“You look great,” he states, once I’m in touching distance.

I say nothing in return, just put my jacket on and grab my keys off of the entryway table. I lock up the front door and follow Luca down the driveway to his car—a newer model black Dodge Charger. He holds the passenger door open for me, and I can hardly contain my eye roll as I slide into the soft leather seat. He closes the door behind me and rounds the car to take his seat in the driver’s side.

“Where are we going?” I sigh, thinking of how bad of an idea this really is. Why am I letting myself get blackmailed into this stupid idea of his to get me out of the house more? What makes it worse is the fact that he’s forcing me to spend time with
him
of all people. The person who I have spent years harboring the most sheer animosity for.

He smiles at me and pulls out onto the road. “We’re going to get something to eat and catch a movie.”

I stare at him with a disgusted look on my face. “Dinner and a movie? That’s your big plan for getting me out of the house?”

He shrugs. “I figured we’d start small. I don’t want to overwhelm you on your first outing.”

“Being with you is overwhelming enough,” I spit out. “It sounds more like a date than an outing.”

A slow grin takes shape on his mouth. “It can be whatever you want it to be sweetheart.”

“I’m not your sweetheart.” I cross my arms over my chest almost defensively. What the hell is his problem? Did he just flirt with me? His dead best friend’s wife? Maybe I’m overreacting; he’s probably just trying to be nice. I’m not exactly the easiest person to talk to these days, I’m sure he’s just trying to break the ice.

“Everly, just relax okay, we’re just two people hanging out. I’m not going to hold your hand, or wrap my arm around you. I’m not even going to attempt to kiss you at the end of the night. At most I’m hoping we can get past the dislike you feel toward me and become friends.”

“Yeah, that’ll never happen,” I mutter under my breath. I turn my head to look out the window; it’s my nonverbal cue that I’m done talking. He gets the hint, turns up the radio, and drives us to our destination without saying another word. Just because he forced my hand to get me to come out with him doesn’t mean I have to like it, and I definitely don’t plan on making this easy on him.

We pull into the parking lot of a quaint Italian bistro I’ve driven by many times but have never eaten at. Once inside we’re seated immediately and I can’t help but to feel awkward about sitting across from Luca at a table for two. It feels too intimate. To the strangers sitting around us, we must look like a couple out on a dinner date. They’d never know how we really feel about one another.

We place our dinner orders and sit in silence for a while before I finally speak.

“This is weird,” I say, averting my gaze.

“What?”

“Being here with you, it’s just weird,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders. “It’s not like we ever got along not even before…”

Luca quickly cuts me off. “We got along alright.”

“Maybe the first time we met! After that we barely tolerated each other.”

“Tell me about work,” he says, shifting to a more comfortable topic. What am I supposed to say about work? It’s nothing to talk about, just a job I do because I can’t be bothered with anything else.

“There’s nothing to tell, you know what I do, and you know what it consists of.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s alright, it’s a job and it pays the bills.”

He presses on. “But it’s not what you wanted to do is it? I thought you wanted to be a lawyer, you wanted to open your own firm.”

“How did you know that?” I’m surprised at his knowledge of my past plans, past as in plans that died right along with Tyler.

“There are a lot of things I know.”

His cryptic answer leaves me with more questions than before. How does he know anything about me at all? Did he and Tyler have conversations about me at some point in time? And if they did… Why? What would make Luca interested in knowing anything about me? I push the questions out of my head and turn the tables on him.

“What about you? Last I heard you weren’t sure if you wanted to be a lawyer.”

He looks up at me, his eyes darker than usual, and something washes over his features some emotion he doesn’t want me to see. “Eh… I finally made up my mind.”

“Why?” I push, suddenly very interested in his answer.

He hesitates, looking at me with a cautious expression. Am I really that hard to talk to? What am I thinking, of course I am. I’m nothing but a bitch where he’s concerned.