“How dare you, I love him and my family. I made a mistake! You made a mistake too, a long time ago. You left your child, but I am not blaming you.”
“Aren’t you?” He growls. “You have blamed me for years, and this has always been tense. It isn’t about my mistake; it is about yours. You didn’t listen when you should have.”
“I NEVER RAN FROM HER, I RAN BECAUSE I WAS BEING PLOTTED AGAINST. I NEVER MEANT TO FIND JAX AGAIN, AND I NEVER MEANT TO FALL IN LOVE. HOW DARE YOU? JUST SAY IT, GO ON,
SAY
WHAT YOU HAVE WANTED TO SAY FOR DAYS.”
His eyes are wild; he is irrational.
“This is
all your
fault. Your mother is dead because of you and your
God
Damn
ed pirates.”
I make a horrible choking sound and fall to my knees. I can’t breathe, I am dying. I hear voices, Jax maybe.
“Shit Mack, what the fuck is wrong with you. That is your daughter you heartless piece of shit. Why don’t you kick her while she is down too? Get out, go on,
fuck
off. You don’t deserve her.”
“I…”
“Get out.”
I hear the door shut and Jax is by my side in minutes, rocking me in his arms. I
wail
until finally, there is nothing left. Jax puts me in bed and stays with me until I fall into a weak, exhausted sleep. I don’t know that the next day will change everything. If I knew, I might have done things differently.
CHAPTER
11
I decide to take a walk in the morning; I need to. I climb from my bed and see that Jax has gone. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I pull on some shoes and make my way out of the house and into the gardens. I am sitting, enjoying the fresh morning when someone comes into view. I haven’t seen him for years, but there he is, standing in front of me. It is James.
“James?” I say, standing.
“Well
well
, I heard you came back, some nerve you have.”
“What do you want?”
“What do I want? You actually have to ask. Do you know how many years I have waited for this moment? You fucked up my life, I now work here as a mere guard. I have nothing. You took it all. Then you married that scum bag pirate as if to rub it in.”
“You were trying to kill me!”
“Yes, and I should have done it when I first thought it.”
He is scaring me, the way his blue eyes look. He is not stable.
“Go
away,
Jax will be here any moment.”
“Oh, I am so scared. I only need a moment.”
I take a step back. “Get away James.”
“I bet you feel awful don’t you? I mean, not many people are responsible for their own mothers death. How did it feel to know it was your fault? I hope her eyes rot into your mind; you deserve it.”
“James, enough.”
I say, stepping further back.
“It is never, NEVER enough.”
“I am sorry ok? I will give you money, just leave me alone.”
He snorts. “Wow, some things never change. I don’t want money; I want revenge. You fucked my life.”
“I said sorry.”
“Celeste left me you
know,
when she knew I wasn’t going to be king. It was
all your
fault. Now, I will make you pay.”
It is only then I notice he has his hands behind his back. He moves forward, and I see the glint of silver. The man has a
Damn
ed gun. He aims it and I lunge forward, knocking him backwards. He goes stumbling down onto the ground, and I land on top of him. The gun goes off, missing us both. He rolls and I kick out, connecting with his shins. He grips my hands, then fumbles for the gun and aims it. I slam my head into his, causing temporary blindness.
I take the chance and move, rolling to catch the gun that tumbles from his hand. He is too quick and kicks me in the side, sending me back down to the floor. I can see boots running towards
us,
just have to hold him off for a second. I get up on my knees as he reaches for the gun and punch out; he spins around and lashes out, hitting me so hard I stumble backwards. I try to catch my gripping, but there is nothing to grip onto. I fall into the nearby concrete seat, hitting it with such force it knocks me out cold.
“How long doc?”
“Days, months, I don’t know. She doesn’t want to wake.”
“Is she brain dead?”
“No, her brain is showing normal activity. It is her that doesn’t want to wake.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know son, I really don’t. Sometimes the brain shuts down to protect too much emotional trauma.”
Trauma?
What is he talking about? Why can’t I open my eyes? Where am I? What has happened? I phase back out.
“It has been two weeks, she needs to wake.”
“She moved about this morning, she is waking.”
“Jade, wake up.”
I think it is Jax, why is Jax here? What has happened? I want to open my eyes, so why can’t I? Maybe I am just too tired; I do feel so weak. Just a few more hours…
“Jade, hey…”
I hear my name and I force my eyes open. They don’t go as far as I want and so I try again. They open further, and the air burns them. Wincing, I close them again.
“Doc, she is awake!”
I feel myself being
prod
and poked. I open my eyes again, it still burns. Someone tips drops in, oh yes, that helps. When I open them for a third time, it doesn’t hurt so much. My vision is blurry, like a film has been placed over my eyes. I blink rapidly, trying to focus. I see outlines mostly, with fuzzy insides.
“Hey, Jade, hey.”
Jax?
“Come on Jade, can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”
I squeeze the hand in mine.
“Well done, and can you open your mouth and close it.”
I do, with great effort.
“Blink a few times.”
I do.
“She is following orders well, that is a fabulous sign.”
My vision clears, and I see I am in a hospital room. Jax is beside me, but for some reason, everything is fuzzy.
Really, really fuzzy.
I know who he is, but…why is here? What is happening? Why can’t I remember anything that has happened?
“I…” I croak.
“Water.”
Someone tips liquid down my throat and I swallow greedily.
“Slow down, not too much.”
I wait a moment,
and then
try again.
“W-w-what am I doing here?”
“You don’t remember?”
I rub my head. “No.”
“Jade, do you know your name?”
“You just said it.” I whisper.
The doctor laughs. “So I did. What is your last name?”
“
Casteah
.”
“And your
husband’s
name?”
Husband?
What?
“Husband?”
“Yes, your husband.”
“I’m not married.”
“Oh crap.” Jax mutters.
I look over at him. “What is it? How come you are here?”
He looks confused. “You know who I am?”
“Yes, I know who you are.”
“But you don’t know what I am to you?”
“A lover?”
“Doc?”
Jax says, looking worried.
“Jade, can you tell me anything you remember?
Anything at all.”
“I…there are bits and pieces. I know Jax and I are together, but I can’t remember why or when. I have a child, but I don’t remember how old. It is like a dream, when you remember you had a dream, and you remember it was good, but you don’t remember what it was about. I remember Jax, and if you asked names I would know the people, I just can’t remember how or why they are in my life or anything that has happened.”
“I see.” The doctor says, puzzled.
“Doc, is it from the hit?”
“I am not sure, can we talk?”
Jax and the doctor walk out, but I can still hear them. Just.
“What is going on?”
“I am going to run some tests, but I must warn you, I don’t think this is memory loss from the accident. Patients with that remember nothing from certain periods of time or
altogether
. She knows the people in her
life,
she just doesn’t remember anything about them. My guess, on a personal level, is that it is mental.”
“Mental?”
“I believe she has blocked it out herself.”
“What?”
“It happens; emotional trauma gets too high and people cut out parts of their brain.”
“What can we do?”
“Nothing much, she will remember if she wants to, maybe with some
counseling
.”
“And is there a chance she won’t?”
“Of course, I have seen it many times. You can try different therapies, but personally, I believe if someone wants to block something so heavily, maybe it is best to remain blocked.”
“So if she remembers?”
“Then be honest.”
“If she doesn’t?”
“Son, only you can decide what you do with that. From what I have seen and been told, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing. Think of it like this, this might be her erasing all the bad in her life. You get to re-create everything she knows, just think about that. I will run further tests and eliminate all other possible causes before we get too ahead of ourselves.”
“Thanks.”
I roll back and stare at the roof. What are they talking about? What happened to me? Why would they be saying it could be best to leave it? Jax walks back in the room, and I look over at him. I don’t recall anything, yet, I know him so well. I feel a sting in my chest at the sight of him, I know without a doubt I love him, I just can’t remember why.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” I croak.
“How are you feeling?”
“I am so confused, it is like reading a book and knowing all the characters, but not knowing how or why they met or even knowing their story. Tell me Jax, what are you to me?”
“I am your husband.”
“We…we….got married?”
He smiles weakly. “Yeah, we did.”
“And, we are happy?”
“Do you feel happy, do you feel anything?”
The look on his face is pure, raw pain. He is scared I don’t care for him.
“I feel
everything;
I love you as much as I know how. I don’t know how it was before, but that is how it is now. I know you, but I don’t know why or how.”
“That has to hurt a lot.”
“
It’s
just…
it’s
hurting my brain. I can’t see or remember a
Damn
thing, just people, I just see people.”
“Names?”
“Mack, who I know is my father, though I don’t know how the hell I know that. I have a friend, Layla and PJ. I remember Jack, but I don’t know from where. I remember my daughter, though I have no idea how old she is. I remember the crew, and the pirates. I just don’t know how they all piece together.”
“Jesus.”
“It…
God
it is so strange. What happened, why am I here?”
“James knocked you over the head?”
“James, why?
Did I not marry him?”
Jax sighs and sits. “Ok, I am going to give you a very, very brief overview of the past years of your life. I will start with how we met…”
Jax spends a good hour telling me about basic things in our life, I am dumbfounded. I can’t remember it, though it pieces all the people together. He tells me about Mack and PJ, and where they come from. He tells me how I met Layla and Jack. He explains the crew and about his parents. He tells me where we live, and about Lilly. By the end of it, my mind is a mess.
“I can’t think, my mind is like a rollercoaster, it hurts. Where is my mother?”
He tenses and looks away.
“Jax?”
“You remember nothing?”
“No.”
“Give me a minute.”
I watch him leave the room. What isn’t he telling me? An hour later, he returns with Mack. I smile, relieved to see my father. He looks confused, like he expected a different reaction from me. It only sent my mind back into
a frenzy
, knowing things were going on, and I had no idea what they were.
“Hi angel.”
“Hi daddy.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Confused.”
“You really can’t remember?”
“No, not a thing.”
“Anything at all?”