What a Girl Wants (34 page)

“Both sets of grandparents were long gone and my father was an only child.” She cleared her throat. “Shirley went through the insurance money real fast. She sold our childhood home and drained that as well, or maybe she stashed it away. I don’t know. We moved into a small apartment in Brooklyn. If Shirley wasn’t drinking, toking or snorting, she was…in a bad mood.”

Maddie’s throat thickened. “She abused you and Uncle George?”

Closing her eyes, she nodded. “She’d hit us and refuse to feed us until her next high.”

Maddie was about to tell Felicia to push through the pain, as Jonathan instructed her to do. But this made Maddie’s physical therapy seem like a mosquito bite. Keeping the suggestion to herself, she gave what she hoped was an encouraging nod to continue.

“When Shirley was high, she’d offer me to her…her boyfriends.” Felicia’s voice quivered. “I…I…didn’t fight it. They gave me and George food and protected us from her when I cooperated with them.” Felicia reddened. “When she sobered up she’d accuse me of stealing her men and would keep us home from school, locking us in our rooms for a few days.”

Maddie gasped loud. The reality of it all hit her, leaving her numb and speechless.

“After two years, social services finally stepped in. Foster care was a nightmare, so we took care of ourselves.” She lowered her gaze. “I made some bad choices. George did a lot better.”

“Jesus.” Maddie’s voice came out of hiding. “You were kids. Where the hell were the police? Teachers? Neighbors? Anybody with a decent bone in their body to help you.”

“Told you it wasn’t pretty. I wish I had inherited my mother’s genes instead of Shirley’s—”

“Do
not
compare yourself to that monster. I know motherhood was a challenge for you, and I did resent coming second to your relationships, but you never drank, toked, snorted or laid a hand on me. And I’m sure I could have used a swat on the ass a few times.” Come to think of it, Maddie had never even seen her mother have an alcoholic drink, and there had always been an abundance of food, toys and clothes in their homes.

 Maddie took a breath. “Yeah, you married more than I would have liked, but those guys were idiots with more money than brains, not molesters or perverts. Thank you for that.” She realized after she’d said it that it was a backhanded compliment, but Maddie was more concerned with keeping lunch in her stomach than worrying about appropriate responses. “Why didn’t you tell me about your past before?”

“What difference would it have made?”

“We could have gotten you professional help. Why didn’t Uncle G. tell me about it?”

Felicia let out a combination sigh-chuckle. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re all real good at arguing and getting mad at each other. Sharing the truth, talking about the past—”

“Not so much.” Maddie grabbed the glass of water and drank it all.

“And telling you about this wouldn’t have made me a better parent. I literally had no clue
how
to be a mother.” She stood and paced back and forth. Fortunately, there were only a few patrons outside on the other side.

“After you were born, I was tired and sad and I didn’t know what was happening to me. I cried when you cried, slept when you slept and kept wondering when it was going to get easier. I’d take you to the park and see other mothers with their babies. They made it look easy. I was frustrated, because I thought mothering would come naturally. You were so independent from a young age, I made myself believe that you didn’t need me. Maybe you didn’t?”

Maddie shrugged. Of course she’d needed her, but now was not the time to point that out.

Felicia stood in front of Maddie. “I’m ashamed to admit that I couldn’t bond with you when you were a baby. I wanted so much to feel the same explosion of happiness I’d felt when I was with Maxwell.” She lowered her head and wiped at the corners of her eyes. “I realize now that I was immature and needy. I desperately needed to recapture the emotions I felt when I was with Maxwell.” Grabbing her purse, Felicia dug out a tissue. “I kept searching for that with each relationship.” She shook her head and pursed her lips. “I should’ve put all that energy into being a better mother, creating a more stable life for you.” She sat down and took Maddie’s trembling hand. “I meant every word I said yesterday. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the best thing that happened to you.”

Maddie wanted to tell her that she’d never regretted being born. But her voice had disappeared again. She picked up the frosted glass and pressed it against her hot cheeks. Closing her eyes, she pictured a little girl who’d lost her parents and had been forced to live with a demented, violent aunt. She’d read Alex’s Pulitzer Prize–winning article about the system failing children
¾
children like her own mother and uncle.

Maddie opened her eyes and signaled for the waiter. “I think we could both use some dessert, after all. Something strong.” She ordered a molten chocolate cake with extra chocolate sauce.

The waiter placed the cake in the middle of the table, with two forks. Felicia chased the sweetness down with a cup of strong Kona coffee. Maddie enjoyed each bite with ice-cold milk.

“For the record, I didn’t always think of you as a storybook villain.” Maddie speared a piece of cake with her fork. Chocolate sauce oozed out the middle. “I appreciated how you brought me a hot water bottle and chamomile tea when I’d suffer that first day every month.”

Felicia smiled. “Tell me, which villain was I?”

Maddie blushed. “She looked like Glinda, but wore striped socks and flew on a broom.”

“Did a house fall on me?” Felicia laughed out loud. “I hope they were designer socks.”

“You have to give me props for making you a pretty villain.” Maddie sat back in her chair. “You baked the best cookies for my school’s bake sales—”

“I always hoped that would help the transition to a new school.” Felicia shook her head. “For the past few days, I’ve played our life together over in my mind.” She drew chocolate swirls with the tip of her fork. “What was I thinking, carting you across the country like that?”

“On the positive side, it’s helped me to be flexible, a low-maintenance traveler—”

“You don’t have to do this.” Felicia sighed. “There’s nothing positive about what I did.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to lighten the mood and since wisecracks are off the table…” She gave her mother a real smile. “Work with me. I used to be fascinated at the way you could create hair styles
¾
you could even make a ponytail look glamorous. You should have been a hairstylist.” She leaned forward. “The way you’d apply your makeup with the precision of a surgeon. I wanted to tell you so many times you didn’t need all that makeup
¾
two sets of false eyelashes. I guess having a tomboy was a nightmare for a girly girl like you.”

Felicia inhaled the coffee before drinking some. “You
wanted
to tell me?” She laughed again. “You did tell me. Many times. You also lectured me about these
lame
implants.”

“Guess I was a little opinionated.”

“
Was
?” She broke off a tiny piece of cake and ate it. “Don’t forget hyperactive, precocious, creative, fearless, inquisitive and did I mention fearless?” She put her fork down. “Do you know why I never ask about your career? Because I’m a coward. I used to read your travel columns in the beginning and I’d see pictures of you parachuting, rock climbing. That hang-gliding picture gave me heart palpitations. I’m sorry I didn’t keep up with your career but I couldn’t stomach it. I knew it was useless telling you not to go on those assignments.”

Maddie finished her milk. “You’re not a coward. You’re a survivor.” She stabbed at another chunk of cake. “I don’t know how brave I’d be under the same circumstances.”

Her mother regarded her with a serious expression. “You would have wiped the floor with those assholes.”

Maddie’s fork stopped in midair. “You said assholes.”

“And you gave me a compliment. See, people can change.” She wiped her mouth with the napkin and sat back. “I broke my engagement to Edmund because I want to stop filling the emptiness in my life with doomed relationships.”

Maddie scraped the chocolate syrup off the plate. “You going to fly solo for awhile?”

“That’s my plan.” She let out a short laugh. “For a long while, too.” She looked at Maddie without blinking. “God knows I have no right to ask you. But, I…I need you. Not the way I’ve needed you before, to boost me after a breakup or arrange another wedding. I’d like a different relationship with you than what we’ve had.” She reached out to touch Maddie’s hand. “What do you say we start over?”

Maddie put her fork down, inhaled a deep breath, met her mother’s hand and touched her fingertips. “Small steps, okay?”

“Sounds good.” Felicia nodded toward the patio door. Alex walked toward them. She smiled at him. “We demolished a whole cake, but can I order you some coffee or something to eat?”

“Not surprised about the cake.” He smiled and kissed Maddie. “Nothing for me, thanks. Ready?”

“I’ll go settle the bill.” Felicia stood. “I’m sure she’s had enough of me for one day.”

Maddie wiped her hands, got up, stepped into Alex’s arms and put her head on his shoulder.

He ran his hand through her hair. “You okay?”

She looked up at him. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Bits and pieces.” He kissed the top of her head. “How are you doing?”

“You know what they say. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I’m relieved she opened up. I’m so sad for her and Uncle G. It was a lot to take in, but it’s helped me understand her more…” She peered over Alex’s shoulder and cursed when she saw Crystal-Bitch-Washington.

“Well, lookie here.” Crystal approached them. “You two can’t keep your hands off—”

“Beat it.” Alex blew out a loud breath, turning to face the bitch. “Shouldn’t you be boning up on your obit writing?”

Maddie stepped out of his embrace. “She’s all mine this time.”

She wasn’t afraid of this woman. After what she’d heard this afternoon, tabloid gossip was small potatoes. High on chocolate cake and love—throbbing pain in her arm or not—Maddie felt she could take on the world. Or at least, one super bitchy diva who stood there gloating. “Yeah, I know all about you interrogating doctors at fertility clinics. Teaming up with a sleazy PI—”

Washington lifted a manicured brow. “Am I correct to assume Maxwell Hollister knows—”

“I’m not his daughter?” Maddie held back a laugh at her expression. She looked like someone had pulled the rug from under her. “I was conceived in a fertility clinic, but you already knew that, didn’t you? Now what? You going to threaten to embarrass me and my family? Blackmail my uncle again?”

Maddie walked toward her and stared her in the face. “You go right ahead and report whatever the hell you want. In fact, do a show about fertility clinics. I’ve read blogs from kids, teens and adults conceived unconventionally who are looking for information anywhere they can get it. This issue needs more attention. If that means starting with a trashy program like yours, so be it. With any luck, legitimate talk shows will jump on the issue afterward.

“Nobody,—” she air-poked Washington in the shoulder, “—not even you, can choose how they are conceived. You can also quote me word for word that I am grateful to Felicia Saunders and her anonymous sperm donor for giving me life. I sure as hell know I could’ve been born under worse conditions. I’m thankful I wasn’t.”

Washington glanced from Alex to Maddie. “Is it true your mother’s been married seven or is it nine times? Is that also up for discussion on my show?”

“You want the damn truth, I’ll give it to you.” Maddie stepped closer and didn’t look away. “She’s not a rapist, murderer, thief or cheesy talk show host. She fell in love a few times and it didn’t work out. So what? How many relationships have
you
been in that didn’t work out? How many? Huh?”

Washington didn’t answer.

“Yeah, I thought so. The difference is, women like my mother thought marriage was the answer and you, with as many relationships or even more under your belt, have not even been engaged, right? So let’s judge
you
on that basis. You are a commitment-phobic serial dater who is not loveable and is incapable of love herself. See, two can play this game.”

The Washington bitch laughed as only she could. “If I were to do a program on commitment phobia, lover boy over there would be the poster child for that show. You can do better.”

“Get the hell over it.” Maddie put her hand on her hip. “Your obsession with trying to stick it to an ex-boyfriend is junior high. And you’re clawing at the wrong kitty if you think I’m going to engage in an exchange about the man in my life.”

Washington sneered. “So you’re saying you don’t care if your story appears in the tabs?”

“Go. Right. Ahead. As a classy, intelligent man with great taste in women once said, ‘
I don’t care what people who would spend money on fabricated crap think about me.
’” She held her head high. “One final thing,
Ms. Crystal Clear
. Kiss my juicy booty.”

Washington clapped her hands. “Like I said before, it’s too bad we didn’t meet under different circumstances. I could like you.” She turned to leave, stopped and glared at Alex. “By the way, Saunders, your pictures have all been destroyed. And you’re too cooperative for a tabloid story to make it worthwhile. Consider it a get-well gift, since you didn’t want my chocolate.” She smirked. “However, I’ll keep my eye on you for anything ripe in the future.”

With that she turned and walked away.

Maddie turned to Alex. “She’s got something up her designer sleeve or she had a religious experience.”

“Never mind her.” He opened his arms. “Will I sound sappy if I tell you I’m proud of you?”

She gave him a wide smile. “Sappy’s cool.”

“Then come here.” She leaned into his embrace. “I’m proud of you.” He kissed her forehead then bowed. “Classy, intelligent man.” He wrapped his arm around her. “Thanks.”

“With great taste in women.” She kissed his chin. “Past women excluded.”