“We’re riding bikes. Dani thinks it’s time to go without training wheels.”
“Is that so?” Matt asked, beaming down at the girl.
“Uh-huh. I’m going to big-kid school, so I have to ride a big-kid bike.”
Dani spoke with absolute certainty and clarity, and Ariel’s heart softened. She’d wanted this so badly, wanted to make a life where Dani was free to worry about bikes and big-kid school and not money or where she’d wake up the next day, and so far at least, it seemed to be working.
“I see the logic. Do you know how to ride a big-kid bike?”
“Nope. Mommy’s gonna teach me.”
“Not until you put this on,” Ariel said as she stepped forward and placed the hot-pink helmet on Dani’s head. It matched her bike, pink with silver accents—Dani had thought the pink and purple was too babyish—to a T.
“All right. You ready?” Ariel asked Dani.
“Yep!” she exclaimed as she jumped on the bike.
She proceeded to tip right over.
“Hold on, sweetie,” Matt said. “Let Mommy help you.”
“Thank you, Dr. Matt,” Ariel said as she grabbed the handlebars with one hand and the seat with the other, her hand brushing against his strong, warm fingers, the touch a reminder of how amazing those fingers felt on her body.
She clamped that train of thought down tight, but not before she looked at Matt and saw that his brain had clearly been in much the same place.
“Would you mind?” she asked, tilting her hip toward him. “My phone is in my pocket.”
She sounded breathless, airy, and Matt certainly noticed. But he didn’t say anything, just pulled the phone out of her pocket, pausing long enough to give her hip a tight squeeze as a wicked little smile flashed across his face.
“Let’s go, girls,” he said a moment later, phone turned toward them.
“You remember what I said, right, Dani? Just ride like you always do,” Ariel said.
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay, start pedaling.”
She did, and they were off. They wobbled, Dani furiously pumping her little legs to stay balanced, Ariel jogging behind her holding the bike tight, Matt beside her with the camera. Then, Dani seemed to get the hang of it, began to pedal steadily, and then Ariel let her go.
Watching as the child, who hadn’t yet realized she was alone, rolled down the street, Ariel felt a prick of tears behind her eyes. But these weren’t of sadness, but of happiness.
“I’m riding!” Dani called, looking over her shoulder.
“You are! Look at where you’re going, sweetie!” Matt called, and Dani snapped her head forward and rode to the end of the street.
Matt, holding the phone steady, reached out and pulled her next to him with one strong arm, and together, they watched Dani ride to the end of the street. Ariel was smiling so wide her face hurt, but she didn’t care. It was a wonderful moment, one made that much sweeter because Matt was there.
When she stopped at the end of the street, Dani turned and called, “I did it!”
“Great job, Dani-girl!”
Matt and Ariel quickly walked down the sidewalk and when they reached Dani, Ariel grabbed her in a tight hug.
“Oh, you were so good!” she said, kissing the soft braids that were decorated with white barrettes.
“The big kids are going to be impressed,” Matt added, smiling brightly himself.
••••
“What?” Matt asked later as he watched Dani ride up and down the street. Ariel’s face, which had seemed stuck in a smile, had twisted down and her eyes had clouded.
“Nothing important,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I sent Matilda that video. Check out her response.”
Matt glanced at Ariel’s phone.
She’s so beautiful. Shouldn’t she have on elbow pads and knee pads? And did I hear a man’s voice on that tape?
A scoff bubbled up before Matt could choke it back.
“Par for the course. But I’m surprised Mrs. Mallick texts.”
Ariel gave a scoff of her own. “That’s my doing. It was that or phone conversations, and I picked the lesser of two evils.”
“I knew you were smart,” Matt said. Before he stopped to think, he leaned in to kiss Ariel, brushed his lips across hers. She returned the peck and then pulled back quickly, glancing in Dani’s direction.
“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.”
She nodded and smiled sweetly before turning back to Dani, leaving Matt to his thoughts. Which were a jumble. What was he doing here? And why did it feel so right, so natural? He didn’t doubt that the woman next to him had a lot to do with that, but there was more; there had to be.
Matt never, ever allowed himself to get this close to a woman, but Ariel and Dani had become a part of his life, a part he didn’t want to let go of. And that was dangerous for both him and them. He couldn’t give them what they needed or deserved, and he could admit that this, not war, not death, not pain, but
this
, their sweet little family, scared him.
And reminded him too much of the past, of how bad it could all turn out. He’d spent countless days like this before, his parents happy, him happy, not a care in the world. And in an instant it had been gone, the life he’d known snatched away and replaced with a hellish reality that had gotten worse and worse as his father had gotten mired in grief so deep that the man still hadn’t made it out.
You’d be different
.
The voice rang in his head, sounding so much like his own that he almost believed it. He knew he was resilient. Or at least he thought so and knew the folly and hubris of thinking anything was impossible. People changed, things changed, and there were no guarantees. Staying alone was the closest he’d ever get to certainty.
And it had been easy enough. His life had never felt empty, and he was seldom lonely, so he’d never been tempted to change his mind. But with Ariel and Dani, the ease and joy that they brought into his life had made him realize that maybe he was missing something without even knowing it, made him think about the quiet stillness of his home being replaced with life and vibrancy.
“What yourself?” Ariel said, nudging him with her shoulder.
“Sorry,” he replied, grabbing her hand quickly and letting it go just as fast and feeling resentful of that fact. He wanted to touch Ariel whenever he wanted, be bold and open, but being able to had costs he wasn’t able to pay.
“You seemed a little lost for a minute there. Is Matilda texting you too?”
He laughed, though the sound was muted. “I’m not so unlucky.” He glanced at her. “This was nice, spending time with you and her today.”
“It was,” Ariel said.
Matt wanted to kiss her again, wanted to stay with her.
And the fear that thought sparked held him still.
Chapter Eight
“Granny!”
Ariel halfway rolled her eyes but managed to stop herself before she made the full circuit. She was not a child and even though Matilda seemed to want to treat her that way, and sure as shit made her want to act that way sometimes, she would not give in to that impulse.
“Danielle! You’re riding the big bike. I had to come see for myself,” Matilda said, smiling down at the girl.
“Look!” Dani said, and then she sped off, covering the same patch of sidewalk she’d passed probably a million times since she’d gotten the hang of it.
Matilda watched for a moment, taking pictures as Dani rode, but as the girl turned to come back, she walked over and stood next to Ariel, that grandmotherly pride she’d displayed moments ago shifting to mother-in-lawly disapproval.
“Is it safe for her to ride here?”
“She stays on the sidewalk, and we don’t get much traffic down this street.”
“It only takes a second, one moment of you not paying proper attention and she could be gone,” Matilda said seriously.
Ariel’s stomach clenched with fear as she imagined it, something she’d done before, so often, in fact, she’d dragged her feet on getting Dani off the training wheels. But she’d known if she let fear control her, Dani wouldn’t leave the house, let alone ride a bicycle. And Ariel wouldn’t put that on her daughter, stifle her childhood with fear that would follow her into adulthood.
And then suddenly, Ariel was angry as the full implication of Matilda’s words hit her.
“I know that, Matilda. I do everything I can to make sure that Dani stays safe, and I can’t shelter her. How will she learn to live as an adult if I do?”
“That won’t matter if she doesn’t make it to adulthood, now, will it? And I see she still doesn’t have elbow pads and knee pads either.”
Ariel closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She would not let Matilda get to her; she would not get into a pissing match. After repeating that mantra until she’d mostly convinced herself she believed it, Ariel glanced at Matilda, who again looked at Dani with love shining in her eyes. For a moment, she considered explaining herself, assuring Matilda that before Dani got to the point that she rode unsupervised she’d make sure she was fitted with every accessory on the market.
Considered it and then decided against it. Matilda’s concern was well placed and probably well meaning, but Ariel was not in the business of justifying how she chose to raise her daughter to anyone, especially someone who would smother the girl before she could grow into the person she wanted to be.
“She’s not on the BMX circuit, Matilda. I think she’ll be okay on the sidewalk,” Ariel said instead, hoping Matilda was satisfied but ultimately not caring.
Matilda’s eyes hardened, and she turned to face Ariel. “It’s irresponsible, but she’s your daughter, so I guess you get to do what you think is best.”
Ariel almost choked. Matilda, making a concession? The devil had to be shopping for snow boots.
“Was that Mathias Poole’s voice on the video?”
Or maybe not.
“Why?”
Her and Matt’s involvement wasn’t a secret, but she knew Matilda well enough to guess this wasn’t friendly conversation.
“I should know who Dani’s exposed to.”
The mantra started up again, and Ariel really had to focus on it. She paused, waited several moments before she felt calm enough to speak.
“She’s with me, and you know I’ll make sure that Dani is not around someone she shouldn’t be. Don’t you?”
Matilda stood silent, an unusual occurrence, but at least she’d chosen silence rather than outright refutation of Ariel’s competence. That was somewhere in the vicinity of progress if Ariel tilted her head just right and squinted.
“Besides, Matt’s lived here his entire life. You know him.”
“And I know his background. No motherly influence to speak of, and that father of his walked around so busy boo-hooing, he barely raised the boy. He had no guidance whatsoever, practically raised himself. Who knows how he turned out?”
Ariel’s interest was piqued,
badly
, but there was no way in hell she was gossiping with her mother-in-law about a man she was sleeping with. She trusted Matt, and when he felt the time was right, he’d share whatever he wanted to with her. Oh, she might strongly encourage him to open up, but she wouldn’t take any information from Matilda, no matter what. To make no mention of how freaking awful the woman was being. She couldn’t reward her bad behavior. Had to push back on it, in fact.
“Matilda, the man’s mother died, and his father was grieving. We both know how difficult that is. And I think you can acknowledge he turned out pretty well.”
Matilda harrumphed. “May look that way, but you can’t escape your roots,” she said.
Ariel pursed her lips and then paused a moment before she said, “Whatever happened in the past is not my concern.”
“And what about the future?” Matilda said, looking at Ariel again before quickly looking away.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Ariel, Danielle is an impressionable young child, and she’s going to figure out what having a bunch of strange men around means.”
“I don’t have a bun—”
Ariel cut off short, remembering her resolution not to justify or explain to Matilda. If that applied to Dani, it certainly applied to Ariel’s own life.
Matilda waved a hand in Ariel’s direction, the motion casual, one that would have been almost friendly in other circumstances. “I would have stayed faithful to my husband, but you’re young, so I understand you might be interested in…companionship. But you need to think about the example you’re setting and govern yourself accordingly.”
“Matilda, your husband is alive,” Ariel said, barely able to bite out the words around the rage that clogged her throat and had her vision blurring at the edges.
“A fact that I thank the Lord for every day. Danielle, stop so I can take some pictures for Granddaddy,” Matilda said, leaving Ariel standing on the sidewalk.
That woman pushed her buttons like a master, and Ariel had to squeeze her fists to choke back the stream of curses that threatened to spill from her. But underneath the anger, something about the woman’s words struck home. Dani was impressionable, and it was Ariel’s sole responsibility to set an example. And she never wanted to do anything to stain Daniel’s memory.