Warped (12 page)

Oh I'm not fooling myself. I'm sure Tom knows. He hears me throwing up almost every morning. It doesn't take a genius to work out what’s going on, but he hasn't mentioned anything. I know he is waiting for me to speak to him, but I just can’t. Admitting it to him makes it all real and I can’t deal with it, not yet.

I'm happy about the baby. I want this baby, but talking about it all out loud will make me have to admit my feelings, and I can’t, I just can’t.

As the weeks have gone on things have been easier, I have received call after call from Damon, but I’ve refused to talk to him. I need to figure out in my head if we can get past this, if we can actually move forward in a proper relationship. He has already said he never wants children, so maybe there really isn't anything to think about anyway.

Walking into the kitchen I notice Tom sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar, eating. He looks up and smiles as I walk in. I smile back before walking over to him. He holds out a cup of sweet tea and some dry toast and I take them from him, thanking him with a kiss to his cheek as I do so, and sit down at the table. Tom picks up his bowl and orange juice and joins me.

"How are you feeling?" I look up at him before I answer, knowing he is waiting for me to finally talk to him about everything. I know I can trust him. He has always been there for me, even when I hadn't realised it, and he has been what I have wanted him to be – friend, brother, lover. I take in a deep breath and let it all out.

"I'm pregnant," I blurt. He reaches his hand across the table and takes mine in his, and a smile plays on his lips.

"I know that Els, I'm asking how you’re feeling."

I shrug my shoulders "I don't know. Everything has changed. I didn't expect this. I didn't even think this was possible." I pick up a bit of toast and start to chew on it, trying to control my feelings and fighting my emotions, not wanting to cry.

"Have you told Damon about the baby? I think you need to Ella. You need to get everything out in the open. He needs to know the truth. It’s the only way you will be able to move forward if he is your future."

His words all make sense to me but I still don't know what to do. I'm so sick of thinking.  I have spent over three years thinking about every move I make. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm so sick of playing games.

"I don't know Tom. I really don't know." I rest my elbows on the table then put my head in my hands, I hear Tom’s chair scrape back as he comes around to hug me.

"I think we need a night out. How about we go to that karaoke bar in town? It will be fun, and I hear they are having happy hour on non alcoholic cocktails," Tom says with a grin. I smile up at him and let out a laugh. He really is a good friend to me.

I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him, before nodding my head. "That sounds like a great idea, Tom."   

CHAPTER TWENTY

A couple of hours later we enter the bar. It’s a little before 6:30pm, and already the place is filling up. It’s a well kept secret that I fucking love karaoke. I have since I was young. Just singing out one’s feelings is therapeutic, and there is always a song to express how I’m feeling.

Walking over to a free table I sit down while Tom goes to the bar to get us some drinks. I'm so glad I was never a big drinker because not being able to would really suck, but I limit myself to a couple of drinks on nights out. I’ve never needed more, and for the past three years I have always needed to be in control.

Tom comes back and places two very bright drinks down in front of me, and I look up at him as he sits and places his own two drinks in front of him.

"Are we thirsty?" I ask him, looking down at the drinks in front of me, both yellow with a pineapple coming out of the top. Tom laughs beside me.

"That's a Southern Passion. It’s got ginger in it, and pineapple and some maple. I thought the ginger would help."

Leaning forward and taking as sip through the straw, I decide it’s the best drink I’ve ever tasted. The pineapple is refreshing, and it has a kick of something that just gives it a bit of edge. I seriously can’t believe its non alcoholic because it tastes amazing. Holding out my glass to Tom I offer him a taste.

"Want some?" I ask. He shakes his head before picking up his Jack and coke.

"It's alright. I think if we’re gonna be singing I need to stick to the hard stuff." He smirks at me as I stand up to go and get the list of songs.

He knows me too well.

As I'm walking back to the table, the door swings open and I freeze. Without turning around, I know who it is. My body prickles with awareness, and I hate the way my body responds to him. I feel like I'm about to lose control so I walk over to Tom and sit down. Placing the song book on the table, I start flicking through, keeping my gaze away from Damon’s.

I know he sees me. His eyes burn into me, feeling like laser beams searing my skin. I feel trapped. My heart pounds, my pulse picks up pace. He makes me so flustered I don’t know what to do.

I flick through the karaoke selection and come to
Poison by Alice Cooper
and can’t help the laugh that escapes. Tom stops talking to the blonde girl, who has found her way next to him, and looks over at me confused.

"You okay Ella?" I look up at him and must look like a startled rabbit because concern creeps across his face.

I whisper to Tom, "Damon is here at the bar with Spencer." Tom lifts his head and looks around. When his eyes meet Damon's he nods his head in acknowledgement. Damon is still looking.

"How the fuck did he know I’m here?" Tom shrugs his shoulders and squeezes my knee.

Turning back to the song book, a particular selection comes to mind. I know exactly what I want to sing. I search the book to find my choice and smile when I find it.

I write down the karaoke numbers for the DJ and walk over to him. Tom gives a whoop of encouragement making me laugh. As I give my slip to the guy, he nods his head and tells me to pick up a microphone.

He presses a few buttons and my song choice lights up on the TV. The DJ stops the music and announces me before the intro begins to play.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

DAMON

As soon as I walked through the doors to the pub I spot her. My eyes are drawn to her no matter where I am or who I’m with. As if sensing my presence Ella’s body visibly freezes. She doesn’t turn round to look at me but I know she feels it, that fucking crazy current that sizzles between us. I watch her every movement as she walks back to her table, back to Tom.

I want to walk over to her, pull her into my arms, and kiss the life out of her. Not seeing Ella for a month has killed me. I feel like a part of my soul is missing, a part that I know Ella owns, and I will never get back. I don’t want it back.

She can fucking keep it.

She looks amazing. Her hair is glossy and fanning out around her as she moves. She’s got on a white summer dress and grey ankle boots. She looks fucking hot. Her skin looks smoother than silk, if that’s at all possible. Ella looks curvier than the last time I saw her, making my mouth water. I want to lick and taste each fuller curve.

I want to carry her out of this shit hole and take her home where she belongs.

Spencer is trying to strike up a conversation with me but I’m unable to take my eyes off her. How the fuck have we gotten to this? Acting like two strangers, like we don’t know each other, like I haven’t had my dick in her. I need to sort this out tonight. I have come too far to let this go. I fucking love her.

I can’t let her go.

I watch as Ella takes a piece of paper to the guy who is running the karaoke. Still not looking at me, her eyes are fixed to the floor. I can see her hands shaking as she steps to the mic. The DJ cuts the music off and picks up his mic.

“Ladies and gentlemen let’s give it up for Ella.” Everyone around me applauds and cheers as soft gentle music fills my ears.

I beg silently for her to just look at me, to really look and see that as much as she is hurting, my heart is fucking broken too.

I drop my eyes to the floor, trying to steady my breathing. My heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. No one has ever affected me the way Ella does. If I could turn it all off, I fucking would.

“Notice me. Take my hand.” My eyes snap up and are met by my beauty’s emeralds. She’s looking at me now, speaking to me through the words. Her voice is amazing. I didn’t realise Ella could sing, and she sounds like a fucking angel.

I can’t look away as she sings her heart out. Every word feels like it’s meant for me, and I soak them all up. The pub is filled to the brim, yet we could be the only two people here. She’s all I see.

As the song continues I start to recognise what it is.
Everytime by Britney Spears
. I vaguely remember it being popular a few years ago, but I feel like I'm hearing it for the very first time. Every word is another slash to my barely beating heart.

“I guess I need you baby.” As Ella finishes the song the whole pub erupts into applause. I expect Ella to walk back to her table but instead she leaves the stage and heads for the door. By the time I’m out the door, I see Ella duck into an alleyway.

“Ella, wait.” I don’t know if she heard me or she is choosing to ignore me, but I pick up my speed when she disappears out of sight. I need to get to her. I can’t wait any longer to talk.

I catch up to her quickly, gripping her arm and spinning her to face me, and I crush her to my chest. Instantly a weight feels like it’s lifted from my body, and a pain that’s been weighing me down for the last month eases.

This has always felt right, my beauty in my arms.

Ella doesn’t struggle against me. She clings to me, gripping my shirt and holding on for dear life. I hold her the same way.   

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

ELLA

Unable to breathe in there, I need air. The intensity of Damon’s gaze panics me so I run out of the pub like a fucking child, but I need a minute. When I reach the corner I know Damon is behind me.

I can hear his feet pounding on the sidewalk.

I don’t make it far before I feel him come up behind me. He pulls on my arm, spinning me around to face him before pulling me into his chest. There is no fight in me, and I don’t want to fight. I just want to feel cherished again. Feeling like I’m drowning, I'm clinging to him. Right now in this moment, he is the only one who can keep me afloat. I need him.

I miss him so damn much it hurts.

Burying my face in the crook of his neck I inhale deeply.  His scent envelops me. He smells like home.

I can’t help but reach for his face, and pull his mouth down onto mine. The hunger I feel is overwhelming. My need for him is making me lose all control of my emotions.

Before I realise what’s happening, Damon has me pressed against the wall. His hands are between my legs searching for my underwear when he realises I'm not wearing any. A feral like growl escapes his lips. My core clenches and dampens with that sound alone.

I hear his zipper being pulled down, and before I know it, he is inside me. It’s raw, and it’s carnal. He pulls my legs around his hips and pistons into me. I'm being fucked hard, and up against the brick wall. I open my eyes to look at him. The emotion in his face is there. I'm sure it is only a mirror image of my own. We are meant to be together.

“You’re fucking mine, Ella,” Damon growls into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

My inner muscles squeeze around his length as he thrusts into me like a cheetah in a race. I feel my orgasm building, and his name spills from my lips with screams of pleasure so he slams his mouth down on mine to silence me.

Blood roars in my ears, my toes begin to curl, and a massive explosion flashes through me, sending me soaring. I feel his cock harden further and pulsate inside me, so I know he is getting close. His nostrils flare, and he roars my name as he fills me.

My body has turned to jelly, making Damon hold my dead weight, and I can’t lift my head from his shoulder. I can feel him trying to catch his breath. He’s panting as he presses me against the brick wall.

Damon regains control quicker than I do, and pulls back to look at me, but I don’t move. Damon gently pries my head up, his chocolate eyes stormy with emotion. The look on his face terrifies me. I’ve never been looked at with such love and adoration before.

“I’ve missed you, beauty,” he whispers. My throat constricts.

“I’ve missed you too,” I whisper back, voice cracking as I speak.

“I fucking love you, baby. Come home.” I want to. I really do. “Marry me, Ella.” I look at him completely shocked. I didn’t expect that. I don't know what to say or do, so I struggle for him to release me. When he doesn’t, I try to push him away from me, but he holds me in place.

"Did you hear me?" I nod my head, unable to look at him. He doesn't even know I'm pregnant. He needs to know.

"I can’t marry you, Da–” he cuts me off before I can tell him why.

"Why not? I know you love me Ella. So why not?" He lifts my chin so I'm looking directly at him, wiping away a tear that has fallen with his thumb.

I turn my cheek into his hand, kissing the palm, then turn my head to look at him. He needs the truth.

“I'm pregnant,” I blurt. Confusion clouds Damon’s eyes before they widen. He pulls out of me and sets me on the ground. I almost hit the floor as my legs nearly give way. Sorting out my clothes, I reach into my bag and get a tissue to clean myself up, not looking at Damon as he paces in front of me.

I don’t know what to say or do so I just stay silent and wait for him to speak. He stops pacing and moves away.

When I look up at him he is leaning against the opposite wall. He looks like he is trying to catch his breath, and as I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder he shrugs me off like I’ve burned him. He looks livid. 

"You lied to me. You told me it wasn’t possible. You let me believe we were fucking safe.” He looks away and roars with frustration, making me flinch. “Was that more of your fucking lies? How the fuck am I even to believe it’s mine? I bet you don't even fucking know whose it is.”

The venom in his words shocks me and before I know it my hand makes contact with Damon's face. The sound of the slap against his cheek is deafening, echoing in the alley. Tears are spilling from my eyes.

I have never felt so humiliated.

Damon turns around and walks away from me, deeper into the alley, leaving me screaming at his back. “Fuck you, Damon.” I turn and walk away from him. Walk away from the only man I have ever come close to loving. The only man I have ever admitted to wanting to love.