Vivian's List (Vol. 1) (14 page)

I burst into laughter. “That doesn’t even rhyme.”

“So?” He received my dig with surprising ambivalence. “Why don’t you beat that?”

“
Yo, yo, yo.
” I moved my hands to a steady beat. “I’m not a gangsta, you won’t see me popping glocks. But if you cross me, I’ll Cap’n Crunch yer bones up!”

Liam
stood gaping at me like a fish.

What?” I asked, uneasy under the weight of his gaze.
“What?”

“
Viv … so …
so
violent
.” Even so it wasn’t long before he snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me in for a warm embrace. “You
do
know don’t you, that you’re super cute when you try to act tough.”

I attempted a
murderous scowl. “I
am
tough.”

“Now you just look cuter.” All teasing fled his voice.
Unsmiling, he lowered his lips to mine and kissed me lingeringly.

A giddy flutter rose in my belly
when he pulled away.

He tucked my arm closer against his and
we started again for the parking lot.

No
stepping over cracks, no rhymes, no raps, just warm, companionable silence.

As we neared his Jeep,
I realized I was reluctant for this evening to end just yet.

Not when I was having this much fun.

“How about
we go to Ocean Beach?” I said on a whim, hoping to prolong the evening. “I love the vibe, I love the cliffs, I love the surf, I love the food, and well, you get the picture. I love OB.”

Liam opened the
door for me and I climbed into his red Jeep.

“
OB it is,” he said, shutting the door behind me.

Ocean Beach,
or OB as the San Diegans call it, is home to a sizable population of wild parrots and their offspring known locally as the OB Air Force.

And it
has that pitch perfect, throwback groovy vibe of vintage SoCal so unlike any other beach in San Diego.

I
t’s a hot surf spot for locals without the Pacific Beach frat boys or the downtown pretense.

Ultimately,
the best part about OB is Sunset Cliffs.

Hands, flippers and feathers down one of my favorite spots in the
cosmic universe.

It i
sn’t just a cliff. It is a state of mind somewhere at the edge of town.

A
place where the coastline has fallen into the sea, leaving behind a series of rugged cliffs.

In my teens I’d often skip
school and hop on a bus to OB. There, I’d hike up to Sunset Cliffs with a sack lunch and a book, and just while the day away reading and looking out at the never-ending horizon, hoping to catch a glimpse of a surfing dolphin.

When I
’d lost my parents, I’d often come here by myself to simply forget where I was.

It was easy to get lost
in the beauty of the rough seas slamming into the cliffs only feet below me.

Liam’s
deep voice cut into my thoughts. “Now this is why I live here.”

W
e stood right on the very edge, watching the waves pounding against the rocks, seawater spraying up every which way while the cliff shook beneath our feet. “This place makes me proud to be a San Diegan.”

“
This was my haven.” My heart settled in my throat as I gazed out at the silver ocean. “I used to come here a lot. To think. To clear my head.”

“I know.”
Liam stared straight ahead, addressing the ocean as he spoke. “I used to come here a lot to get my head on square. I brought all my stress and anger along with me and chucked them right over the cliff.”

“Wait.” I
cast him a sidelong glance. “You knew I came here? And you were here, too? How come I never saw you? And why didn’t you ever say anything?”

His answer was slow in coming.
“See that alcove way up there?” He gestured toward it and I nodded. “That was my spot.”

Interesting. I
noted that it was only a stone’s throw away from my spot.

Liam
was so close, and yet so very far.

I
studied him carefully. “How come you never even said hi?”

When he finally turned to meet my gaze,
understanding filled his eyes, and his tender expression almost stole the breath from my lungs. “I sensed you wanted to be by yourself. Isn’t that why we all come here? To be alone?” Then he looked away and when he spoke again, I heard a kind of torment in his voice. “To get away from it all?”

I
fell into ponderous silence. I must have been so absorbed with my own grief that I hadn’t even realized Liam was hurting, too.

The moon was
full and glowing, and the sea sparkled below. We sat with our shoulders touching, watching the rolling Pacific waves crashing against the jagged face of the cliff.

It was so peaceful. No one else was
around and we had the entire cliff all to ourselves.

“During
a full moon,” Liam began, “and when the tide is pulled out, you can actually see the ocean floor. Most people don’t know this but twice a year a low tide will come when it’s still light out and you can walk all the way out to the caves.”

“
Really?” I wrapped my arms around my knees. “I’ve never been to the caves. What are they like?”

“I’ll take you there some
day so you can see for yourself.” His voice was steady but his eyes looked sad. “I took my mom to the caves once and she really loved it …” he trailed off and seemed to lapse into his own thoughts.

It was then that I realized how much Liam must miss his mom.

My own thoughts went to my parents and my heart instantly cinched into a tight knot.

I remembered how the bottom
had dropped out of my world when the cops came to our house and informed me of the accident.

It was four
years ago when I’d lost them, but sometimes the pain was as fresh as if it were yesterday.

I remembered
so vividly Mom’s infectious laughter and Dad’s infinite patience with me.

They
taught me so much … to love until it hurts and to be true to myself.

As
I gazed up at the stars peppering the endless sky, I smiled to myself for Mom told me that while I should reach for the moon, I should also take joy in the stars I see.

But Mom wasn’t at all like frosting … so sweet
it made you sick. She was a regular mom and we were a regular family.

L
ike most siblings, Julian and I got along swimmingly at one moment and were in each other’s hair the next. And whenever we got into scuffles, Mom would yell, “If you two are going to kill each other, please do it outside. I just finished cleaning the house.”

Even
today, the house is always spotless because Mom taught me the value of keeping a house in order.

A house that was now empty except for me.

Tears pricked my eyes and I inhaled the salty ocean breeze as the grief threatened to suffocate me.

The hardest thing
about losing them was the fact that the world still goes on without them. The waves keep pounding against these cliffs. The full moon keeps pulling the tide. The seasons keep changing. And I’m supposed to just keep on living life.

I scooped
a handful of sand, letting it trail through my fingers. As I sat there licking my wounds, I heard Dad’s voice in my head, reminding me that while I should always think for myself, I should also leave room for the thoughts of others.

Scooping
another handful of sand, I watched the tiny grains slipping through my fingers … watching my parents slipping away from me.

And
I had this strange sort of epiphany. Maybe my parents weren’t slipping away. I didn’t really lose them for I carried a part of Mom and Dad inside me … little sand castles of their souls. It was almost as if the personage of my parents did not die.

Following the expanding momentum of
the waves rippling across the ocean, Mom and Dad had been given a prolonged life beyond its origins through what they had taught me, and through the love and lessons they had shown me.

“Liam?”
I said suddenly.

“Yeah?”

Gathering myself, I met his patient gaze.
“Do you talk to your mom?”

“I do.”
His eyes lit up and he smiled. “All the time.”

“And your dad?”

“Never.” His words came automatically and his smile disappeared.

The oc
ean breeze ruffled his hair and as I sat there gazing at him, I realized just how much I cared about him. How much I cared about his happiness. And because I understood how it felt to have the foundation you built your life on ripped away, I owed it to Liam to help him see past their differences. After all, they were father and son.

A broken family, but
still
they were family.

And now that I
had my opening, I acted on it. “You need to see your dad, Liam. God forbid if something ever happened to you when you go back to Iraq, you don’t want to have any regrets. Do you know how many times I’ve wished there was a phone line to heaven just so I can talk to Mom and Dad for one last time. For just a few minutes to tell them how much they mean to me. How much I love them.”

Liam’s face took on a depressingly shuttered look.
Long seconds passed before he spoke. “I don’t love my dad, Viv. I don’t have the same relationship you had with your parents. I feel nothing for him.” He met my gaze, unblinking. “Nothing at all.”

“But, Liam.” The hope in my
voice slowly turned to pleading. “He’s your
dad
.”

“
Viv.” He exhaled a clipped sigh. “You’re a good person. A good,
good
person. So it’s only natural that you approach the world with your inborn optimism. You have an enormous heart, and when you love, you love purely, you love with everything in you, and you expect the same intrinsic love from others. But not everyone loves that way, Viv. Not everyone sees the world the same way you do.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “Some people are just
fucked
.”

“
People make mistakes …” I spoke carefully, fully aware that I was dredging up painful memories, and treading very closely to an old wound. “But have you ever thought about forgiving him?”

“No.”
His voice was firm and a small muscle tightened in his jaw. “Look, I know it’s only human that people make mistakes. But to forgive over and over and
over
again goes against all that is human. It goes against all logic. It goes against everything that is rational.”

“What about your grandmother?
” I decided now would be a good time as any to bring her up. “She’s been calling the house every day. And she tells me you won’t answer your cell phone when she calls. Why won’t you speak to her?”

He lifted his face toward the direction of the cool breeze and let out a forced sigh. “She’s
always sided with my dad. Not once did she believe my mom.”

“Then help her understand.
” The calm in my voice was strained around the edges. “Before you go back to Iraq, you want to know that you have said everything that you need to say, and that you have said it to everyone who needs to hear it.”

He didn’t answer.
A moment passed, then another, and still he remained silent.

I
watched him in the silver moonlight, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

“
Come here,” he said at last, reaching for me and drawing me closer. “How can you not have a love affair with this place?” He smiled at me, and our eyes lingered on each other for a moment. “Or
at
this place?” he added, desire and heat comingling in his gaze.

“Here?”
I said with some surprise.

I
knew he was trying to deflect, but I saw a raw vulnerability in him that I’d never seen before. So for now at least, I chose to go with the flow. “You want to do it right
here
?”

“Near here.
” He brought his hand around the nape of my neck and rested his forehead against mine. “Wasn’t sex in the car on your list?”

Before I could even formulate a reply,
Liam leapt to his feet and scooped me up into his arms, startling a laugh out of me. I held on for dear life, squealing into the wind, scattering laughter in the breeze behind us as he charged up the trail, headed toward his bright red Jeep.

Chapter S
ixteen

Vivian

Liam cranked the Jeep into four-wheel drive, and jammed onto a sandy embankment.

When he
stalled the engine, I slipped off my espadrilles, then grabbed onto the top roll bar of the Jeep, pulling myself up so I was in a standing position.

We were
somewhat near the ocean, I surmised as I stood on the passenger seat and took in our surroundings. There were no roads or streetlights for miles and miles.

This spot w
as secluded and quiet except for the steady crashing of waves as they threw themselves upon the rocky shore.

“My secret
hideaway.” Liam tilted his face upward, fixing his dark gaze on me. “You like it?”

“It’s nice.” I
gave him a wry smile. “You bring all your other honeys here, too?”

“No.”
The tenderness in his face turned to something else, something that made me keenly aware of the cool air rushing up my legs, and my lack of underwear. “Just you.”

A burning heat rose to my cheeks
. “So.” I cleared my throat twice. “Aren’t you gonna join me up here?”

He said nothing, but he continued watching me.

Under his heavy gaze, my knees felt unsteady and I had to grip the roll bar for support. “Come on up here and check out the view.”

“I like the view from down here,
” Liam said without expression.

My heart skipped a beat.
Even as I looked away, I could still feel his eyes upon me.

I felt his heated stare as surely as any touch.

As I inhaled the sweet midnight air that mingled with the sharper tang of the sea, my lightweight silk chiffon skirt danced in the ocean breeze.

When I glanced down, I caught
Liam staring right up into my skirt.

His
gaze was so searing it shook me to the core.

I suddenly felt very exposed
, and utterly aroused.

Pleasure unfurled across my skin as his
warm palms smoothed up my legs, travelling in unhurried thoroughness, caressing my calves, my knees, my thighs, before slowly smoothing back down.

Sighing, I closed my eyes, feeling t
he Pacific winds caressing my skin as his palms smoothed up my legs again, his fingers brushing against my inner thighs before sliding back down to my ankles.

A throaty moan escaped
my parted lips as he continued smoothing his palms up and down the length of my legs, his fingers stroking the slope of my inner thighs, his barely-there touches leaving me longing for more.

At last h
is hands slid higher. Higher. And higher still. I panted with anticipation but his palms only curved over my bare bottom before they slid back down.

My
pelvis arched toward him in an instinctive invitation, and this time when his hands slid up my legs, he was close.

So close.
So
very
close.

My nipples tightened to sensitive buds
beneath my shirt and my skin was alight with anticipation.

Alas
he did not drift close enough.

A quiver started from the top of my spine and travelled all the way down to my toes as every inch of my skin gained pleasure from his
rousing touches.

It was as if my whole
world and my entire existence narrowed around the feel of his hands on my fevered skin.

It was all I could focus on. Nothing else mattered.

Pleasure built, scorching between my thighs and when he finally cupped me
there
, I rocked against the heel of his palm, desperate for release.

And release me he did.
But it wasn’t the release I had been hoping for.

He cupped my ass and then released his grip, his
hands sliding down to my ankles and then moving back up to my inner thighs, but never getting close enough.

It was exquisite. It was torture. It was exquisite torture.

Suddenly, his hands stopped their leisurely wandering.

My eyes
snapped open and I stared down at him, disoriented by the sudden loss of his touch. Between labored breaths, I found him kneeling on the passenger seat, spreading my legs apart so I was open wide for him to peruse.

Only then did
he look up, holding my gaze for one heart-stopping moment.

Emotion, raw and intense
filled his eyes.

T
hen he brought his mouth close to my pussy, parted his lips and blew his minty hot breath where I was most sensitive.

Gasping, I gripped
onto the roll bar for support as he feathered my skin with his breath, the sharp hints of spearmint adding to my heightened sense of pleasure.

He inhaled
deeply, his breath warm against my skin, and then he exhaled, blowing cool air up my sex. The tingling sensations, hot then cold, sent tiny sparks racing through me.

Liam was relentless.
He began alternating between sucking my clit, and blowing a steady stream of cool air up my sex.

I
gasped again, gripping the roll bar so tightly my knuckles turned white.

And when
he started kissing my pussy, my knees nearly dissolved.

For he
didn’t just kiss my pussy, he
French kissed
my pussy.

His mouth
, hot and insistent, enclosed my whole labia and his wet tongue swirled around my clit as he gently sucked my pussy lips between his moist lips.

I gazed down, panting
for breath. The sight of Liam’s head moving between my quivering thighs, my flesh drenched with my arousal as he French kissed my pussy, just as if he were French kissing my mouth, it was so erotic it almost sent me over the edge.

But I held back
, and I held on to the roll bar.

A low moan escaped me
as Liam deepened the kiss. His scorching tongue swirled around and around my clit all while his wonderful lips suctioned my pussy completely into his mouth, sucking and swirling, sucking and swirling, all at the same time.

Desire snapped through every nerve ending in my body and
I could not hold back the primal cry that curled up from my throat.

Suddenly
Liam stopped and I whimpered at the loss of his lips.

And
the loss of his tongue.

And
the loss of his lips again because they bore repeating.

They felt like sweet minty heaven on my pussy lips.

A roughish grin tilted the corner of Liam’s mouth. “Sweetheart, you’re loud enough to wake the dead.”

In his eyes I read approval
and something else which made my heart beat faster.

Flushed with arousal, I
slackened my grip on the roll bar.

“Don’t,” Liam
whispered fiercely. “Don’t move. Stay right where you are.”

Then he sat back on his haunches and
reached into his pocket for his packet of mints. “Double the mint.” He popped two mint strips in his mouth. “Double the pleasure.”

His tongue darted out to lick his lips before he leaned forward and
blew a steady stream of cool air up my pussy.

My skin tingled between my thi
ghs and I felt a throbbing ache in my pussy.

An ache so
sharp and so deliciously acute.

Breathing heavily
, I let my head roll back.

My breath hitched when
another sharp sensation swept over me.

When I looked down, Liam’s
lips were closed around my clit and he was gently humming, making Mmmmm sounds in smooth and steady tones, sending spine-tingly vibrations up my sex.

Rocked by a fierce surge of pleasure, m
y inner thighs quivered, and I writhed and twisted helplessly, slick with moisture.

So much moisture. On and on it continued seeping out of my sex.

Then the humming stopped.

The wind picked up, whipping my chiffon skirt around my thighs and the next thing I knew Liam was cupping
my ass with both hands and lapping up my juices, his tongue cool and sharply minty, driving me mindless with pleasure.

The
tangy sea breeze in my face, the wind blowing up my skirt and the silky chiffon fabric caressing me between my exposed thighs, both cooling and inflaming me, all while Liam lapped at me greedily with his ice-minty tongue, it all became too much.

All my senses caught on fire
.

White-knuckled,
I gripped the roll bar as tightly as I could.

Awash in sensations, m
y inner muscles contracted and I came so fiercely the climax jolted my hips.

Still
Liam wouldn’t stop. Even as I bucked against his mouth, his lips molded over my drenched folds, sucking on my labia, his tongue plunging deeper and deeper, devouring me until the violent shudders claimed my body and clouded my vision.

With a
final sweep of his tongue across my clit, Liam shifted his weight and rolled back onto his seat.

At last,
I slackened my grip on the roll bar and collapsed into a heap on the passenger seat.

The strong winds had died down to faint breeze.

Breathless and completely spent, I sat there panting, my lungs working to suck in more air as my pussy pulsed between my thighs.

As
I felt my intimate muscles begin to relax, I let my head roll to the side, gazing at Liam heavy-lidded, my languid body still tingling with pleasure.

I swallowed
. Liam was watching me, his heated stare focused on the rise and fall of my breasts beneath my cotton shirt.

The button on his j
eans was unsnapped, his zipper undone, and he was pumping his shaft. “Touch yourself for me,” he rasped.

An unbearable heavy ache settled in my breast
s. Wordlessly, I lifted my arms and drew my shirt up over my shoulders.

“I love y
our sweet tits. They’re perfect.” His voice was full of longing. “Touch them for me.”

His
words gave me a head rush.

His
liquid brown eyes followed my every movement as I cupped the soft swells of my breasts and gently thumbed my nipples to stiff, aching peaks.

As he watched me, he gripped
his erection, working his thick, hard length.

Encouraged by the
raw desire in his eyes, I gently lifted my breasts and bent down to suckle one of my nipples, drawing on it until it pulled and elongated inside my mouth.

Liam
’s breathing grew more rapid as he worked his cock with increasing speed.

Letting my eyes drift shut
, I swallowed a moan as I drew my nipple deeper, closing my lips over my areola, suckling harder.

Unexpectedly
, I felt this moist and delicious warmth encasing my other breast.

M
y eyes snapped open, wide and unfocused.

Liam’s mouth
was fastened onto my other breast, suckling my heated flesh, tonguing my pebbled nipple until it grew rigid inside his mouth.

I
swallowed another moan deep in the back of my throat as I resumed suckling on one breast while Liam feasted on the other.

His
mouth, his lips, his tongue was pure ecstasy and having both my breasts suckled simultaneously was so erogenous it almost hurtled me into a shattering climax.

Too soon
, he tore his lips from my breast, breathing heavily.

Words were unnecessary as
he scooped me up and spread me out in the backseat of the Jeep.

Pushing
to his feet, he began stripping out of his clothes, the muscles in his abdomen shifting and rippling as he removed his shirt.

I
reclined into the backseat and splayed my thighs, watching him.

As if by their own will, my fingers began moving over my clit, massaging the swollen bud
. I admired the prominent cords of the muscles in his biceps and forearms as he divested himself of his jeans, and lastly, his boxer briefs.

He
was magnificent … lean and tight, so hard everywhere and yet so beautifully contoured.

Wide shoulders that tapered down to a long
, sculpted torso and hollowed abdomen.

As my gaze slid downward, my breath hitched
.

His cock
was long, thick, and hard like forged steel, the broad mushroom head glistening with moisture.