Unveil (7 page)

On the last day before break I prayed extra hard that my dad would show. If he didn’t, I knew I wouldn’t see him for two whole weeks. He said himself that he wouldn’t show up at my house. I held out a glimmer of hope that he’d chance it while Mom was at work. However, I doubted it.

I sat in my car until almost every other vehicle had left the lot. Still the pick-up never came. I scoured the area, chewing my bottom lip anxiously. It was quiet except for the sound of the wind howling and kicking up the leaves, causing them to scuttle like insects on the ground. Clouds framed the sky blanketing it in darkness, even though it was only afternoon. My heart broke a little every minute. What if Mom was right? What if he never came back?

Feeling like an idiot, I dropped my head and rested it on the steering wheel. Why had I trusted him? After years of ignoring me he showed up out of nowhere and then made promises to me, and I just bought them hook, line and sinker?

How gullible was I?

I groaned. Tears welled up in my eyes.

No one wants you. You’re all alone.
An icy chill feathered over my skin. My scars burned. I longed for a razor to relieve the pain.

A knock on my window startled me. I snapped my head up and saw Tanner peeking into the car. He looked me over, his brows furrowed. I furiously wiped the tears from my cheeks and rolled down the window.

Attempting to look as nonchalant as possible, I said, “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Are you okay?” His voice was soft and gentle. It almost broke me. Then I remembered the awful words he said to me the last time we spoke. No way would I give him the opportunity to hurt me again.

“Fine. Not like you care.” Without giving him another glance, I rolled up my window and started the car. Just before I drove away I threw him one last glance. He stood alone in the parking lot watching me. His face wasn’t angry. In fact, he looked concerned and kind.

He looked like the same Tanner I’d fallen for.

It almost made me turn around. But I couldn’t do it. Not again. I kept my head facing forward and sped away.

“Where have you been?” Mom demanded the minute I walked in the door.

I shrugged and threw my backpack on the ground. Irritation rose in me. She wasn’t supposed to be home. Her presence had thwarted my plan to ease my pain. No way could I cut now. The verse my pastor shared a couple of weeks ago about God giving us a way out of temptation ran unexpectedly through my mind. Maybe this was His way of helping me.

“School got out almost an hour ago.” Her eyes were glassy. Fear etched her face. She had been so worried since Dad came back.

“I was just talking to some friends. Geez, lighten up.” I stepped over my backpack and the pile of shoes near the front door. Weaving my way through our messy family room, I made my way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Moldy and expired food filled the shelves. Nothing looked appetizing.

Mom followed closely at my heels. “You didn’t answer when I called.”

After pulling out a soda, I faced her. “Sorry. But I’m here now and I’m fine, so get over it.”

She grabbed my arm, piercing the flesh with her dagger-like nails. Her face was mere inches from mine and the scent of hairspray was overpowering. “You’ve been with him, haven’t you?”

“Who?” I tried to break free from her grasp but she latched on tighter. The soda can was cold against my palm.

“You know who. Your dad.”

“No, Mom.” Hurt wove around my heart and squeezed hard. “Apparently he’s a flake. Just like you said.”

She narrowed her eyes, searching my face. Then she let go of my arm. I put the soda down on the counter and rubbed my hand on my pants so it could thaw out.

Mom exhaled loudly. “Sorry, Kenzie. David’s just got me all crazy.”

“Clearly,” I muttered under my breath. The light with the faulty wiring flickered above me, casting an eerie glow on the white walls.

“It’s just that you don’t know him the way I do. He’s bad news, Kenzie. If he’s back there’s got to be a reason. And knowing him, it’s not a good one.”

“So there’s not even the slightest possibility that he came back just for me?” I leaned my back against the counter. It was sticky and melded to my shirt.

Mom’s heavily made-up face softened. She blinked her lashes at me. They reminded me of spiders because of all the black mascara stuck to them. Pursing her ruby red lips, she ran a finger through my hair. “Oh, Kenzie. I’m sorry. I know how much you want your dad in your life. But believe me, he’s the one missing out. Not you.”

I nodded. It wasn’t the answer I wanted from her. However, I knew she meant well. Under the circumstances it was the best she could do.

“What do you say we go get a Christmas tree.”

I felt like I’d just endured whiplash with the major shift in conversation. Besides, we never got a tree this early in the season. Usually Mom brought home a scrawny tree on Christmas Eve from the lot across the street from her salon, because they gave them away for free. We would string a strand of lights on it and a couple of those ball ornaments. Christmas was never a big deal at our house. Mom didn’t believe in Jesus, so it wasn’t like we celebrated that. And we never had enough money to get very many presents.

“Why the sudden interest in a tree?” I asked.

Mom groaned. “I’m trying here, okay, Kenzie. Just once can’t you let me do something nice for you without getting all crabby about it?”

“Sorry. I was just asking.”

“I know Christmas is a big deal to people like you.”

I furrowed my brows. “Christians, you mean?”

“Uh-huh. So I thought we should have a real celebration this year.”

As weird as the whole thing was, I actually got excited. A real Christmas with a tree and presents sounded fun. My spirits lifted a little. I smiled. “Okay. Thanks Mom.”

“Not bad, huh?” Mom crossed her arms over her chest and appraised the tree. After going to the lot, we stopped at the store and picked up some ornaments and new lights. The white lights twinkled amongst the forest green needles, and the shiny ornaments sparkled.

“Not bad at all.” I sighed with contentment when I looked at the top of the six-foot tree at the star that I picked out. It was perfect.

Mom’s arm draped over my shoulders. She gave me a light squeeze. “I’m glad you like it, honey.”

I rested my head against her. “I love it, Mom.”

“I’m sorry that I cancelled our trip to California.”

I stood up straight, eyeing her. Mom rarely said sorry for anything. “You are?”

“Yeah. I never should have done that. I tried to re-schedule the trip, but now Mom is flying to her sister’s for the holiday.”

“Yeah, Grandma mentioned how excited she is to see her. I guess it’s been awhile.” It struck me that I had never even met my great-aunt. I wondered if she was anything like Grandma. “It’s okay. I don’t think I could handle being around Isaac right now, anyway.”

Mom nodded. “Still, the things I said and did, I feel bad about them.”

I wondered how much she was apologizing for. Did she remember the things she had said when Wesley had taken possession of her?

“Religion isn’t that bad. In fact, you’ve been a much different person since the summer. You’ve settled down and made better choices. I shouldn’t have tried to discourage that.”

My mouth dropped. I never thought I’d hear that from Mom. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. But it will be.”

Before I could process what she meant by that, Mom said, “We better clean up this mess.”

Pine needles riddled the floor. Boxes and cellophane wrappers were strewn about. I bent over and began collecting things. Mom went into the hall closet to get out the vacuum. The minute she left the room, a song rang out.

“Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posy.”

Hot flashes ripped up and down my spine. I froze. The voice was barely above a whisper but it blew over me, swelled around me. Mom entered the room, dragging the vacuum cleaner by the handle. She grunted from the effort.

“Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.”

“Do you hear that?” I asked her while she uncoiled the cord.

“What?” Her face bore a blank expression.

“A little boy singing.”

“In here?” Mom chuckled. “Maybe all that sap is getting to you.”

I looked down at my sticky hands. Sap had branded me when we set up the tree.

“It wouldn’t have been so bad if I would have had a more competent helper,” I teased.

Mom rolled her eyes and pressed down on the pedal. The vacuum roared to life. Even with the white noise I could still faintly hear the haunting song.

“Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.”

While Mom painted vacuum streaks in the carpet, I peeked out the window. Scouring the front yard, I didn’t see the little boy. The song faded. My heart-rate slowed. Maybe I was only hearing things. Just as I was about to step away from the window, I saw a small figure scurrying to the house next door.

I never imagined Mom would attend church on Christmas Eve. Yet, when I asked her to accompany me she said yes. We scooted into the back row and sat on the hard pew a few minutes before the service started. It was evening and the room was dimly lit with candles glowing on the stage. It looked beautiful and serene. The sanctuary was almost full. Everyone was dressed up in frilly dresses and suits with ties.

Mom wore her signature tight red dress and leopard print heels, but even that didn’t deter my good mood. Most Christmas Eves Mom went out with Carol while I stayed home alone. I crossed one of my legs encased in black tights and settled in, contentment filling me.

“At least the church didn’t burn down when I stepped into it,” Mom whispered, a smile playing on her lips.

“Oh, stop.” I grinned back.

When I looked up, I saw Tanner walking past wearing black pants and a white collared shirt. His musky cologne followed in his wake, stirring up feelings I’d just as soon forget. His head turned slightly and he caught me staring. I averted my gaze and looked at the bulletin in my hands.

“You okay?” Mom nudged my elbow after he’d sat in a pew a couple of rows in front of us.

I nodded, biting my lip. Music started and we stood. Through worship I mouthed the words to the Christmas carols but my eyes stayed glued to the back of Tanner’s head. Every familiar gesture cut to my heart, reminding me of how much I missed him.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Mom said when the service concluded.

Yes it was.
I looked miserably over at Tanner as he hurried out of the sanctuary, and wished things were like they used to be. It was Christmas Eve, after all. So badly I wanted to talk with him, laugh with him, hug him. Anything. The cold shoulder and deafening silence were killing me.

By the time Mom and I made our way outside, Tanner’s car was speeding out of the parking lot.

When I awoke on Christmas morning the scent of bacon tickled my nose. I raced out into the kitchen and found Mom laboring over a hot stove. The surprising part was that nothing smelled or looked burnt. When she saw me, a huge smile spread across her face.

“Merry Christmas!” She said.

Joyful tears pricked my eyes. This was such a change from lonely Christmas mornings of my past.

“Sit down. I’ll get you some food.” Mom ran a greasy hand over her apron and grabbed a plate out of the cupboard. “After breakfast we’ll open presents.”

Shame fell on me. “Oh, Mom. I didn’t know for sure if we were doing gifts. I don’t have anything for you.”

She dropped a plate filled with eggs, bacon and potatoes in front of me. “Don’t be silly. You didn’t need to get me anything.”

“It’s just that we don’t always do presents.” In the past the most I could hope for was a few stocking stuffers and a twenty dollar bill.

She clamped a hand down on my shoulder. “I said it was fine, Kenzie. Eat up.”

Who was this woman and what had she done with my mom?

“I told you I would make things up to you, Kenzie. So let me do that.” She sat in the chair across from me with her own plate of food.

My heart stirred. I lifted my fork and took a bite. It was actually edible. For some reason that alone gave me hope.

After breakfast I opened the gifts from Mom which consisted of some earrings, a lip gloss and a gift card to Target so I could pick out my own clothes. The last gift was a new Bible with my name engraved on it. I knew I would cherish that one the most. Not just because it was something of value but because I knew it was a symbol. A token from Mom to tell me things would be different from now on.

In the afternoon, as I sprawled on the couch and watched
Elf,
my cell trilled. I stumbled from the couch and retrieved it out of my purse. When I read the caller ID, my pulse quickened.

With sweaty, shaking fingers, I pressed the talk button.

“Merry Christmas.” His voice was crisp and smooth and melted my heart.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Isaac.” I rolled his name around in my mouth. It tasted sweet and good.

“I was…um…just thinking about you. So, I decided to call.”

Happiness shot through me.
He was thinking about me!
I forced my voice to sound calm. “I’m glad you did.”

“How is your day going? I know holidays aren’t always that festive at your house.”

I knew then that he called out of concern and pity. But still, it was something. “Actually, it’s been surprisingly good. Mom went to church with me last night.”

“Really? Kenz, that’s awesome.”

I loved the way he called me Kenz. No one else did that.

“I know. I could hardly believe it myself. What about you? I bet Christmases are amazing with your family.” Once upon a time I thought that I would be a part of the Giovanni clan one day, but now that seemed out of reach.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” There was something underneath his words. Something he wasn’t saying. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your mom. I just wanted to say hi.”

I had to bite down on my tongue to keep myself from begging him to stay on the phone. I would have given anything to keep talking, to plead for him to take me back. But I knew it was too soon. I still hadn’t done what he’d asked. My feelings remained conflicted. So, I said goodbye and hung up.