What a Girl Wants (37 page)

His expression again held understanding
¾
and a touch of disappointment, too. She could understand where that was coming from, but she wondered for a moment if there was something else. Maybe
he
needed
her
? If he did, then she would go to England after she settled Felicia with a counselor, push through her anxiety about relocating and be there for him.

“Alex, do you need me?”

He remained silent for so long, she thought he wasn’t going to answer. “I don’t need you.” He gently gripped her shoulders. “I love you. I want you. I’m in this relationship not only for me, but for
us.
I admire your compassion and strength, the way you’re not afraid to show your vulnerability. I love that you’re persistent and don’t take crap from me or anybody else. You’ve accepted the best and worse parts of me. I’m not in love with you because I need you or because I think you’re the sexiest woman alive. I want you in my life because I love you.”

He kissed her with such tenderness, Maddie swore she could hear angels weeping.

Releasing her slowly, she swayed a touch. “You’re it for me,” he said. “You’re not ready to relocate and I respect that. A long-distance relationship is going to be hard work, but it will also be the best damn work I’ve ever done. Like I told you in Hawaii, you’re worth it.

“We were instant friends and we’ve managed to always stay in touch, no matter where we were in the world. That’s never going to change. We’ll celebrate the good times together and I’ll have your back during the not-so-good times.”

Smiling, he wiped her tears. “I think you’re a helluva woman and I’m a lucky bastard. I want you the way you are, with all your quirks, kinks and badly rolled up toothpaste tubes.” He tugged on the sleeve of the sweatshirt she wore. “Borrowing my clothes
¾
”

She laughed through her tears. “You cannot take this sweatshirt with you. It stays with me.”

He picked up her hand and placed it over his heart. “What’s mine is yours.” He smiled. “How’s that for
sappy
?” They both laughed. “I’ll be racking up a ton of air miles. It’ll work out.”

Wiping her tears with her sleeve she let out a breath. “I know it will.”

“There’s something I want you to promise me.” He clasped his hands behind her back. “If something is bothering you or if I say something to piss you off, tell me straight out. I won’t be able to read you or see what’s going on miles away and I don’t want to waste any of our time when we are together trying to second guess you or figure it out.”

“Fair enough.” She kissed him. “Can we have phone make-up sex if we piss each other off?”

“Absolutely.” He ran his thumb down the side of her face. “If you need me to get my ass back here, you tell me. Whatever problems we have, we can work them out together. I will come back as often as possible. This relationship is my top priority.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “Deal?”

“Are you going to promise me the same thing?” she said. “Something could happen and you may need
my
support. Will you fess up if you need me for anything?”

He hesitated for a few beats and nodded. “Like a video of you singing and dancing naked?” He pulled her into the circle of his arms. “It’s going to be so damn hard being away from you.”

She waggled her brows. “It’s going to be
real hard
when we do get together.”

He chuckled. “I should have seen that coming.”

She ran her hand through his hair. “You usually do.”

“Dinner can wait.” He swooped her up into his arms. “Here’s one time where I like your idea about having dessert first.”

The next morning Maddie lay next to Alex in bed. Her face still felt flushed from their night of lovemaking, with a big emphasis on the
love
. “You game to have cake for breakfast?”

“I’ll have the leftover spaghetti. You knock yourself out.” He turned on his side and kissed her right shoulder. “Speaking of knocking yourself out, when you were in surgery, it was the longest three hours and fifteen minutes of my life. I prayed, bargained and at the risk of having my macho membership revoked, I broke down. I would have traded places with you in a New York minute if it were possible. I had faith in your strength and kick-ass attitude and that’s what kept me sane. But I’ll still worry—”

“Hmmm. Are you the same Alex who comes from the worrying-isn’t-going-to-prevent bad-things-from-happening
school of thought?”

He chuckled. “Not bad. Kristi told me about your Alex imitation. Anyway, be careful.”

“Back at you.” She pulled his head down for a long kiss. “Alex.” She forced the nervousness out of her voice. Why did mornings bring doubts? “We are going to make it, right?”

He didn’t respond. Instead, he threw back the covers and got out of bed. She drank in the sight of him as he scanned her acrylic cubes on the facing wall. Fully dressed he was mouthwatering—naked he was a heart-stopper. “What are you looking for?”

“Ah, found one.” He tossed her a FDNY baseball cap, then grabbed her cell phone off her night stand. Pressing the buttons on the phone, he said, “What were you asking me?”

Confused, she turned the baseball cap over in her hand and repeated her question. “I asked…well, are we going to be okay? We’re going to make it, right?”

Smiling he held up her cell phone while it launched into its ringtone.

She laughed and flung the cap in the air. “Damn straight. Oh yes we are going to make it.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Travel Journalist Maddie Saunders

has penned her first fiction novel,
What a Girl Wants.

Debut novels this witty and thought provoking are a rarity,

as are debuts weaving philosophy about life and love with

sass, intelligence and wit.

—
New York Headliner

One Year Later

New York City

Majic 580 AM Book Talk Radio Studio

“Welcome back, listeners. This is Anthony Michaels from Majic 580 Book Talk Radio.”

While the program’s host read the call letters and advertisements, Maddie thought how grateful she was this interview was on the radio and not television.

Anthony Michaels and the producer had reassured her that she was doing a fine job. Before she’d gone on the air, Reece and Felicia had reminded her about the extreme sports she loved so much and told her this would be a piece of cake compared to hang-gliding. Had they forgotten Maddie wasn’t
that
brave—she was paranoid about needles, weddings made her nauseous and clowns terrified her. Now she could add live radio interviews onto her list of neuroses.

More baggage. Great.

To calm her jittery nerves, she pulled out the memory of her last visit with Alex. Two months ago she’d traveled to Belize on an assignment and Alex had been able to join her for ten days and nine amazing nights.

Her lips curved on their own accord as a reel of the Belize adventure rolled through her mind. They’d zip-lined through the middle of the Belize jungle, hiked through the pristine rain forest, ventured deep into the caves, scuba dived and spent blissful nights in each other’s arms. Okay, that last vision made her squirm and heated up her cheeks. She took a sip of water and forced her attention to the host.

“For those of you just joining us,” Anthony said, “we’re here with Maddie Saunders, author of the newly released
What a Girl Wants
. Maddie is known for her bitingly funny, shoot-from-the-hip travel articles and books.” He leaned toward her. “
What a Girl Wants
seems to be a hybrid
¾
half travel book and the other half memoir. Is this book autobiographical?”

“Semi-autobiographical.” She smiled. “I’ve definitely drawn on incidents in my life, but there is a heavy dose of fiction there.”

“What was your inspiration for this book?”

“You mean besides the need to pay my rent and buy a new mountain bike
¾
and some good chocolate?” Anthony laughed, and she reassembled her thoughts. “Someone close to me encouraged me to write this book. For the better part of the year I was recuperating from elbow surgery, so it gave me an opportunity to dedicate a lot of time to research and writing.”

 “While the novel is entertaining, there are a few serious commentaries scattered throughout. For example, your protagonist, Madelina, was conceived in a fertility clinic. You did a great job showing how she struggled with her identity. Was it a challenge to tackle this issue and yet keep up the comedic tone of the book?”

“A lot of the humor came from my own life and people I’ve met in my travels. The challenge was to write a book about this issue without lecturing my readers. Madelina and the secondary characters are dealing with real-life concerns but I also wanted to present the reader with an entertaining read. My hope is that readers will come away feeling the book was worth their time and money.”

Anthony smiled and gave her an encouraging thumbs-up. “I agree with the reviews that say you’ve succeeded in blending humor with incredible insight.”

She thanked him and Anthony gave a hand signal to the producer. “Okay, we have time for a few calls. Let’s go to the phones.” He clicked on a button on his computer keyboard. “Catherine from Philadelphia. Welcome to the show. You have a question for Maddie Saunders?”

“Yes,” Catherine from Philadelphia said. “Miss Saunders, I also enjoy your magazine articles and hope you’ll continue writing about Madelina’s adventures.”

“Thank you, Catherine. A sequel is in the works.”

“What things do you and Madelina have in common?”

“Madelina and I share a similar history. We’re both writers with characters taking up space rent-free in our heads. She’s spontaneous, tends to go full speed ahead without much planning and she loves chocolate. However, that’s where the similarity ends.” She smiled. “She’s much thinner, can balance a check book, is a great cook and rides a Harley.”

“Thank you for calling, Catherine.” Anthony pressed another button. “Jones from Chicago.”

“Hey, Anthony,” Jones from Chicago said. “After my wife and I read the book, we discussed it and decided that I would go back to the fertility clinic where I was a donor a few years ago and allow them to give my personal information to the child or children created with my donation. I, too, was like the donors in your book and compared my donation to a blood donation.”

“What changed your mind?” Anthony asked.

“We read Miss Saunders’s book, and it sunk in that there are kids out there that maybe need to know who the man behind the scene is, know what I mean? I also wanted to say that I liked how Miss Saunders showed different types of donors. Some guys donate for the money and some because they want to give a woman a chance to have a family. I wanted to call in and say I hope other men do the same thing.”

“Thank you, Jones,” Maddie said. “I’ve heard from other donors. On behalf of the children you created, I am pleased that you will allow them access to your information.”

“Next we have Lily from Long Island,” Anthony said. “Go ahead, Lily.”

 “Hi, Anthony, love your show. Miss Saunders, I enjoyed your book. Will you be able to find out who your biological father is like the heroine in your book?”

“In my case, it’s not possible for me to obtain that information.”

“How are you dealing with that?” Anthony asked.

When she was asked this question by interviewers her knee-jerk reaction was to come up with a one-liner to cover up the lingering disappointment. She was far more comfortable writing about the issue than discussing it with people outside her intimate circle. However, since she’d put it out there in a book she had to deal with the curiosity and hoped it helped someone who was going through what she went through. She pushed through her anxiety and answered the question.

“A lot of people have had to deal with unresolved pain at some point in their life. When I find myself in a funk about this or anything else, I allow myself to wallow for a short time.” She smiled. “My good friends Ben and Jerry and Godiva are extremely supportive during this stage.”

Anthony chuckled and Maddie continued, “Since finding out about the circumstances surrounding my conception, I am more aware of people I come in contact with
¾
on the subway, at the movie theater. I give them an extra smile. After all, they could be someone I’m related to. Those of us who have experienced this don’t get over it, we get through it, like everything else, one day at a time.”

Anthony clicked on his keyboard and read from the screen. “We have an e-mail from Diane in Texas. Diane writes: “As a child conceived through a sperm bank, I related to the heroine’s plight in
What a Girl Wants
and felt like there was someone else out there who understood my feelings. I loved the author’s note at the end of the book. I’ve typed it up and pasted it on my fridge as a daily reminder. Thank you.”

Maddie swallowed a lump in her throat. Since the book’s launch, she’d received e-mails from many, many people who’d shared their own conception stories. More than the reviews or book sales, this had been the best payoff, knowing her book had given someone a smile and let them know they were not alone.

Anthony picked up a copy of the book and handed it to Maddie. “Would you like to read the author’s note Diane is referring to for our audience?”

Maddie nodded and opened the book to the last page. “When I didn’t know how I was conceived, I was an average gal, working, playing, enjoying and living life the best way I knew how. And then I found out I was conceived through a fertility clinic and discovered I would never know who my father was, or anything about my paternal heritage. And yet, there I was, still an average gal, working, playing, enjoying and living life the best way I knew how.

“Embracing and being thankful for the family and friends I
do
have instead of yearning for the family I cannot know or have has helped erase the hollowness I felt when I first found out. When I consider my good health, sense of humor, adventurous side, creative gifts and even my quirky phobias, I am grateful that the two people responsible for creating me existed.”

“Well done,” Anthony said. “We have time for one more question.” He pressed a button. “We have Rick from Connecticut.”

“Maddie,” Rick said. “First let me say you have an infectious laugh. And from the picture on your book jacket
¾
nice. You should be on television, not radio. Great smile—”

“Hey, Rick.” Anthony laughed. Maddie felt herself blush. “Are you ready for a question for Maddie or do you need a few minutes to hose yourself down?”

“He’ll need a padded seat to sit on after I’m done with him,” a female voice interrupted.

Rick laughed. “That would be my
beautiful
girlfriend on the other line. She’s visiting from California and said she was too shy to speak on the radio.”

“I lost my shyness,” a female voice giggled. “Rick’s a big flirt.”

“What’s your name, Rick’s girlfriend from California?” Anthony asked.

“Nora. Hi, Anthony, love your show. Hi, Maddie. Rick and I both enjoyed your book. We could relate to Madelina and her boyfriend’s long-distance relationship. We’ve been dating for six months and we’re finding it tough. Madelina and her boyfriend seem to have handled it well even with all those incidents
¾
lost luggage, PMS, phone arguments. Boy, Rick and I can relate to hanging up on each other—”

“Do you have a question for Maddie, Nora?” Anthony interrupted.

“Oh yeah,” she answered. “You wrote it so realistically. Is this something you’ve experienced too?”

At first, Alex hadn’t been keen on their relationship challenges being exposed in the novel, but his qualms had only lasted a few minutes. Ultimately, he’d given her his full support and even offered some anecdotes. Of course she’d embellished them in her book. Some of them, anyway.

The universe had, indeed, tested their love and patience many times with flight cancellations, food poisoning, lost luggage and much, much more. Maddie had flown to London to surprise Alex on his birthday. The surprise was on her, because he was filming a documentary in Croatia and by the time she tracked him down, it was time for her to fly to Canada for a contracted assignment.

Christmas was a nightmare. Alex’s plane was rerouted to Frankfurt because of bad weather, and he never made it home, but they did ring in the New Year together. Sort of. When he arrived, he found Maddie sick with the flu. By the time she was fully recuperated, he had to leave.

“Thank you,” Maddie said. “I’m glad you both enjoyed the book. I interviewed a few couples who were coping with long-distance romance and yes, I’m in a similar relationship.”

“How’s that going?” Anthony asked. “Any advice for our listeners?”

“What’s helped us is keeping in touch daily via phone calls, text messages or e-mails. We have a time difference and busy careers to cope with, but we make the time to talk at least once a day, more if we can swing it. If one of us is in a down mood, we try to cheer the other one up.”

Alex text-messaged her every morning. She looked forward to waking up to those messages. It had been two months since she’d last seen him. God, how she missed him. She bit back a wistful sigh.

Maddie glanced at her watch. It was three o’clock—which meant it was nine p.m. in London. He had fired off a quick e-mail to let her know he’d try to listen to the show on the Internet, but he was working on a deadline and couldn’t promise anything. They’d only communicated via e-mails for the past four days. She ached to hear his voice. They’d never gone more than two days without talking live.

 “Yeah, we try to do that, too,” Rick said. “We’re hoping we can keep this up.”

“That’s all we have time for today,” Anthony said. “I’d like to thank Maddie Saunders for joining us. Stay tuned for information on where to purchase a copy of
What a Girl Wants
…”

Maddie left the radio station, hopped in a cab, went home and changed into Alex’s Yankees sweatshirt— she always wore it when she missed him the most. She sat by the window, eating Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, looking down at the park, where the rain pelted the park benches.

Her phone rang. It was Reece.

“You sounded great,” Reece said.

She swallowed a spoonful of ice cream. “Thanks.”

“Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t sound as perky as you did on the radio.”

“I’m good.” She dug into the tub. “You know, the usual. I miss Alex. I used up my adrenaline on the show. Did I mention I miss Alex? Enough about me, how’s work? Busy?”

She let her mind drift while Reece answered. She had the feeling Alex had wanted to tell her to get her ass over to London a few times—but he never had. Of course there were times she’d wanted to tell him to get his ass home—but she never had. When they were together it was like they’d never been apart.

A few times they had let the separation get the better of them and snapped at each other. There had been a few loud discussions, a time or two where one would hang up on the other, but they’d recovered quickly and talked it through until it was resolved.

With a deafening beat of her heart, she realized there were two more years of this. She squeezed her eyes shut. That thought gave her anxious butterflies, but she calmed down thinking about the decision she had made last week.

“…it means more money, so I can get a bigger place.” Reece said. “Hey, you still there?”

Shit. “I’m sorry, Reece. I zoned out. I’m listening now. What were you saying?”