Waiting for You (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (24 page)

“No, not with this. I have to deal with it by myself.”

“Well, too bad. I’m staying.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’ll have to pick me and the chair up, lock, stock and barrel, and throw us out then.” She noticed his clothes. “Why are you dressed in shorts and a T-shirt?”

“I’m going to play basketball with the Sundowners tonight.”

“I didn’t know they had a game.”

“They have lots of games you don’t know about,” he snapped.

“And that you don’t go to because of me?”

“Don’t start, Dana. This isn’t about us.”

Now that made her mad. He was purposely pushing her. “Isn’t it? Okay, then let me come to the game with you. I’ll watch from the sidelines.”

He raised his eyes to the ceiling as his fists clenched. “No!” he shouted. “I don’t want to have to worry about if you’re comfortable, if you need something. I just want to take care of myself.”

Shocked at his outburst and the import of his words, Dana wheeled back from him. Then he stalked to the dinette, which faced the foyer, and grabbed his gym bag from the floor. “I’m leaving.” He tossed her keys. “Lock up when you go. I have a spare set.”

Dana watched openmouthed as he left by way of the garage.

She hadn’t expected him to totally ignore her.

She’d never seen this side of Joe.

The situation made her feel as if she didn’t know him. And that kicked into all her insecurities and led her to wonder if she couldn’t trust him.

“No, he’s right; this isn’t about us,” she told herself, sitting alone in Joe’s house.

I don’t want to have to worry about if you’re comfortable, if you need something. I just want to take care of myself.

Then again, maybe it was.

o0o

Since the game didn’t start until seven, Joe took several laps around the high school gymnasium to warm up. He kept increasing his speed as he rounded the perimeter of the court so he wouldn’t have to think. A young boy was dead. Someone he cared about. From there, his mind drifted to other facts of his life. His dad, someone he loved like no other, had died, too. And his partner had been killed five years ago in a drug bust. Life sucked. It was unfair.

He remembered something in his dad’s letters.
You have to go on son, no matter what the loss. And don’t close yourself off because you’ve been hurt. You try to do that now, and I hate seeing it. Don’t grow up that way.

The words didn’t sink in. Joe was sick of loss, sick of always going on despite the way his heart was tearing in half.

Eventually, his mind turned to Dana. He’d been a shit to her tonight. She’d come over to help him, and he wouldn’t let her in. Which was totally unfair. As she’d said, he’d forced himself on her once, in like circumstances, and she’d allowed it. But he couldn’t do the same tonight. What did that say about him and relationships? He and Leona had blown it for a variety of reasons, mostly their lack of communication. Maybe Joe wasn’t capable of lasting relationships.

One of his team members called to him, “Hey, Joe, stop wearing yourself out.” Luckily, he was drawn from his dismal thoughts and saw everyone had arrived and the game was ready to start.

Because of his six-foot-plus height, Joe was a forward, but he was scrappy. He was on the first team to go in with two other guys and two women, both of whom were stellar athletes. Susan was point guard. Jim, another guy, got the tip to Joe, and he quickly hurled the ball to her. Running fast down the court, parallel to Susan, he reached the basket just as she did, and flanked by two guards, she bounce-passed the ball to him. Joe went in for an easy layup.

“My man,” she said, high fiving with him. Her cheeks were ruddy and she was smiling.

They played for ten minutes, then the coach, a retired PE teacher, subbed in. Joe found himself next to Susan on the bench. “Ten points in as many minutes,” she said, head-locking his neck. “My hero.”

He patted her arm.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. Really good.” At least he didn’t think about anything when he was playing.

“You haven’t been to many events lately.”

“I know.”

“You could bring her even if she doesn’t play.”

Please, let me be here for you…

He could have. He should have. Jesus, he couldn’t do
anything
right.

The ref’s whistle cut off their conversation and his rumination. Someone had fallen and the coach said, “Go in, Moretti,” as the player limped off the court.

While he set up, he tried to block from his mind how unfair he’d been to Dana, especially when she’d come to trust him. Sick of analyzing every fucking thing in life, he threw himself into the play where he didn’t have to dwell on anything.

o0o

At ten, Dana wheeled into Joe’s house again. She’d gone for a drive, checking out places where Joey might be playing, but when she’d caught sight of his van at the police academy, she’d stayed in the car and studied it. Should she go in? Did he really need to deal with her, or worse yet, make a scene in front of his friends? After ten minutes, she’d decided to leave, had driven back to his house and let herself in. Sighing, she grabbed a glass of wine from the fridge and wheeled into the bedroom. She'd climb into bed and wait for him.

Ten minutes later, she realized she had a problem—she had to use the bathroom. There were ways to tackle this, of course; one of the first things they learned in rehab was how to deal with inconveniences. But she always found situations like this humiliating. Still, if she was going to wait for Joey, she had no choice.

 She wheeled her chair over to the entrance to the bathroom, locked the chair, put the arms down and moved the pedals out of her way. Carefully, she lowered herself to the floor, thanking God for the muscles she’d developed. Then she slid on her belly to the toilet, using her arms to propel herself, and managed, with the help of the tub and vanity, to raise herself onto the toilet. Exhausted, and mortified, she sat and peed. Then, she got to the bed the same way. For a minute, tears threatened, but she battled them back. She hated the harsh reminder of her situation, but she’d done it for Joey.

He came in at midnight. She was still awake, of course, and heard him make his way to the bedroom. From the doorway, he cocked a hip on the jamb and said, “Dana, whatareyou doin’ here?”

“Waiting for you.”

“Fuck! I don’t need this. I feel like enough of a shit, leaving you alone earlier.”

“It’s okay.”

“Is not.”

It was then she realized he was slurring his words. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Some. I went to a bar downtown with my friends. I didn’t drive home, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m worried about
you
. Why don’t you come to bed?”

He crossed to her. Sat down. Smells of stale beer and smoke, for God’s sake, wafted over to her. “I’m not good at times like this, Dana. I need to be alone.”

She told herself not to push. But she couldn’t help it. She was thinking about him with all those female Sundowners, who had nubile bodies, on the court, at the bar. “You weren’t alone though, Joe. You wanted to be with your friends.”
And not me
was the unspoken part. But at least she didn’t say that.

He stared at her a moment, then his face crumpled and he fell into her arms. Deep wrenching sobs wracked his body. She held him, let him cry out his feelings, murmured nonsense words. Never in her life had she seen a grown man, a strong man, sob like this. When he was done, she drew back.

He shocked her by crawling over her and stretching out on the bed. “I’m crashing.”

“That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Please Dana, I won’t be able to face you in the morning. Would you just leave?”

If he’d barked the directive as an order, she might have reacted differently. But the words were much more powerful and piercing because of their pleading tone. She’d thought she was doing the right thing by coming back, staying here, but maybe not.

Again, she was hit by how she didn’t know this Joe. Didn’t really like this Joe. And combined with Ruth’s news about Jeremy’s unyielding demands, Joe’s admonishment did the trick.

She swiveled on the bed, grabbed her clothes and dressed. Leaving Joe’s T-shirt on, she got in her chair and left Joe’s house.

Just like he’d asked her to.

Chapter 15

Dana didn’t sleep much the night Yancy died. She lay awake thinking about what had happened to the poor boy, how it affected Joe and how he’d reacted in the aftermath. She began to see more clearly that he was entitled to handle his feelings in his own way. Yet, the fact that she’d let him comfort her after the fire incident at Bergman’s, and he was unyielding about letting her help him, brought out all kinds of insecurities. Was she investing too much in him? Was she trusting too much?

Part of Dana’s anxiety was due to Ruth’s news—she hated that Ruth thought she had to choose between Dana and Jeremy. Though she was scared to death of losing Ruth, Dana agreed with Jeremy. And it was a choice no woman in love should have to make. So where, in all of this, was the independent Dana who could survive on her own? At dawn, those thoughts drove her from her bed.

The day didn’t get any better. Ruth was depressed, Jeremy hadn’t called and neither had Joe. He was away at a workshop, but still, he could have texted or emailed her. Both she and Ruth went home exhausted, shared a pizza and retired early. But Dana thought long into the night about her life. The situation with Ruth demanded Dana show independence from her. In any case, Dana needed to get some of that back, the kind she’d had when she’d been a dancer. And who knew what to make of Joey’s behavior? The sting of rejection stayed with her.

She awoke early Saturday morning and after dressing and eating, she went on the internet and clicked into the Rockland commercial–real estate site. The space next door to her studio was still available. She emailed the agent asking for information and a meeting. That done, she waited until nine and called the owner of a nearby studio, whom she respected and admired. Her place had recently gone under because, in this economy, enrollment was too low to keep her dance school afloat. Judith Bright answered on the second ring.

“Hi, Judith. It’s Dana Devlin.”

“Hey, congratulations on the NBD award. I’m totally envious.”

“Thanks for saying that. Though the notoriety has posed some issues, I’m afraid. I’ve decided to expand the studio, and I’m going to need some help with the process while I concentrate on keeping my studio open at the same time.”

“Really? What can I do?”

“Come work with us. Be in charge of the new space. After we expand, if you like being part of our team, you can stay on since there’ll be so much to do and so much more need for instructors. Or if you want to go back to retirement, you can do that, too.”

“What about Ruth?”

“This is more than either of us can handle. And I’ve tied up her life too much already. Want some time to think about this?”

“Hell, no. I’d love to work with you. You know how I’ve always respected the professionalism and skill of your dancers.”

“Likewise, which is why I’m making the offer.”

After arranging a meeting with Judith next week, Dana clicked off and found another internet website. This one was entitled Home Health Care Aides. She read all the options open to her for physical therapy workers and masseuses. There were legions, which was encouraging.

After she completed all her tasks, Dana felt better. Okay, so she was doing the right thing for Ruth. And as far as Joe was concerned, she wasn’t going to act rashly because of his one-time behavior, but it remained in the back of her mind that maybe she had jumped too fast into the relationship. In any case, it was time to concentrate more on her work.

o0o

Totally chagrined at his behavior Thursday night, Joe didn’t contact Dana while he was away, because he wanted to apologize in person. So he showed up at her house early Sunday morning, only to find Ruth home alone. He was surprised the older woman was there, because she’d been spending most of her nights with the doctor. Maybe she’d stayed home because she knew Joe wouldn’t be with Dana. “Where’s Dana?” Joe asked after he greeted Ruth.

“She went out wheeling. There’s a park down the street with a blacktop jogging path.” Ruth gave him a weak smile. “She’s trying to keep in shape for the marathon, I guess.”

Joe said, “Hmm. Mind if I wait for her?”

Unenthusiastically, Ruth showed him back to the kitchen, asked if he wanted coffee, then fixed it without saying much.

Finally Joe asked, “What’s wrong, Ruth?”

She shook her head, but the moisture welling in her eyes belied her gesture.

“Sit down with me,” he said gently.

She did. “It’s Jeremy.”

“Not going so well with the good doctor? Want me to go punch his lights out?”

“Actually, it’s going too well. He asked me to marry him.”

“Yikes. So soon?”

“Too soon.”

“You don’t sound happy about the proposal.”

“I’m not. How can I leave Dana, Joe? She hasn’t been on her own in twelve years. Since she got hurt.”

“Are you in love with Jeremy?”

“Yes, of course I am. But I don’t like him pressuring me. Or giving me ultimatums.” At Joe’s raised brows, she told him about Jeremy’s dictum that if she didn’t marry him, he wouldn’t see her. “He hasn’t called in two days.”

“I’m sorry, Ruth. Maybe he’ll calm down and see things more clearly. As for Dana, she can hire the help she needs. She’s a lot better off now than she was twelve years ago. And you can do what you’re doing now—come over mornings to help her with her routine.”

“Not necessarily. Jeremy is retired; he’ll want to travel and I have a job.”

“It does sound tricky. But surely Dana wouldn’t want to keep you from having a life separate from her.”

“No, of course not.”

Joe thought for a moment. “Did you both plan this”—he indicated the house with a sweep of his arm—“as a permanent living arrangement?”

“I don’t know what we thought. Maybe I hoped that Dana would meet someone and she’d be the one moving on. I’d move out then. Certainly not the other way around.”