Weak for Him (24 page)

What was Luke doing at the
moment?

Painting another picture of our
intimate evening together, or calling Finnley to request a
refund?

I tried to tell myself I was just
a night of sex, but I knew it was more than that.

The key to his heart.

The words, the meaning, the tattoo
he wore on that sexy lower abdominal because of me. I wondered what
the other ink represented, and if any others were for
women.

Parched with thirst, I wanted
nothing more than a bottle of water, but I didn't want to leave. My
eyes felt heavy, and I could have fallen asleep. Relaxation hadn't
come in weeks, and neither had I.

I forced myself awake and stared
at the sparkling stars in the sky that reminded me of the women's
gigantic rings at the parties I attended. Would I be fit to be a
bride one day? Isn't that what every woman dreams about? Their
fairy tale wedding with a beautiful dress, glass slippers, and the
outrageously expensive jewelry to signify their everlasting love
and devotion to their husband? No. I couldn't think about marriage.
I wasn't marriage material.

Lori told me about a girl who used
to work for Finn. She met the man of her dreams while on the job
and was fired after the mention of love. Her and Herald ran away to
Hawaii together and married immediately. Within two months, she was
pregnant with their first child, and they lived happily ever
after.

"It could happen, Jennifer," she
whispered to me.

I smiled, and then walked
away.

I knew it couldn't happen because
the person I wanted at the time was unavailable.

Fucking Finnley Felton.

Just the thought of him angered
me. I wanted to give my virginity away weeks ago; I wanted him to
be the one, but Finnley refused me time after time. I got over him.
I forced myself too. I wanted to move on to the client charades and
dinners, stupid parties, and fancy clothes.

Without the virgin tag, I would no
longer be looked at like I was something pure and innocent, but
instead as a sex kitten. The one that currently stayed quietly in
her cage.

I wanted out.

I wanted release.

I wanted to be
taken
.

But Finn.

The way he kissed me so sweetly on
the lips that night in bed and how he did little things to make
sure I was taken care of. The thought of that side of him took my
breath away. Even the way his eyes said
sorry
the day he was
handed the golden envelope with my destiny written inside. Every
memory of him, conjured something deep inside that I constantly
forced myself to suppress because I had to, because I had signed my
rights away, because we were over it.

If I had known being an Elite
would be hard, that the man that haunted my dreams really lived,
and that I would not be able to love, I would have never done it.
Love was such a powerful emotion, and something that I would never
fully experience as long as I was Elite.

What had I truly gotten myself
into?

"Fucking Finnley," I whispered
with my eyes closed.

"You rang?"

My heart palpitated at the sound
of his voice, and I wanted to pretend as if he were just a figment
of my imagination. But he wasn't. I knew he wasn't. I couldn't turn
around and look at him. Lividness filled me.

The water moved and I knew he had
dipped himself inside of the hot tub; his toes touched the outside
of my leg. When I opened my eyes, he wore that boyish grin on his
face and I wanted to slap it off.

"Feisty, little thing, aren't
you?"

The amusing tone in his voice
angered me even more.

Silent treatment from here on
out.

I closed my eyes, sunk deeper into
the water, and leaned my head against the edge.

"Jennifer. Honestly. There are a
few things that need to be known. Luke…"

I opened my eyes immediately and
stared at Finn.

"Luke is really pissed at me, and
I don't blame him. He threatened to sue me and come over and take
you to his house like a caveman. I laughed at him and told him to
try. But really? Who does he think he is? The look on his face when
I walked in. Priceless."

"You are
such
an
asshole"

"Oh. So you
are
talking?
Fantastic."

I groaned.

"I thought it was cute that he
really thought I would let him go through with taking your
virginity. Did he? Did you? Really, Jennifer, you mustn't think I
would let that happen?"

I had no words. His voice turned
cold, animalistic.

"You are
mine
. I've told
you time and time before. No one will take that away from me. No
one, not even my stupid, little brother."

Realization set in.

The eyes. The accent. The way they
treated one another.

"Holy fuck. How?

"Oh what? Little Luketon didn't
tell you? We have the same mother." Finnley laughed. "Not
surprising, really. He's always been so secretive. Always bested me
in sports, in painting, even in trivial things like piano lessons
and cards, but he never was smarter than me. Never. Some things
never
change, Jennifer."

The rushing water no longer took
me away from my thoughts. Not with Finnley sitting in front of me,
bare-chested, with a smile on his face. If I didn't know better,
I'd say Finn enjoyed it. Enjoyed being in control of both Luke's
destiny and mine.

"Why didn't you tell
me?"

"It isn't my job to tell you about
my family. My job is to be your boss and to offer the best prices
and protection for my girls while ensuring my customers experience
quality service. I did that. I accomplished it. But sometimes, not
often, I decide that the rules are not playing by my own. So I
change them. With family involved, it makes it much
easier."

"It's not just your family you're
playing with. It's my emotions, too. "

"Even more reason to stop it
before it happened."

"What about Nancy, Finn? Your
serious relationship? Your future fucking wife? I don't want to
play these games anymore. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of you.
You're driving me crazy."

He didn't answer.

I stood.

The water swooshed over the edges
and splashed onto the cement ground. Before I could get my foot
over the side, Finnley grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. I
lost my balance and with a splash, he caught me in his
arms.

"You can't be mad at
me."

Our faces were so close to one
another, so incredibly close.

"Let me go."

I struggled to get away, but his
firm grasp was ever holding.

"No."

"I don't want to be around you
right now."

"I don't care."

"You should. I don't like you very
much at the moment."

"I still don't care. I want you to
sit with me and enjoy this beautiful night."

"No. Let. Go."

He grabbed my face with his hands
and slammed his lips against mine. He sucked on my bottom lip and I
tried to force him away, but his kisses were unwavering. My heart
raced as he ran his hands through my wet hair, and the wall of
anger slowly crumbled, and I began to kiss him back. As much as I
wanted to pull away, I was kissing him. Stupid body. With that, all
the emotions that I had locked away released. He lifted me on top
of him, and I could feel him, long and hard as I straddled his
legs. Once I pulled my lips away, I reared my hand back and slapped
his face as hard as I could with my wet hand.

"I'm sick of the fucking games," I
said.

He moved closer until his nose
almost touched mine. With a tilt of his head, he softly brushed his
open lips against mine. We didn't kiss, but my breath caught, and
so did his. I tried to swallow, but my throat was parched because I
was thirsty, but not only for water. Every emotion that I
suppressed was stuffed back into the basement of my heart. I was
fucking done with him.

I stood from the hot tub and
walked naked through the house to the shower. I didn't give a damn
if I tracked water over the wood floor.

Finn didn't follow me.

With the shower water turned on
hot, I stood underneath until it burned my skin.

I needed to feel alive.

I wanted to scorch the confusion
away.

Twenty-five

I
stepped from the shower
and toweled off my body. My reflection displayed the face of the
saddest girl in the world, who continued to go on about her ways
with nothing more than a pretty face, slim waist, and a million
problems. I wrapped the towel around my head and stalked to my
bedroom.

As I sat on the edge of the bed, I
wished Lori was home. She had been gone way too long, and I missed
the camaraderie that we shared, her good advice, and silly poetic
sayings. She understood me, probably the only person in this house
that did.

I slipped on a t-shirt and pajama
pants, and turned on the TV. I wanted to get lost in stupid zombies
who ate out people's hearts. That would make me feel
better.

The door clicked, and Finn walked
in. I turned the TV up as loud as it would go until it blared the
gnarling sounds of ripping tendons, hoping he would get the
hint.

But he didn't.

Instead, he jerked the cord from
the wall, and stood with his arms crossed.

"Do you love him?"

I stared up at the ceiling and
refused to answer. I didn't know the answer to the question. Was it
love? I couldn't give a clear answer.

"I need to know, Jennifer. Do you
love him?"

"This has become personal, hasn't
it?" I glared at him.

"It's always been personal. You'll
learn that no matter how hard you try to detach yourself from
someone that it doesn't work. I don't care what the fucking
contract says about love. I know better. I saw the way you looked
at him. Now answer me."

"What about the other fuck's
you've had in the last few months. What about Nancy? What do you
know about love?"

"I've fulfilled some fetishes and
I've made sexual dreams come true. But were those women the type I
am content sleeping next to without fucking? Or someone I would
bring to meet my family? Tell my secrets to?" He shook his head and
continued. "Sometimes you have sex to be purely physical. To forget
about that person that means the world to you. And yeah, I've
fucked them, and all of them came crawling back. Gave them the best
orgasms of their lives, even made them beg for more on all fours.
But did I connect with them emotionally? Did I give two shits about
them afterward? No. But can you say the same about your rendezvous
with Luke? Love is an emotion that will destroy you if you let. It
can ruin your life, or it can create a new one. Don't talk to me
about fucking love, Jennifer Downs. The question is yours to
answer."

I wanted to run away from his
smothering words. I stood to leave, but he pulled me into him. His
jaw clenched, waiting for me to answer, waiting for me to tell him
how I really felt about Luketon Brand. Did I love Luke?

"No. I don't know what love
is."

"When you stare into someone's
eyes, and you get a shot of adrenaline that streams through you and
sings within your blood, that's love. It's a silly memory of a
person that makes you laugh, or a second that you relive in your
mind a million times over just so you can experience it again. Love
is kisses and touches and all the little things that make your body
flood with emotions such as need, want, protectiveness, jealousy,
hurt, and anger. It can take your breath away, or smother you at
times, and make you feel like you can't go on. Your heart may race
a thousand miles per minute, then slow down, and then race again,
just with a simple look. Love is deadly and can kill you from the
inside out if you let it. It makes you do stupid, ridiculous
things, and say senseless sappy words, or listen to silly love
songs, jazz, or dance in the streets, or laugh, or smile. Love is a
weapon, or a drug, and can drive a person mad. I know what love is,
and what it's like to be
in
love, and I have a feeling you
do too."

I swallowed. I did know what being
in
love was.

My mind tumbled like a satellite
lost in space, barrel rolling and spinning, shining only when the
sun reflected on it, and then circled around into nothing but
darkness.

If I admitted loving, my life
would become a jumbled mess, a jigsaw puzzle where the pieces were
never meant to fit together. Cinderella couldn't be a princess if
the shoe didn't fit.

Finn and I were different, but the
same.

Could I really become a part of
his world?

His life?

Was it even an option? Or, rather,
another stupid fairy tale that love created to confuse
me.