Unspeakable Truths (20 page)

Tyler was my first love, my first lover, and I thought that it was going to last forever. I would have been blissfully happy had he lived, happy with what we had if we would have gotten the chance to live a life together. But now I know that there are things in my relationship with him that were just good when they could have been great, and when you add that to all of the secrets and lies he told, I wonder if a life with him would have been a mistake. This makes me feel guilty too; it actually breaks my heart because I don’t want to feel this way, or think these things about someone that I invested so much of myself into. Someone who I vowed to love forever.

Luca’s voice invades my thoughts. “You have that look again.”

“What look?” I ask, scrunching up my nose in confusion.

“The one where I know something is wrong, but you don’t want to tell me what it is.”

“Oh, that look,” I reply sarcastically.

“Yeah, that look.”

I lean back in my seat and tilt my head up. I gaze out at the clouds through the sunroof for a second before bucking up and telling him the truth. “I think I’m just feeling a little bit guilty, and I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t really help it.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?” I ask, shifting my gaze to him.

He smiles, never taking his eyes off the road. “I’m sleeping with my best friend’s wife, what do you think?”

“It doesn’t seem to be affecting you the same way.”

“I don’t let it,” he declares with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m not giving those thoughts any power over me because the truth is that he’s gone and he would want us to be happy.

“You’re right. I know you are, just keep reminding me okay?”

“I can do that.”

We drive for another forty minutes before pulling into a large parking lot.

“Where are we?”

He pulls into an available spot and points to the building across the street. “Look over there.”

I gasp when I look at the large building, I can’t believe he actually brought me here. “The aquarium?” I ask staring at him a little dumbstruck.

“Yup. I thought it would be fun.”

“I’ve always wanted to come here.”

“I know.”

“How did you know that?”

“I heard you tell him you wanted to come here once.” He shrugs.

“He said it wasn’t his cup of tea, that I should come with Morgan and make a girls day of it. I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“I remember lots of things Ev.”

I place the palm of my hand on his cheek, and he responds by leaning into my hand. “You’re a good guy. I’m sorry that I didn’t see that.”

“I didn’t exactly make it easy.” He takes hold of my neck and pulls me in for a quick kiss. “Enough with all the shit that happened in the past, let’s get out of this car and go check this place out.”

“Let’s do it.”

We exit the car, and Luca comes around to the passenger side, takes hold of my hand, and leads me to the aquarium. I’m still a little shocked that he would remember a conversation that likely happened more than six years ago, a conversation that I had long since forgotten. He’s thoughtful, more so than I ever expected him to be, and I let myself believe that he was nothing more than a jerk that only cared about himself. But what I’m finding is that there’s a lot more to Luca than anyone knows. He’s exactly the kind of guy a girl would be lucky to fall for, exactly the kind of guy a girl like me could fall for. The question is, am I ready to let go of the past, to explore this with Luca without constantly comparing him or feeling guilty about Tyler.

Luca pays the entrance fee and hands me a map of the aquarium.

“Where to first?”

“You’re letting me pick?”

“Yeah sure. You’ve always wanted to come here so you should pick what we see.”

“That’s easy… Penguins.”

“I knew you were going to say that,” he says, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Penguins it is.”

We walk together hand in hand, and I watch the families together taking in all the exhibits—husbands and wives, parents with their children—and for the first time since Tyler’s death I let myself hope that I can have that one day. That I can have a family of my own, one without the secrets and lies, one that will make all the pain I’ve been through worth it. Because if I ever get it, I know that I won’t take it for granted.

We take in the penguin exhibit, watching as the trainers feed them and explain how they care for them. We spend the day walking around all of the exhibits, petting stingrays and baby sharks and watching sea turtles and sleeping hippos. We stop at the gift shop before we leave, where we pick up a bunch of souvenirs to take home. It might not be the most traditional date, but it’s by far the best one I’ve ever had—one more day of me feeling like the girl I used to be.

It’s late by the time Luca pulls into my driveway. We stopped for dinner on the way home, and after having been out all day, I think we’re both pretty exhausted. His eyes are heavy, sleepy like mine, and all I really want to do is snuggle into him as I sleep.

“I can pick you up before work in the morning and take you to go get your car.”

“Or you can stay here and we can pick it up in the morning,” I suggest, hesitantly.

“You want me to stay?”

“Yes. I mean only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to.” I smile when he shuts the ignition off and exits the car. I open my door and he’s there holding out an outstretched hand. I take it and he gently helps me out of the car. I hand him my house keys when we reach the porch standing closely behind him as he opens the front door.

We don’t speak as he makes sure the front door is locked, and I turn the hallway light on in order to illuminate the stairs. I climb them first, him right behind me turning the light off when we reach the landing. My bedroom is flooded with the soft glow of moonlight giving the space a romantic feel; if I wasn’t so tired I’d be turned on. I hear his clothes hit the floor as I kick my sandals off, I start to move toward the dresser but an arm wraps around my waist, keeping me where I am.

Luca grips the hem of my shirt, lifting it up and over until it’s off of me. His fingers stealthily undo the clasp on my bra, pushing the straps down my arms until my torso is bare. Instinctively I cross my arms over my chest to cover up even though my back is to him. His fingers run along my bare back warming me up inside, and I can’t help the little moan that escapes from my lips. He slips his hands in the waistband of my shorts and shoves, quickly discarding them along with my panties. I can feel just how naked he is behind me, and I anticipate his touch, but it never comes. Instead he throws back the covers on my tidy bed. I turn to face him dropping my arms allowing him to see the full view.

“Get in,” he commands. His voice making me tremble a little.

I do as he asks, sliding into the king-size bed, watching his naked body as he does the same. His arm goes around my waist, pulling me to him, my head on his shoulder, hand resting on his chest and legs entwined.

“Why are we naked?” I finally asked confused by our lack of clothing.

“I wanted maximum contact and easy access for when we’re both not so exhausted later.”

I giggle but snuggle closer to him at the same time, letting my body melt into his. My mind drifts off to thoughts of how much fun we had today. Luca understands my past, he gets what the last four years have been like for me, and he doesn’t run away from it or try to sweep it under the rug. He listens to me talk about my feelings and helps me to muddle through those murky waters, all the while making me face the things that I’d rather forget but doing it in a way that lets me know I’m safe with him. Luca makes me feel safe, yet I know that he’s potentially very dangerous to my heart.

My skin prickles and I let out a long sigh, I’m trying to push it away, fight the sensations telling me that I need to wake up when all I want to do is sleep some more. The prickling sensation resides and I drift off again, so close to giving into my dreams when I’m hit with a wave of current. This time I moan and wriggle my hips before something pushes against me locking me in place. My breath hitches as my eyes flutter open, and I’m hit with another wave, this one stronger than the last, making me cry out and reach for the sheets. I grip them tightly and look down, heat flooding my body when I find Luca planted between my legs, eyes locked on mine, tongue working my pussy like his life depended on it. It doesn’t take long for me to lose control as he expertly and swiftly takes me there, holding on tight as the orgasm rocks through me.

This makes going to sleep naked completely worth it
, I think to myself as my body recovers. Before I can so much as move on my own, Luca grabs hold of one of my legs and uses it to flip me over onto my stomach. He spreads my legs apart, grabs my hips, and pulls them up, planting a hand on my spine so that my torso is still firmly on the mattress. He places a kiss on the small of my back, and his fingers begin to play within my wet folds quickly he pulls one in and out of me.

“Beautiful,” he says, withdrawing his finger. His hands slowly circle my ass, massaging me, making me relax further into the mattress. I let out a sigh of contentment just before I feel the palm of his hand come down on my ass HARD.

“Luca,” I yell out in shock just as he smacks me again, this time eliciting a cry from me.

“Shh,” he says, slowly rubbing the spots where he hit me, making the stinging reside. He begins to play with me again, using his fingers to spread my juices over my clit, circling it with just the perfect amount of pressure. I’m shocked at how quickly he can build me up again bringing me so close to the brink of an orgasm. He gets me close, just within my reach, before he stops.

“No,” I plead, wanting him to go on until I feel his hand come down on me again, slapping one cheek then the other. I don’t cry this time, the mix of my body recovering from a near orgasm and the sting of his hand feels good. Too good. I have no idea what he’s doing to me, but I push my ass out to him, silently indicating that I want more.

Luca likes to play—he plays in bed in a way that I’ve never experienced. But each time he leaves me hungry for more, wondering what else he can do to my body. His fingers resume their ministrations, skillfully taking me higher and higher till I’m on the brink again. Letting me fall flat only to strike out on me once again. This time when he smacks my ass, he slides his cock into my pussy making me cry out at the welcome invasion. I take what I can from him, as much as possible, because Luca feels phenomenal, makes me feel phenomenal.

He strikes my ass one more time before speaking. “My good girl deserves to come right?”

“Yes,” I breathe out, not recognizing the tone of desperation in my voice.

“Yes what?”

“Yes Luca.”

He uses one hand to grab hold of my hair, pulling so that I’m up on all fours. His other hand snakes around my waist, and he reaches down applying pressure to my clit.

“Is this mine, Everly?”

“Yes.”

“Say it.”

“It’s yours Luca.”

He releases my hair and thrusts harder, deeper, making me feel like I may come apart at the seams, all the while welcoming every exquisite second of it. His finger circles my clit one final time before I let go, letting the orgasm shatter me into a million tiny pieces. I feel him thrust, one, two, three more times before he’s coming too, the familiar feel of his cock pulsing inside of me making me shiver.