Walking Among the Shadows: Awakening: Revised Edition (8 page)

The further she got away from
me the better I began to feel. When I finally came to myself and was able to
focus, I found myself surrounded by the entire team. Coach was kneeling next to
me with his hand on my shoulder looking over me for any injuries I may have
acquired after the total smashing the defense put on me.

“Aiden, are you okay son?”

I lied and told him I was
okay. It hurt like hell trying to speak but I had to muster up whatever dignity
I had left because at that moment, I felt lower than mold growing on crap.

I slowly stood up and made my
way off the field. I didn’t want to face the rest of the team in the locker
room and hear all the jeers and dumb comments so I decided to go straight home.
I was so confident, so sure I would get that starting spot on the roster. This
defeat was very hard to stomach because I knew I wasn’t getting that starting
position, let alone making the team. I tanked and tanked badly. Sarah looked at
me with a concern I’d never seen from her; I was expecting her to take
advantage of this to ride my nerves all the way home, punch line after punch
line. But oddly she didn’t. She told me how proud she was of me trying to
become more active in life and she was really looking forward to me doing more.

“Don’t let this stop you
Aiden,” she consoled. “It’s just one bump in the road. Plus you never know, you
might still make the team.”

I kept quiet; the
embarrassment I felt demanded that I kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t sure if I
would make the team or how this would affect my newfound popularity that I had
come to slightly enjoy. Who was I kidding? It felt awesome to be even slightly popular.
With such a devastating failure I began to question my ability to even do the
simplest tasks without tripping out.

I began to even question my
physical health after coughing up that black tar. It felt like it was poisoning
and weakening me while it was inside me. I wasn’t sure if it was all gone now,
but the burning was still there. I wasn’t sure what kind of damage it caused my
body. I was unsure about so many things besides one: Jasmine was a threat to me
and I was terrified of her. I was terrified because I didn’t know who or what
she was and whatever she was doing to me I didn’t have the power or knowledge
to fight back. I was at her mercy and I hated her for it.

There I was, retreating home
with my tail between my legs afraid to face the backlash of my failure to make
the cut. I just knew I had it and I began to understand that Jasmine’s
intentions were to ruin me, maybe even kill me. I had a feeling her arrival
right before I took to the field wasn’t a coincidence. She was toying with me.
How else could you explain that condescending smirk? How she always seemed to
show up at the worse times and leave right before I completely lost it.

Tony and I just sat in my room
staring at the wall. Both of us dazed and confused, not knowing how to discuss
the events on the field today and my chances, if any, of making the team. Tony
sighed and looked at me.

“Okay dude, I’m not gonna just
sit here in your room and say nothing. I gotta say something. So what happened
out there?”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to
bring Tony deeper into my madness with Jasmine. But he was already halfway down
the rabbit hole so I decided to pull him the rest of the way. After I described
everything I experienced on the field that day and my suspicions that Jasmine
was the reason for it all. Tony sat there looking at me with his eyebrows
raised up as far as they could go and his mouth halfway open. He just stared at
me like that for about thirty seconds.

“Wait, let me get this
straight,” Tony said with an uncomfortable chuckle. “You are telling me that
every time she comes around you, she sends you to some kind of waking nightmare
and the reason why you choked out there today was because of her? Aaaand she’s
doing it on purpose? So now she’s the threat? I thought before you were afraid
of what you might do to her, but now you are telling me you are afraid of what
she might do to you?”

“Yes!” I replied with the last
bit of the confidence I had left on reserve.

“Aiden, you are my boy and I
love you like a brother but I can’t cosign on this madness bro.”

“Tony, you didn’t see my
reaction on the field?”

“Yes, I did and it looked like
you froze up, got sick or something. Let’s be honest, it looked like you
couldn’t handle the pressure out there. That’s what I saw, that’s what Coach
Towers saw, and if we asked everyone else out there; that’s what they’ll say
they saw. No dark abyss or little demons running in the dark on the field in
broad fucking daylight, dude!”

“Really, so explain to me the
black stuff I was coughing up on the field.”

“Huh? Okay now I am sitting
here having a WTF moment with you, Aiden. I didn’t see any black stuff come out
your mouth. You were acting like you were hacking up some nasty shit but
nothing was coming up, dude. Not even spit!”

“What are you talking about? I
argued. “I was throwing up this hot black shit and when it fell on the ground
it seemed to burn it like acid. It felt like it was burning and poisoning me.”

“Sorry dude, we may have been
watching the same TV, but we were both on different channels on that field
today,” Tony sarcastically responded.

“How did she—”

“Okay, stop it! Stop it now!”
demanded Tony. His confusion had turned to terror watching me try and
rationalize my serial killer tendencies.

“You have to listen to
yourself. At first you were afraid of what you would do to her because of these
violent thoughts you were having, now you are talking like she’s a threat to
you.”

“She is! Not just to me
either, but to everything and everyone!”

“Oh really, so now she’s the
anti-Christ?”

“No, but maybe she’s some kind
of witch or something.”

“Right, Aiden and she lives in
a gingerbread house.”

“Don’t tease me Tony!” I
warned.

“I’m not teasing you; I’m
trying to show you how crazy all this sounds. What do we know? First that
Jasmine is by far the most beautiful girl either of us has ever seen. Second,
you are physically attracted and repulsed by her. I still can’t wrap my head
around the repulsed part, but to each his own. Third, her presence sends you in
a murderous frenzy that causes you to lose your grip on reality. And finally,
you are becoming mentally unstable around a girl you want but you feel is out
of your league, so instead of pursuing her like normal teenage boys do, you’d
rather hurt her for being so beautiful and unobtainable.”

“But—”

“No buts Aiden. Just think
about what I am saying to you.”

Even though I hated to admit
it, Tony had a point. But I’ve never heard of this kind of severe reaction.

“So you think I should talk to
her?”

“Hell no!” Tony screamed. “You
stay away from her, as far as possible until we figure this thing out. Aiden,
you may need to speak to a professional if this continues and gets worse. I
don’t want anything to happen to you or her.”

“Tony I’m confused, it seemed
so real!”

Tony let out a huge sigh and
buried his head in his hands. This was taking a toll on him and our friendship
and I couldn’t have that. So I decided to play along but I wasn’t fully convinced
on Tony’s logic.

“Maybe you are right,” I said.
“Maybe it’s the stress of the new school year and all the changes.”

“And the fact your mom has a
new boyfriend too!” Tony teased while waving his hands in front of his face as
if he was too hot and needed to cool off.

“Oh, don’t get me started with
that, I’d rather have violent intentions towards him.”

We both laughed at my last
comment and the mood suddenly lightened up a bit in the room. I began to feel a
little better seeing Tony was still comfortable enough around me to relax and
have a good laugh.

“Oh yeah, your mom is getting
her groove back, right?”

“You mutha—”

“What’s his name?” Tony asked,
interrupting me from finishing my curse.

“Jason.”

“Jason?”

“Yeah, Jason.”

“Does he come with a hockey
mask and machete?”

“Asshole!”

Tony started laughing while
watching me squirm at the very thought of Jason being a murderous, invincible
demon in a hockey mask dating my mom.

“Okay, so why did you even
lead your mom to believe that you were cool with it when clearly you’re not?”

“Because I want her to be
happy. My mom has been single for too long and she seems to really like this
guy…so…”

“Oh, I see, I gotta give
respect dude. Sacrificing for your mom…that’s love right there. But wait
bro…how are you going to deal with him being around?”

“I don’t know but I will be
giving him a hard time for a while to see if he’s real. Then I’ll lighten up on
him a bit. Just as long as he doesn’t try to replace my dad, I’m cool.”

“Yeah, I hate that shit too.
My mom dated this one clown a couple of years back who tried that crap.”

“Yeah, I remember him,
Reginald or something, right?”

“No fool, it was Greg.”

Tony wasn’t happy about me
calling Greg “Reginald.” Reginald was an ugly name and Greg was just as ugly as
the name Reginald and I teased Tony constantly back then because I felt that
Greg was so ugly his looks didn’t match his name. He should have been named
Reginald instead of Greg and because Greg’s parents didn’t have the guts to do
it I volunteered my services. After the comment Tony just made about Jason and
the hockey mask, it was only right I returned the favor. Payback is a bitch.

“But yeah, that fool, he tried
to pull a Cosby Show at our house. Man, I had to get him straight. He didn’t
like that and tried to be on some ‘I’m going to discipline you’ shit and
actually went and got a belt to hit me with it.”

“Oh no!”

“Hell yeah… So after he woke
up in the hospital to the beeping of the life-support machine…”

We both burst out in a
laughter that lasted well over a minute.

“Oh man dude, you are crazy,”
I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. “So I take it it didn’t work out between
your mom and Reggie.”

“Punk!” Tony protested.

“Sorry, I meant Greg. But he
did look like a Reginald.”

We both fell over laughing
again. It was moments like these that made it clear to me why Tony was my best
friend and how valuable our relationship was to me. To be able to share a
horrifying revelation one moment and then laugh uncontrollably the next was
priceless. Our friendship was a rare one and we both knew it. Nothing was worth
gambling this for; we both belonged to incomplete families with a far more
colorful history than the average but we were able to share our experiences of
pain, happiness, and insecurities.

We gathered strength from each
other to gain a more positive outlook on our future. Because we came from
broken families, according to statistics we were destined for failure. Back
then we didn’t understand how our friendship could mold our future. All it took
was one misstep; one wrong decision. But we didn’t see things that way; back
then we were the best of friends just having a good laugh….

F
riday
and my birthday rolled around before I knew it. I was finally seventeen! My mom
told me that after the age of fifteen, each year starts to feel very different
and she was right. I felt that things were going to change drastically from now
on. I couldn’t figure out if it would be for better or worse, but what I did
realize was that change wasn’t coming; it was here. Today was also the day that
I would find out if I made the team. I wasn’t getting my hopes up after my
performance in the final phase of tryouts. I still wasn’t completely convinced
that everything that happened that day was strictly in my mind, but I wasn’t going
to let Tony in on it. I’d involved him enough and I didn’t want to destroy our
friendship so I kept my doubts to myself. I didn’t like keeping it from him but
I felt it was necessary at this point. So I would just smile and behave as if
everything was fine. But I was going to get the truth about Jasmine and her
family because something just wasn’t right about her.

The time had come and more
than half the school was standing outside the coach’s office waiting for him to
post this year’s roster for the football team. I didn’t plan on showing my face
over there. No one said anything to me about my performance in the last phase
of the tryouts, but I could only imagine what they were thinking and what would
be said once the list surfaced with my name absent from it. I decided while
everyone was occupied at the coach’s office door, to head over to the library
and pretend to be in deep study. Truth is I was researching psychological
profiles of serial killers. There were some very disturbing yet similar things in
these books and I discovered my condition wasn’t rare or unheard of. Some of
the most notorious serial killers believed their victims were a threat to them.
They believed they were demons, witches, or possessed by some evil force and by
killing them in a ritualistic fashion they were releasing the tormented souls
of the possessed.

Experts really had no solid
clues as to what triggered these dark fantasies. Some theories were troubled
childhoods riddled with mental and physical abuse, but that didn’t apply to all
serial killers. The more I read the more terrified I became. It was like I was
reading how my life would turn out if I continued down the path I was headed. I
became paranoid and started feeling like everyone in the library was watching
me and they were aware what I was reading and more disturbing, why. I became
anxious and unsettled as it became harder to focus on what I was reading. It
got so bad I decided to put the books back and Google whatever else I needed in
the privacy of my room. As I began to pack up the books, I noticed the area
where I needed to put them back had suddenly gotten crowded with students
looking for books.

It seemed like they were all
just innocently looking for books, but I felt like they were waiting to see
what I’d been reading. Once my secret was discovered they would put the word
out that Aiden was transforming into a serial killer and was trying to hide it.
It seemed the longer I waited for the area to clear out, the more the traffic
grew. I had to put the books back because leaving them was even worse. So I
began to think up all kinds of excuses to explain why I was reading these kinds
of books if anyone inquired or gave me any strange looks. The best one I came
up with was research on Ted Bundy because of a special project I was given for
the National Honor Society of which I’d been a member for as long as I can
remember. Everyone knew the N.H.S. always gave its members special projects and
assignments so it wouldn’t be so far-fetched. Yeah, I think that would work. After
sitting there convincing myself that the Ted Bundy story would fly, I mustered
up enough nerve to make my move but they were still watching me.

Nosey bastards! I should carve
out their eyes and wear them as a necklace to warn others to stay out of my damned
business.

Wait! What is wrong with me?
That thought just popped into my head along with an image of myself wearing an
eyeball chain marching through the school’s hallways. I was shocked that I felt
no remorse or any hesitation that what I was thinking was wrong. Tony may be
right; I may need to see a professional. They may be able to stop me and
correct my mental breakdown before I become an active serial killer.

Being that in a few minutes I
would be the laughing stock of the school due to my major failure at getting on
the football team, I thought a few months away from here would be fine by me.
I’d rather sit on a shrink’s couch than listen to the students here talk about
my choke session on the field. I knew if I told my mom everything she would take
me out of school and as far away from Jasmine as possible. Hey she may even
send me to live with my grandparents in Spain. Suddenly, coming clean didn’t
seem all that bad. At least with a head start the doctors could help me. As I
stood up with the books in my hands, I looked up to see Sarah and Tony standing
in the library’s doorway. Seeing both of them there startled me and the books
slipped from my grasp and fell to the floor. The sound they made seemed louder
than gunfire, which was very strange because the library’s floor was covered
with carpet.

Then I swear to God, the books
started yelling.

“He’s a serial killer, look at
what he’s reading! Don’t believe the Ted Bundy story! Look at us! Look at his
books!” Louder and louder they screamed as they taunted me.

“Shut up!”

Before I knew it I was
stomping on the books as they began to laugh saying, “Told you he’s crazy, look
at him assaulting and yelling at books!”

“Shut up!” I yelled at the top
of my lungs.

“No, you shut up and fess up!”
they continued to taunt.

At this point I was in a rage
and someone had to pay. I reached down with plans to throw each book through
the library’s windows. Suddenly I felt Tony firmly grab my arm.

“Dude, what the hell?! Snap
out of it, let’s go!”

“Where?”

“To see if you made the team.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“So, you wanna stay here?”
Tony asked while drawing my attention towards everyone looking at me with fear
and disgust.

“Oh. Point well made, let’s
go.”

“Put those books back first.”

I could see Tony glance at the
titles of each book and then look at me with that worried look he gave me when
I told him I felt Jasmine was a threat. I wanted to explain but he stopped me
and rushed me out of the library.

It took a lot of pushing and
shoving to get near the board outside the coach’s office. The energy in the
hallway was explosive. I began to feel elevated and in good spirits. The
excitement in the air was electric and powerful. I felt like I could touch the
excitement, even taste it. I felt like I just drank a gallon of sunshine and
Red Bull. A smile formed across my face as I started to feel at peace and in
control. After experiencing so much disappointment and fear over the last week
I didn’t want this feeling to end. It was euphoric, and personal. I felt
directly connected to everyone in the hallway, like we all were one organism
with one goal. Tony looked at me and started laughing.

“Dude, you look like you just
got some.”

“Some what?”

And then Tony gave me “the
look”; it was the look he used every time he was referring to sex. It was the
head tilting to the right and a look of mischief and confidence.

“Oh, whatever, I just feel
great!”

“I’m glad you are better
because that scene in the library has landed on my ‘weirdest shit list.’”

“I know, but I’m good now.”

And it was true. I was good,
actually better than good. I felt like a brand-new car rolling off the assembly
line and not just any car, a Ferrari. I felt beyond any harm or fear, like a
newborn in the arms of its mother after being pulled out of the darkness of the
womb and into this world.

As the excitement continued to
build, so did my reaction. Again I found myself bombarded with feelings of
invincibility and endless possibilities at my fingertips. I felt like the world
was my oyster and I was ready to crack it open. I surprisingly found myself
feeling more optimistic about making the football team. This godlike feeling
that was moving through me was a welcome change from the shame and inadequacy I
was used to feeling. Then the door to the coach’s office opened and Mr. Towers
slowly walked out with the list in hand. The loud hall immediately fell silent,
but the energy was still there. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath in
anticipation of the contents on that list in Coach’s hand. As he does every
year, he stands there saying nothing, looking over the restless crowd, then he
smiles and turns to pin up the list on the board. Then without saying a word,
walks back in his office.

As soon as his door closed,
the crowd rushed towards the board. The students,  out of respect for Mr.
Towers, always waited until he was clear of the board and back in his office
before they charged the board. Like I mentioned before, he was an advocate for
the students and he deserved our respect. Most of the other faculty talked at
us and not to us, so in our eyes, respect wasn’t deserved or a priority. As the
crowd glanced over the list, you could hear above all the noise and chatter
yells of triumph followed by congratulations, and grunts of defeat followed by
taunting and the occasional “better luck next year.” When I looked I noticed
Sarah was already at the board looking for my name. Tony was standing next to
me, waiting for the bad news. Sarah quickly turned to face with gleaming eyes
and the widest smile I’d ever seen on her face.

“No? No!” I yelled.

She shook her head yes.
“Aiden, you made it!”

“Oh my God, no way!” I
screamed and ran towards the board.

“You’re not a starter, but
you’re second string, which is a miracle all in itself seeing how you performed
the other day,” Sarah teased.

I didn’t care, I made it; I
was a Deerfield High Warrior! My excitement was on full tilt and I just stood
there smiling. The Warriors were in their best shape in years and a lot of
sports analysts labeled the Warriors the team to watch this year.

Happy birthday to me!

Nothing mattered but this
moment. Before I knew it, the three of us were pumping our fists in the air
yelling “what!” until everyone in the hallway started to yell along. It was one
of those moments you carry with you throughout your life. When you feel like a
failure and nothing seems to go your way, you will remember moments like these.
These moments inspire miracles in all of us. They make the impossible seem
possible. Remembering moments of success and victory when failure seemed the only
option makes that loser reach for his place among the winners. This was our
moment and we celebrated with all our hearts.

T
he day
went by fast after the roster reveal and soon we were walking home talking
about all the “what ifs” and what I should expect this coming season with the
Warriors.

 “So how does it feel to be a
Warrior?”

“It feels great, man, it
really does. Hopefully I can get some playing time and show the coach my
worth.”

“Tony?”

“Yes, Sarah,” Tony sighed,
answering with stress in his voice for fear of the question he would have to
answer.

“Why don’t you play sports?”

“I do, it’s called pimping and
only champions need apply.”

“Uhh! Tony, sometimes you can
be such an infant,” she complained.

“Hey, you asked.”

“I’m sorry I did now!”

“Good! Next time you’ll stay
out my business!”

“Good luck with that,” I
laughed.

Sarah rolled her eyes and
walked ahead of us.

“Now Aiden, what was that in
the library?”

“Dude, don’t ask, let’s just
leave that alone for now. I don’t want to be brought down right now.”

“You’re right bro, my bad.
Let’s bask in your victory and look forward to tonight’s festivities.”

“Is everything in order?”