Matt was so strong, so handsome, so passionate, so sweet to her and to her daughter. But sometimes, in those fleeting, quiet moments, she caught the faint panic in his eyes, remembered his revelations about his past, his uncertainty about the future.
He’d been honest about his uncertainty, and she’d been wary but then careless, a fact that made this situation that much worse. Bad enough that she’d been lazy about getting back on birth control, but she’d been so needy for him, so anxious to feel him inside her, she hadn’t given the consequences of those brief moments a second thought and it had damned her completely. It’d only been seconds, but she knew better! And now there was a price to be paid.
A bubble of panic rose with the changing tide of her thoughts. Oh God, what if he thought she’d tried to trap him? He was a good catch, and more importantly, an honorable man. He’d want to do the “right” thing, feel it was his duty, even if it was something he didn’t want. She went slack against the toilet again, practically watching the story write itself behind her eyes.
Desperate Widowed Single Mother Traps Eligible Bachelor.
“Jesus,” Ariel muttered. Then she laughed. This was fan-fucking-tastic.
But there was nothing to be done about it from the master bathroom, so Ariel finally stood. She stopped at Dani’s room and peeked in, smiling at the peaceful-looking girl nestled in her princess canopy bed. Her thoughts turned to the first months of Dani’s life. Those had been hard, almost impossible with the grief that had rocked her entire universe, but she’d gotten through it.
She’d get through this, too. It would be difficult, but she was strong and she’d handle it. Of course, she needed to tell Matt first. That was going to be an awesome conversation, and she was half-tempted to call him and blurt it out but immediately dismissed the idea. This was definitely an in-person conversation, and as nervous as she was, she needed to be face-to-face when they had it.
The need to see him crawled over her like an itch she was clamoring to scratch, so intense she even considered calling Matilda over to watch Dani while she went to Matt’s. She immediately nixed that idea, too. The tension that had always been there, the disapproval that had marred their relationship since the very day they’d met, had only intensified since Matilda had learned of her relationship with Matt. And besides, Ariel needed to start adjusting. Somehow, she doubted Mrs. Mallick would be very happy about her impending new arrival, so she couldn’t count on her for as much help as she’d gotten used to.
She grabbed her phone and dialed before she could stop herself.
“Hello?” Mandy said, voice soft, calm, patient.
“It’s Ariel. I am sorry to bother you, but would you mind looking after Dani for a bit tomorrow?”
“Of course not,” Mandy said. “We have kickball for the third-graders, and she’s more than welcome to come along. She won’t be able to play, but I’ll keep her entertained.”
Ariel laughed, knowing full well that her little girl would toss caution to the wind and try to play anyway. “Thanks, Mandy.”
She said her good-byes and then hung up. For a moment, she toyed with calling Matt to set aside some time but didn’t. She knew the moment she heard his voice, everything would come spilling out, so she couldn’t risk it. So now, all there was to do was wait.
••••
Matt considered dropping by Ariel’s. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm, but not quite hot, a great day to take Dani to the park. But he ultimately decided against it. Ariel seemed to be okay with the way things were going, but she wasn’t entirely settled on how she wanted to handle things with Dani, and Matt wanted to respect her wishes.
So he settled in his office, did a few case notes and tried to keep his hand from grabbing the phone and checking in on his girls.
His girls.
He didn’t even try to pretend that thinking of them that way, stamping them with his claim in even such a small way, didn’t make him happy.
When his doorbell rang, he stood, excited by the distraction. It didn’t matter who it was. Anything would be better than sitting here pretending he was perfectly content to work when he’d have given anything to be with them instead.
When he saw Ariel’s familiar form, he felt a surge of excitement that he tried to tamp down, no easy feat when she stood there, a vision in her jeans and tank top, succulent curves on display.
“Hey, come in,” he said, smiling bright.
Her gaze flitted toward him and then away, and he knew something was wrong. The tension in her shoulders, the tilt of her head were all giveaways as she entered. Unable to stop himself, he pulled her into an embrace, stroked her shoulders until some of the tension faded.
“What’s wrong?”
When she didn’t say anything, his heart kicked up and he immediately thought of Dani but then calmed. Ariel wouldn’t be here if it were Dani, so this was something else.
“Matt, I’m pregnant,” she said without looking at him.
She’d whispered the words, her voice going near silent toward the end, but Matt hadn’t misheard her.
Almost simultaneously, his heart soared, then crashed, and then soared again.
“So when are we getting married?” he asked.
••••
Of all the things Ariel had expected, that was certainly not one. Though upon reflection, she realized it should have been. No matter what, Matt didn’t shirk responsibility, and this would be no different.
She watched him, looked for any sign of reaction, but his face was trained in an unreadable expression, one that, despite the attraction that rolled through her blood as she watched him, had her wary.
“Was that a proposal?”
Her words had been more defensive than she’d intended, but the question stood.
“Of course it is. How far along are you? Have you been to the doctor?”
“A couple of months, I suspect, no, and are you sure that was a proposal?”
His eyes snapped with annoyance. “Of course I’m sure. So that morning?”
“Yes,” she said.
His expression remained unreadable as he repeated his question. “When, Ariel?”
Part of her admired it, his commitment to doing the “right” thing, but the other, bigger part of her couldn’t let this happen.
“Matt, don’t be rash. We need to talk this through.”
“I know that this is going to be an adjustment for Dani and that you’ll want to handle things in the way you think best, but those are all details. We’re on the same page with the big issue, correct?”
“Issue?” she said, suddenly defensive again.
Pregnancy hormones would have been a great scapegoat for the anger that filled her, but she couldn’t blame them. No, what she felt was a product of his expression, one that had been unreadable, but that she now understood loud and clear. He was looking at her, at them, like they were a problem, something to solve. Something for him to fix.
And as unfair as it was, as much as her logical mind reminded her that there had never been a promise of anything from him or from her, she still trembled with rage. Marriage was sacrosanct, and that he would reduce it to something so clinical, so detached from anything resembling real emotion, left her furious.
“No congratulations. You haven’t even asked me if I want to keep it.”
The deadly, dangerous expression that shrouded his face told her that she’d gone too far. But she didn’t care.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, Ariel,” he said, voice gravel over velvet.
“Why?” she exclaimed, her own voice lowering with her anger.
“You know why.”
“Explain it to me,” she said.
“You should know why. Whether you do or not is not my problem. When are we going to get married?”
He sounded like he was scheduling a root canal.
“We won’t be. I’ll be in touch,” she said, moving toward the door.
“‘In touch’?” He spat the words and pulled himself to his full intimidating height and crowded close to her, the foyer they hadn’t moved from, feeling smaller with each passing second. He was intense, almost scary, but under her anger, under the weight of this moment, desire, hot as a current ran through her and centered at the apex of her thighs. She should have been thinking of a thousand other things, but as she stood, gaze glued to his, body straining toward his—Matt and his touch were the only things on her mind.
“In touch?” he said again, his face so close to hers that his lips brushed the corner of her mouth as he spoke.
“Matt…” she said, hating the needy, low whine that was her voice.
He nipped at the corner of her lips, and then exhaled, his breath fanning her face.
She looked into his eyes, which were dark, almost black with intensity.
“Do you love me?” she whispered.
The silence that met her question was deafening, but she kept her gaze on his, waiting, hoping. But there was nothing, and the anger that had thrummed in her blood, that had made her heart pound with intensity, was replaced with frigid cold.
She slithered away and grabbed the doorknob. He reached for her, held her arm in his hand, and she stilled, waiting. But there was only silence. He held her, squeezed a little tighter, an unvoiced question in his hold.
But when she didn’t look back, he let go.
Chapter Twelve
An hour later, Matt stalked around his front room reflecting on how he’d handled that with the typical Poole grace and charm. Ariel’s independent streak was an integral part of who she was, so he wasn’t surprised by her reaction. But he was pissed. So what if he hadn’t bothered with flowery declarations? That wasn’t important; all that mattered was securing the future for Ariel, Dani, and the baby. Getting married was the way to do so.
He stopped moving on that thought. A baby. Matt hadn’t quite wrapped his brain around that. Intellectually, the idea of being a father terrified him. Sure, he helped people with their problems, tried to give them concrete solutions to handle and manage their lives, but this was different. He was responsible for this future person’s life, responsible for not fucking the kid up. Could he? He had no clue, and that scared the crap out of him.
But testicle-curdling fear aside, he was ecstatic, felt a surprisingly deep satisfaction at the thought of his and Ariel’s baby. He shrugged and then looked around, laughing at the empty room. The excitement he felt could probably be chalked up to evolutionary drive, but maybe it was something else. But what he felt and what he feared were irrelevant if a baby was involved. He’d do what he needed to take care of his child, and that he’d also get Ariel and Dani only sweetened the pot.
His keys were in his hand and he was headed toward the front door before he gave it a second thought. Ariel’s house was dark and quiet as was the rest of the street, but this couldn’t wait. She answered the door almost immediately after he knocked and stood aside, silently inviting him in. He entered and didn’t stop until he was in her bedroom. She followed and then softly closed the door behind herself.
“So have you thought about it?” he asked.
She gave him a quick smile, and then said on a deep sigh, “I’ve thought of nothing else.”
“And?”
“Look, Matt—”
He cut his eyes at her, not liking the tone of her voice or the direction he suspected this conversation was again headed.
“Matt, I know what you’re trying to do.”
“I’m trying to take care of you. Ariel, will you marry me?”
“No.”
The single word, the vehemence behind it was like a knife to his heart.
“When Daniel proposed…”
The anger that coursed through him must have been reflected in his face because she lifted her hands in a silent plea for patience. He stood tense, ready to protest he was not remotely interested in hearing about her last proposal, but the urgency on her face kept him silent.
She swallowed and then started again. “When Daniel proposed, it was romantic and amazing, everything I’d dreamed of.”
“I’m not Daniel,” Matt said, hating the little hint of defensiveness in his voice.
“I know, and that’s not my point. Look, Matt, I know what you’re trying to do, what you think getting married will do. But I’m not willing to settle.”
“Settle? We’re talking about a life here. What we want isn’t important anymore, and I’m going to do the right thing,” he said.
“I know that we’re talking about a life, Mathias. And I also know that we’ll both do what we need to give this baby the best life possible. But tying each other down to one another is not the way. I never thought I’d have a chance again, that I even had it in me to open up to another man. You showed me that it’s possible, and knowing that, and knowing what it’s like to be with someone who loves you that you love back, I can’t accept less.”
The stubborn tilt of her chin and her posture told him she wouldn’t relent. But that didn’t mean he would either.
“I don’t ever want to hear that word in relation to us again, Ariel,” Matt said as he crossed to stand in front of her. He towered over her, crowding close to her.
Her eyes widened as she stared up at him, her face bright with confusion and the slightest bit of fear.