What She Left for Me (15 page)

She drove back through town, noting a florist she’d missed on her previous examination. Pulling into a parking place, Jana thought it might be nice to take some flowers to Taffy. Why couldn’t she have had a mother like Taffy?

The window held a display of baskets and greenery with a large fifty-percent-off sign overhead. Jana opened the door, hearing a little bell ring somewhere in the shop. An older woman appeared at the counter, soon followed by another. They smiled sweetly and welcomed her in unison.

“Good morning!”

“Hi. I’d like to pick up a bouquet for my aunt, but I’m not sure what to get,” Jana said, looking around the tiny room. Stuffed animals and potted plants were positioned next to crockery, candles, and ceramic vases. Several signs advertised that
Mother’s Day has come and gone, but fathers like flowers too.
Father’s Day had never meant much to Jana except to serve as a reminder that she had no father.

“You’re not from here, are you?” the woman with white hair asked.

“No, but my great-aunt is. You might know her . . . Taffy Anderson?”

“Oh, of course we know Taffy. Why, we’re dear friends. We go to the same church,” declared the woman with brown hair. “I’m Myrna and this is Trudy.”

Jana smiled. “I’m Jana McGuire, her great-niece.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure. We’re so glad to meet you,” Trudy said as Myrna nodded.

“Likewise.” Jana gazed at the cut flowers in the refrigerated display case. “Do you know what Aunt Taffy likes?”

“But of course. She loves the wild flower look,” Myrna replied. She turned, assessed the displays, and shook her head. “I’ll put something together. What price range did you have in mind?”

Money wasn’t such an issue anymore, but even so, Jana didn’t want to be too frivolous. “I hadn’t really thought about that.”

“We can do up a nice bouquet for fifteen—just don’t tell anyone. It’s our Taffy special,” Trudy said with a grin. Myrna nodded and disappeared around the corner as if it were already settled.

Jana couldn’t imagine that fifteen dollars would make much of a bouquet, but surely it would be adequate. “That would be perfect.” She reached into her purse and shuffled the things there in order to take out her billfold. Pulling out a five and a ten, she looked at Trudy. “What’s the total?”

“Just fifteen. There’s no sales tax in Montana. It’s a source of contention among the residents, and every so often we think they’ll surely change it, but so far they haven’t.”

Jana handed over the money. “Well, it’s nice not to have to worry about it.”

“How does this look?” Myrna asked, coming out with a nice-sized bouquet of daisies, lilies, and other flowers Jana couldn’t identify.

“Oh, put in a few orange dahlias,” Trudy instructed. “Those are some of her favorites.”

The two women fussed over the arrangement until they had it exactly the way they wanted. Jana was certain it was worth more than fifteen dollars but figured the women were throwing in what they wanted without thought to price in order to please their friend.

“There. It’s perfect,” the ladies said in unison.

“Thank you. I know Aunt Taffy will love it.”

Trudy topped the vase off with water and handed the arrangement to Jana. “Are you sure you can get this home okay? Is someone riding with you?”

She hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t have anyone with me, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. I don’t have far to go.”

“We have a kind of holder,” Trudy said, turning to Myrna. “Run and get one of those boxes.”

Jana started to protest, but Myrna was already on her way. She quickly returned with a little fitted box that they popped the vase into. It would help stabilize it, Jana realized. “Thanks again.”

“You come back soon,” Myrna said.

“Yes. Any niece of Taffy’s is always welcome here,” Trudy added.

Jana thought them two of the sweetest women she’d ever met. Their generosity and love for Taffy was most sincere. Smiling to herself, Jana pushed out the door, paying no attention to the man who happened to be entering at the same time.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she said as they collided outside the door. Water splashed from the vase and trickled down the front of his shirt.

Jana looked up to meet the stranger’s startled expression. “It’s not a problem,” he said, wiping the water away.

“I feel awful. I wasn’t paying any attention.” Jana gauged the man to be somewhere in his early thirties, perhaps even his late twenties.

He laughed and shook his head. “It’s really no big deal. Here, let me help you. Is your car nearby?”

“It’s over there,” Jana said, pointing as he took the flowers in hand.

“Ah, the Washington tags. So are you here visiting someone?” He followed her to the car.

“I’ve moved in with my great-aunt.” Jana had fully intended to stop with that but for some reason added, “I’m going through a divorce.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Is there no chance of working things out?”

His question surprised Jana. She couldn’t keep the sarcasm from her tone. “Not unless he gives up his secretary. I doubt she’d want to lose what she has with him.”

The man frowned. “That does make it kind of bad.”

“Tell me about it,” Jana said, opening the door for him to put the flowers on the seat. “You can put those there.”

He quickly complied, then straightened. He held on to the open car door and smiled. “Life doesn’t always work out the way we think it should. I’m sorry you’re going through such a bad time. Look, I’m the pastor of a small church here. We’d love to have you come. In fact, if you aren’t busy tonight, my family and I would love to have you over for dinner.” He let go of the door and reached into his back pocket. Pulling out his wallet, he handed her a business card. “My address is listed under the one for the church.”

Jana refused to look at the card in her hand. She’d taken it while still in a stunned state of mind. Another pastor! What was she, some sort of magnet for them?

“I’m not interested in church right now,” she said, staring at the man hard. “My husband was the pastor of our church in Spokane. Pastors aren’t high on my list right now. Neither is God.”

He seemed unshaken. “I can understand why. You probably feel that when your husband deserted you, he took God with him.”

His answer took her by surprise. “Yes . . . well . . . I need to be going.” She turned to walk to the driver’s side. “Please close that door.”

He did as she asked, then came around to her side of the car. “Could I at least pray for you?”

Jana stopped and turned. “No.”

“But why? It can’t hurt.”

Jana felt her throat tighten. “Neither can it help. So why bother?”

****

Eleanor glanced out her bedroom window as Jana pulled into the drive. Having spent the last thirty minutes on a call to New York, Eleanor was relieved to finally be free of the phone and conversation. She longed for a peaceful afternoon, but Jana’s arrival was a sure sign against such a thing.

Watching her daughter struggle to take flowers from the car, Eleanor wondered who in the world they were for.

“Surely she isn’t bringing them to apologize to me,” Eleanor murmured, though she was unable to deny she would have liked that very much. Jana had been nothing but rude and angry with her since her arrival.

Eleanor straightened and walked to the mirror. She assessed the red blouse and black slacks. Running the brush through her short blond hair, Eleanor steadied her nerves.
If the flowers are for me,
she told herself,
I’ll be gracious and apologize for the comment I made about getting an abortion. It was wrong to suggest such a thing and I didn’t actually mean it, but I was upset. I don’t want her to endure the things I’ve had to go through.

But you could make it better for her,
her heart protested.
You could offer her all the emotional support you never had.

Eleanor considered the thought for a moment. No, it would cost too much. Not in money, because she had plenty of that. But rather in what she would have to risk. If she helped Jana and made her feel safe and protected, then Jana was taken from her or somehow betrayed her, what then? And how much better off would Jana be if she came to depend on Eleanor and then Eleanor could suddenly no longer help?

“I can’t make this easy on her,” Eleanor told herself. “She’ll grow weak, and then the world will destroy her. The only reason she’s still standing today is because of the strength I gave her.”

Eleanor squared her shoulders and moved to the door. “If the flowers are for me, I’ll be kind and gracious, but nothing more. I won’t give her a false sense of hope.”

Descending the stairs, Eleanor could hear Jana and Taffy in animated discussion. Jana was laughing about something and Taffy responded.

“Oh, but we’ve been friends for a long time. You’ll like getting to know Trudy and Myrna a little better. They are wonderful cooks and make some of the nicest crafts. They sell things every year at the different festivals.”

“Well, they certainly love you.”

Eleanor stood in the hall, not knowing whether to intrude on the conversation or not.

“They are such dears. And they make a beautiful arrangement. I’m going to enjoy these by putting them right on the dining room buffet. That way we can see them at every meal.”

Eleanor turned and headed back to the stairs. The flowers were for Taffy. She should have known. No one in her life had ever brought her flowers; why should that tradition be broken now? Especially by a daughter she scarcely knew. She pushed aside the disappointment and strengthened her resolve. She had almost let her guard down too much, and look at what it had done to her. She was upset that a simple bouquet of flowers wasn’t for her, and there was no reason to be.

“That girl will mean nothing but grief to me. Her coming here was a big mistake.”

Fourteen

Several days later, Jana drove home from the doctor’s office. The small clinic was completely up-to-date, but they informed her that their patients generally gave birth in Missoula at the nearest full-service hospital. Jana didn’t find that at all convenient. No doubt when the baby’s due date drew near, she’d have to figure out the details of getting to the hospital, but for now she wasn’t going to worry about it.

She had also learned by checking the phonebook and talking to Taffy that there were a couple of good lawyers in town. Jana thought about the divorce papers that now sat on her dresser at home. She’d finally forced herself to read through them the night before. The words were so cold and indifferent. Two years of marriage were summed up to no more than a few pages of legal mumbo jumbo.

Rob had been true to his word. He hadn’t wanted anything more than what he’d taken, which he classified as “personal items.” How the microwave and video camcorder fit into that category was beyond Jana, but she decided she didn’t care. She would divorce him without protest. That way it would be fast, and hopefully no one would ever even know about the baby.

Her mother had told Jana that legally she would have to declare the baby to the court—that she wouldn’t be able to let that issue remain untold. But Jana had other plans. She had no desire for Rob to play any role in her baby’s life. In her heart, however, she knew that would be unfair, especially given her own past. She had longed so many times for a father in her life.

“And now you want to do that to your baby?” she asked herself. “You know how hard it was, how sad it was . . . and still you’re willing to keep Rob out of the child’s life?”

A million emotions swirled around her. None of this was fair. If she did the right thing and told Rob and the court about the baby, things could change. Rob could wake up to the realization of what he was about to lose. But did Jana want a husband who would leave his mistress and return to his wife because of a child on the way? Furthermore, why should Jana even believe that he wanted a child? What if she told him about the baby and then he rejected it—told her to get an abortion, just as her mother had suggested?

Jana didn’t know what the right answer was. She was steeped in these thoughts when she pulled into the driveway, but her confusion was instantly pushed aside at the sight before her.

Taffy and Stanley were working frantically and laughing themselves silly, all in the midst of a birdbath fountain gone mad. Water was spraying everywhere, and just as either Taffy or Stanley managed to grab hold of the hose and reposition it, a new direction of spray would assault one or the other or both.

Jana sat behind the wheel for a moment, smiling to herself. Taffy was always having such fun. Much more fun than Jana had ever had. In fact, Jana knew if the same thing were happening to her, she’d be furious. She’d be angry that nothing was working out right, and she’d probably give up and let someone else figure it out.

But not Taffy. The woman simply wouldn’t be defeated. She chose to enjoy herself, even in the middle of adversity. No doubt such an attitude kept her young.

“I want what she’s got,” Jana murmured to herself. “If only I could figure out her secret.”

Jana stepped out of the car and called, “Is it safe to approach or should I put on armor and take up a weapon?”