Waiting for You (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (26 page)

“We often wonder why a human being like Joe was struck with such a deadly disease in the prime of his life. Joe himself wondered, too. One of his favorite phrases was, ‘Your life is never a hundred percent. There are positives and negatives for everything.’ I used to say that he got more of his share of the negatives than most. Then he’d tell me how he got Ellison for his wife—" the priest smiled at Joe’s mom “—Spence for his adopted son—” a nod to Spence “—and the light of his life, his own flesh and blood, Joey Jr., who he knew was going to grow up to contribute to society and make his mark in the world.” The priest focused on Joey. “I’m sure he’d be very proud of you, son.”

Don’t bet on it, Joe thought. His eyes were brimming and his throat clogged, but he nodded to the priest in acknowledgment. The way he’d behaved in the last week would shame his dad.

Be kind, Joey, that’s the best advice I can give you. Even if it’s at your own expense.
Well, Joe knew he hadn’t been a kind man to someone who he cared deeply about. What a shit he was!

As the priest ended his talk and prepared for communion, Joe tried to steel himself against the onslaught of emotion. He was still reeling from Yancy’s death and the horrific wake and funeral service late Monday afternoon. He hadn’t even gone out with the guys after, preferring instead to go to the track and run himself ragged. That hadn’t worked, though, because memories of Dana had surfaced from their time there. How she’d challenged him to go faster. How she’d fallen and picked herself up right away.

Finally the service ended, and he drove the girls to his mother’s house. The church women had set out a nice buffet, which was ready when they got home. Joe snagged a beer and headed out to the deck. The night was mild and crickets chirped from the bushes.

Cole found him there. His own beer in hand, he slapped Joe on the back. “This must be hard for you every year.”

“Yeah, it is. But, for a while his death was just part of the past. Then when I met Dana…I don’t know, it seemed so
present
all of a sudden. I know this is stupid. I’m a grown man. None of it should be so raw.”

“Understandable.”

“I wonder why we keep doing the service.”

“Maybe because your dad deserves to be remembered.”

Both were distracted when Spence and Annie came out a back door and disappeared around the house. They were holding hands and leaning on each other. Cole sighed. “Shit, I wish I had somebody here with me. Somebody to lean on.”

“Why don’t you, Cole? Before Ellie, you had women falling at your feet.”

“All my time’s taken up with her and my website.”

“Find somebody on there. Oh, right, you’re not over forty.”

Cole was silent.

“What?”

“I’ve checked the clients out anyway.”

“There’s probably no harm in that.” He poked his brother in the ribs. “Maybe you’ll find a cougar.”

Cole laughed, then sobered. “Where is she?”

“Who?”

“Dana. She’s conspicuously absent.”

“Didn’t ask her.” He gulped back some beer.

“Going into yourself won’t help you iron out the issues between you two.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t bullshit me. If you let her, she’d be here by your side—” he pointed to the way Spence and Annie had gone “—snuggling you like them.”

A snuggle sounded pretty damn good right now. Feeling more than he could tolerate, he let his emotions pour out. “I’m blowing it with her, Cole. We had a hell of a fight Sunday. She accused me of being embarrassed by her. Of reacting
unconsciously
to her condition.” He swallowed hard. “Hell, maybe she’s right. I was thinking today at Mass that I used to be embarrassed about Dad.”

“Are you embarrassed about Dana’s condition?”

“I didn’t think so. But her words rang true. I haven’t introduced her to my Sundowner friends or the guys from work. And I’ve had opportunity.”

“Like Joe Sr. said, nothing’s a hundred percent. Tell her you still got hang-ups from your dad.”

“That would kill her.”

Cole blew out a heavy breath. “Maybe. Maybe not if you phrase it right. Say something like you’re having issues coping with her disability and how it’s changed your life. Basically that’s the truth. She has to have expected some of that, Joe. She’s not stupid.”

“I guess.”

“Well, that’s all the advice I have, bro. Except that she’s pretty much the greatest thing that’s happened to you. Try not to lose her.” He clapped Joe on the back. “You’ve both had too much loss in your lives.”

Cole left and Joe felt even worse than he had before. How on earth had his situation with Dana gone south so fast? And the better question, did he really want to fix it?

o0o

The week had dragged by and it was only Thursday morning. Even though she’d been busy with plans for the expansion next door, Dana couldn’t help thinking about Joe at night, wondering how he was, how he was doing after Yancy’s funeral and the anniversary of dad’s death. Yet when she thought back on their fight, she didn’t believe anything she’d said to him was untrue. That probably hurt most of all. If she didn’t see him tonight, when he brought Kara—
if
he brought Kara—she was going to contact him.

She heard something out front and peeked through the window. A car had pulled up she didn’t recognize. Ah, Jeremy exited it. As far as Dana knew, he hadn’t seen Ruth since their blow up last week. Wheeling out to the entrance, she met him in waiting area. “Hello, Jeremy.”

“Hi, Dana.” He looked drawn and pale. But so did Ruth. She angled her chin and said, “Is there something I can do for you?”

“I came to see Ruth.”

“Well, it took you long enough.”

His face got even more haggard. “I said some things I shouldn’t have. I need to talk to her. Is she here?”

“Sometimes you can’t take back what you said.”

“I refuse to believe that. You can make up by getting forgiveness from the person you hurt.”

“Is that what you want? Forgiveness?”

“Yes. I hurt her with my demands.” He rolled his eyes heavenward. “And I was wrong to pressure her. It’s just that I never thought I’d find love again, and now that I have, I want her with me all the time.”

Selfishly, Dana wished Joe had uttered sentiments like that. “Then go tell her yourself. She’s sitting out back, working on some scheduling stuff.”

“Why are you being so nice about this, Dana? You could keep the status quo. Our breakup would benefit you.”

“I love Ruth like a mother. All I want is for her to be happy.”

He gave her a sad smile and left. Dana was about to follow him when Joe walked through the front door. Maybe the men had finally had some sense knocked into them.

“Hi,” he said as he faced her. “I was wondering if we could talk.”

“Hi, Joe.” He just stood there like a little boy. “Don’t you have to work today?” Usually he had regular hours.

“I took the morning off to stay with Kaelyn. She’s sick. Her mom’s with her now.”

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Emotional upset brings on stomach problems for her.”

“And was she upset about your dad’s service?”

He flushed. “Can we go to your office?”

“All right.”

Joe followed her inside and closed the door behind him. She wheeled over to the table, and Joe took a chair adjacent to her.

Drumming his fingers on the surface, he shook his head. “I’m sorry about my behavior since I found out Yancy died. Things were going so well up till then.”

Dana shook her head. “Were they Joe?”

He stared out the window. “They were going fairly well. Look, I did shut you out of things. First, I didn’t tell you about my dad. Then, I wouldn’t talk to you about him. And I cut you out of Yancy’s funeral and Dad’s service. I admit that. And I’m sorry.”

“You said that’s how you are.”

“It is. I did the same thing with my football injury, when I got divorced and when my partner died.”

“Your partner died?”

“Yes, the one before Shelly.”

Dana drew in a deep breath. “Jesus, Joe, I didn’t know about that, either.”

“I…I’m sorry. I guess I have a lot to learn, maybe some changes to make, if we go further.”

Her heart started to gallop. “If?”

“We have to decide if we think we can make it, Dana. If I can be honest about things.”

“I thought we already had that discussion. And you said you
could
do this. At the time, I told you the worst thing you could do was get into a relationship with me, then decide you couldn’t handle my disability.”

“Maybe we were naïve.”

Maybe they had been. From the outset, Dana knew a relationship with Joe wasn’t going to be easy. “All right. Start with this. And be honest. Do you think there’s a shred of truth in what I said about you being embarrassed about me with your friends and colleagues?”

He shifted in his seat and swallowed hard. Then he met her gaze. “Honestly, I don’t know, Dana. You keep throwing the unconscious mind around. How would I even know if I was?”

“Were you embarrassed about your dad’s condition?”

“Um, yeah. But I was only a kid.”

Dana felt like somebody had pierced her heart with a knife. She had to look away from him.

“Honey, I think the connection with my dad isn’t that I was embarrassed. I think my mother was right. I think your condition has brought back some of the pain and anger I felt over him. That’s why a relationship with you has been so hard for me.”

Images flashed through her mind like a movie clip: Joe talking her out of her funk after the fire, kissing her foot, telling her that the condition of her legs didn’t matter to him. And how first he’d calmed her about making love with the book questions and how tenderly he’d touched her. She almost couldn’t ask the question. “Was
any
of the understanding, the tenderness you showed me in dealing with my condition real?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been so good about my circumstances, on the surface at least. You did so much right, yet you were suffering. Did you mean any of it?”

“Of course I did. All of it.”

He looked genuinely confused. Still, she asked, “How could you have been honest if you say I called up so many difficult memories?”

“Dana the situation is more complicated than that.”

“No, I don’t think it is. You’ve had doubts all along and kept them from me.”

“All right! I had doubts.”

“From the beginning. From the very beginning.”

She could see his temper building. “Yes, I had doubts from the beginning. But there were no guarantees, Dana. From either of us.”

No, no guarantees that he wouldn’t do exactly what he’d said he wouldn’t. “I told you to be sure you could handle this, that if we fell in love, and you decided you couldn’t handle my situation, it would kill me.”

“I can handle it. I just had some human responses.”

She shook her head. A thought zipped into her mind. Thank God she was expanding the business.

“Dana, what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that we need a break from each other.”

“No, that would be the worst thing to do. I want to work on my issues together.”

She watched him as pain radiated from those gorgeous blue eyes. “I’m not sure the relationship is salvageable.”

“Do you want it to be?”

“Truthfully, Joe, I’m not sure now. I’m not sure I want to risk any more on you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I think I do.”

“Please, Dana, don’t do this to us.”

A flare of anger on her face. “I didn’t do this to us. You did.”

“By being human?”

She sank back into her chair. “I’d like you to leave.”

“What? Like this? No.”

“Leave now, before we both say things we might regret.” Her face turned vulnerable and soft. “Please.”

Confused, angry and unable to see her side, he stood. “You know, I forgave you for lying to me about your condition. I don’t see why you can’t forgive me for being human.”

“I hate how you twist things. Please, just go.”

He felt his eyes moisten. Saw hers do the same. To quell that, he summoned anger because it was easier. Much, much easier. “Fine. Maybe our relationship isn’t worth this much trouble after all.”

Joe opened the office door; out in the entry, Dana could see Ruth and Jeremy in a clinch. They shot apart.

Joes said, “Looks like you two made up.”

“Yeah, we’re going to conquer our differences so we can be together.”

“Lucky you,” Joe said, heading out. “Lucky you.”

Chapter 17

Judith Bright matched her name. The woman’s energy and enthusiasm exhausted Dana sometimes. Then again, it wasn’t tough to tire her out. One of the unfortunate side effects of losing JoeyD was that Dana seemed drained by the smallest things. That hadn’t happened since she’d gone to rehab to become self-sufficient.

“Hey, there,” Judith said, approaching her in the doorway to the new space. She’d been discussing something with the contractor on the other side of the room. “What do you think?”

“I’m amazed at how far along the renovation is.” Already, the area had been gutted, new drywall was up and the ceiling, which had been lowered years ago, was now its original height—better for dancing. Dana could see the kids leaping into the air, twirling across a hardwood floor yet to be put in, lounging in the spacious break room off the main area.

“Jimmy’s done a great job.” Something about her tone.

Dana took a bead on her. “Jimmy?”

“The contractor.” Judith’s face reddened. “Mr. Harrison.”

Jesus, Dana thought, was there something in the air?

Though it hurt to see Ruth and Judith going on with their lives, Dana smiled. “Judith, it’s okay to have…whatever you have with him.”

“He asked me out. I told him no, but in my mind I’m thinking after the place is done…” She shrugged. “I’m not getting any younger.”

Again, a phony smile.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You seemed happier when we started this whole project. Now, there’s a melancholy about you. Do you regret expanding? Hiring me?”