Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century (36 page)

Heeling

Variations on Heeling
. (1) Splay your fingers to stimulate the belly even more. (2) As your fingers approach his balls, gently wrap your fingers around them. Don’t press-just give them a little light stimulation. (3) Do heeling in the opposite direction, from the base of the cock to the tip.

Cock Root Vibrations
. When the cock is hard, you can feel that the erection extends all the way back up and inside the body. The perineum actually feels hard. We call this the cock root. With the fingers of one hand, lift the balls out of the way. Place the palm of your other hand against the cock root and vibrate. If he is relaxed and breathing consciously, cock root vibrations will travel up his whole body. Cock root vibrations are no different from vibrations anywhere else on the body: adjust the speed of your vibrations until you feel a natural wave.

Frenulum Frolic
. The area on the underside of the head of the cock where it joins the shaft is called the frenum or frenulum. This is a very sensitive area of the penis for most men, and it is very important in the awakening and energizing process of the massage. Pinching the skin here can be very enjoyable for the receiver. You can also do thumb circles, laying the head of the penis on your palm for support, and using the tip of the thumb on your other hand to make alternating deep and very light circles on the frenum. Or both thumbs can slide over it alternately while the shaft is supported by the fingertips.

Rainbow Rub

The Rainbow Rub
. This stroke also concentrates on the frenum. Pull back the skin and hold it at the base. With the other hand, grasp the glans between the fingertips and the heel of the palm. Squeeze the fingertips tightly until the hand slips up over the top of the cock. Move as though you are lifting the glans off the shaft; then put it back. This is a firm and deep stroke. The frenum (which Joseph Kramer calls the Gates of Consciousness) is thought by penis reflexologists to be the main point for stimulation of the third eye or visual center. Hence the name “rainbow rub,” since it can enhance or stimulate the seeing of colors and/or visions.

REMEMBER VARIETY

Vary your strokes. The Resilient Edge of Resistance applies here as well. Just as his body gets used to a deep sensation, get light and tickle it again. When you consistently and consciously change the nature of the stimulation, the body becomes increasingly more alive and awake. Since the intention is not to ejaculate, avoid the consistent back-and-forth motion that would lead to it. But orgasms without ejaculation are permitted, and even encouraged. Constant change wakes up the penis so that it can actually become more sensitive than it would be at ejaculation. If you then move all that energy throughout the body, he can experience multiple orgasms during the course of this massage without the inevitable drain of energy that follows ejaculation.

By the way, how’s the breathing going?

At this point in the massage, breathing should be full and deep and powerful. Remember, the more you breathe, the more you feel. Go for it.

Ring the Balls
. This stroke is unique in its ability to delight the receiver, while cooling down the energy when ejaculation is dangerously close. Using your thumb and forefinger, form a ring around the base of the scrotal sac, where the scrotal sac joins the body. Pull the skin of the scrotal sac taut and hold it. Using the backs of your fingernails, tickle the skin. Just about the time he gets used to this tingly, tickly sensation, wrap your whole palm over the balls. When you feel him relax, go back to fingernail tickling. You can use this stroke anytime, but it is particularly effective if he is getting close to ejaculation. You can, of course, simply remove your hands from his cock—that will certainly work. But if you want to keep the energy high, “ring the balls” will keep the energy building without moving him closer to ejaculation. Stimulating the testicles sends energy streaming out through the rest of the body, so this is also an energy distribution stroke.

By now, his energy should be rockin’ and rollin’. In these few minutes before the Clench and Hold, encourage him to breathe even more fully. Alternate cock strokes with body strokes. Spread the energy around his entire body. Remember, there is no goal. You are using breath and erotic energy to charge the body. Let whatever happens happen. Simply focus on building and circulating as much sexual energy as possible.

And let’s get real, here. Despite your best intentions, ejaculation may happen. If it does, enjoy it! Just because it wasn’t your intention doesn’t make it a “mistake.” It’s no big deal. After all, this is erotic massage, not brain surgery. There’s enough guilt around sex without piling more on ourselves. Enjoy the orgasm, and unless the receiver still wants to do a Clench and Hold, move on to the afterglow section of the massage. Later, you can make note of how you passed that point of no return and decide which techniques you’ll use to avoid ejaculation the next time.

The Clench and Hold

When he is fully charged with breath and sexual energy, it’s time for the Clench and Hold. Invite him to do about thirty seconds of faster, fuller breaths, followed by three big, deep breaths. He holds the third deep breath and tenses every muscle in his body, especially his buttocks and abdomen. Remember, there are a number of ways to do this clench.

He can:

* Press downward onto the massage table or floor with his hands and shoulders, head and butt, and legs and feet

* Extend his body outward as far as it can go, reaching for the opposite walls with his feet and hands

* Pull in toward the center of his body as hard as he can, first clenching his abdominal muscles, and then pulling the rest of his body in toward his abs

When he takes the third deep breath, remove your hands. Count silently to fifteen, then tell him to let go and relax.

Afterglow

Stay nearby and stay present. Even though you are not touching him, your presence is supportive. You are holding a safe space for him. Stand by the table quietly. He may be crying, laughing, or just lying very still. Unless he specifically indicates with his hands or his voice that he wants to be touched, do not touch him. Occasionally, people become very active after the Clench and Hold. If he is thrashing around on the table and you’re worried about him falling off, simply place your body against the near edge of the table and reach over and grab the far edge of the table. This way, if he rolls, he won’t fall off the table.

After fifteen to thirty minutes, he will probably have come back into his body. If you want to touch him, touch his knee and his wrist. This is a safe and noninvasive invitation to return to his body. Take long, slow, deep breaths, or match your breathing to his. You may want to massage him gently and slowly with a towel to remove some of the massage oil. When he indicates that he is ready to move, help him roll onto his side and, eventually, to sit up. Keep your gloves on until you are completely finished. Stay with him until you know that he is able to walk on his own two feet.

Feel free to fold, spindle, and mutilate these techniques. I recommend that you try the Erotic Awakening Massage in its entirety at least a few times in order to experience the completely unique way that breath, touch, and movement build sexual energy in this process. After that, feel free to break it apart and incorporate chunks or bits of it into other sexual play. Or, introduce other types of sexual play into the Erotic Awakening Massage. The creative possibilities are vast and the effects are extraordinary.

Tantra continually provides new, answers
to the question “Is there more?” No matter where you start or where your personal path leads, your Tantric practice will inevitably present you with astonishing new sexual and spiritual adventures. As your practice deepens, you’ll see new possibilities for ecstasy, both in sexual practices you have never tried and in some you may have rejected as unappealing earlier in your life. The more you live the mantra “Make no judgments, make no comparisons, and delete your need to understand,” the more old prejudices will begin to drop away. Your desires will multiply and your preferences may change. Because you have changed your thinking about how sex works, you’ll begin to be drawn to people and activities based more upon how conscious the person or activity is, rather than how erotic things appear at first glance.

This section of the book is designed to help you imagine and negotiate your way through some advanced erotic scenarios that can bring you great delight. In
chapter 19
, “Tantric BDSM,” we’ll look at ways to incorporate aspects of this harder-edged sacred sexuality into a Tantric practice, as well as how Tantra can expand and deepen the practice of BDSM. In
chapter 20
, “How to Create the Tantric Ritual That’s Perfect for You,” you’ll learn how to create healing, satisfying, transcendent sexual moments in the midst of the challenges and occasional chaos of everyday life. In
chapter 21
, “Group Tantra,” I’ll share why some of the most satisfying sexual/spiritual experiences of my life have been in groups, and how you can try more-than-two sexual adventures without rupturing your relationship or wounding your spirit.

Think of this section as an introduction to your totality of possibilities. It’s up to you when, how—and if—the possibilities become erotic reality.

As I mentioned in the introduction, both Tantra and BDSM are erotic arts of consciousness that have more in common than may at first seem apparent. In this chapter, I would like to encourage further blurring of the lines between Tantra and BDSM. Both BDSM and Tantra produce intense erotic sensations that can create prolonged ecstatic states of arousal and altered states of consciousness. You may have already begun to appreciate this if you have tried any of the numerous techniques and toys borrowed from BDSM that I have suggested thus far, such as bondage, sensory deprivation, and the “wilder” list of sensation-producing devices (see the “Props: Mild to Wild” chart in
chapter 11
).