Until I Love Again (26 page)

Deacon Herman silenced him with an upraised hand. “Just give me the story. You can fill in Ralph's part when you get there. I do have to get on the road, you know, and from the sound of it this will make my day even longer.”

“Sorry.” Ernest hung his head. “But this is trying my patience too. Please understand that.” When Deacon Herman didn't respond, Ernest hurried on with the story. He talked for nearly twenty minutes with no pause but to take his breath.

“I see,” Deacon Herman commented when Ernest finished. “So Emma is in love with you?”

“I did not say that,” Ernest sputtered. “She thinks she is, and what a woman thinks can be a very dangerous thing. Emma must be dealt with. We cannot have wild imaginations floating around in the community like this, causing damage to our people. Look at what has happened already between Susanna and me.”

Deacon Herman gave Ernest a sharp look. “Tell me about that. Did you ever get things straightened out with Susanna?”

Ernest glared. “After our initial talk, Susanna was much happier at services the next Sunday. You have to admit that. I still plan to marry the woman this fall, and that's that. Susanna is seriously considering my proposal, especially since she has been unsettled by her own weakness this past week. Surely you have no objections to the match? I mean, after all, I am a widower who should have been married a long time ago, what with my two small
kinner
. Already I'm tasking my sister Katherine's endurance way above what is normal. Katherine should be at home helping our
mamm
instead of housekeeping for me. That way—”

“I know that,” Deacon Herman interrupted. “And Susanna did seem a little happier after my talk with you, but my
frau
thinks there is still a sadness underneath. Not that I would know such things about women, but that's what Rebecca told me on our drive home from the Sunday services.”

Ernest stared in horror. “You speak with your
frau
about church matters?”

Deacon Herman smiled. “No, I mentioned nothing about you and Susanna. Rebecca offered me the information on her own. See, Rebecca's not the only woman who's concerned about Susanna and you. There are others, including Bishop Enos's
frau
, Lydia. They like to see young brides in love and glowing with happiness. That is the way of our people, you know.”

“But Susanna is,” Ernest objected. “And this is all beside the point. Can we get down to business and deal with Emma? The woman must have some punishment. Surely you don't think otherwise.”

Deacon Herman nodded. “I will stop in and speak with her before I see Bishop Enos this afternoon. I'm sure a confession in private might be what is needed. I can't imagine that Emma would be tempted to jump the fence the way Susanna is. And the woman does have affections for you, it seems, so we can't—”

“This is outrageous!” Ernest exclaimed. “How can you speak so? I have Susanna to worry about, and our wedding this fall. And you talk of confessions for the woman who led Susanna astray. Why, Emma should be banned if it were possible. But since she isn't a member, dropping her from the baptismal class is the least you could do.”

“Are you now in the ministry, Ernest?” Deacon Herman didn't smile. “Be careful of what you say and the orders you give.”

Ernest tried to simmer himself down. It wouldn't do any good to rile up Deacon Herman at this point. Still, something had to be done.

Deacon Herman regarded Ernest for a moment before he spoke again. “I can see what you're thinking, Ernest. ‘Wait until the rest of the community finds out about this.' Well, I'd advise you to keep quiet until the ministry can get to the bottom of it. What Susanna and Emma did is very serious. Let me be clear about that. You are correct in saying that we can't tolerate such things, but the truth is, Susanna may be the root of this problem. I'm thinking you may be too blind to see straight on the matter. You're too taken with Susanna's beauty, but the rest of us aren't. Susanna has been a problem for many years—in fact, ever since Ralph took her into his home as a child. Many questioned the wisdom of such a move, but we don't have hearts of stone. Jesus reached out to sinners while He walked on this earth. We wished to follow Christ's example, but in the meantime there was, and is, a real danger that Susanna will never be one of us. You can't force these things, Ernest. Susanna had an
Englisha mamm
. That can never be changed. We wanted to give Ralph a chance to raise his daughter in the faith, but things can only be taken so far. You have spoken correctly that this is not a light matter, and neither is taking a
frau
like Susanna. On that point, you should take into account your own preaching, I think.”

Ernest caught his breath and turned away. “I can't believe this,” he muttered. “Surely Bishop Enos doesn't think this way.”

Deacon Herman shrugged. “The bishop is as concerned about this situation as I am. We cannot have someone in our midst who is not one of us.”

“But Susanna is—” Ernest stopped. The deacon would not be convinced. He might as well save his words and reputation. A rebellious attitude was not wise, even if he thought he was right. “I just hope the ministry makes the right choice on this matter,” Ernest said instead.

“That's better.” Deacon Herman smiled.

Ernest stared at the ground. “I'd best be going, then, but I still plan to wed Susanna this fall. Whatever happens, that won't change. She will be agreeing to it soon.”

“I would think you should have Susanna's consent to be your
frau
by now. Doesn't that trouble you?” Deacon Herman had his gaze fixed on Ernest.

Ernest searched for words. He could not lie. “I have had my doubts,
yah
, especially this past week, but I also trust in the Lord. I have the faith that Susanna can be the
frau
I desire to have. The wedding vows would make our union sacred, and that's
goot
enough for me.”

“I see.” Deacon Herman moved away from the stall door. “And yet I don't see. This whole situation with Susanna has been murky ever since I've heard of it. That's not
goot
, and I'm gravely concerned. I'm sure you agree, Ernest. We must see clearly on this.”

Ernest didn't hesitate. “I
do
see clearly. Susanna will not leave me once she has said the vows. Of that I am sure.”

Deacon Herman shrugged. “The vows are not meant to keep a person inside the fence, Ernest, but rather to keep trouble out. Think about that. It seems to me you're using the sacred words for
all the wrong reasons. You would cage a woman's heart when she longs for the freedom that we do not believe in. She may desire the freedom the
Englisha
world gives.”

“But Susanna cannot marry another man from the community! You know no one else would take her. Her only hope is to marry me!”

Deacon Herman nodded. “This is true, but maybe they are wiser than you are. Maybe Susanna does not belong with us. Maybe Emma has more sense than you do. That's what I'm saying.”

Ernest sputtered but could find no words. This was indeed an outrage, and one he had not expected. He turned on his heels and stomped out. Gambit looked up when Ernest slammed the barn door behind him. This display of temper wouldn't help, but the deacon already thought the worst of him. A little temper tantrum could do no more harm. The deacon needed to know Ernest took this affront seriously. If things kept moving in this direction, Bishop Enos might forbid his marriage to Susanna. That must never happen.

Ernest untied Gambit from the hitching ring, climbed back in the buggy, and sped out of the deacon's driveway at a fast trot.

Chapter Twenty-Six

L
ater that afternoon, Joey pulled into the Millers' driveway. The barn door was swinging back and forth on the gentle afternoon breeze. Several buggies sat in front of the barn with their shafts turned toward the road. No doubt the buggies would be in use tomorrow for the Sunday service. How he dared to stop in today was the question. And yet he felt he must speak with someone from the Miller family. After meeting with Susanna and hearing about her plight, he must respond. Maybe Susanna's father was the man to once more approach. Were not the Amish men in charge of their households?

A young man peered out of the barn door and stared at him. The face vanished, and Joey climbed out of his car. This made things easier, now that someone had shown himself.

Joey strolled toward the barn door but stopped when Susanna's father stepped out.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Miller,” Joey greeted him. “I wonder if I could speak with you for a moment.”

“I thought I told you that my daughter must be left alone,” Ralph replied. “Why can't you
Englisha
people listen?”

Joey met his gaze. “I think Susanna has decided that question for us, Mr. Miller. She came to see me this week, in case she hasn't told you.”

The man winced. “Susanna told me everything that happened. But Susanna was lured into something that wasn't in her best interest. That's being taken care of now by the man who will marry her this fall. Did Susanna tell you that? About her upcoming marriage?”

“But not to a man she loves,” Joey shot back.

Ralph stepped closer. “We are a people of community, young man. Susanna may not feel all that she should at the moment for Ernest Helmuth, but love comes softly at times. It does not come in a rush, despite what you
Englisha
seem to think. We are here to help Susanna, not to harm her. Let us be clear about that. Susanna is my daughter, and I will keep her in the life that is best for her. Your world has nothing to offer her but heartbreak and sorrow and regrets.”

Joey regarded the man for a moment. “You sound as though you speak from experience. Would this concern Susanna's mother? Are you sure that your feelings aren't colored by your own history in my world?”

Ralph's gaze shifted. “We will not speak of what I did wrong,” he said. “
Yah
, I sinned, but I have done what I could to make things right again…and the Lord gave me the opportunity to do so when Susanna was brought to our home. I will not allow you to undo the work of the Lord just because—”

The front door of the house swung open behind them, and Ralph turned to see Susanna approaching.

“There's your answer,” Joey said as Susanna came closer. “What you're doing to Susanna isn't right. I will do everything in my power to show her that she doesn't have to go through with this.”

“You have the world and its temptations on your side,” Ralph shot back. “I have only the Lord and love in my heart for my daughter.”

“Then you should give Susanna her freedom,” Joey said.

Ralph didn't answer, but turned to face Susanna. He held out both hands to her. “My daughter, do not give in to this temptation. Not again. We love you, and so does Ernest. Tell this young man to leave.”

Susanna stopped in front of her father and took his hands in hers. “
Daett
, I know you want what is right, and so do I. I've wanted to stay in the community, but I also want what is out there. Don't blame my real
mamm
or Joey for that. It's the fault of my own heart, and there's no use pretending otherwise. Ernest may think he knows what is best for himself, but he doesn't deserve a
frau
who pines for the world. How do I know if my marriage vows would hold me faithful? I'm glad Joey came by. It gives me a chance to get away, to maybe clear my mind. I have to follow my heart,
Daett
, instead of fighting it all the time. I'm sorry that I'm doing this again, but I have to go.”

Susanna leaned forward and kissed her
daett
's bearded cheek. “Joey will take me to his place to spend the afternoon with his family. Then he will bring me home.”

Ralph dropped his gaze and said nothing. His shoulders sagged.

“I'm sorry,
Daett
. I don't mean to hurt you.” Susanna gave him another quick kiss and wiped the tears from her eyes before she turned to Joey. “It seems like we keep coming full circle. Will you take me?”

“Of course.” Joey reached for her hand.