“Holy…shit. You look fucking amazing
Jade
, you took my breath away.” Jax whispers, taking my hand.
I smile at him, dressed in a black dress shirt and black jeans. “You don’t look so bad yourself handsome.”
He grins and offers his arm. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”
When we enter the ball room, cameras click and fire at us. We smile, say a few words and then find our seats. Steffan introduces the ball and explains its purpose and a sting comes to my chest, which Jax squeezes away with a clamp of his hand on mine. When the dancing comes on, Jax offers a hand, and we
make our way to the dance floor. As I stand curled in his arms, playing with the small curl at the base of his neck where his hair ends, I think about how lucky I am.
I have this husband that is so amazing, he takes my breath away. I have a daughter to die for, a family that loves me and friends that show never ending support. I am happy, even though things are hard, I am still happy.
When some fast dancing songs come on, PJ walks over, all decked out in white shirt and black jeans.
He is handsome and strong, as he always has been in my mind. He takes my hand and Jax lets me go with a wink.
“My lady, I apologize for my earlier rudeness, it was out of line.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Well, thank you my lord.”
He grins and twirls me around. “I am going to help you now, like I helped you once before. Let’s find that girl we all know and love.”
“Oh yeah, and how will you do that?”
He grins and nods at the DJ who changes the song. In front of my eyes, and the entire rooms, PJ begins to sing and dance. He is crazy, truly crazy. He uses his fist as a microphone and sings loudly to me, the entire room is screaming and laughing, entertained by his show.
“Come on little princess, show us what you got, I know it is there.”
He sings louder, and I look around nervously. Jax is laughing, and Layla is just about crying, she is doubled over so hard.
“I k-k-know a girl she gets what she wants all the time, coz she’s fine. But for an angel she’s a hot
hot
mess make you so blind, but you don’t mind. Coz she’s an uptown get around, anything goes girl, girl, she’s a hardcore candy store give me some more girl….”
He encourages me, singing loudly until I can’t help but join in. I want to be me, whoever that is and so I start singing and dancing with him. Whistles break out and people cheer.
“
Heeeeey
, you want her, but she’s so mean. You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?”
We sing and dance until the song finishes, then PJ reefs me into his arms and
hugs
me furiously.
“There is the girl we all know and love, don’t lose that girl, or I will have to knock it back into you. Oh, and just for a present, here…”
PJ takes my hand and meets my eyes and suddenly my mind is being filled with memories, all good, of Jax, Lilly, Jack, my family and other simple things. I grip my head and when he lets me go, I am panting. I can feel it all, see it all. I don’t have anything bad, but I can see enough, I can see my wedding day, I can see my daughter,
he
has helped me connect the dots. I leap on him again and force my tears back.
“Oh PJ.”
“Just one of my talents.
I didn’t give you anything bad, just a few bits and pieces to help you out. I assume you don’t want the lot, but if you do, I can give them.”
“
Thank you so much.”
“Aw,
way to wreck a good night mate
. Now she knows what she is in for later.” Jax grins, slapping PJ on the back.
PJ laughs. “Sorry bud!”
“It’s all good.”
Jax takes me into his arms. “Hearing you singing little girl, makes it all good again.”
I beam and hug him. “I remember our wedding day, and Lilly’s birth. Oh, those things really matter.”
“You didn’t want it all?”
“I’m still not sure.”
“Well at least you can get them if you need.”
Jax’s phone rings then and he answers it, his face turns stony, and he walks out of the room. With a quick glance to PJ and Layla, I follow him. He is pacing in the garden, yelling.
“What the fuck? How did he get so close?”
Silence.
“Jesus Rust, we got to move.”
Silence.
“I am
coming,
we need to draw him back out.”
Silence.
“Yeah I know that, give me half an hour to work this out.”
Jax hangs up and glances at me.
“Ben is close; he was spotted just off shore. He is going to make an attack Jade, I can feel it.”
“What do we do?” I ask, panicked.
“We draw him back out to the water.”
“How?”
“With you.”
I don’t understand.
“What, why?”
“He is looking for you, or a way to get me out. If you are with me, he can’t find it. I am going to get word somehow that we are out on the water, with the treasure. I can’t risk the rest of your family.”
“Lilly?”
“I am sending her back to the island.”
“That’s not fair, she doesn’t want to go.”
“We will stay here with her
Jax,
in palace walls she will be safe.” Layla says.
“I don’t know.”
“I will get Steffan to put a guard on every entrance and one by her side. Jax, he isn’t after her, he is after the treasure, and if he knows we have it, he won’t come here.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Ok, give me a minute. I need to call Rust. Get Jack, and Mack, we will need them both. Pack your bags, we are ending this. Are you ready to go back on the ship?”
I shrug. “I don’t believe I get a choice.”
“There is something you need to do before you come.”
“What?”
“Touch that treasure.”
I blink; he wants me to touch the treasure that has caused pain for him and his crew.
“Why?”
“You know why, it gives you immortality. I won’t put you in danger without it.”
I sigh. “I will think about it, don’t push Jax
.”
He nods. “Alright, go and let your dad know and I will be back in a minute.”
“So much for a nice night…” I
mumble
.
Jax grips my chin. “Mate this is our lives, there is plenty of time for nice nights.”
“Ok Jax.” I sigh once more.
“
Don’t,
don’t give me that little disappointed sigh. I have a
Damn
pirate trying to kill everything I love, and you are sighing at me.”
“Why is he trying to kill us?”
“
God
Jade, I don’t have time for your
fuckin
questions.”
“Well, I need to know if I am going out there with you.”
He throws his hands in the air.
“I don’t have time for this. You either want your memories back, or you don’t. Make up your
God
Damn
ed mind. You can’t keep asking for every
Damn
thing, but saying you don’t want them back. If you want to know, get them back, if you don’t then stop asking stupid questions and wasting my time.” He hisses, then turns and storms off.
“Jax…” I call, but he doesn’t turn back.
I stand for a long moment, pondering his words. A moment ago, I didn’t want my memories back, I never really thought about why. Why don’t I want to know? Why did I block them in the first place? Is it
fear
, or did it just get too much? I will never know those answers without them, and I will forever rely on other people. I turn to PJ, and he frowns.
“I want them back PJ, all of them.”
“Jade, that isn’t wise. A minute ago you didn’t.”
“A minute ago I didn’t need
them,
I am going out onto a ship with my husband to kill a man I don’t remember a
Damn
thing about. It is dangerous, and without my memories I am useless, I will be in his way and too demanding. It is time I learnt what I am hiding from, give them back.”
He looks over to Layla who shrugs. Then he turns to me and grips my hands, I feel the doors swinging open in my mind, and I see it all, right up until the fight with James where he tried to kill me. I crumble, falling to my knees and wailing loudly.
My mother, my poor mother.
All my
fault. PJ drops down and soothes me, Layla wraps her arms around me, and I sob for a good hour on the ground.
“What is happening?”
I hear Jax’s voice, and I look up to meet his eyes, the crap he has had to deal with in the last few years, as well as me, and we are still so in love. I can’t fault that.
“I gave them back, she wanted them.”
“Aw shit.”
“It’s ok,” I croak. “I am ok. I have to come with you
Jax,
I have to make him pay for what he did to my mother.”
“Mate, it is dangerous…”
I stand and straighten my dress, raising my chin high I meet his eyes. “I am coming.”
He nods and sighs. “Ok mate, ok.”
“For what it is worth, I don’t hate you Jax, and nothing has changed for me. I have a lot of shit to work through, and memories that are painful and confusing, but I do know where I want to be.”
He softens and takes my cheek into his hand. “Sorry for before.”
“No, I needed that. I needed to know who I was, and I am glad I know now. I am glad I have it back, even though it hurts.”
“I don’t want you to continue blaming yourself for Grace’s death.”
I tense but keep my tears at bay. “I can’t change her death, but by
God
can I make sure it never happens to another person I love again.”
“There’s my girl.” He smiles, stroking my cheek.
“So, when do we leave?”
“A few hours, Rusty is nearly back with the ship.”
“Good, I have something I need to do while I have my strength.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Where is Mack?”
“Jade, don’t.”
“No Jax, I need to. Where is he?”
“In the pub.”
I turn on my heel and walk back to the pub, when I step in and see Mack at the bar with Jack, I walk over. He turns and
smiles,
and I slap him, hard. He reels back, shocked and confused.
“I know you said sorry, I know you said you
didn’t
mean it, and I am pretty sure I forgive you for it, but if you ever blame me for her death again, I will disown you and never, I mean never, speak to you again.”
He gapes at me, holding his cheek. “You remember?”
“PJ gave it all back to me.”
“Angel, I meant it when I said those words weren’t true. Your mom’s death isn’t on you.”
“I know that, I don’t need you to tell me that,
but I do need you to be my dad
and stop trying to be whatever it is you are fighting for. Just love me, the way you should and we will be fine.”
He nods and I sigh, then lean forward and kiss his cheek.
“I do love you Mack,
God
only knows how or why but I do.”
He gives a stiff laugh. “Love you too kiddo.”
“Good, I am glad we sorted that.”
I turn to Jack and smile. “I missed you Jack.”
He grins and hugs me.
“You too angel.”
“Are you coming with us?”
“We both are.”
“Good, I better go get ready. Boy has it been a while since I went on that ship.”
“Ready to see your
husband go
back into pirate mode?”
I grin. “I think so.”
CHAPTER 14
We head out after a long, teary goodbye with Lilly. I vow to her, myself and the world that after this, I will never leave her again. Jax feels much the same and part of him, and I know that this will be our last journey as pirates. We set a journey and the ship glides out onto the ocean, just like the old times. When Jax settles her to a slow pace, we all settle in and wait. Ben could be tonight, tomorrow, a day, a week…none of us knew, but he would come.
I stroll down the halls of the old wooden ship and memories sink back into my mind. How I have missed the days on this big girl, the drama, the laughs, the fights. I find my old room and open the door, with a smile I sink into my old bed. It feels nice to be back. I glance towards my door and see Maddox standing against
the frame. I grin and leap up, and into his arms. I haven’t seen him for ages; he has spent most of his time on the island.