Walking Among the Shadows: Awakening: Revised Edition (6 page)

F
riday
afternoon, the temperature rose considerably, so we decided to walk home
instead of riding the bus to enjoy the beautiful weather. It was a pretty
lengthy walk but it was the end of the week and we were in no rush to get home.
Walking home with the sun beaming down on me felt great. I felt re-energized,
relaxed, and in control of myself. I was calm and loving it. The walk home was
fun and uneventful without any of Tony’s fans, nightmares, or Jasmine. It was a
much-needed break from the chaos that had become my life since she arrived at
Deerfield High. Back at home things were a little more hectic. My mom was
scurrying around the house trying to cook and get ready to go bowling. She
would go bowling twice a month, or that’s where she told us she was going. My
sister and I knew she’d met someone and her bowling nights were really date
nights with her new boyfriend.

The first time she told us she
would be taking up bowling about six months ago I knew she was hiding
something, Sarah did too. There could only be a few things that could make my
Mom hide something. So it wasn’t hard to figure out she was dating someone. Dad
had been gone a long time and we both understood that Mom needed a social life
too. We didn’t want her to feel ashamed or guilty about it. She was very
careful not to expose us to her adult life and we appreciated that. We knew,
but we didn’t want it paraded in front of us either. So for our appreciation
for her motherly discretion we went along with it. Sometimes, Sarah being Sarah
would make a sarcastic remark about Mom trying out for the Olympic bowling team
because of the time she puts into bowling. Her remarks would cause my mom to
freeze, looking at Sarah for anything that showed the cat was out the bag. But
then Sarah would smile and say something to change the subject, leaving my mom
wondering if Sarah knew anything.

“Bowling tonight Mom?” Sarah
asked.

“Yes baby and I’m running a
little late. Aiden, do you think you could clean the kitchen for me?”

I hated cleaning the kitchen
and washing dishes was worse than torture. But today I was in a tremendously
good mood and I blurted out, “Sure, Mom!” before I knew what I was saying.

“Oh wow,” my mom replied.
“It’s usually a fight with you.”

“It’s okay, Mom. Have fun, I
got it.”

“Mom?”

“Yes sweetie,” my mom replied
to Sarah.

“When are we going to meet
him?” Sarah asked, never looking up from the magazine she was reading. The
sound of the question coming out of Sarah’s big mouth caused an uncomfortable
feeling to take over the mood in the kitchen. My mom gasped and I just turned
away and closed my eyes. My mom hung her head down, searching for something,
anything to say. I could tell she was trying to decide whether to come clean or
keep the lie going.

She looked up and I could
sense she decided to choose the latter. I could only assume she wanted to keep
it a secret to protect our feelings. But at this point it would not be a smart
move with Sarah. I would understand but Sarah wouldn’t and Sarah doesn’t know
how to let things go. So I moved quickly to divert a disaster.

“Mom,” I blurted out, “we’ve
known for a while that you haven’t been actually bowling.”

“Oh my God!” my mom screamed.

“But…but…” I continued. “We
are cool with it. It’s cool you’re dating someone. Of course we would like to
eventually meet him, but in your own time.”

“We just want to size him up
and make sure he’s cute enough for you Mom,” added Sarah. “Because if he’s
going to be around us then we need to match. We can’t have three beautiful
people and one ugly person. We have to coordinate.”

“Ha!” My mom laughed. I could
tell she was relieved at how we were taking it and suddenly the mood in the
room lightened.

“Yes baby, he’s pretty cute.”

“What’s the mystery man’s
name?” Sarah asked.

“His name is Jason.”

“Soooo—“

“Okay,” I interrupted Sarah’s
next question. Sarah was driven by impulses and I didn’t want her making a
bigger mess than she already had. “So Mom, you get ready and I’ll clean the
kitchen and Sarah can do…well, whatever she does on her free time.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes Mom! Now go and get
ready.”

My mom smiled at me and I
could see the appreciation in her eyes. She placed her hand gently on my cheek,
smiled, and silently mouthed thank you. At that moment I felt a wave of love
come over me. Nothing mattered but seeing my mom happy and to see her appreciation
for me stepping up was a great moment for both of us. It was one of the few
times in my life when I was able to make a real emotional difference in her
life.

I waited till my mom was out
of hearing distance before I went in on Sarah.

“Sarah, what the hell was
that? Do you even know what you could have done to Mom? You are just
unbelievable at times.”

“Really, says who? You, Mom or
Manny? Whatever! Mom’s been tip-toeing around here for over six months. When
was she ever going to come clean? After a year? When they got engaged? Or
better yet when she got pregnant?”

“Sarah, don’t you dare go
there!”

“Oh yeah, I went there: ‘Oh
Sarah, Aiden, I’m going bowling tonight and by the way, I’m getting married and
having a baby!” Sarah teased while mocking our mom’s mannerisms and accent.

“Sarah, that’s not fair at
all!”

“Oh really? You were too
yellow to push Mom to come clean so I took charge. You should be thanking me
instead of trying to get on my case. Big bro, you never take charge, you just
cruise along. Well, I’m not a cruiser, I’m gonna say something. Now it’s out,
Mom feels better, and all is right in the world.”

“Sarah, you think your
no-holds-barred approach always works, but it doesn’t. Tonight was one of those
times. Yeah, you blurted it out but you didn’t see that Mom felt you were
judging her, did you? You said what you said and then you kept quiet. Not once
giving Mom the respect that she deserves. You could’ve at least said something
to ease her fear of us having a problem with her seeing someone.

Mom has been here for us since
Dad died, never complaining or neglecting us for her own personal agendas, and
that’s how you repay her?”

I could see my point was
starting to sink in with Sarah because her usual arrogant and snobbish attitude
started to disappear with every word. She began to hold her head down and play
with her fingers. She always did that when she felt really bad about something.
Which was rare so it wasn’t hard to recognize.

“You’re right, I messed that
up big time, okay? I’m sorry, I just thought…”

“You thought? Sarah, were you
even thinking?”

“Probably not, but I wasn’t
trying to hurt her feelings, not on purpose,” she whined. I have to admit, if
you hadn’t stepped in, it could have ended badly. Thanks for pulling my foot
out of my mouth.”

“Oh anytime!”

“Well! I’m heading to my room
now, big bro. Nice heart-to-heart,” she said sarcastically while exhaling
forcefully.

“I bet it was!” I snapped
back.

I decided to head to my room
as well to check my Facebook page and play some “Call of Duty” on Xbox Live
with Tony. Tony and I were breaking their backs on Xbox Live as a team. They
hated to see us log in together. My experience online wasn’t as complete as
others because I didn’t have my camera anymore. I had to get rid of my Xbox
camera a few months back because of sore losers doing crazy shit on their
cameras. The tea bagging was the last straw, so I just unplugged the camera and
tossed it out the window. About an hour into playing, my mom knocked on my door
to say she was leaving. No bowling bag or jogging outfit, she was dressed to
impress. I could sense the relief she now felt being able to get dressed for a
date instead of bowling.

“I’m leaving now.”

“Okay Mom, have fun and make
sure you’re back at a decent hour, young lady,” I teased.

“Oh, excuse me big daddy,” she
played along. “I’ll make sure I’m home before the rooster crows.”

“Seriously though Mom, have
fun and be safe.”

 “I will sweetie. Bye and look
after your sister.”

“I will.”

Saturday morning at breakfast
my mom told us she discussed the events in the kitchen the night before with
Jason and wanted to know if it was okay if he came over one day next week to
meet me and Sarah. It was kind of sudden but we agreed because it was long
overdue. The rest of the weekend was uneventful for the most part, besides the
occasional argument with Sarah. I was looking forward to Monday and the tryouts
for the football team. The prospect of being a “Deerfield High Warrior” was
exciting. Back then I didn’t want to admit that I was intrigued by the thought
of being popular. The cheering crowds, the extra attention from the girls and
all the other perks that came along with it. Yeah, I was more than intrigued,
but it went against what I believed…but again, I was a teenager and didn’t
really understand what it was to really believe in something. My only concern
was my homicidal intentions towards Jasmine. I was just praying she didn’t
decide to become a cheerleader; that wouldn’t be a good thing for either of us.

The very thought of Jasmine
being a cheerleader whisked my troubled mind away to me playing in a
championship game. I could hear the crowd’s eruptive cheers from the stands
encouraging me to run faster towards the end zone. I could smell the sweat from
my jersey; feel the grit of the soil on my arms and the turf beneath my feet. I
now imagined Jasmine on the sidelines in those short skirts with pom-poms in
both hands. Smiling and cheering me on as I run down the field towards pay
dirt. Her smile is so flirtatious and inviting, almost hypnotic. Nothing like
the smirk she gave me in that waking nightmare on the first day of school. Then
suddenly I decide to take a detour and run straight towards her with my arms
outstretched like a child running towards its mother to be wrapped in her
loving arms. Jasmine was now looking directly in my eyes, licking her shapely
lips; enticing me to come in closer for a big juicy wet kiss.

I’m now running towards her at
full speed and right before our bodies’ meet I ram my arm into her throat with
so much force she can’t even scream as she falls flat on her back gagging for
air from a broken windpipe. I’m smirking now watching her on the ground
gripping her neck and gasping for air. Laying there beautiful and helpless with
the look of fear in her eyes knowing her time had come. I became excited at the
thought of her being at my mercy with her life in my hands, or better yet her
life at my feet. I immediately began to stomp my cleats on her throat over and
over again. The crowd began cheering louder each time my cleats smashed into
her throat apparently driven wild by my depraved acts of violence. Blood was
starting to splatter all over my cleats and football uniform until I was
drenched in her blood. She tried screaming but the only thing that came out her
mouth was blood and lots of it.

 I kept going harder and
faster until she eventually stops moving. The smirk on my face was now
transformed until a full blown smile and when I  finally returned from my
imaginative stay at the Bates Motel I found myself sitting on my bed humming
and hugging myself while rocking back and forth. A warm feeling of satisfaction
came over me, the same warm feeling I got Friday walking home in the sunlight.
It felt like I was caught up in some kind of rapture. Just the thought of
extinguishing her life made me feel warm and safe; right as rain after a
scorching-hot summer’s day.

I quickly snapped out of my
morbid fantasy of murder and mayhem. What is wrong with me? Why are my thoughts
of Jasmine so violent and why did those thoughts make me feel…at peace? This
change that was coming over me was terrifying. What was I becoming and why was
she the focus of all my rage? Closing in on my seventeenth birthday and the eve
of the football tryouts, I was transforming into something so dark and evil
that looking in the mirror was almost impossible. Even my best friend was
beginning to doubt me and he knew me better than anyone. I could see the fear
and confusion in his eyes every time I would share another dark fantasy of harming
the most attractive girl at school. I knew he was terrified of the results if I
were to act out these desires. The knowledge of my sickness and him doing
nothing, would be a burden too heavy for anyone and would scar him for life. I
understood the magnitude of me sharing my transformation with him but he was my
best friend. Someone I trusted with almost everything and he trusted me with
the same. I quickly glanced around my bedroom trying to make sure that I was
back in the real world and not still trapped inside my mind. I decided to
divert my thoughts towards my upcoming birthday next week and away from my
violent thoughts.