Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (59 page)

with vaginal sex,
44–45,
68, 83,

162; generational differences,

45–46,
52–53,
55; and hymen, 47,

233n.
8; influence of personal bi- ography,
44,
49,
50–55,
245n. 53;

male experience privileged,
6; moral/spiritual criteria,
19–20, 24,

30,
47,
54; and oral sex,
4, 44–45,

50,
54–55; and orgasm,
6; and

rape,
19–20,
51–53,
89,
136, 138;

revised over lifetime,
54–55; with same-sex partners,
4–7,
20, 35,

44–47,
55,
101,
157,
251n. 28;

and sexual identity,
44–48,
50,
54; social/psychological criteria,
51–53, 55

Defoe, Daniel,
223n. 32

DeGeneres, Ellen, 161

Denzin, Norman,
209,
220n.
35 Desire, physical: awareness of, 77–79;

distinguished from love,
184; and gender,
19,
119; after rape,
135; as motive/precondition for virginity loss,
19,
76–77,
126; unimpor-

tance,
65, 84

Disappointment with virginity loss: ability to overcome,
169–170,
173–174,
196–197; entire en-

counter,
90,
134–135; physical as-

pects,
66,
72,
109,
115,
122, 128,

149,
158,
186; among women,
53.
See also
Satisfaction, with virginity losss experiences

Dishonesty, as stigma,
107.
See also

Concealment

Diversity: of American sexual culture,
1–2,
10–11,
16–17,
37–38, 40,

58–59,
204; of approaches to vir-

ginity, exposure to,
98,
105, 139,

153–155,
162,
170–171,
175, 183;

within family,
116,
131; among

peers,
70,
82, 92

Divorce, and sexual attitudes,
3, 62,

100, 154

Donne, John,
223n. 28

Double standard: gift and stigma metaphors,
60–61,
103; evolution,

29,
30,
33,
36,
39–40,
99; among

Latinos,
170; process metaphor as alternative,
141,
176; women bene- fiting from,
129.
See also
Gender; Single sexual standard

Dreiser, Theodore, 26–27

Drug use, 5

Dungeons and Dragons,
132 Dworkin, Andrea, 42

Dysfunctions, sexual,
135, 155

eBay,
101–103, 137

Economic opportunities: and women’s sexuality,
22,
26–27; and transition

to marriage/adulthood,
35, 38–39.

See also
Social class

Education: expansion of, and dating,
33,
39; and exposure to process

metaphor,
31–32,
141,
175; and timing of sex/pregnancy,
40; and women’s independence,
29,
31.
See also
Social class

Eisenhower, Dwight,
231n.
154 Ejaculation, rapid,
66,
121,
134, 169.

See also
Orgasm Elders, Jocelyn, 200

Elizabeth I, 20

Ellis, Albert, 33

Ellis, Havelock,
18, 31

Emotional intimacy: created by virgin- ity loss,
62,
66,
81; facilitating

safer sex,
67,
158; and physical pleasure,
129; motivating virginity loss,
65,
77,
172; not created by

virginity loss,
86,
93.
See
Affection; Commitment; Love

Emotional pleasure, from virginity loss,
66–67,
72,
89,
97–98, 149,

163, 169

Empowerment.
See
Agency; Power England, sexual culture,
20–22 Enlightenment, sexual culture during,

20–22

Equality, between virgin and partner,
165,
168,
171,
175,
195.
See also

Power

Erik Dorn
(novel),
34 Ethnicity.
See
Race/ethnicity Europe, compared with U.S.,

191–192,
198, 200

“Exceptional” cases, usefulness,
8 Exchange.
See
Gift giving; Gifts Expectations for virginity loss: awk-

wardness,
146,
158–159,
166; re-

alistic,
159,
162,
166–167; too

high/low,
72,
109,
137 Experimentation, sexual, desirability

of,
108,
125,
131,
150,
199, 205.

Experimentation (
Continued
)

See also
Multiple partners; Sexual activity

Extended self, virginity as, 62

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

(movie),
104,
108, 125

Fauset, Jessie,
228–229n.
121 Federal Marriage Amendment,
43
Felicity
(series), 201

Feminine Mystique, The
(book), 38

Feminism, feminist movement: and approaches to virginity loss,
3, 5,

28,
31,
38–39,
73–74, 99–100,

138,
177,
207; conflict within,
42; research methods,
210–211; under- standings of rape,
52–53, 55

First times, significance of,
128
,
151 Fitzgerald, F. Scott, 29

Foreplay: changing patterns,
28; de- fined by heterosexuals,
48–49; to maintain virginity,
20–21, 223n.

34.
See also
Petting; Sexual activ- ity;
and specific activities

Forever
(novel),
125,
139,
166, 207,

236n. 25

Foucault, Michel,
218n.
15,
225n. 52,

247n. 14

Fox, Renee,
237n. 30

Frames, metaphors as,
220n.
39 Free speech.
See
Censorship Freud, Sigmund, 31–32

Friedan, Betty, 38

Friends: advice among,
64,
67, 169;

face-saving among,
107,
132–133; honesty with,
111–112; influence on virginity loss,
61,
76,
78, 82,

99,
104,
116,
139,
153; reactions

to virginity loss,
79,
87; similarity

among,
80,
99,
125; telling about

virginity loss,
104,
107,
114, 135,

150; virginity loss with,
78, 89,

105,
126–127,
156–157,
163.
See

also
Peers

Gagnon, John, 39

Gay marriage, 154

Gay rights movement: and approaches to virginity loss,
161,
177; and def- initions of virginity loss,
46, 55;

history of,
3,
35,
41–43 Gays/Lesbians/Bisexuals: assumptions

about,
6–7; crimes against,
43; di- versity among,
47–48; friends as partners,
156–157; generational

differences,
41,
207; heterosexual

encounters among, 88–89,

155–157,
163; initiation patterns,

37,
41; irrelevance of virginity to,

45–46,
204,
220n.
36; sexual pref-

erences,
48,
157; visibility,
5, 35,

37,
41,
207.
See also
Coming out; Homosexuality; Same-sex partners; Sexual identity

Gender: and age at virginity loss,
43,
51,
58; analytic approach,
11–12; assumptions about,
6–7; and be- liefs about regaining virginity,
53–54; and concealing virginity,
100,
129–130; constructed through virginity loss,
99–100,
130,
138–139,
144,
176,
246n. 5;

differences narrowing,
2, 31,

39–40,
103,
137–138; differences within race,
109–111; generational differences,
130,
137–138; and gift

metaphor,
60–61,
68,
82–83, 98;

nontraditional approaches to vir- ginity loss,
12–13,
16–17,
38, 43,

68,
73,
91,
96–97,
130,
152, 170,

174; omnirelevance,
247n.
13; and pain at virginity loss,
169; physical desire,
19,
77–78,
119; and power,

27,
43,
85,
88,
93,
99,
124, 138,

171,
175,
195–197,
204, 238–9n.

61; and premarital virginity loss,
26–27,
29,
34,
37,
43; and process

metaphor,
141,
144,
170,
176; and religious approaches to virginity,

189; in sex education, 178–179,

181,
201; and sexual identity, 161,

207; similarities,
73,
124, 129,

137; and stigma,
103,
116,
127,
137–138; traditional approaches to virginity loss,
16–17,
68,
84,
90,
96; visibility of sexual inexperience by,
129–130.
See also
Double stan- dard; Masculinity; Men; Women

Generalizability.
See
Research meth- ods

Generation: and beliefs about premar- ital virginity,
75,
83; confounded with aging,
219n.
25; and defini- tions of virginity loss,
45–46,
52–55; differentiating by,
39,
33; and gendered approaches to virgin- ity,
1–2,
61,
99–100, 130,

137–138,
189,
207,
216; and

HIV/AIDS,
5–6,
9,
73–74,
99, 207;

sampling by,
8–9; and sexual iden- tity,
43,
161,
248n.
28.
See also
Aging, confounded with generation

Geographical variation: in lesbigay community availability,
157; in sex education,
219n.
31,
240n.
78,
250n.
18; in sexual culture/prac- tices,
8,
10,
33,
75–76,
80, 233n.

7; transcended through technology, 201

Gift giving: as obligatory,
59,
85, 88;

occasions,
59; risks,
59–60, 238n.

57; social bonds fostered by, 60,

80,
95; as voluntary,
59,
88, 95.

See also
Reciprocation

Gift metaphor: as alternative to stigma metaphor,
178; and born- again virginity,
90–91; distin- guished from act-of-worship metaphor,
182–183,
189, 251n.

29; gender differences,
68,
88, 91,

96–97; and mental health,
195; and power at virginity loss,
195–196; and premarital virginity,

61–61,
75,
83,
181; and safer sex,

66–67; in sex education,
70, 181,

191; and sexual identity,
68, 100,

237n. 39

Gifts: assessing value,
58,
235n.
7; continence as God’s,
222n.
15; identical frowned on,
63; over/un- derpayment,
235n.
17; reflecting recipient’s worth,
58,
85–86, 243n.

32; sacrificial,
235n.
7; women’s

virginity as,
31,
36,
110,
142 Girlfriend/Boyfriend: desire virginity-

loss partner to become,
107,
128; ideal but unnecessary for virginity loss,
113,
126,
163; virginity loss

with,
64,
70,
91–92, 111,

146–148,
163,
167–168, 172–173,

185.
See also
Partners

Glaeser, Andreas,
221n.
45,
247n. 23

Glaser, Barney,
220n.
37,
245n.
2 GLBT.
See
Gays/Lesbians/Bisexuals;

Homosexuality; Same-sex partners

Goffman, Erving,
137,
241nn. 7–8

Going steady, 36

Graduate, The
(movie),
16, 92

Graham, Sylvester, 24