Warm and Witty Side of Attila the Hun (13 page)

Read Warm and Witty Side of Attila the Hun Online

Authors: Jeffrey Sackett

Tags: #Humor

 

One of the most tantalizing mysteries in History is the connection between the ancient Hebrews and the ancient Egyptians. The Biblical record preserves a lengthy tradition of interaction between the two: Abraham's grandson Joseph being sold into slavery in Egypt, and then rising to the rank of what today would be called prime minister; his brothers and father (Jacob, nicknamed Israel) moving to Egypt and prospering there; a new pharaoh "who knew not Joseph" reducing the Hebrews to
slavery; the male babies of the Hebrews being massacred to reduce their numbers: and Moses, a
Hebrew raised by Egyptians, leading them by God's command out of Egypt to Mt. Sinai to receive the Law, and then to the promised land.

When read through the eyes of faith, all of this is historical fact. When read with a more critical eye, it raises, well, tantalizing questions, and the possible answers to these questions raise more questions still.

Question one: how could a slave like Joseph rise to become an important and powerful government official? Unlikely. However, the Hebrews were a Semitic people, and in 1760 BC Egypt was conquered by the
Hyksos
(Egyptian for "shepherd kings"), who were themselves Semites. These Semitic foreigners ruled Egypt for the next few centuries, a fact that gives some
plausibility to the idea that a Semite of humble origins like Jacob could conceivably have advanced
his position as an ethnically related late-comer to the new ruling class.

Question two: were the Hebrews enslaved by the Egyptians? The
Hyksos
were expelled by the Egyptians in 1560 BC, and a new native dynasty took power ("there arose a new pharaoh
who knew not Joseph"). It would be a natural consequence that after the
Hyksos
were expelled
their Hebrew allies would be enslaved.

Question three: was Moses a Hebrew raised by Egyptians? Was there an Egyptian
massacre of Hebrew babies? Who knows? But one thing is certain: "Moses" is not a Hebrew
name. It was an Egyptian name, and not an uncommon one at that. And on an ancient Egyptian
stele, the so-called
Menerptah
Stele, are carved the words "Israel is desolate, his seed is not."

Question four, and this is the big one: what connection, if any exists between Moses,
monotheism, and ancient Egypt? The Egyptians were polytheists, were they not? The surprising
answer is that for a brief period of time, at least officially, they were not.

In somewhere around 1350 BC,
Amenhotep
IV succeeded to the Egyptian throne, and embarked upon a religious revolution that nearly destroyed the country. He proclaimed that there was only one God (capital G used intentionally here), and that his name was Aton. All other gods
were false gods, including Amen, whose name was in his own, so he changed his name from
Amenhotep
to Akhenaton. Aton was represented in the art of the era (called the
Amarna
Age from the name of the new capital city) as the solar disk, but this was more than simple sun
worship. The power of God gives life, and in
Amarna
art the rays of the sun, holding the
ankh
(the loop-topped cross that was the hieroglyph for "life"), beam their salutary power down upon the earth. The sun
shines everywhere, upon everyone. Therefore God is the father of all men, all men are brothers,
and warfare is a sin.

This, of course, constituted an open invitation for Egypt's enemies to invade her, which
they did. Akhenaton died (he was probably assassinated) around 1335 BC, and it took years for a general (later pharaoh) named
Horemheb
to beat back the Hittites, but even then when peace was restored Egypt had permanently lost Syria.

The interesting thing about these events is that they occurred at about the same time as the Exodus. We do not know precisely when the Exodus happened, though it would require a very limited historical perspective to maintain that nothing like it ever happened at all. If we accept the early date for the Exodus, say around 1450 BC, then the monotheism of Moses may have influenced Akhenaton; if we accept the late date, say around 1250 BC, then the
monotheism of Akhenaton may have influenced Moses. (In his book
Moses and Monotheism,
Sigmund Freud speculated that Moses was a priest of Aton who, after Akhenaton's death, got the
Hebrews to accept monotheism in exchange for being freed of Egyptian slavery.)

But whatever the connection was, there definitely
was
a connection. A man with an
Egyptian name establishing the rudiments of a monotheistic theology among a people enslaved in Egypt at a point in time around which an Egyptian king established an abortive monotheistic regime cannot possibly be a coincidence.

One final tantalizing piece to the unsolved and unsolvable puzzle:

The ruins of Akhenaton's capital city,
Akhetaten
, now called Tell-al-
Amarna
, were
excavated early in this century. Among the written records recovered in cuneiform on baked clay
tablets and in hieroglyphs on papyrus scrolls and wall carvings was a hymn of praise to Aton written, if not by Akhenaton himself, then by his priests. As the archeologists transcribed and translated the hymn, it began to seem strangely familiar to them.

Eventually they understood why. The Hymn to Aton is in the Bible. It is incorporated
into Psalm 104.

MISCELLANEOUS STORIES ABOUT
 
INTERESTING PEOPLE
 

As a survivor in a time of political turmoil, no one can even begin to match the record of
Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord (1754-1837.) He was a major figure in French
diplomacy both as an ambassador and as foreign minister, in the last days of the Old Regime of
Louis XVI, during the
Jacobin
Republic
and the Reign of Terror, under the Consulate and the Empire of Napoleon, during the Bourbon Restoration in 1814, and in the overthrow of that restoration in 1832. At every step along the way, through intimidation, embezzlement, and solicitation of bribes, he emerged more powerful, wealthier, and more secure than before.

One reason for his ability to survive was his remarkable aplomb. When, for example, a
conspiracy aimed at overthrowing the emperor began among members of the French government after Napoleon's defeat at the 1813
Battle of Leipzig, Talleyrand, sensing the direction of the wind, joined it. But Napoleon found out about the conspiracy and sent soldiers to round up the conspirators.

He lined them up and interrogated each one in turn, and each one in turn, terrified for his
life, denied any part in the conspiracy. When Napoleon came at last to Talleyrand and demanded to know if the foreign minister had been conspiring against his emperor, Talleyrand looked calmly at the faces of the others, and then asked Napoleon, "Conspiring with whom,
Sire?"

 

Genius has been defined as the possession of a mind that works so differently from the norm that mere mortals such as we cannot begin to fathom what goes on in there. The term is usually applied to giants of mathematics and science, but it can also certainly be applied to some of
the greatest artists, Michelangelo
Buenarotti
being on the top of the list.

Michelangelo came into possession of a twenty-foot tall rectangular block of pure white marble which, after time and great effort, he transformed into his monumental statue of David.
When an admirer expressed astonishment that so magnificent a work of art could be carved from
the massive pillar of rock, the artist demurred. "You do not understand," Michelangelo said. "The statue was already in there, present in the block of marble. All I did was to remove the extraneous stone."

 

The Enlightenment was an intellectual, philosophical, and scientific movement which
dominated the western world throughout the 18
th
century, and two of its towering figures were the Frenchman Voltaire and the American Benjamin Franklin. Their essays were avidly read on both sides of the Atlantic; both were contributors to Diderot's
Encyclopedia;
Voltaire's dramas,
Franklin's
Poor Richard's Almanac,
Voltaire's travels in England, Franklin's scientific
experiments, Voltaire's residence in Berlin as a guest of Frederick the Great, Franklin's role in America's revolutionary Congress ... all of these things were well known to the intellectuals of
France.

Thus it was that when Franklin was sent to Paris by Congress in late 1776, and Voltaire returned home from exile in early 1778, the anticipated moment of their meeting was eagerly anticipated. That moment came in March of that year. Voltaire's play,
Irene,
was being performed in Paris, and both men were in attendance, though neither knew in advance that the
other would be there. The entire audience, however, seems to have been better informed, and the
tension in the theater as the anticipated meeting drew nigh was palpable.

Franklin and Voltaire were both seated in the balcony, but on opposite sides of the
theater. Silence descended upon the hall as the 72-year-old Franklin slowly made his way toward
the frail 84-year-old Voltaire. After what seemed a seemingly interminable time, Franklin came to Voltaire's seat, and held open his arms. Voltaire, with assistance, rose to his feet, and
embraced Franklin.

The theater erupted into a cacophonous pandemonium of cheers, cries, and shouts. "It
was," one observer recalled, "as if the gods of the Enlightenment had descended from heaven to
grace us mere mortals with the magnificence and the benevolence of their beings."

 

There is no dissent from the consensus of opinion that Albert Einstein, a German Jew who fortunately left
Europe
before the Second World War, was the greatest mathematician and
physicist since Isaac Newton. His Theory of General Relativity posited a new concept of gravity,
namely that it is the curvature of space around mass. If this were true, then light passing close to the sun would be curved, i.e., its trajectory would be altered by the sun's massive gravitational pull. (This would also prove, of course, that energy, being subject to gravity, was interchangeable with matter.)

British astronomer Arthur
Eddington
was able to prove the theory when, during a total eclipse of the sun in 1919, he recorded the positions of the stars and noted that their expected positions had changed. In other words, stars that would ordinarily be invisible during the day
were visible during the eclipse; but the gravitational force of the sun had bent the trajectories of their light. This is an interesting moment in the history of science, but a comment made by Einstein before the eclipse is not only interesting; it speaks volumes about European conditions after the First World War.

"If I am proven right," he said, "the Germans will say I'm a German and the French will
say I'm a Jew. If I am proven wrong, the Germans will say I'm a Jew and the French will say
I'm a German."

 

William Jennings Bryan and Henry Clay have something unpleasant in common, unpleasant for them, at least: both ran for president as the candidates of major parties three times,
and both were soundly defeated all three times, the Whig Clay in 1824, 1832, and 1844, the
Democrat Bryan in 1896, 1900, and 1908.

Clay's last bid in 1844 seemed to depend upon a popular reaction against what was
effectively sixteen years of Andrew Jackson (eight of Old Hickory himself, four of Jackson's VP
Van Buren, and four of John Tyler who, though technically a Whig, was actually just a
Jacksonian
Democrat with a personal dislike of Jackson). But when, well before the campaign began, Clay
received a message informing him that the Democrats had nominated James K. Polk, a Tennessee politician nicknamed "Young Hickory," Clay was heard to mutter audibly, "Beaten
again, by God!"

William Jennings Bryan was somewhat more affable about his defeats, by McKinley in
1896 and 1900, and by Taft in 1908. When asked how he felt after the 1908 election results were
in, Bryan said, "I feel like the drunk who gets kicked out of the saloon three times. After the third
time he picks himself up, dusts himself off, and says, 'You can't fool me. Those guys don't want
me in there!'"

 

Adlai Stevenson, Democratic governor of
Illinois
, was also defeated in his bid for the White House, though only twice, both times by Eisenhower, in 1952 and 1956. His reaction to defeat was somewhat less than gracious. When a supporter tried to console him by saying,
"Every intelligent man in the country was behind you," Stevenson, with the egocentric arrogance
unfortunately characteristic of political elites, replied, "Yes, but I needed a majority." The American people were apparently too stupid to elect him, choosing instead Eisenhower, under whom the
US
enjoyed eight years of prosperity and peace.

 

Sun
Yat-sen
, one of the great figures in the history of early 20
th
century
China
, was
frequently forced into exile because of his involvement in revolutionary activities. In London early in the century he was attending a dinner hosted by wealthy Chinese who held republican
views similar to his own, and he found himself seated beside a young, eager American journalist.
Several short speeches preceded the meal, and the journalist attempted to be gregarious in a somewhat condescending manner. When the soup was served he asked Sun, "
Likee
soupee
?" in the bizarre Pidgin English most British and Americans believed was the only way to communicate with Chinese. "
Likee
beefee
?" was followed by "
Likee
fishee
?", "
Likee
veggee
?"
and "
Likee
cakee
?"

Other books

Death on a Short Leash by Gwendolyn Southin
Cataphilia by Caitlyn Willows
The Sword-Edged blonde by Alex Bledsoe
Love.com by Cairns, Karolyn
Saved by Submission by Laney Rogers
The Motive by John Lescroart
Heartstrings by Danes, Hadley
Shannon by Shara Azod