Authors: Courtney Noel
“SENIORS, HOW DO YOU FEEL?” And for the first time ever, Chasity and I stand up with our senior class and complete the chant. And hell, it feels good. I look down about nine rows and catch his eye. He’s staring at me, but I look away fast. I begin to chat with my friends about how great senior year is going to be, though in the back of my mind it’s going to suck because every single fucking time I look into Kade’s eyes, I want to cry. Cynthia should be here watching Kade and I succeed, just like she has wanted us to do from the beginning.
When the pep rally ends, I take one more look at Kade then walk toward my last class of the day.
Chapter 17
: Watch Her Heal -->
So I’m sitting here at the pep rally with my buddies. My first day has sucked ass so far. No hot chicks in my class, no hot teachers, just a shit-ton of work. Plus, I hate pep rallies. Our cheerleaders suck even worse than last year and the band geeks can’t even keep a beat.
“Dude, football season is gonna be sick,” says my best friend, Danny.
“Hell yeah. We’re gonna kick ass,” I say back. He just nods his head then slaps my back. Just then, Becca walks down the hill and is at the bottom of the stands. She’s in her “I’m perfect” mode, so I don’t feel like saying hello to her. The worst part about this whole fucking situation is that I have to get to know different Beccas. One when she’s at school, the second when she’s with her parents, and the third when she’s with me. Can she ever just be real? Like what she’s wearing right now. It’s the total opposite of who she really is. She’s in a short brown dress, and brown cowgirl boots. When I see her, she’s in track shorts, a t-shirt, and running shoes. But there she is, with her perfect image on, walking up the stands to the last row where her and her friends sit, in her perfect little life. She finally catches me staring at her. Shit. I look away as fast as I can, though I don’t feel her look away from me. I still feel her eyes on me.
I look up at her once more five minutes later and she’s still looking at me. Our eyes lock for about ten seconds, then she looks away. Gosh those brown eyes – they screw with my head. Actually, all of her screws with my head. Ever since that day outside in the backyard after our little food fight. Gosh, she’s so sexy.
When the pep rally is over, I thank God, literally. Then I realize I only have one more period until..oh my gosh...I have to go home. Home? Home. Becca’s house is now also my home.
I text Becca; her mom put her number in my phone in case of emergencies.
Where r we meeting?
The car?
Won’t
ppl c?
Ya
.
U aren’t worried?
No.
And I guess that’s that. So when the bell rings, I can’t freaking walk fast enough to the car. When I get to the parking lot though, I see her already leaning against the passenger’s door.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” she says back. Man, we really need to expand our vocabulary.
“How was your first day?” I ask as I unlock the truck and we both get in. Once the doors are closed, she answers.
“Not as bad as I expected. What about you?” Wow. She actually asked me how I feel. This is progress.
“Boring as hell.”
“The pep rally sucked.”
“Doesn’t it always?” I ask then turn and face her. She just shrugs and looks straight ahead. I realize that’s the end of our conversation and pull out of the parking space. We both got to the car so fast that we beat the traffic and get out of the senior parking lot without stopping. Usually, I have to wait like twenty minutes to get the heck out.
We ride in the car in silence. Awkward silence. At least there’s music playing. If she didn’t plug in her IPod and play something to fill up the awkward air, I’d be tempted to ask her what is wrong. Yet, she sometimes is just like this – cold and anti-social. I think she just gets like this sometimes for no apparent reason. Maybe I should ask her mom when her periods are so I can stay at a friends or something that week.
When we get home, Becca drops her books on the counter and walks upstairs. What about her homework and stuff? She usually does her homework right when she gets home. I know that because sometimes I would have to come here with my mom when Becca needed something. Lindsey probably realizes I’m watching Becca walk up the stairs because she comes out of her office and walks toward me.
“It’s her new routine,” she says.
“Huh?”
“Becca. Right when she gets home, she washes her face, changes, pulls up her hair, gets something to eat, then starts on her homework. It’s kind of like her mini break before she gets started on her homework,” she explains. She puts her tea in the microwave then looks at me. “It’s her relaxation; or so she says,” she continues then shrugs. I nod my head then take out my math book out of my backpack. Becca’s in a higher math class than me. Actually, Becca’s in the highest math class the school offers. She wants to major in math in college, my mom says. She wants to be a math teacher. It’s kinda creepy how much she loves math. No one gets that subject, so I’m pretty confused on how she’s so damn good at it.
I sit down at the bar and Lindsay puts fruit and crackers out in front of me. I grab some blueberries and pop them in my mouth like popcorn. I open up my math book to page 456 and take out my graph paper. Only thirty-five problems; that’s not bad. I get number one and number two done without a problem, but three is more difficult. Maybe I can ask Becca for help. I put my math to the side so when Becca has time she can help me with it and start on my AP Art History homework. It’s like the stupidest class in the world. So easy.
Just then, Becca walks into the room. She’s wearing pajama pants and a yellow spaghetti strap shirt. Her little stomach is barely sticking out of her shirt. I try not to look at it too much. She sits on the stool next to me and opens her laptop to iTunes. Lindsay is cutting cantaloupe on the island counter of the kitchen and David is working in his office. Becca scrolls down to Nicki Manaj’s “Va Va Voom” song and presses play.
“Really?”
She looks over at me with that picture perfect smile spread across her face. “What?” She giggles.
“This song!” I laugh at her. Her eyes sparkle. Damn. Look away, Kade. So I do, but I can’t help but turn to her and dance when the chorus comes on.
I-I-I
wanna give you [I point to her]
One last option
I-I-I wanna give you [She points to me]
One last chance
I-If you're looking for the [I point to her]
Main attraction
Just hold on tight and [We get up off the stools and start dancing on our feet.]
Let me do my dance [I grab her hands in mine and pick her up and spin her around.]
If you want it I'm gonna be [She laughs her kick-ass laugh.]
Va
va voom, voom [I put her down and she looks in my eyes.]
If you got it, you got it [She puts her hands on her hips and sings on the top of her lungs]
You got that boom, boom [I put a hand on my hip too, trying to make Nicki Minaj proud.]
If you want it, I'm
gonna be [we dance and laugh and smile.]
Va
va voom, voom. If you got it, you got it. You got that boom, boom
And then I pull her into my arms and don’t want to let go. She looks up into my eyes and I can’t seem to look away. My arms are around her waist and her arms are wrapped around my neck. God, I’m screwed. I take one hand off her waste and move a string of hair away from her forehead. That perfect, silky, golden colored hair makes me go crazy inside. Time stops. And then she looks away. Damn. She takes her hands away from my neck and backs out of my grip. Shit. She rips her eyes away from mine then walks past me and back up the stairs.
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. “Shit,” I mutter under my breath for only me to hear.
“It’s going to take some time to get through to her, Kade. She’ll eventually stop running away from you. She always takes ten steps forward and five steps back.” I look back at Lindsay. I run my fingers through my hair again, not knowing what to do. I feel all weird inside. I just nod at Lindsay, not trusting my voice, then sit back down at the bar to finish my homework. I have to do my math homework all by myself, because I know Becca won’t help me.
Get through to Becca. Get through to her.
Chapter 18: Healing -->
I call Cynthia about an hour after finishing my homework.
She picks up on the second ring. I relax a little bit when I hear her voice.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me.” Not knowing what else to say.
“Hola bebé. How are you?” I can hear her spirit rise when she realizes who is on the other side of the line.
“Good. Today was our first day.” It’s hard to say “our” meaning Kade and me.
“Tell me all about it.”
“Well it was pretty horrible. Who knew freshman could be so annoying, Cynthia. Kade drove me to school today. We compromised on switching off each week on who gets to drive.”
“How is that going?”
“We’re getting there,” I respond. “He’s still learning not to push my buttons and I’m still learning that somebody else gets ready in my bathroom now.” I hear her laugh from the other end of the line. It makes me melt. I can feel tears coming. Yikes.
“He’s a handful. I think you guys can learn to respect each other, though.”
“I don’t think so. He has no idea what happened with Henry.”
“You don’t have to tell him about what happened for him to see that you’re strong. I bet he already knows that,” she says. Gosh I miss her like crazy. “Has he bothered?”
“A little bit. Mom and Dad say it will get better with time,” I say through the phone. I can practically see her nodding to this.
“Well, honey, thank you for the call. Call me again after your first week. Will you please put Kade on the phone? Phone bills for calls out of the country are very high; I don’t want to upset your dad.” I hear her sigh right as I do. I don’t want you to go.
“Sure,” I say, though. She’s going to need to talk to her own son, anyways. I open the door of my room and walk across the hall. Kade’s door is cracked open, but I knock anyways before walking in. To show a good example for him.
“Cynthia is on the phone,” I say. He’s lying on his stomach on his bed reading a car magazine. He’s in a grey shirt and the dark blue DANA HILLS sweatpants. He looks up at me and his green eyes meet mine. Ugh I have to get out of this room. I feel trapped already. I hand him the phone then storm out of the room as fast as I can. I close the door as I walk out. Then secretly, I listen to their conversation.
“Hi,” I hear Kade say through the phone. Then Cynthia says something. “I’m fine. How are you?” He waits for her response. “I think she’s fine. Why? Did she sound weird on the phone?” Are they talking about me? “Yes, mom, I’ve watched her at school. Yes, yes she has friends.” There’s a long pause. “Surprisingly, I’m really liking it. It’s not as bad as I thought.” Then there is one final pause. “No. I haven’t talked to her. And no, I don’t want to. This is all her fault. I’m never going to talk to her again.” He’s talking about his sister. And he’s mad. Really mad. Before I can process what’s happening, Kade is opening the door and coming out of his room. With my ear pressed up against the hall listening to his whole conversation with his mom. He still has the phone in his hand when he comes out and sees me.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi,” I say as he walks past me and down the stairs. Without even thinking, I follow him downstairs, so curious to see what he’s doing. He walks through the hall, then the living room, then to the kitchen where my mother is. He hands the phone to my mom and turns around quickly. He almost bumps into me, since I’m following him so closely. He looks at me then shakes his head. I walk back upstairs, following him, wanting him to say something to me.
“Why are you following me?” Kade stops in his tracks to turn around and face me. His toes are touching mine.
“Is Cynthia worried about me?” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Yes. She’s worried about both of us,” he says. I’m not exactly sure what he means by this, but there’s definitely some message in his words. I look into his eyes and see the pain. I must not be thinking at all today, because I wrap my arms around his waist. He wraps his arms around mine and we just stand there for a while. Holding each other in the hallway between our rooms. All just want to take the pain away. From his eyes and from mine.