Until I Love Again (12 page)

Ralph nodded. “As I said, you are a man of faith and courage, for which I'm very grateful. I may never be able to properly tell you how much.” Ralph's face sobered. “The shame of my daughter jumping the fence into the world would overshadow me for the rest of my days.”

“That would be a shame not easily covered,” Ernest agreed. “But we must not doubt Susanna's future. We can believe the Lord is on our side and is greater than the temptations out there in the world. Susanna is an excellent woman at heart, even with—” His words stopped when a face appeared in the kitchen window.

Ralph caught Ernest's look and turned in that direction. “I do love that girl,” he said. “And you're the man who can win her heart, Ernest, if anyone can. I will help where I'm able. Of that, I want to assure you.”

“
Yah
, I will win her heart,” Ernest said. His gaze was still fixed on the kitchen window, but the glass was empty now. He cleared his throat. “I'm the one who is grateful, Ralph. Your daughter is a beautiful woman.”

“
Yah
.” Ralph turned back to face Ernest. “But beauty has its downside. I hope you know that.”

Ernest smiled. “The Lord will be with me. Of this I am confident.”

“Pride can be an awful trap,” Ralph muttered.

Ernest swallowed twice before he answered. “Surely you're not having doubts?”

“Not about you,” Ralph said. “It's Susanna. Will she stay on the
right path until her baptism? That's the question I've been asking myself the past few days.”

Ernest didn't answer at once. He wouldn't lose Susanna. He couldn't. He needed a
frau
his heart could love. “We must trust the Lord,” he finally said.

Ralph continued as if Ernest hadn't spoken. “Linda thinks the
Englisha
man won't leave Susanna alone. Already we've seen his vehicle driving past the place a few times. Thankfully Susanna was upstairs and didn't notice. We will do what we can, Ernest, but the girl has a mind of her own. Be warned of that and ready for a rough road to your wedding day. Susanna is humbled at the moment, but emotions come and go. Surely you know this?”

“Susanna will not jump the fence,” Ernest said. “We must see to that with the Lord's help.”

“
Yah
, but I can't keep her in the house morning, noon, and night.” Ralph forced a chuckle. “She's already defied me by leaving with Joey for an afternoon a while back.”

“No, you can't lock her up,” Ernest agreed. “Our people do not resort to such measures, but we must pray and believe for the best.”

Ralph sighed. “We will take courage then and not think dark thoughts.” He stared down at his shoes for a moment. “My past sins cloud my counsel, Ernest. You must grant me patience and understanding, although I expect that is difficult for a man of your character. You never committed great sins in your youth.”

“We all have our faults,” Ernest assured him. “And you have cleansed your ways since then, and still seek to cleanse them.” Ernest forced a laugh. “How else would you let such a man as myself near your beautiful daughter?”

Ralph laughed too. “We will say no more on that, but there also lies your danger, Ernest. You must pray for us, that we know how to handle this
Englisha
man.” Ralph paused for a second. “If this Joey
does come around again, do you have words of wisdom for me? I didn't do too well the last time he was here.”

“I will pray for you, but I'm no man of great wisdom. I'm a simple man,” Ernest said, with another glance toward the house. “You know, perhaps I
should
speak with Susanna this morning after all. I mean, how can I compete with this Joey fellow if the man has personal contact with Susanna and I don't?”

“You'd best wait,” Ralph warned. “I know patience is difficult, but Susanna's heart is tender at the moment. Give the girl some time. We have already pushed the matter fast enough.”

Ernest's face fell. “So tell me. Is this Joey handsome?”

Ralph looked away. “I'm afraid so, and he's from the world, Ernest. Everything about him is from out there.”

Ernest straightened his shoulders. “We must not despair, Ralph. The Lord is on our side. There is too much at stake for us to lose your daughter. You have suffered enough, and as for me, I need a
frau
.”

Ralph glanced toward the ground, but there were tears in the man's eyes. He wiped them away and looked up at Ernest. “You came for something else, perhaps?”

Ernest chuckled. “
Yah
, most of my cows are bearing soon. I thought perhaps you could give me help in an emergency or offer some advice. I've never had this many cows ready to birth calves at the same time.”

Ralph grinned. “Stay up all night with your cows. You have no
frau
who would complain of your absence. But I'm here if you need me. Come fetch me, night or day.”

Ernest smiled. “Thanks. I was hoping I could call on you…if need be.”

Ralph sobered again. “As for Susanna, we must stay in prayer about all this. The Lord cares for even the smallest matters in our lives, but that doesn't mean we won't have to check on our cattle in
the middle of the night. Much as we may have to spend sleepless nights in watch for my daughter.”

“
Yah
, I'm willing to do whatever it takes,” Ernest said. “We will pray for the wedding to be soon, and that the Lord will be with us until then. In the meantime, I had best be going.”

Ralph nodded. “We will let you know if there is trouble with Susanna, and you do the same for us with your cows.”

“May the Lord guide and keep us.” Ernest turned to walk back to his horse. Ralph stood in the same spot even after Ernest had climbed in the buggy.

“Getup there,” Ernest called to Gambit, and the horse took off up the lane. Ernest couldn't resist one last glance toward the kitchen window, but the glass was empty. The danger from this
Englisha
man bothered him more than he wished to admit. Ralph was not a man to exaggerate danger, and he knew more about the worldly ways of men than Ernest did. Hadn't Ralph sired a child with an
Englisha
woman? Thankfully the Lord turned such sins into
goot
things. Susanna plainly showed that grace in her life, but still…

Ernest jiggled the reins and urged Gambit onward. His farm had been neglected long enough while he chased after a woman. Yet this chase was necessary, and from the looks of things, he would be spending a lot more of his time trying to secure Susanna as his
frau
. He would not back down, though, he told himself. The wedding would be this fall. Ralph and Linda would help him make that happen.

Ernest drove on and listened to the beat of Gambit's hooves on the pavement, and by the time he pulled into his own driveway, a smile was back on his face.

“Whoa there,” Ernest called out as he brought Gambit to a halt by the barn. Katherine opened the front door, and both girls came running out to meet him. Ernest let the reins fall as he leaped down
from the buggy and gathered Lizzie and Martha into his arms. They both burst into giggles and kissed his bearded face.

“I was first!” Lizzie declared to her sister.

“No you were not,” Martha insisted. “I kissed
Daett
first.”

“I did!” Lizzie retorted.

Ernest silenced both of them with a touch to their lips. “Shush now, both of you.
Daett
has given you a hug and you've kissed him. Now he has to work in the fields.”

“Okay,” Martha said. Lizzie turned to run back to the house, and Martha followed without hesitation.

Ernest smiled as he watched the two girls reach the house and vanish indoors. How could Susanna not love the two little ones? Maybe that was his answer. He would take Lizzie and Martha along for his next visit to Susanna. Perhaps he could even send the girls over to say hello to Susanna some Sunday at the meeting.
Yah
, that might work, but how would he explain things to Lizzie and Martha? The girls needed a reason they could understand. He couldn't just say, “I'm going to marry Susanna this fall, and she will soon be your new
mamm
.” Both Lizzie and Martha were too young to hear such grown-up news. But he would take the girls along to the Millers' place. That much he could do. Both girls would enjoy a visit, and so would Susanna.

Ernest smiled and unhitched Gambit from the buggy.

Chapter Twelve

I
t was a cool, moonless night, and Joey shivered as he waited in his car. He was parked under the large oak tree south of the Millers' place. Any closer to the house and someone would see him. Susanna would have to travel the distance on foot—
if
she came to meet him. That remained the big question.

After all, Susanna might not have received the letter he sent, and even if she did, Susanna might have a family engagement for the evening that would prevent her from meeting him. He should have been man enough to stop by and ask to speak with Susanna in person, but her father had been outside the barn the last time he drove past. One look from the road at the man's stern face had been all Joey needed. Contact with Susanna by that route was doomed.

So he had begged for an official DeKalb Building Supply envelope from the manager for his missive. Mr. Kenny hadn't agreed until Joey had provided further details—enough to enlist Mr. Kenny's grudging support.

“Only once,” Mr. Kenny had warned him. “And if the Miller family finds the letter or Susanna hands it over to them, and if Mr. Miller comes in here to ask why I was involved, I'm telling him the truth.”

“Fair enough,” Joey had allowed.

Mr. Kenny had grinned. “I don't want to lose any Amish business over this fuss.”

“You won't,” Joey said, hoping he was telling the truth.

“Okay, then,” Mr. Kenny said. “I hope this all turns out well. I do like the idea of giving the woman a choice. Susanna's a nice girl. I want to see her happy, whatever she decides.”

Joey had smiled and left with the empty envelope in his coat pocket. At home he had composed the letter with care. Just the right words were needed, but his normally ready tongue had seemed to fail him. What if Susanna was really happy with her Amish life? But that couldn't be. He had only to think of the way she caressed the piano keys. Besides, Susanna had hinted at problems with her family. Surely she would find a way to sneak out of the house and meet with him. If not, he would check again tomorrow night. His instructions had been plain enough.

Dear Susanna,

I hope this finds you well. Sorry for the subterfuge in contacting you, but I don't know any other way that doesn't cause worse problems for you. Be assured that Mr. Kenny gave me the envelope and knows why I want to contact you. He thinks very highly of you and wants to see you happy. I'm sure he'd give you your job back if you decide you want it.

But that's not why I'm writing. I would like to meet with you, Susanna. I miss your friendship, and something doesn't seem right about your current situation. You wouldn't tell me why when I dropped you off at your house that Sunday afternoon. Maybe you will now. I hope you trust me enough to confide in me.
But if you are really happy with the present situation, I want to hear that too. If you tell me you don't want to see me again, I guess I can accept that—eventually.

Please meet me under the large oak tree south of your place. It's where the lane goes into Mr. Williams's farm. No one should disturb us there, or I'll take you into town if you wish. Anywhere you are most comfortable to talk. I'll be under the tree in the dark of the moon on Wednesday and Thursday evenings at ten. Your music still haunts me, Susanna. Don't silence such beauty or banish from your life the joy God has given you.

Hope to see you,

Joey

Joey peered into the darkness. How long should he wait? He had said ten o'clock, but Susanna might have been delayed. The clock on his dashboard said twenty after. He would wait a few more minutes. There was still tomorrow night, but he was sure Susanna would come tonight if she'd come at all.