Whatever It Takes (8 page)

“I’ll go level this beast.” He reached to stroke her arm as though it were the natural thing to do and regretted it when she flinched.

She recovered quickly and trailed her fingers lightly down his forearm. “I’ll straighten up in here.”

He stepped out of the RV and paced back and forth the length of it. What had reawakened the fear he’d seen in her eyes just now? If he could find the scum who’d kidnapped her as a child and done unspeakable things to her, he’d make
her
killing spree look tame. He stopped abruptly when the truth finally hit him.

She was afraid of
him
. Damn! He was the one who’d been kissing and hugging on her all evening like it was his right. She had no say in it—­it was for the mission. It was for Marco—­that’s what he’d told her. God, what a jerk he’d been. Nate had exercised his authority and given no thought to how being manhandled, as she called it, would stir old memories within her.

He was attracted to her. Had been since day one, but that was no excuse for letting his libido run wild with ideas of seducing her as soon as they were alone, plying her with more wine until her defenses were down. Okay, he hadn’t done that on purpose, but the result was the same.

Goddamn it!
Had he really stooped so low?

Nate stalked around the outside of the motor home until he got the worst of his self-­loathing out of his system. In the process, he hooked up the lights and water and managed to get the RV leveled. When he couldn’t stall any longer, he forced the frown from his face before he opened the door and climbed the steps.

Alex sat cross-­legged on the sofa, her long, silky tresses cascading over her shoulders. She’d changed into a short red T-­shirt and charcoal gray running shorts. Her shy smile was tinged with uncertainty.

His breath caught. He should go sleep in the desert—­now. He could tell her he was scouting out the area—­standing guard—­anything. Why did he want this woman so damn bad? He ached to reach out, brush the loose tendrils behind her ear, and plant a kiss there, then run the tip of his tongue over her ear and hear her soft moan. He caught himself before he stepped closer. Shit! He was pathetic.

Stereotypically poor lighting cast shadows on the inside of the motor home. She’d been busy. The groceries and fishing gear were all neatly stowed out of sight, and the bed in the back was spread with the two sleeping bags he’d brought. The sight drew a groan from him.

Alex unfolded her legs, stood, and padded on bare feet to the small counter by the sink where the bottle of Merlot sat, already open. She poured some in two of the paper cups they’d purchased at the last minute, and her eyes gleamed triumphantly when she twirled and held one out to him.

“I’ve never used a corkscrew before.” She cocked her head to the side. “It was a trial, but I persevered.”

Refuse it. Just what I don’t need—­another glass of wine!
He reached for the cup. “Good job, and I like what you’ve done with the place.”

“Thanks.” The sparkle in her eyes made him dizzy.

What in the hell am I doing?
He watched with interest as she returned to the sofa, her hips swaying gently from side to side with each step. When she sat, leaving enough room for him beside her, the thread of reason he’d discovered outside deserted him completely.

“I turned the hot water heater on. I thought maybe you’d want a shower before you go to bed.” She took a sip of her wine, the Merlot staining her lips a darker red.

“That sounds great.”
Cold water is what I’ll be using, though.
He sat beside her.

“I know we were just pretending, but I had fun tonight. I wanted to thank you.” A hint of red appeared on her cheeks.

Disgust burned in Nate’s gut. “Fun? What part was fun for you?” Guilt spiked to an all-­time high, making his tone sharper than he’d intended.

Crimson poured into her cheeks and she broke eye contact. “You know . . . pretending to be married . . . like we were on a date . . . or something . . .”

Nate pushed to his feet, stepped to the table, and set his cup down. “Listen—­pretending is one thing. Kissing you and putting my hands all over you like a horny schoolboy is something else. That should never have happened. I apologize, and it won’t happen again.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, flayed by the stricken expression she turned on him. “You need to know you can trust me and that you don’t have to do anything for me, or this mission, that you’re not comfortable with.”

Alex bit her lip and it was obvious she struggled with her emotions for a few seconds. When she finally met his gaze, anger shimmered in her eyes. It contrasted sharply with her sad smile.

“Did you
really
think I would?” The words dripped with despair and shame. “Of course you did, because that’s what I grew up doing—­anything and everything I was told to do, no matter how evil or disgusting. That’s all I know, right? I couldn’t possibly have a mind of my own. I’m not stupid. I know what you think of me—­what you see when you look at me.” Her voice broke. “I thought you were different. Thanks for the reality check, Nate.” She rose and dumped the rest of her wine down the sink.

Nate took a step toward her. “No. I didn’t . . .”

“Don’t. Don’t touch me, and I don’t want to talk to you anymore tonight either.” She sidestepped him, strode to the back of the RV, and crawled into one of the sleeping bags on the bed, pulling it over her head.

Way to go, asshole!
So much for trying to do the right thing, but none of what she said was true. He didn’t believe for a minute she would give up anything if it wasn’t her idea. If there was one thing he’d learned, it was that she did her own thinking. That’s what he liked about her. Too bad he’d let his guilt over wanting her and taking liberties he hadn’t earned fill his mouth with words that had obviously struck a nerve.

Nate grabbed the edge of the countertop and gave the fixture a shove. He’d been operating under the assumption she was firmly entrenched in the role of his wife. That what had passed between them, at least for her part, had been required—­even demanded—­by his prerequisites for allowing her to come. What if she hadn’t been pretending either? What if she had enjoyed the evening simply because they’d had fun getting to know each other? His suggestion that she would blindly follow any orders he gave her—­even to jump in the sack with him—­was way out of line, and it wouldn’t be easily forgiven. He glanced toward the bed and scowled. Rage washed over him at the atrocities she’d suffered that left her believing he thought her unworthy of his respect.

He’d give her a few minutes, and then they’d talk it out. At the very least, they still needed to work together until Marco was freed, and they might still have to pose as a married ­couple. He wasn’t worried about that. She’d do what was required for the mission.
His
attitude needed some work, however.

He followed her path to the rear of the motor home, pulled some clean sweats and a T-­shirt from his duffel, and closed himself in the tiny bathroom. He wouldn’t need that cold shower now. He’d managed to douse them both with ice water.

Alex wasn’t on the bed when he came out of the bathroom a few minutes later—­gone, along with her sleeping bag. His heart raced with images of her sacked out in the desert somewhere, freezing, until he heard a soft moan from the general direction of the sofa and made out the bulky sleeping bag wedged against the cushions. She’d apparently meant every word when she said she didn’t want to see or talk to him. There’d be no opportunity to make it right tonight.

He watched her for a few seconds, debating if he should wake her and insist she sleep on the bed and let him take the sofa.
Leave it alone.
He’d have his chance to speak his mind tomorrow. She was sleeping peacefully, which, according to her, was rare. No sense waking her now.

Nate crawled on top of the remaining sleeping bag and turned on his side. The silence was heavy, like his mood. He was used to loneliness, but it was more acute tonight for some reason. No mystery there. He’d enjoyed spending time with Alex . . . had started to feel a connection. Then he’d opened his mouth and insulted her hard-­won sense of worth. If only he could take those words back.

No sense rehashing it. Go to sleep.
He rolled to his right side, inhaled deeply, and forced his eyes shut.

He was just dropping off to sleep when an ear-­splitting scream brought him to his feet, gun in hand. It had to be some kind of an animal, caught in a trap. It took him a second to realize the gut-­wrenching sound came from inside the RV.

Alex thrashed and flailed beneath the sleeping bag, finally dropping onto the floor just as Nate reached her. She clipped his jaw with one well-­manicured fist before he managed to corral her arms and shove her against the bottom of the sofa.

“Alex? Wake up, Alex.” He spoke softly, but insistently, and finally her eyes cracked open and then filled with surprise or anguish—­he wasn’t sure which.

A shudder racked her body, and she tried to pry his hands loose. “Let go of me . . . please.”

Nate shook his head, stood abruptly, and lifted her, sleeping bag and all, into his arms. He carried her to the bed and laid her down gently. “We’re a team, Alex, whether you like it or not. What d’ya say we work together from now on?”

Chapter 6

A
LEX’S FIRST INSTINCT
was to fight against the muscled arms that looped around her like bands of steel. She had a vague sense of Nate’s protective presence, but the apparition from her dream still followed her, his lips close to her ear.
Kill him, Alexandria. What are you waiting for?

No! Hu Sun had held her captive for years, tormenting every waking moment. Though she was free now, he’d found a way to inhabit her nightmares and made it impossible for her to forget the atrocious crimes she’d committed.

He wasn’t really there. It was Nate’s chest she pounded against, and it was Nate who, in spite of her pummeling fists, merely cradled her closer.

She made a conscious effort to lock Hu Sun’s voice back in the recesses of her mind, where he awaited her moments of weakness and fear. She wouldn’t listen to him—­not ever again. A sob escaped her. Who was she kidding? Hu Sun would come again . . . as soon as she fell asleep. But she slept so little these days; sometimes he even came when she was awake.

The only thing that seemed to keep him at bay was Nate’s presence. She’d scoffed at his offer to keep her nightmares away, but his tender touch had shielded her from the ugliness within and drew her back to a place of safety.

He laid her gently beside his sleeping bag and shifted to the other side of the bed. His sudden absence chilled her like an evening mist. Shivering, she burrowed into her sleeping bag, wrapping her arms around her stomach to stop her shaking. Then Nate was half inside the bag with her and pulled her into his arms.

“You’re okay now. No more nightmares.” He coaxed her head down on his chest and gently traced an oval pattern on her back. Warmth settled wherever he touched.

Common sense warred with the strange sensation that she’d finally come home. She was breaking all of the rules she’d ever made and that scared her to death, but she didn’t have the strength, or the will, to turn away from his comfort and protection. What would happen if she didn’t bolt this time—­if she stayed right there in his arms?

She cuddled closer, no longer concerned with protecting him from her brand of insanity, or protecting herself. He hadn’t meant to hurt her earlier. It wasn’t his fault she was sullied and ruined. The fact that he was still there said it all. Maybe she needed him . . . just a little. Her throat constricted. What was happening to her? It was a bad idea to need ­people. They always let you down.

Tears came unexpectedly, and she tried to choke them back. She’d cried plenty all those years in captivity . . . but never for herself. Now she couldn’t seem to stop. The floodgates were breached. She sobbed, tears running down her face and spilling onto the sleeping bag, the bed, and Nate’s shirt.

He held her until she cried herself out, and then she continued to lie in his sheltering arms as she sniffled and hiccupped. All the while, Nate caressed her, kissed the top of her head, and whispered words of comfort. He grew quiet as she did, and after a few minutes of silence, she peeked from under her lashes to find him watching her.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” she whispered, giving him a halfhearted smile.

He propped his head on one elbow, the other arm still draped over her with his hand settled firmly on her back. “Uh-­uh. Did you think I’d fall down on the job twice in one night?”

“What do you mean?”

“The nightmares. I dropped the ball. I also hurt you earlier this evening, and even though I didn’t mean what you thought I did, I’m sorry.”

Alex placed her fingers over his lips. “No, don’t. I know what I am.”

Nate’s hand whipped around to grab her wrist. “I don’t think you do. You’re a beautiful, sexy young woman, a whole lot stronger and braver than most men I know, with a heart as big as that entire lake out there. Without a doubt, you had a bad start in life and that sucks, but you’ve already pulled yourself out of the mud, and you’ll make it the rest of the way too.”

“Are you always so confident?” Alex tugged his arm around her again and snuggled into his chest.

“Hell, no.” Nate laughed softly and then sobered. “Will you do something for me?”

The serious tone of his voice drew her and she met his gaze.

“Someday, when you trust me enough, will you tell me what happened to you in that place?” His voice encouraged and promised understanding. He slid his hand up her back, and his thumb hooked the hem of her T-­shirt, spreading heat across her bare skin.

A shiver rocked her, and she tensed as the old images started to crash around her, but this time Alex fought back. Focusing on Nate’s ice blue eyes and the feel of his body against hers, she forced herself to stay with him, pushing down the screams, the pain, and the degradation that lurked deep in her mind.

A wave of triumph buoyed her spirits. “Maybe I
could
do that.” It probably seemed a shallow promise, but to her it was huge. “Can I ask
you
something?”

“Honey, ask me anything.” He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him until her head rested on his chest again.

“Tell me about Val?”

He tensed, and she was swept with guilt for springing the trap. After all, he couldn’t refuse—­not if he wanted her to confide in him.

He stared at her with raised brows for the space of a heartbeat before a wicked grin slowly materialized. “You think you’re pretty smart right now, but you’ll pay for this.”

Alex smiled softly and nestled comfortably into the crook of his arm. He hugged her tighter, and she quieted as he drew a long breath. “You sure you want to hear this?”

“Quit stalling.”

“Val was the prettiest girl in my eighth grade class, and the first time I laid eyes on her, I fell hard. On the other hand, she
hated
me—­or it could have been all the pranks I pulled to attract her attention.”

Alex laughed, imagining the young bad boy he’d been.

“It was the middle of my sophomore year before she finally agreed to go out with me.”

“Was she worth the wait?” Alex tipped her head so she could see him better.

“Oh yeah.” He threw her a wink. “We were joined at the hip from then on—­until she left for college at Southern Cal. It was holidays, the occasional weekend, and summer break for the next four years. When she graduated, I started at the Salem Policy Academy.

“She wasn’t happy with my career choice, but she stuck it out for a while. We got engaged and moved into Uncle Leo’s house after he passed away. One night I came home and she was gone. I guess being stuck so far from town was the last straw.”

The regret in his voice tore at Alex’s heart. “She never came back?”

“We broke up, got back together, and broke up again. In the end, we made better friends than lovers. She got married recently. I went to the wedding. To see us together, you’d never know she ripped my heart out.”

Alex rested her chin on her arm and peered into his face. “What about you? Did you move on too? Find someone else?”

He grimaced. “Statistically, it’s likely any relationship of the long-­term romantic variety will end up a casualty of a cop’s job anyway. Besides, no one could put up with me for that long.”

A wisp of sadness tugged at her and eroded her better judgment. He’d helped her feel safe and worthwhile. She wanted to return the favor. That she was irresistibly attracted to everything about him was alarming, but it was the truth nonetheless. Her body craved his touch and now, while he held her so close, heat relaxed her to the point where she couldn’t move away from him—­even if she wanted to.

She didn’t. She longed to press close and feel the beating of his heart beneath her cheek. Taste his lips and let her hands learn the planes and contours of his body. She wanted to please him—­give him something of herself—­even if it was for only one night. The unease that always came with thoughts of sex flared within her. The bile rose in her throat as images emerged from the past . . . forced to submit to men and their perverted sexual appetites . . . drunk on rotgut whiskey poured down her throat to relax her. She never knew if it was the degradation, the filthy, smelly men, or the whiskey that made her retch up her insides when it was all over.

This was different. That other life had been forced on her, but it was over now. She’d learned in order to survive, and now she had an opportunity to be with someone she liked . . . because she wanted to—­not because she was compelled to.

Nate wouldn’t hurt her. He was kind and compassionate. She trusted him. Still, it was a stupid, reckless, even dangerous thing she contemplated, but she’d already made up her mind. She stretched over his firmly muscled chest and placed her hand behind his neck.

Without giving him time to object, she brushed his lips in a light kiss. He responded instantly, pulling her in, gently moving on her mouth, releasing a jolt of pleasure that settled in her core. She lifted her head and searched his face. The answering spark of passion in Nate’s eyes sent excitement spiraling through her.

“Sometimes you have to take a risk, Detective Sanders.” Her lips hovered close to his.

Nate rolled to his side, cinched his arms around her waist, and hugged her against him. He captured her mouth with moist, warm lips, kissing her once, twice, and then settling in for the longest, gentlest, sexiest kiss she’d ever experienced. His lips, moving on hers so intimately, set her heart racing and left her gasping for breath with an insatiable need to be held tighter, kissed harder, and touched in ways she’d sworn she’d never let anyone touch her again.

He gently kissed the corners of her mouth and then nuzzled her neck, licking and nipping from her throat to her ear. She trembled when his warm breath moved the hair near her earlobe. He picked his head up and searched her eyes.

“You okay?” He rested his forehead on hers. “Should I stop?”

She lay quietly until he lifted his head again and looked at her. “Do
you
want to stop?” Simmering passion stared back at her, but she had to be sure.

“I’d sooner chop off a leg.” He sucked on her bottom lip, then kissed her gently. “You, however, are in the unique position of getting to call the shots. I’d like nothing better than to make love to you, but if it’s not the right thing, or the right time for you, I’ll get over it. Actually, I’ve been told I’m a damn good cuddler.” He held her gaze as he reached for her leg, pulled it up, and hooked her knee around his hip, bringing her Lycra-­clad core in contact with his very rigid hard-­on. “Don’t let my obvious state of arousal affect your decision.”

Alex tried to squelch the laugh that bubbled up inside, but it burst free. He winked and then covered her mouth, muffling her giggles. Nate was like no one she’d ever met. He had the uncanny ability to make her feel safe, cherished, and desired in the same breath. It was a heady combination since she’d been short on those emotions all her life. Common sense told her this was a bad idea, but her heart said it was already too late. She was falling for Detective Nate Sanders.

She pushed back from him, assumed a serious expression, and trailed her fingers down his chest and abdomen until her hands curled around the elastic waistband of his sweats.

“You know what I think? I think you have too many clothes on.” She lowered her voice as she tugged at his waistband.

He hooted a short laugh. “I like the way you think, but are you sure about this? We’re blowin’ the hell out of our friendship.”

“Friendship is overrated.” Alex watched his eyes darken as she slid her hand in the front of his sweats and grasped his swollen member.

A shudder rocked him, his breath expelled in a rush, and his eyes fell shut. As soon as she began to stroke him, he captured her hand and twined his fingers with hers.

“I’m intrigued as hell, but if you’re going to continue down that road, we’ll be done here before we get started. Better let me take the edge off first.” He rolled her onto her back.

“That’s what I was trying to do.” Alex bit her lip and joined her hands around his neck.

“An interesting diversion for sure, but I want the real deal the first time.”

He nuzzled her neck, and she started to giggle. “What makes you think there’ll be another time?”

He kissed her nose. “Simple. You won’t be able to get enough of me.”

She huffed. “Oh brother! No wonder you’re still single.”

“I thought you were going to be nicer to me?” Nate rose up on his elbows, parted her legs, and fit himself to her as though they were made for each other.

Alex held her breath as the hard bulge in his pants pressed against her stomach. She was trapped, held down, and at his mercy, but it was Nate and she trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt her. She forced the intrusive thoughts from her mind and concentrated on the amusement in his blue eyes.

She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer. “This
is
me . . . being nicer.”

“Well, okay then.” Nate kissed her possessively, a groan rumbling from his throat. He placed his hand on her stomach and slid it beneath her T-­shirt until he reached her breasts.

His touch, as he swiped his thumb over her hard nub, made her jerk and writhe in a frantic attempt to get even closer. Her desperation shamed her, yet she was incapable of stopping.

Nate tugged her legs from around his hips and moved off her. Kneeling between her knees, he carefully pulled her shorts over her hips, raising one leg and then the other until the fabric slid free. Next, he pulled her T-­shirt off, over her head, and tossed it onto the floor.

Suddenly, Alex was too exposed. She couldn’t do this—­lay spread out before him with nothing on but a very small pair of bikini panties. She folded her arms across her breasts, sat up, and pulled her legs beneath her.

A growl vibrated through his chest, and she glanced up to see him shaking his head. He reached for her hands and pulled her arms out to the side. His gaze swept slowly over her, lust shining in his eyes and a smile clearly announcing his approval.

“You’re beautiful, Alex.” His voice was solemn, almost reverent.

Alex couldn’t help a disbelieving snort. “Stop ogling, Sanders. How come I’m the only one who’s practically naked?”