What Just Happened? (32 page)

D
ICK
:
You're fired!

B
EN
: You're fired? Wow, terrible … did he happen to say …

Dick pushes the power button and moves his reclining seat straight up placing his face right next to Ben's
.

D
ICK
: … and then my biggest fucking client, my biggest paying client, the one responsible for my mortgage, hung up the phone.

Ben puts a consoling arm around Dick. Dick looks like he is about to dry heave, Ben backs off, hands him a bowl next to the mirror but Dick controls it
.

B
EN
: Ooo, Dick … I'm sorry … man, you are strong.

D
ICK
: Is ‘strong' a euphemism for ‘uninsultable'?

B
EN
: No. But I couldn't help but admire … I mean you're still smiling … did he add anything else, about, you know, the movie? The beard? The weight?

D
ICK
: Can't you once let this moment be about me?

B
EN
: You're right. You're right. It is your moment … (
Ben hands him a towel
) I was just wondering … he must of talked about his plans …

D
ICK
: Not really.

B
EN
: He said nothing?

D
ICK
: Nothing.

B
EN
: That is not good. That bastard's gonna kill us all.

Ben, thinking out his next move, gazes out the window down Montana Avenue toward the Aero Theater. Between two Range Rovers, Ben sees what he thinks is Kelly. He gets momentarily distracted
.

B
EN
: Uhh … if … hold on.

D
ICK
: I'm not going to call him.

B
EN
: Of course not. You shouldn't.

TIGHT ANGLE ONTO BEN. He takes one more look across the street. BEN'S POV: FUCK! IT IS KELLY, he's almost sure. And she's leaning against the car in the shadows and wait a minute! COULD THAT BE Scott moving in and passionately kissing her? Tongue and all?

B
EN
: … I'm going to be right back …

D
ICK
: Ben, what're you doing?

B
EN
: I thought I saw … It doesn't matter.

EXT. NAIL SALON—NIGHT

Ben, in the cheap thongs, waddles to the street. IS THAT SCOTT'S HAND CREEPING UP KELLY'S SKIRT BETWEEN HER THIGHS! But by the time he gets across Montana Avenue, the kissing couple is gone
.

Cut to:

OMITTED

OMITTED

EXT. BEN'S APARTMENT—DAY

Ben leaves for Jack's funeral
.

INT. HOLLYWOOD CEMETERY CHAPEL THURSDAY

a tight shot of the word
‘what?'

SUPER
: 10:00
AM

As the camera slowly pulls back we see the rest of the expansive oil painting which is adjacent to an array of huge black-and-white blow-up photos of Jack (the dead guy we've been talking about) perched on giant easels. The photographs reveal an irresistibly kind and attractive-looking young man.
A WIDE ANGLE OF hundreds of mourners who are slowly gathering inside the Hollywood Cemetery. An organ is playing a rather spirited version of
‘My Way.'
Indeed, Jack is dead. And they've all come out to pay their respects
.

By the time Ben arrives, it's standing room only. Ben surveys the Hollywood crowd, acknowledges friends and acquaintances with a subdued and understanding smile
.

As Ben is about to sit down, he notices, from all the way across the chapel, underneath one of Jack's photos and next to the treasured oil painting, four young, nubile, and beautiful teenage girls huddled and crying. They're holding flowers
.

At first Ben reflects an almost jealous admiration for the postmortem love that Jack is getting. But, WAIT A SECOND!

Is that, Zoe? Is that Ben's beautiful daughter from his first marriage, one of the girls, IN DEEP SORROW OVER A DEAD AGENT?

He makes his way through the throng toward Zoe
.

Meanwhile, Scott, his writer friend who's surreptitiously sleeping with his ex-wife, enters the chapel
.

B
EN
: Hi Zoe. What are you doing here?

Zoe turns, revealing her tearstained face
.

Z
OE
: I … oh … God.

Zoe turns back to her friends and tries to hold back further tears. Ben puts his arm around her
.

B
EN
: Terrible, terrible thing.

Z
OE
: Yeah, it is. The worst …

Zoe and one of her friends tenderly touch Jack's chin on the photo
.

B
EN
: To care so much …

Z
OE
: It's been really hard.

B
EN
: I know … I didn't know that you knew Jack.

You knew him?

Z
OE
: (
wiping her tears
) Yes.

B
EN
: How?

Z
OE
: Dad, it's really not the time.

Ben notices Zoe is wearing a man's necktie loosely knotted around her neck over a very tight T-shirt
.

B
EN
: Is that tie … Jack's?

Zoe nods
.

B
EN
: For God's sake, it's ten o'clock in the morning, you should be in high school.

Z
OE
: Oh please.

Scott approaches Ben and Zoe
.

S
COTT
: Hello, Ben.

B
EN
: Not now.

Scott takes Ben aside
.

S
COTT
: I want to talk to you about something. Can we talk later?

B
EN
: (
bolsters himself
) Why not … no, let's do it now. Let's get it over with.

S
COTT
: No, we'll do it after the service.

B
EN
: Fine. I'm ready.

Scott walks off
.

Ben moves Zoe farther away from the photos. He repositions himself so he can talk to her privately
.

B
EN
: I mean … you … Jack … when did you have time to
know
each other.

Z
OE
: Does that really matter?

B
EN
: Honey, I know, I know but … was there any intimacy.

Zoe gets tears in her eyes and rolls her eyes at the same time
.

Z
OE
: What difference does it make now?

B
EN
: It makes a big difference. He blew his brains out!

Zoe turns away. Ben pulls her back
.

B
EN
: Sorry. That was harsh … but I mean, … I don't know … an agent!

Z
OE
: He was wonderful. He was gentle. He taught me so much about me.

B
EN
: He took drugs.

Z
OE
: Dad … He touched me.

B
EN
: Where?

Zoe's had enough
.

Z
OE
: Everywhere?

She rejoins her girlfriends. The organ player is now playing Sting's
‘
Every Breath You Take
.'

B
EN
: You're a kid.

Ben, slightly rocked, makes his way slowly back across the chapel. Throngs of people still huddled around waiting for the proceedings to start. Ben squeezes past two agents and a movie executive
.

Y
OUNG SUIT
: Hey Ben,
como esta amigo
. (
surveying the room
) Nice crowd. Jack has never been so hot.

A
GENT
#1: Believe me, most of Colombia is grieving.

Y
OUNG SUIT
: If I only had one tenth of Jack's pussy … one tenth. Where did he find them? High school?

B
EN
: I don't know, Joe.

But he's had enough
.

R
ABBI
: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please. Can you please take your seats. Turn your cell phones off. Our service for Jack will begin in just a moment.

The organ music stops
.

Ben moves down the row, takes his seat next to Dick, while taking one last look at Zoe. For the first time, he's starting to look as desperate as Dick
.

R
ABBI
: Few people knew, and truly understood Jack, as well as this man.

NEW ANGLE from the wings, the Actor (Ben's star and Dick's ex-client) walks out to the pulpit to deliver the eulogy
.

B
EN
: (
whispers to Dick
) Oh my god, he looks even thicker and hairier than he did yesterday.

A
CTOR
: Morning … This is a tough one. So young. So final. Jack. Gregory. Levine. McDonagh. Not just an agent …

He deliberately scans the vast assemblage of Hollywood folk, his eyes linger when he spots Ben and Dick. He takes his time
.

A
CTOR
: I see so many people out there that I would rather be eulogizing today than … Jack.

A beat. Scattered awkward laughter
.

A
CTOR
: When a life gets cut short we all feel saddened. But, when it had the promise, the vision, the optimism,
the decency, the generosity that Jack exhibited in an industry that, let's face it, is often known for mercilessly punishing and devouring its own …

Ben leans into Dick, whispers
.

B
EN
: Do you know that stuff you take when you have to pack. You know …

D
ICK
: Klonopin?

Ben nods
.

B
EN
: If I could have one …

Dick hands him two. Ben swallows them. He glances at the pulpit
.

ANGLE on the bearded movie star
.

A
CTOR
: But Jack transcended his competition. I have never seen so many agents from other agencies attend a funeral for one of their most wicked competitors. I'll be honest, my first reaction was to assume that most of you were here to steal Jack's important clients while they were still in a weakened condition, rather than pay your respects. But maybe that's just my cynicism …

Angle on Ben and Dick
.

B
EN
: He fired you, you're better off.

D
ICK
: I'm comfortable with it.

B
EN
: Tomorrow, at four, he shaves that fucking beard or the whole picture goes down.

D
ICK
: Call me crazy, but I don't … AARGH … excuse me, I don't think he gives a shit.

ANGLE on the bearded actor
.

A
CTOR
: But I see true respect and love here. Nothing like the apocryphal story when the feared studio head, Harry Cohn, died. The turnout at that funeral was massive. Billy Wilder was asked ‘why did so many people show up for such a hated man' and Mr. Wilder said, ‘it's that old showbiz adage, give the audience what they want and they will come.'

Audience laughs
.

We can be proud to know that this famous old Hollywood and Vine tale does not apply here. Jack, Jack was
special. Jack. Gregory. Levine. McDonagh. He offered hope and passion that has not been around these hills for many a year. Everyone knows this is a tough town. As Hunter Thompson once told me, ‘Bruce, my boy, the movie business is a cruel and shallow money trench, where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs,' and then he added … ‘and there's also the negative side.'

Audience snickers again. He almost points at Ben
.

A
CTOR
: That's why we feel such pain today. The bit of heaven Jack brought to Hollywood he took away with him. He was adored by both women and men. He had the heart of an artist because he genuinely cared about the artist. And so it is that today is the day for goodbyes, but before we say good-bye to our friend Jack …

We slowly push in on Ben and Dick, who stare back expressionlessly
.

Cut to:

EXT. HOLLYWOOD CEMETERY CHAPEL

Wide Angle
.

With the eulogy and ceremony completed, the multitude of mourners are slowly making their way to the grave site, walking through a manicured parking lot adjacent to the head stones
.

Scott sees Ben and hurries to join him
.

S
COTT
: That was a good send-off.

B
EN
: I thought so.

S
COTT
: Listen, I've got a situation I'd like to share with you.

B
EN
: Share? Is that a word you're comfortable with? Like as in ‘what's mine is yours.'

S
COTT
: Well, yeah … But you should hear it first.

B
EN
: Or how ‘bout ‘
mi casa es su casa
.' Are you comfortable with that?

S
COTT
: I think if we talk about it, we might be able to come to some mutual understanding.

B
EN
: Mutual understanding? Are we negotiating?

S
COTT
: No. We'll save that for later …

CAMERA SLOWLY MOVES INTO A TIGHT ANGLE OF BEN'S FACE, who, out of nowhere, SNAPS
.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD CEMETERY CHAPEL/DREAM

B
EN
: Later? We'll talk about my ex-wife later?!

S
COTT
: No. What?

B
EN
: You use MY EX-FUCKING-BED TO SLEEP WITH MY EX-FUCKING-WIFE! IN MY EX FUCKING HOUSE!

He grabs Scott by the throat
.

B
EN
: AND YOU WANT TO NEGOTIATE?