Authors: Courtney Noel
Chapter 12
: <-- Breaking
“So you know Chasity? Well I liked her. Then I asked Becca if I could trust her and she said yeah and I told her that I liked Chasity and then she went behind my back and told Chasity. That’s why all this is happening. I’m sure Becca doesn't want anyone to know, and that’s kind of why I’m telling you. But I don’t think Chasity believed her when she told her I liked her, so it worked out. The reason I’m telling you this is because I trust you. Please don’t ruin that trust.”
I’m sitting here reading this message Henry sent one of my friends, Daisy in shock. Henry never asked if he could trust me. He never said him liking Chasity was a secret. And of course I was going to tell Chasity that Henry liked her. She’s my best friend. Besides, she doesn’t even want Henry as a friend in her life. I re-read the message again and all I can think is, dick.
Chapter 13
: Healing -->
I decide at three in the morning that there’s no way I’m ever going to fall asleep, so I get up out of bed and walk down stairs in my fuzzy pajamas and robe. The only thing I find that remotely sounds good is some pudding in the back of the fridge. But it isn’t the standard chocolate pudding, it’s some new flavor called sugar cookie. I miss the days when the only flavors of pudding were chocolate, vanilla (for the boring people that don’t like to go out of their plain-tasting comfort zones), and tapioca. I take my sugar cookie flavored pudding into the living room with me and click on the TV. The only stuff I know of that is on at three in the morning are those boring commercials about “Snuggies” and large cupcake pans. But I decide to give it a try. I scroll through the guide using the up and down arrows on the remote, checking all my favorite channels. Even the Food Network doesn’t have anything interesting on. I decide to just start from channel one, and work my way up the list, figuring something somewhat good might be on. I’d rather watch old CSI re-runs that I’ve already seen three times, than stare up at my bedroom ceiling waiting for my mind to fall asleep.
Just as I am starting to relax and let my body sink into the couch, I hear a pair of feet coming down the stairs. My mom and dad are still driving home from the lake, so there is only one other person that can be coming downstairs. And I don’t want him too. I look across the house over to where the staircase is and see Kade coming down in a black t-shirt and blue pajama pants. He doesn’t have socks on.
“What are you doing up?” He asks me as he comes into the kitchen. Before I respond, he opens the freezer and takes out the Mrs. Field’s ice cream. Look, I know he lives here now, but that is my ice cream. Mine.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I say and keep my eyes on the TV, which isn’t playing anything except for the guide remote, I might add.
“That’s like a thing for you, huh?” Kade sits on the couch next to me with a giant spoon and the whole thing of Mrs. Field’s ice cream.
“Um, excuse me, I eat out of that too,” I say.
“I know.” He then hands me my own big spoon. I shrug then scoop a big bite. The mini brownie bits mixed in with the mint ice cream is my kryptonite.
“What are you watching?” I look back over at the TV, remembering it’s on the guide and I’m not watching anything. I look back at Kade and shrug. He laughs.
“Here,” he says as he takes the TV remote out of my hand and begins to scroll through the guide. He pulls up ABC family on the guide then clicks on it. “Full House, is where it’s at,” he says. I used to love Full House, now I can’t stand it.
“How did you know I was down here?” I ask a few minutes later.
“I heard your room door open, and then the TV turned on,” he says like it’s not rocket science. Full House keeps playing and I think I will go insane if he doesn’t turn it off. I feel trapped in a cage having to listen to this show. I want to get out of this cage. I need to turn the channel. I got down here first, don’t I get to control the TV?
“Can you turn it off please?” I ask referring to Full House.
“Why? You don’t like Full House?”
“Not particularly,” I say.
“Why not?” He asks. I shrug.
“Why not?” He repeats. I look over at him and shrug again. “Why? Remind you of someone you hate or something?”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” I say.
“Who could you possibly hate? Everyone loves you and you love everyone,” he says.
“Hate is a mean word. I, well, in the nicest way, do not like him,” I say.
“Oh so it’s a ‘him?’” Fuck. He’s got me.
“I never said that,” I say, mad at myself for saying “him” instead of an “it.”
“So who’s this guy?”
“None of your business,” I say. I know, it’s a really lame comeback, but it’s all I’ve got. I start to take the remote out of his hand to switch the channel.
“Is it the same guy we were talking about on the porch back at the lake?” He looks over at me, genuinely wanting to know. He doesn’t let me take the remote out of his hands. He just turns the volume up. Right now, DJ is mad at her dad because he was spying on her. Sounds like a typical episode of Full House.
“Yes,” I answer.
“You need to cut this guy some slack, Becc. I mean, what could he have possibly done to make you despise him so much?”
“He’s the reason I have so many self-confidence issues,” I say. I look from his eyes, to the TV, then back into his eyes.
“I don’t think it’s right to blame him for your own personal issues, Becca,” he says. He puts one hand on my knee and an electric shock runs through me.
I stand up and stand in front of him. “See, I tried telling myself that too. But then I realized, all the negative thoughts that are always lingering in the back of my mind are all words he said to me,” I say. I take his hand in mine and squeeze it before deciding to get up and go to bed. I don’t know why I grabbed his hand. Scratch that. I know exactly why. I just wanted some comfort. I walk up the stairs and climb back into bed. Finally, I fall asleep.
Chapter 14
: Healing -->
It’s about three weeks after the trip to Idaho and three days before school starts. I’m sitting on the couch watching the sunrise. This time of day and about five thirty at night are my favorite times of the day. The sun is so gorgeous in California, especially on a summer morning. I could sit here with my tea and peanut butter and honey sandwich and watch the sunrise all day long. The best part is I don’t really have to get up early to see the gorgeous morning sun during the summer. It’s about seven o’clock. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. I scroll through the guide, remembering the night Kade made me watched Full House. That was horrible. I try not to hold it against him, though. My mom says that it wasn’t his fault. I know that, too, but it’s hard for me to remember that no one really knows what happened between Henry and me, or why I’m so sensitive to the topic. A couple months ago, I decided to pretend I never knew him. People would come up to me and ask me about Henry and I would pretend to not know him. I still do that. Eventually, the questions slowly started to fade away. No one was curious about what happened to Henry anymore. It’s like that part of my life completely faded away. I became a new person without him and now have a new life. I don’t think people even remember that part of me.
I turn the channel to the Food Network when I hear Kade coming down the stairs. I know it’s Kade and not one of my parents. There’s just a certain way he steps down on each step. It’s like how I can always tell which one my best guy friend is when he’s on the soccer field. He just has this certain way he stand or runs. It’s not hard to miss him. My best guy friend is amazing. He is always there for me and I love him to death. We went through some shitty times, but it just made us stronger.
Just then, Kade plops his butt on the couch right next to me.
“Morning,” he says. I decide I don’t want to respond. I just keep my eyes on Giada, the host of my favorite cooking show. I see him roll his eyes. I’m not in the mood to deal with his stupid face today. I get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen. I take the leftover pizza from Friday night’s pizza night, and heat it up in the microwave.
“Will you heat me up a piece?” He looks over at me. I still refuse to talk to him or look at him. He realizes that I’m giving him the silent treatment, so he gets up from the couch. He opens the microwave door and takes out MY piece of pizza, takes a napkin, and sits back down on the couch. My jaw drops.
“What the hell!? Give me MY pizza,” I yell. I run over to the couch and try to grab the pizza from his grip. He’s stronger than me though. He pulls the pizza away from my reach. I kick him in the shin then try to reach for the slice. He won’t let me win, and I know I won’t win. So I go over to the bag of pizza slices and take out a cold one. I throw it at his face and hit him right on his nose. I start laughing until I feel a warm piece slap me in the chest. I give him a dirty look.
“It’s on,” I say. I take the sprayer of whip cream out of the fridge and start to soak him in whip cream. He picks me up by my waste, forbidding me to spray him any further. He grabs the olive oil and starts to put it all over my hair. He puts me down from his grasp and I continue to spray him with cold whip cream. This is a really cool way to take my anger out. I mean, I know I can’t hit Kade so if this is the closest I get to fighting with him, I’ll take it. I push him away from me as he continues to pour olive oil all over me. He’s laughing at my angry face.
Just then, my dad, the clean freak, comes in.
“What in the world is going on in here?” He’s already yelling. For the first time this morning, I look over at Kade. He’s smiling at me. When we both look back at my dad, his smile goes away.
“You both are going to pick all this up. Mop and all,” Dad says. Great. My dad walks out of the kitchen and I hear his office door slam shut. Thank goodness my mom’s at work, or it would be double the punishment. I walk over to Kade and push his chest away from me.
“What the hell, Kade,” I say.
“You think this is my fault? You’re the one who woke up today and decided to give me the silent treatment for no reason at all.”
“You are now living with a seventeen year old girl, you better get used to it.” It’s true.
“It’s like you forget I have a sister,” he says. I look up at him and stay frozen.
“I thought you wanted me to forget,” I whisper.
“I want to forget what’s going on, not her,” he says. I know this must be so hard for him – not having a clue where his sister is. I always think about how much pain Cynthia is in. I never really think about how upset Kade must be.
“I’m sorry,” I say and I truly am. He just picks up the mops from the laundry room and starts to mop up the floor in silence. Well now I feel like crap. I walk over to the French doors and walk outside to the backyard.
Chapter 15
: Watch Her Heal -->
“Where are you going?” I look up from the mop and see Becca walking out to the backyard. What the fuck is she doing now? She already got us both in trouble and she just keeps giving me reasons to be pissed off. Doesn’t she know that I have lived with a teenage girl my whole life? It’s not like this is anything new to me. I know how to deal with girls when they’re bitches. It just really pissed me off when she decided to give me the silent treatment this morning when we’ve been getting along a lot more lately. I should have just left her alone. But then again, that food fight was pretty fun.
“Wash off with the hose. If we clean while we have the mess all over us, it’ll drip over the floor and we’ll have to clean all over again,” she says. Damnit, she’s right. I sigh then walk outside. Becca is over in the corner of the huge backyard, turning on the hose. I walk around the pool and trampoline then take the hose out of her hand.
“Um, excuse me,” she says. I just ignore her and take my shirt off. I see her awkwardly trying not to look. It makes me smile just a little bit. I wash off with the cold water, getting all the pizza sauce and whip cream off of me. I admit, I did not think she was going to be able to hold her own during the food fight, but I kinda got my ass handed to me. I’m not gonna tell her that, of course. I take the hose and put it on her. I soak her from head to toe, trying to get all the olive oil out of her hair. Her clothes are sticking to her. Don’t look, Kade. Don’t look, you dumbass. Oh god, I seriously need some help. I’m checking out my mom’s basically second daughter. What the hell is wrong with me? Dude when did she get so fucking hot? I’m starting to feel like a dick checking her out right now when for like the past four years I’ve completely ignored her. Has she always had such a nice body? What would Mom say if I told her that Becca is actually...pretty? Dear lord, I’m losing my mind. I’ve only been living with Becca for three weeks and I could already be cool with living here until I get my own place. I need to get myself under control. Plus, this is Becca we’re talking about. There is NO WAY in hell I’m going to have a thing for Becca Georgia. I’ve known her since I was like two. But damn! Yeah, she’s definitely got it going on.
She finally looks over at me and catches me staring. Shit. She blushes a little then looks away. It’s like she knows she’s hot. Well, she tries to look good. But hell, this girl doesn’t have to try. She’s in a t-shirt and track shorts soaked from head to toe with her hair in a messy bun and she’s still freaking hot. I wonder what she looks like at school. Well, the times I do see her at school she looks pretty I guess. I just never really looked that closely. I guess I still see her as a little girl. There’s nothing little girlish about her anymore, that’s for sure. How long has she had such an insane body?
“I’m sorry about what I said,” she looks over at me. I can hear the sympathy in her voice. “I really didn’t mean it that way,” she continues. I know she didn’t mean for me to take it in such a serious way. It was just me being a dick. I’m just still really mad at my sister for leaving, that’s all. I mean, if she didn’t walk out without telling anyone, we wouldn’t be in this situation. I love my sister, but it’s hard not to be furious at her. What was she thinking the night she left? That’s right, she wasn’t thinking. She was just thinking about her stupid self. She totally left me. I mean, I understand if she’s pissed at my mom and dad, but she left me too, without even a freaking goodbye. Some people are assholes.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. I shrug my shoulders trying to put on my “it’s not a big deal” look.
“No it’s not, I need to remember your sensitive spot,” she says. She steps closer to me, trying to comfort me. She puts her hand on the bottom half of my arm. I don’t know if she feels it, but I feel this warm electric strand go through my body. My body is getting all hot and clammy. I hope she doesn’t notice it. Her hair is soaked and sticking to her forehead and back. The sun is reflecting off her eyes, making them sparkle.
“Becca. It’s really okay,” I say. I hand her the hose and walk back inside the house. I need to get away from her. I have never felt that weird electric thing with her before. I think it’s just my hormones. I haven’t gotten some lately, so I’ll basically settle for anyone right now. Yeah, that’s why I’m getting this weird feeling from Becca. Whatever.. I feel her watching me from the backyard. She’s just sitting there looking inside the house with the hose water running down her body. I grab the mop, my iPod and headphones, and start to mop up the floor while listening to music. Headphones in, music up, shut out the world.