Warped (13 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

DAMON

She’s pregnant. Fucking pregnant.

She lied to me.

I walk briskly to my car, needing to be as far away from Ella as I can. She knew. She fucking
knew
I don’t want children. I can’t be any kind of father. I’m not built to be a dad.

I’m at a loss. Rage stampedes around my system like a bull in a china shop. She fucking lied to me.

I want to roar.

I want to hit someone.

I want to smash something.

I drive to my house in a daze. My beauty fucking lied to me. She’s pure, she’s innocent, and now I find out she’s a liar? That I can take, but a baby? A fucking baby.

Heading inside the house, I slam the door and the sound reverberates around the formerly silent space, echoing.

“Fuck.” I thought I could have had it all with Ella but I was wrong. She’s like all the rest of them. Only thinks of herself. Lies. Fucks us over. I can’t believe how wrong I was about her.

Stomping over to the bar, I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels, not bothering with a glass. I take a big gulp, enjoying the burn down my throat. I don’t usually drink much but I think a time like this calls for it. She fucking lied.

The woman I wanted to marry lied.

I shake my head in disgust. How could I have been so fucking blind? So stupid?

I walk over to the lounge and drop down on the sofa, needing to get as shit-faced as I can. I need to forget everything that I thought I had. Forget Ella Knight.

Rage swirling inside me builds and builds when I think about what Ella has done. I throw the bottle against the opposite wall watching it shatter, not giving a shit.

I stand, my fists clenched, and kick the table over. It’s not enough. I need to take my anger out on something. I tear through the house hitting and smashing things as I go. Everything that reminds me of Ella needs to go.

Once I’m satisfied that I’ve taken my rage out on everything that is infused with Ella I go back to the bar for a fresh bottle.

I plan to drink my cares away.

I plan to drink until Ella is out my mind.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

JULY 21
ST
2014

ELLA

It’s been four days since I told Damon I’m pregnant. Four days of silence from him. I don't know what I expected. He made his feelings pretty clear that he doesn't want my baby. He doesn't even believe it’s his. After all this time he still thinks so little of me, even after everything we have been through.

There's a small knock on the bedroom door so I collect my bag and open the door, finding Tom leaning against the frame. I'm starting to hate that look in his eyes, like he pities me.

“Are you ready to go Ella?” I nod my head before picking up my keys and phone. I can’t help but glance to see if there is anything from Damon. There isn't. I stuff both in my bag and follow Tom out to his car.

****

We arrive at the hospital half an hour later. Today I get to see my baby for the first time, and I feel so excited, but a little sad. I can’t wait to see my little jellybean. It’s too early to see if it’s a boy or girl but I’m just happy I get to see it.

I wish Damon was here.

It makes me sad that I’ll be doing everything alone. Not totally alone, Tom will help me of course, but it’s not the same. Tom isn’t the dad.

I really need to pee. Why do they make you drink so much before a scan? Following Tom, I have to keep stopping and crossing my legs. I’m not sure I’m going to make it without pissing myself. Tom is doubled over laughing at the old woman routine I have mastered. I send him a glare, making him laugh harder.

“Stop laughing idiot.” I snap. “How would you feel if your bladder was about to explode?” Tom’s face is now red he’s laughing so hard, tears gathering in his eyes.

I can’t help but laugh with him. His laugh is infectious and he always finds a way to make me feel better.

Then my bladder screams at me.

Realising my mistake, I stop laughing instantly and cross my legs. Tom's laughter stops too as he realises I’m on the verge of pissing myself.

“Ella, should I carry you? Please don’t piss yourself.” I lift my head glaring at him

“Shhh, please don’t speak. I need to concentrate.” After a few minutes I feel like I finally have my bladder under control enough that I can make my way to reception. After giving my name I’m asked to take a seat in the waiting area until they call for me.

I reach into my bag and pull out my phone. There’s nervous excitement swimming inside me, making me restless. I browse through my phone, and come across the picture of Damon and me. I love this photo.

We both look so content and happy, just lying in the bed. I can remember what it felt like in that moment, knowing that at one time we were real, that we could have had something more.

I look up to find Tom staring at me with a look of sympathy in his eyes.

“Call him Ella. He should be here. He has a right to know.” I shake my head, shoving my phone back into my bag.

“Leave it Tom. I don’t want to talk about this.” Before I can continue a nurse comes out holding a clipboard.

“Ella Knight?” I stand up and walk in the direction of the nurse, Tom hovering behind me. I can tell he isn’t sure whether he should follow so I turn back to him, “Are you coming?”He nods his head and follows behind us.

When we get into the room I’m asked to lie on the bed and pull my trousers down. Once I’m situated the sonographer squirts cold jelly on my stomach then uses the probe to pick up the image. She moves it around and applies pressure until she finds what she’s looking for. She doesn’t say anything, just begins clicking her mouse. My hands suddenly feel clammy and shaky, so I rest them down at my side. I fucking hope everything is okay with my baby.

I
need
my baby to be okay.

Tom takes my hand in his, giving me a gentle squeeze, and I give him a small smile. The waiting feels endless. Why isn’t she saying anything? She keeps tapping things into the computer but hasn’t actually spoken to me. I’m ready to scream.

I’m about to say something when she speaks up.

“You ready to see your baby?” I nod my head and hold my breath.

She turns the monitor towards us and a black and grey image fills the screen. Tears fill my eyes and begin to slowly trail down my cheeks as I take in the grainy image of my baby. It’s a baby. An actual real baby with two arms, two legs, a head and a body. It’s all there.

It’s perfect.

I can’t stop the tears falling. I feel so happy as I look at my little jellybean. Her little heart is fluttering on the screen. My heart swells with love, literally swells, and feels like it explodes in my chest.

“The baby is developing perfectly,” she says, smiling. She starts pointing to the screen showing me images of the head and the body but all I can focus on is the little flutter of my baby's heart. She prints off a set of pictures and hands them to me. “Please organise your twenty week scan with reception on your way out. Congratulations to you both.” Tom squirms in his seat at my side, making me chuckle.

“Tom is just a friend.” I don’t know if I said that for my benefit or for Tom's.

I wipe off the gel and button up my jeans, a firm grin set on my face. I make my way to the reception and schedule an appointment.

Tom stays silent and I know he’s stewing, but I won’t let him ruin this day for me. Nothing will wipe this smile from my face.

The receptionist hands me a card with my next appointment. “Congratulations, Miss Knight. Take care,” she says with a smile.

“Thank you.”

Quickly walking away, I realise my bladder is going to explode if I don’t get to the toilet. I make it to the ladies just on time and relieve myself.

Once I’ve washed my hands, I make my way out the toilets to find Tom leaning against the wall. He’s got a speculative gaze in his eyes and I know he’s not going to drop whatever is playing on his mind.  I reach into my bag, pulling out the scan pictures, and hold one out to him.

“I can keep this?” I nod my head at him as he slips it into his pocket.

He walks beside me to the car but doesn’t say anything. I fucking hate when Tom is quiet. It usually means he has something to say but is being careful to choose words that will hurt me the least. He acts like I’m about to break, and it pisses me off.

“Just spit it out Tom. I know you have something to say, so just say it,” I snap. Pulling my scan picture out I stare at it to avoid his pitiful stare.

He takes a deep breath before speaking. “Ella, what happened in there was amazing and I’m so glad I could be part of this with you. I can’t put into words what it means to me that you shared that with me, and you know I will be there for you when you need me. You don’t have to do this alone.” He lets me take that in, taking my scan picture from me, but I know there is a but to come. “But Damon should have been here Els. He has a right to know he is going to be a father. I know you’re scared but you have never been selfish. You need to tell him Ella,” he says softly. “He will find out one way or another. You’re beginning to show, and someone will see you and it will get back to him. That type of news needs to come from you.”

Tom believes what he’s saying is right because he doesn’t know Damon knows about the baby, but that doesn’t mean that his words are any less hurtful. 

“He knows,” I whisper. “Damon knows about the baby Tom.” He looks visibly shocked as I continue. “I told him the night we went to the karaoke bar. He accused me of tricking him. He said I told him it wasn’t possible, but I didn’t think it was possible, Tom, I really didn’t. If I thought there was the slightest chance of getting pregnant I would have told him. He even said he didn’t think it was his so that’s why Damon isn't here, not because he doesn’t know. It's because he doesn't care.”

Tom moves towards me to give me a hug but I can’t face it. If I let him hold me I will fall apart so I step back. I don’t want to cry because today should be a happy day, not a day for sad tears. “Please Tom, just take me home.”

Tom nods and leads me the rest of the way to the car, with his hand resting on my lower back. He opens the door to the passenger side and I climb in, refusing to look at him. I don’t want to see more pity, so instead focus on anything out the window. 

Tom quickly makes his way to the driver’s side and jumps in before peeling out of the car park. He stays silent, giving me what I need.

When we pull up to the house, Tom doesn’t shut off the car. Instead he tells me he has to go somewhere and will be back later. I frown as I get out and watch as his car pulls away, leaving me alone. I turn and look up at the flat. I don’t want to be alone, but I have nowhere to go. I can’t face going back to my house. I told the estate agents to sell it. I won’t ever go back there. I’ll organize movers to pack everything up and put it in storage until I’m ready to use it again.

I feel lost. I have no one except Tom, and maybe Lacy, but that’s probably where Tom is going so I can’t go to her. Wes and Sofia would be there for me, but they’re not my friends. They’re Damon’s and I don’t want to put them in an awkward position.

I take my keys out of my bag and climb into my car, needing to get away. Turning on the engine I pull out of the drive and I head to the only place that makes me feel safe, the only person who ever made me feel safe.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

DAMON

BANG. BANG. BANG.

I groan and roll over in bed, pulling a pillow over my face, trying to block out the banging. It. Doesn’t. Fucking. Stop.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

A growl tears from me as I realise whoever the fuck is pounding at my door isn’t going to go away. I stand groggily and the room spins. I feel like shit. My stomach is churning, my eyes feel like they’re full of fucking grit, my mouth tastes like shit, and my brain is still swimming in all the alcohol I’ve swallowed over the last few days. Or is it more? Fuck, I don’t know how long it’s been since Ella fucking Knight turned my life upside down.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

I move slowly, trying to not throw up, as I go to answer it. I throw the door back ready to rip whoever is on the other side a new fucking arsehole, but I’m completely surprised when I see who it is.

Tom.

My heart fucking drops, bile almost comes up my throat. Something must have happened to Ella. He wouldn’t be here otherwise. Then I take in his facial expression. He looks livid. This should be fucking good. Big brother coming to give me shit.

I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. 

“Tom.,” I say, as I hold the door open for him to come in. He doesn’t speak but he does come in. I offer him a drink, which he declines, and I head to the kitchen, filling up a glass of water to wash the shitty taste out my mouth. I turn around and see Tom has followed me, just watching. He’s beginning to piss me off.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I snarl. Tom looks like he wants to hit me. Fucking let him, maybe I fucking deserve it. I don’t know anymore.

I can’t feel any worse than I do.

Drinking didn’t get Ella out of my head. I couldn’t drink the memory of her away because she never fucking left. I spent days drinking and thinking about all the fucking shitty things I said to her. I sit down at the table and rest my head in my hands. I’m so fucked up over everything. My heart is telling me she didn’t lie, she really believed she couldn’t get pregnant, but the beast inside me is screaming that she’s trying to fucking trap me.

Can you even trap someone when you’re who they want anyway?

“My fucking problem Damon,” he spits, “is that my best friend has spent the last four days in her room crying her eyes out.
You
fucking did that to her.” My head snaps up, and I shoot from my seat, ready to tear into him. “Grow the fuck up Damon, I’m not here to fight you.”

I grind my teeth. Who the fuck does he think he is? I stalk over to him and get in his face.

“Then fucking leave,” I growl.

“I’m here to talk, and I’m not going fucking away until I’ve said what I’ve come to say.” His jaw is clenched, his eyes set. Maybe it’s all the booze I’ve consumed, or I’m just still pissed but I back down. My head isn’t in it to fucking argue with this prick. Let him say his piece, then he can fuck off out of my life for good. “You look and smell like fucking shit. This bullshit that is tearing you both apart is easy to fix, so pull your head out your fucking arse, and go take a shower.” He nods to the stairs and raises a brow, challenging me.

At least it will give me chance to get my head on straight. I don’t reply to Tom, and I turn and leave the kitchen to go upstairs.

I don’t go in my room I go to the guest room Ella usually used. I’ve avoided this room. I knew it would make me break and I’d go running back to her, begging her to take me back. When Tom contacted me to let me know where they would be the other night and told me what a state my beauty was in I knew I couldn’t stay away any longer.

Ella’s scent clings to everything in here, as if her presence has stayed behind. I inhale, taking in her smell. God I fucking miss her.

I shake my head and stomp into the bathroom, turning on the shower and stripping down, tossing my clothes on the floor. I catch my refection in the mirror, and it makes me pause. Tom's right. I look a fucking mess. I need to get a grip.

My eyes are bloodshot with fucking bags and dark rings surrounding them. I fucking stink, and look pale. My hair needs a wash and I have day’s worth of stubble.

I step into the hot shower, enjoying the heat scalding my skin. I grab a loofah and using the body wash Ella left behind, I lather it up. Her scent hits me full force, consuming me, and closing my throat. I feel like a fucking pussy.

This is exactly why I’ve never settled down.

I turn off the shower and wrap a towel around my waist, heading into my own room. I pull out a white cotton t-shirt and a pair of khaki trousers from my wardrobe and quickly dress.

Heading back to the kitchen, I smell that Tom has made coffee. I pour myself a steaming mug without acknowledging him. I turn once I’ve finished half my drink, burning my mouth in the process.

Tom is sitting at the table and kicks out the chair for me to sit. We sit in silence for a while, neither of us saying anything. I’m not fucking speaking. It’s not me that wants to fucking talk.

“She loves you, you know?” He finally says. “I don’t fucking know why. You’re an arsehole.” I want to laugh. He’s straight to the point but he’s right, I am an arsehole.

“What the fuck do you know? You know nothing about us Tom,” I mumble. Yeah I sound like a bratty kid, but I don’t give a fuck.

“I know more than you think Damon. I know Ella, I know how much she loves you. I’ve fucking seen the way she looks at you. Don’t you realise how lucky you are? I would give anything to have her look at me the way she looks at you. She’s let her guard down, finally let her fucking guard down, and you do this to her. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He loves her. I knew he did, and he all but admitted to it just then. I don’t know how I feel about that. Ella is mine and I want to punch his fucking face, but I know I have no claim on her after what I’ve done and said.

“I love her. I fucking love her Tom. She told me she couldn’t get pregnant, and I fucking trusted her. I’ve been patient with her. Fuck, I know she has demons. I saw how she was in the beginning, but I believed she wanted to be with me. I believed her fucking lies.” I shake my head, knowing as I’m saying the words I sound like an asshole, but this shit keeps spilling from my mouth. “I’m such a fucking idiot. What does she want? The Hunt name? Is that it? Was that her plan all along? Get pregnant and screw me for everything I had.”

“Do you really believe that?” Tom asks. When I don’t reply he continues, “When she found out, she was fucking terrified. Keeping it a secret was killing her, but you and she were new. You told her you didn’t want kids Damon, what was she supposed to do? If she had told you before, you wouldn’t have even given her a fucking chance to explain. You never gave her a chance, you just accused her of fucking someone else. I can tell you since you have been together there has been no one but you.”

I think on his words, knowing what he is saying is true. If Ella had told me when she found out I would have reacted exactly the same as I did. Fuck, how did I get things so wrong? I don’t know what to do to fix it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she never speaks to me again.

“I love her. She doesn’t know, she couldn’t see it, or she chose not to. I would never put that on her, she doesn’t need to know if she can’t see it. When I see her with you she is alive Damon, not the shell she was. You make her want to live. This baby is a chance at a real family. She wants that with you.” He looks me dead in the eyes, “Don’t you know I would kill for that? For someone to look at me, just once, the way she looks at you. She sees me as more like a brother, and that’s why I’m here. Besides, I really like where things are going with Lacy,” he gives me a grin.

“Where is she? I need to see her.” I jump up, reaching for my keys and phone. I need to see her, and if I have to kick down her door to get to her, I will.

“I just dropped her off at my flat. She had her ultrasound this morning,” he says. I freeze in place. I may not know much about pregnancy and babies, but I know what that means. He holds out his hand with a black and white picture. I hesitantly take it, and look at the grainy image. My eyes begin to fill with tears as I see our baby for the first time. Fuck, I should have been there. 

“I need to go,” I try to leave but Tom grabs my shoulder.

“Ella means a lot to me Damon. I won’t watch her get hurt again. If you fucking do, then you leave her for good. She’s had enough shit in her life to deal with without facing more.”

“I won’t hurt her again Tom. You have my fucking word. As much as it pisses me off to admit this, I’m glad Ella has you. You’re a good man Tom.” He nods then smirks.

“Go get her, man.”