Her hands jerked away. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You’re treating me like one of your little girls. You totally made me sound like some hooker who was sharing a room with you in more than just a friendly way, but who would try and talk to other guys. Now you’re using the smooth voice. Trying to wrap me around your finger, but I’m pissed, so think again, buddy!” She poked my chest and tried to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist gently.
“Hey.” I almost shook my head at how my voice sounded. It wasn’t that smooth voice I used on other girls, it was emotional, sincere. “I would never treat you badly. You should know that.”
She looked up at me with big eyes and I could tell that I’d somehow hurt her much more than I realized. I was still a little lost on how, but I intended to figure that out. “Let’s go for a walk?”
She nodded her head yes, so I let my hand slide down her wrist until it latched with hers, twining our fingers together. And it didn’t feel like I was trying to brand her, it didn’t feel crazy and obsessive, it just felt good.
I led her down the beach, trying to walk slow and easy when my whole body felt jacked up on adrenaline. Neither of us spoke until we were pretty far from that house. I stopped her. “I didn’t mean to make you sound like a hooker.” But I sounded like an idiot. “How did I do that exactly?”
Aspen sighed, but she didn’t let go of my hand. “Bastian, you made it sound like we were hooking-up or something. It just sucked. I know there’s nothing really going on with us, but I don’t like feeling like some name on your list.”
Did I say I was jacked up on adrenaline? Now it felt closer to cardiac arrest. I was slipping. Totally losing it, scared to do what I wanted. Freaked out because this time it was something totally different and if I screwed it up, it would kill me.
But the thing was… I’d never backed down before, and I didn’t plan to start now. “What if there was?” I hooked my finger under her chin, so she couldn’t look away from me.
It took her a few seconds to reply and when she did, she sounded all breathy. Just how I felt. “What if there was what?”
“Something going on between us,” I said, and lowered my lips to hers.
Chapter Eleven
So, yeah. You know how when you’re watching one of those romance movies and the girl and guy kiss for the first time and the skies split open and doves or something like that are sent down from Heaven to grace them? A love song plays in the background and the kiss looks perfect? They both move together like they’ve been doing it forever and every girl in the audience says, “aww” in unison?
I didn’t hear the music. The sky was still dark and the birds were asleep for the night, but I had no doubt if we had a crowd of teen girls they’d be oohing and awing because we didn’t need any of that extra shit. It felt perfect and I knew it had to look perfect, because it just felt right.
There was the second of hesitancy when we first touched that her soft lips tensed—probably in shock—but then they relaxed, and molded against mine. That cinnamon scent of hers floated around me, but I tasted it too, all spicy and Aspen, going straight to my head. How could I not have kissed her before? It was like my first time. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was because kissing other girls didn’t feel like this.
When she pulled her arms up and wrapped them around my neck and I felt her body press against mine, everything inside me started to pop and explode. I teased her lips with my tongue, and she opened up to let me inside. It felt like static electricity—the little zap as her tongue tangled with mine. When she weaved her fingers through the back of my hair, I moaned. I
hated
it when girls put their hands in my hair, but this wasn’t just a girl. It was Aspen.
And just like that, it was over.
“Whoa!” She jerked away, walking in a circle. “Wow. I mean, what was that?”
I don’t know where it came from. Maybe the high of kissing her for the first time made me a little delirious or something, but I chuckled. “I think that’s supposed to be my line.”
Her arms were wrapped around herself as she looked at me. “Sebastian, we just kissed! And it was...” She shopped walking, opening her mouth, and closing it again.
“I left ya speechless, huh?”
She punched me in the arm. “How can you be conceited at a time like this? You’re my best friend, Bastian. We can’t do this,” she waved her arm back and forth between us. “I’m not one of your girls. I’m not going to think I won the jackpot because Sebastian Hawkins stuck his tongue down my throat and then broke my heart by never talking to me again.”
Okay, that dented my high a bit. “What? I’m not like that. The girls I hook-up with are in it just for fun. I don’t break hearts, Woodstock and you know it. Not after…”
My mom.
She knew I’d never let a girl think our relationship was more than it was.
She collapsed into the sand, still looking a little out of it. “I know. Sorry, I’m just…” Aspen locked her hands behind her head. Then she sighed, sliding her hand down and touching her fingers to her lips. “You kissed me. I mean, lately things have been different and I’ve thought about it, but I never thought it would happen. I wasn’t even sure how I—but you did. And it was…”
I fell down beside her. “Hot.”
Aspen laughed and the little ball of stress that was starting to form in my chest loosened. “That’s not the word I was going to use, but kind of.” She buried her face in her hands. “Holy crap.”
“Hey.” I pulled her hands away. I turned so I faced her, sitting cross-legged in the sand. Woodstock did the same. “I don’t want you to feel like this is something less than what it is. This is...” Damn, this was kind of hard. None of my knowledge about the opposite sex prepared me for this moment. I knew all about helping people hook-up, but how did you tell a girl that you liked her? That you loved her and you wanted to be with her because she was so much better than all those other girls out there? Girls could do that. They could talk and go on and freaking on about their feelings, but with guys, it was like this little box of mixed up thoughts locked inside my head. The words were there, but I didn’t know how to get to them. I’d try and make sense of them, to unlock the box, but then it would slam shut, and all those words would be a jumbled mess again.
“We’re different. I mean, I want to be different with you. I like you, Woodstock. Almost sent me to the psych ward when I first realized it. Since when did I actually
like
a girl, much less my best friend? Freaked me out, but I do. Like you and want you, I mean.”
I totally suck at this.
“Um, thanks, I think?”
“Argh!” I rubbed my hand over my face. “That was lame, but just focus on the part where I said I like you. More than anything, Aspen.” I reached out and touched her face. The beach around us was completely dark except for a few lights scattered along the sidewalk about a hundred feet behind us. The black water lapped up the shore, closer and closer to us, but we didn’t move. “You’re so soft. How did it take me so long to figure that out?”
Her eyes closed and she leaned her cheek into my hand. “I’ve liked you forever, Bastian. For years I imagined us being together, but you never seemed to feel the same. I was finally moving on.”
I had no idea what the moving on part was about, because I knew she hadn’t moved on from me. I had my Hook-up Doctor emails to prove that, but I didn’t want to embarrass her. I didn’t want her to know that I knew what she did and that I was The Hook-up Doctor, so I just said, “I’m showing you now. I’m going crazy for you, Aspen.”
This time it was her who leaned forward, taking my mouth. This kiss was even hotter than the last one. She crawled toward me. I threaded my fingers through her hair, pushing her head closer to me. That zinging was back inside me, ricocheting around like a pinball. I wanted to touch her, but didn’t want to move too fast. We were both on thin ice and the last thing I wanted to do was push her. But God, as she deepened the kiss, I couldn’t help it. I swear I tried to be strong, but everything inside me was calling to her.
I leaned forward, laying her back against the sand. Aspen went easily. I rested my body on top of hers. Just touching her like this. Holding her face as our bodies touched everywhere made me feel like a freakin’ rock star.
After what could have been two minutes or two years, I made the good guy inside me win the tug-o-war and pulled away. Man, I wanted her, but I didn’t want her to think it was all physical. I lay down beside her in the sand. Aspen leaned her head on the crook of my arm, so I wrapped it around her. I wanted to jump for joy, but I was too cool for that.
“I’m in shock,” she whispered. One of her arms was fell over my chest and her hand tickled my hair.
“Must be a side effect of my amazing kissing skills,” I teased her.
“Oh, yeah. Must be,” sarcasm dripped from her words.
Without the playfulness in my words, I spoke, “I don’t want to mess this up. I know this might come as a surprise to you, but I’ve been known to make a mess of things.”
“No? You?”
Tickle. Tickle.
I actually kind of loved having my hair played with now.
“Like I said, a shock, huh?” It rocked that she got my sense of humor and always dished it right back at me. I breathed deep, trying to slow the drum solo that was my heartbeat.
You can do this, Bastian.
I needed to get real for just a second. I wanted to make sure she knew that this was different. That I loved her, even though I’d probably drop dead swallowing my tongue if I tried to tell her. Those three words? Scary as hell. Maybe not for people who threw them around, but for a guy who never expected to feel them and did? Yeah, they pretty much made me want bury my head in the sand and never come up.
But if I wanted to be good to her, really good, make her and my mom proud, I needed to say
something.
I pulled her on top of me. Her legs were on either side of me, straddling me as I felt the water rising enough to touch my Vans. She was worth ruining a pair of shoes over.
“You’re freaking me out, Bastian. You look like you’re about to puke.”
Great. I totally sucked at this knight-in-shining-armor thing. “The other night at your house you said I want to take care of people. That I want to protect people? Just you, Woodstock. The only people in this world I need to protect are my mom and you.”
She smiled and I squeezed her tighter. That hadn’t been so hard. Maybe this would work out after all.
“It’s not just your kissing that’s amazing, Bastian. It’s you.”
***
The next morning I woke up with a body pressed tight against mine. We’d stayed at the beach talking—okay, and kissing (but that’s it, I swear) for most of the night. When we were pretty sure the party had died down, we went back to the house. Pris was kicking the stragglers out and, after about five minutes of girl talk between them in the kitchen in which I heard some squealing, Aspen and I had gone up to bed. To my surprise, on our way up, we found Jaden all tucked in with the blanket up to his chin like his mommy had put him to bed.
It was strange. Jaden was almost always the last to leave a party, but at the time, I hadn’t been able to give it much thought. I’d had Aspen’s hand in mine and I was going to have her in my arms all night. Kind of distracted me from anything else. It was pretty shocking I could even think straight.
Now, I was distracted by something else. I really didn’t want her to know how much I wanted her and with the way I was holding her, if she woke up, she’d definitely know. Really, it’s not my fault though, she’s hot and I’m a guy. It’s physics or something like that. So, I tried the old swift roll move I heard about, casually moving away from the way her back tucked against my front. It was a crappy situation. I definitely didn’t want to leave her, but I didn’t want her to think I was a perv either.
When I got out of the shower and made it back to the room, she sat on the pale yellow blanket, with bed head and shy eyes.
“Hey.” She looked all apprehensive, like she thought I’d changed my mind since last night or something. I needed to reassure her, but also wanted to try and keep things light. Last night was heavy enough and it might be a news flash, but I wasn’t real into heavy.
“Who would have thought pillow hair could be so sexy? I don’t know if I want to kiss you, or hand you a brush!”
Her mouth tilted up into a smile. I couldn’t help but return it. “You’re such a nutcase.” She tossed a pillow at me, but I grabbed her hand when she swung, pulling her toward me.
“Definitely kiss you.”
Her hand snaked up between us, she grabbed my shirt.
Yes!
Then pushed me away.
No!
“Gross. I probably have morning breath!” She covered her mouth with her hand and then ran from the room. Girls…
When I got downstairs to the kitchen, Jaden and Pris were both there. Pris fingered a necklace around her neck, that weird Jaden/Pris tension was thick in the air. “So, how’d the party go last night?” I asked, flopping down into a chair.