Authors: Unknown
I was still enjoying my moment of triumph when I felt it; the intense pain of a Charlie Horse creeping into my hamstring.
No, not now!!
I tried to press through it, but the piercing pain not only persisted. It intensified to the point that my eyes began to water. At this point, I had fallen well behind the rest of my running mates and just as I was ready to collapse in excruciating pain I felt his strong, firm grip at my waist. “You ok?”
“I have a horrible pain in the back of my leg,” I said through a wince.
Mike dropped down on one knee and began to examine my leg. “Show me where it hurts,” he said. As soon as I pointed to the throbbing spot he began massaging it in a way that caused my knees to buckle. Mike caught me just in time to prevent me from smacking my face on the pavement. “Maybe I’d better help you back to your car,” he said as he wrapped his hand more tightly around my waist.
As I stared into his eyes my pain briefly eluded me, but I still said, “Okay.” Apparently that was all the go ahead he needed because before I knew what was happening, he swept me off my feet and into his arms. The image of him carrying me to the bed in Vegas flashed in my mind as he carried me down the sloped path to the parking lot.
“My friend Angie drove. Her car is over there,” I pointed in the direction of her vehicle. The other runners had already arrived at the parking lot and were disbursing to their respective cars. I could tell Angie was deliberately lagging behind and chatting with some of the ladies to give me some space.
“So how have you been,” Mike asked. There was a change in his gaze. I could tell he had shifted from his feigned-platonic conversation to one gearing toward intimacy.
“I’m ok. A lot has happened since I saw you in Vegas.” I couldn’t believe that had only been a week ago!
“Really, anything you’d like to share?” Mike asked inquisitively.
“Nothing major,” I lied. I figured it wasn’t the best time to tell him about the split between Josh and I because I knew he would go full steam ahead in his pursuit of me. I wasn’t ready for that. Instead, I told him, “I’ve taken some time off from work to do some vacationing and stuff.”
“Ahh, vacationing ‘
and stuff
,’ huh? Well, that sounds… interesting and taking leave from work sounds pretty major by the way. So what’s first on the agenda?”
“Well, if you must know, my being out here this morning is a part of it. I’m working on training for a half marathon.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I have to say I’m a little disappointed.” Mike licked his lips voraciously. “I was kind of hoping you were out here looking to run into me.” I didn’t bother to rebut with the fact that until twenty minutes ago I had no idea he ran at the park. I was too busy focusing on his mouth. The way his lips moved when he said words; the way they looked when he said nothing, the way his pink tongue slid across his lips and left a slight sheen of dampness. I thought about how that tongue had once driven me to the brink of madness and how I wanted to revisit that cusp again.
Easy now Erin.
The sight of Angie approaching snapped me back into an upright stance. I knew she had stalled as long as she could, but now she was ready to go home. As she approached I fixed my eyes on Mike again. “Thanks for helping me to the car. This is my best friend Angela. Ange, this is Mike.”
“Ok,
Mike
, it’s nice to meet you. You may not remember, but we’ve seen each other before.” I watched as Angie tried to provoke him into some sort of admission.
“I’m sorry,” Mike said blankly. “I don’t believe I’ve met or seen you before.” He was giving her a completely emotionless expression. Now, Angela didn’t mind people doing adult things discretely, but one thing she couldn’t stand was people playing dumb. I waited to see what would come next in their exchange. My eyes flitted from Angie to Mike, then back to Angie.
Here we go.
“Well,
I
saw
you
in Club Pure when you were all pressed up against my friend with your hands around her waist and I saw you
again
at the bar the other night after our karaoke number. Does that ring a bell?”
Mike studied her for a moment and cocked his head to the side. “It’s Angela, right? I apologize for not remembering you. I was at both events but, unfortunately when your beautiful friend is around it’s hard for me to notice anything else. It’s nice to meet you today though.” He showed her his panty-melting smile complete with his perfect set of dimples. I watched, for the first time, Angie was rendered speechless and I could swear I saw her blush. She feigned a scoff at Mike as she climbed into the driver’s seat and mumbled, “It’s nice to meet you too,” as she snatched the door closed and started the car.
“Well, it was good to see you Mike. Thanks again for helping me to the car. I guess I’ll be seeing you around here since you run at this park too.” I was still leaning against the back door on the driver’s side of Angie’s car.
“I guess you will Ms. Erin. I will definitely be on the lookout. Good luck with your marathon.” Mike gave me the sexiest smirk and gazed at me with smoldering eyes. That look alone was enough to thrust me straight over the edge, but as he leaned in and pressed his luscious lips against my cheek I quaked inside.
Now that is just ri-damn-diculous!
I tried to look unaffected as Mike backed away and stared at me just long enough to make me uncomfortable. I reluctantly broke his gaze, stumbled around to the passenger side of the car and hopped in. As we rode past him, he stood right there and watched us drive down the road until we were out of sight. It was almost as though he could see me eyeing him in the side-view mirror and was gazing back at me.
Angela had barely driven off before she exploded, “Girl that is one sexy motherfucker! Whew! I see now what you’re up against!! I don’t envy your situation, but I definitely understand how you got into the predicament you’re in. Damn, I almost feel like I’m disrespecting you with the shit that briefly ran through my mind! Good luck with staying away from him,” she said with a nervous laugh. She was right. Avoiding Mike might be the biggest challenge to be faced yet.
Chapter Fifteen
I wasn’t sure what made me agree to attend church with Amber, but it was too late to back out now. It was Sunday morning and I stood there in my closet fussing over what to wear. To a Catholic service. I’d confirmed with Amber that slacks would be okay so I chose a pair of charcoal dress pants with an empire waist, a royal blue satin top with a center ruffle and black sling-back, Cole Haan pumps. My hair was pulled back tightly into a bun and gray mother of pearl earrings adorned my ears.
Amber agreed to come and pick me up at seven so that we could get to church on time. I had been surprised to be going to church so early and was even more surprise to find out that we were actually attending the first of the church’s five services to be held that day.
As I descended the stairs, I saw Amber’s burgundy Suburban pull up in the driveway. I picked up my iPad and black Cole Haan clutch as I walked out toward the driveway and pulled the door behind me. I climbed into the passenger side and buckled up in the second row of seats.
Amber needed the eight-passenger vehicle to adequately transport herself, her husband and their four children. Shelby, age eight, was the oldest and she and her four year old sister Riley were seated in the back row. The twins, Kaitlyn and Kaylyn, age two, were strapped in car seats side-by-side next to me. They were identical girls with completely different personalities. Even at age two it was very evident. Kaitlyn was undoubtedly the leader of the two. I watched as she held their Leap Frog learner toy in her lap and allowed her sister to watch as she maneuvered it. Kaylyn was content to laugh and clap her hands as her sister made all the buttons light up and make noise. In back, Shelby was playing on her mother’s iPad while Riley was watching a cartoon on the dropdown mini screen in the truck. All four children were immaculately groomed and dressed. I noted that the entire family was color coordinated.
How does Amber manage to keep everything together with such a large family?
I drifted off in my mind and imagined myself as a wife and mother. My cheeks tightened with the smile that spread across my face and warming light filled my chest. Moments like these were rare but, in that instant, the idea of a family beckoned me. I didn’t push the feeling down. I was done with that. I needed to embrace that distant yearning to remind me what I was changing for. I wanted more. I wanted a family.
Moments later we pulled into the parking lot of Holy Name Cathedra. I got out and stepped aside to witness the family’s routine as Todd gathered the twins and their bag while Amber pulled forward the back seat to let the older children out. Shelby unbuckled her sister and helped her out before climbing down herself.
Man, even the kids, know their part in this routine.
The twins held hands as Kaitlyn grabbed hold of Todd’s hand. Shelby grabbed Riley’s hand and Amber walked alongside as I brought up the rear. “This is quite a posse you have here Amber,” I jested.
“Yes, getting to church and getting here on time is our weekly adventure. We did extra well today because we knew we would have a special guest.” Amber gave me a wink. “Thanks for coming!” She beamed. She seemed so excited to have me there, almost too excited.
How much salvation does she think I need?
I thought as we entered the aisle. Each family member proceeded to genuflect and perform the sign of the cross before being seated in a row. I followed suit and slid in next to Amber. No sooner than we sat down, the priest came out and greeted the congregation, requesting us to rise.
Just then I discovered the reason for Amber’s excitement about my attendance. Several rows in front of us, I spied the back of Josh’s head. I cut my eyes at Amber who sat there with a hopeful smile on her face. I shifted my focus back to the priest as he led us through some sort of call and answer group prayer before beginning his message. I tilted my head toward Amber and whispered, “Which way is the bathroom?”
“When you go out the double doors, take a left and head down the marble staircase. You should see it on the right,” Amber replied.
I followed the directions and, for a moment, contemplated staying downstairs for the remainder of the service but dismissed the idea because I thought it would be rude. When I returned to my seat, the priest was saying another prayer but it sounded a lot like the benediction. “What’s happening now,” I asked.
“He’s saying the closing prayer and then we’ll be ready to leave. Usually people hang back for a few minutes to greet one another, but that’s basically it.” Amber whispered, her head still bowed.
“What?!” I said a bit too loudly. I was dumbfounded. Was it possible that I had missed the entire church service just by going to the bathroom?! “Well, what was the message about,” I asked.
Amber gave an annoyed sigh as she lifted her head again. “It was about forgiveness and living our lives with loving kindness because our humanity may cause us to unintentionally hurt others, but our godliness reminds us that we should forgive not only the imperfections of one another, but we should forgive our own imperfections as well,” she replied in a hushed tone.
Well, there it is in a nutshell!
Amber had summed up the entire sermon in one sentence.
It couldn’t have been much longer than that in its entirety!
I thought.
No wonder they have time for five services!
As the crowd began to disburse, Amber caught Josh’s attention and waved him over. “He showed up here last Sunday, and he looked so wounded and worn down. Maybe you two should talk. Perhaps you can at least move forward as friends.” I didn’t trouble myself with telling Amber that Josh and I had already spoken. As soon as Josh spotted me his eyes lit up. I surveyed him weaving through parishioners without breaking his gaze.
“Hi Erin,” he said with excitement. “I’m surprised to see you here!”
“She came with us,” Amber interjected as she jutted out her hand toward him. “We’ve met once before briefly. I’m her friend Amber. This is my husband Todd and these are our kids Shelby, Riley, Kaitlyn and Kaylyn,” she said pointing to each of them respectively.
“It’s nice to meet you all,” Josh replied as he shook Amber and Todd’s hands and gave a nod toward the children.
“Well, we’d better run on to the truck. It takes a few minutes to get this gang all corralled. It was nice to see you again Josh. Erin, we’ll wait for you outside. No rush.” Amber smiled politely and she and her clan scurried off toward the exit. Before now I’d thought Chicago was a fairly large city but for some reason meeting Mike and Josh had suddenly made the city extremely small!
Josh and I walked together toward the cathedral doors. “So are you feeling better since the last time I saw you,” he asked as he surveyed her face.
I smiled politely. “Yes, I’m much better. I had a talk with my friend Angela and she really helped me begin to put some things into perspective. How are
you
?” Now I was studying him.
“I’m ok. I start my sessions at Dr. Stevenson’s office tomorrow. I asked for a different therapist so there wouldn’t be a conflict for her or for you.” Josh’s gaze held traces of sadness and desire, but mostly love. I averted my eyes from the intensity of his eyes. I shifted my focus toward the parking lot where families were piling into their vehicles.
“I’m glad you’re going to see someone and I appreciate the fact that you are still considering me in the midst of all that. You know you don’t have to. You don’t owe me anything Josh.” I glanced over at him.
“Well, in a way Erin, I do. If we hadn’t gone through what we did, I wouldn’t be going to speak to anyone about what I’ve experienced. I would still be intent on getting through it on my own or just avoiding certain aspects of my life. I want to become a whole and complete version of myself and I absolutely owe that motivation to you.”
I turned to fully face him now. “I guess I could say the same to you.” Josh showed me a smile that warmed my heart. He looked genuinely pleased.