Where I Wanna Be (24 page)

Faith got out her cell phone and opened up her menstrual calendar app she used to keep track of her cycles, a habit she kept when they were trying to conceive Nathan. She looked at the past month, and then the month before. She was astounded. The last time she and Eli made love was well over six weeks prior, on his birthday. His birthday! How could she not have noticed that? Her employees noticed it, enough to place bets on when she’d have sex again. Her husband surely noticed it, seeing how sore she still was.

Faith was determined to change that. She needed to be a better wife to her husband before it was too late.

Another day, another bride.

Simone was meeting one of her brides at a potential wedding site—a loft in the heart of Manhattan. Simone could remember years ago the thought of getting married in a loft was laughable and nobody was trying to get married in one. Now, getting married in a loft was the new trend, with each request becoming wilder than the last one.

Simone rested her chin in a hand as she thought about the requests. Oh yes, there were the live dolphins in a fish tank. Then, there was the request of drag queens performing a dance with the bride (to “Single Ladies”, no less). And then there were the Chinese acrobats leading the bride down the aisle. Simone thought for a moment. On second thought, that last request wasn’t so bad.

At least meeting with the potential bride was better than what was consuming her thoughts lately—Eli. It was ridiculous the way she felt about him. She wondered what he was doing, where he was going, how his brothers were. She wondered about his sleeping habits and if he snuggled or stole the blankets. She wondered if he preferred boxers or briefs. Maybe even commando.

Her mind wandered to Eli’s sex style. Was it slow and easy like he was before? Did experience help him to be a more skillful lover? Her mouth watered slightly at the thought of his cock entering into her tight heat, over and over and over, like before. How he would stop during the session to see if she was okay. Or when he taught her how to ride his cock and guided her hips. Or when he held one leg up in the air as he relentlessly thrust inside and…

“
So what do you think, Moni?” The bride asked her.

Simone snapped her thoughts back to reality. She wondered how long she had been staring into space. “Oh, hi, Elizabeth! I’m glad you could make it today!” Simone gave her bride a hug. “This is a nice loft.”

“
Isn’t it? It’s one of my top three!” Elizabeth beamed. “What do you think?”

“
I think we should go inside and take a look-see,” Simone held the door open for Elizabeth and her guests and followed behind them.

At least she wouldn’t able to think of anything sexual while looking at a loft.

****

Eli stared out the window from his shared corner office in Madre’s. The weather started getting warmer and he was able to go to work in short sleeves, though he usually kept his arms covered due to the full sleeve of tattoos on his arms. Though he had worked at Madre’s long enough to get away with going sleeveless, Eli didn’t want to scare off potential customers. The reputation his mother had built in the store was too important to destroy.

Just like his marriage. Twelve years with the same woman. She was with him when he had nothing. She stayed with him when he got everything. They had a beautiful son who favored him in both looks and personality. And Eli found his mind wondering if there was more for him outside his marriage.

It was the first time he had ever questioned a past decision. Some decisions he could chalk up as being poorly made and left it alone. Some decisions he could look back and wish he took a different route. But for the first time, Eli was actually questioning his marriage.

He loved Faith. He was
in love
with Faith. He loved being a husband. He loved being a father. But the emotions and feelings Simone stirred up within him were dangerous. He didn’t want to make love to her. Eli wanted to
fuck
Simone. The mere thought of her was making his cock stir in his jeans.

He had already imagined how sex again with Simone was going to be like. He thought about wrapping her thick thighs around his waist as he pushed into her.
“You like how my cock feels, baby?” He asked her as she softly moaned.

He thought about riding her ass.
“Whose is it?” He slapped Simone’s ass with a free hand while his other hand had a fistful of her hair.

He wanted to bring the freak out of her, having her bite his chest as she rode him in a sitting position.
“Give it to me, motherfucker.” She taunted as she rode his cock.

Eli frustratedly wiped a hand over his face and stared out into the sky. Faith was his wife but he wanted to treat Simone like a little fuck toy who needed a good spanking. Eli already knew he needed to stay away from Simone if he wanted to keep his marriage and his sanity. That was the problem—Eli felt an unstoppable pull towards Simone and wanted to spend more time with her.

Simone Harris coming back into his life was not good. Not good at all. The fact he would be working with her a lot didn't help matters. He just knew Simone was going to cause some serious problems for him if he didn't watch himself.

Luckily for Eli, he had a busy day ahead creating more floral designs and he would be bouncing between his office and downstairs in the warehouse. It was good. The busier he was, the less he would want to entertain thoughts of sexing his ex-girlfriend.

“
You okay, man?” Joey’s voice cut through the silence and made Eli jump back into the present. “You’ve been staring out that window for the past ten minutes.”

Eli finally sat down behind his desk and slowly bounced in his chair. Could he tell his brother what he was feeling? What advice could Joey offer to him? He kept a steady rotation of girlfriends, once labeling himself as the Italian Hugh Hefner. “Joey, let me ask you,” Eli played with a pencil on the desk, “how do you know what you have is
it
?”

“
What do you mean?” Joey asked.

“
Like, how do you know this is what you want for the rest of your life?” Eli pondered. “Like, no questions asked.”

“
You’re leaving the shop, man?” Joey asked, with a little worry in his voice. “I mean, whatever they’re offering, I can see if we could match or double it.”

“
Oh, no, it’s not Madre’s,” Eli reassured, “it’s just in general. Like how do you know this is what you want?”

“
I don’t,” Joey shrugged, “I just have to be confident that I’m making the best decision for myself at the time, that’s all.”

“
Heh,” Eli nodded. “Okay.”

Joey studied his brother’s face. All five of the brothers were very tight-knit and Joey couldn’t help but wonder if Eli’s general and vague question had something to do with his marriage. “Everything okay between you and Faye? You know you can talk to me about what’s going on, bro.”

“
Everything’s fine,” Eli lied. “I’m just wondering in general.”

“
Okay, man,” Joey dropped the subject. “Just let me know if I can help you. I’ll see you on Sunday for mom’s dinner.” He then left the office.

“
See you later.” Eli replied. He bounced in his chair, staring out in a dead space. He thought about his life—where he was, where he currently is, and where he wants to be.

The problem was, he wanted to be with Simone.

****

After meeting with her bride, Elizabeth, Simone headed back to her office. The two of them were able to negotiate with the loft owner on a reasonable price, and Simone already started to envision the type of wedding a woman like Elizabeth was going to have. Something romantic with a touch of sensuality. Not too frou-frou, since that wasn’t Elizabeth at all. She was going to have lavender, pink, periwinkle and a little grey as the background colors. Elizabeth had already chosen her gown—a charmeuse A-line gown that hugged her curves. Elizabeth took over the reins in the meeting, instructing Simone on what she wanted and what she didn’t want. She was the type of bride Simone loved working with the most. All she had to do was guide them in the right direction.

When the conversation naturally turned to flowers, Simone felt tension in her neck. There were many floral shops in town but she knew Elizabeth wanted flowers from Madre’s. It meant Simone would be working closely with Eli once again. While she did look forward to working with him and coming up with some fantastic designs, she also knew she was stepping into very dangerous territory. Maybe he didn’t feel the sexual tension between them. Maybe the heat rising in her belly and swirling in her sex was just a figment of her imagination. Maybe her jaw clenching tight was due to stress, and not how Eli was making her feel solely by focusing his attention on her.

Maybe. But Simone knew it was the truth.

She told herself times had changed. When she moved away from St. George, she buried her feelings toward Eli and focused on her career. She had been engaged plenty of times, one engagement in particular, almost making a trip down the aisle. And as if on cue, Simone would back away and run. No man could come close to what she wanted, what she needed, what she craved.

She felt stupid harboring a high school relationship, almost feeling insane for doing so. Eli was a grown man with a wife and family. He spoke of Nathan like a proud father. His eyes lit up when he mentioned his wife. It still didn’t stop the thoughts from piercing into her brain—and worse yet—her heart. She wanted to be with Eli. She wanted to have his children. She wanted Eli, but only if he was available. And he would never be available.

Simone’s head collapsed in her hands.
What in the hell am I going to do?

“
You look like you need a drink,” Pepper leaned against the doorway.

Simone finally looked up at her assistant, whose expression changed for the worst when their eyes met. “I look that bad?” She asked.

“
Girlfriend, you look like you were just run over by a bus before the freight train got you,” Pepper walked into Simone’s office and pulled up a chair. “Wanna tell me about it?”

Simone briefly contemplated how much she wanted to reveal to her best friend/assistant. Pepper had an open mind and was pretty liberal about a lot of things, something Simone really admired in her. But admitting she had a crush on a married man was something she thought needed to be kept private for the time being. “Have you ever been caught between good versus evil?”

“
Yeah,” Pepper shrugged, “each time I eat a donut.”

Simone smiled. “I’m stuck in a situation where the right thing is walking away…”

“
But you don’t want to,” Pepper finished. “You want to stay to see what happens, huh?”

“
I know I’m playing with fire and I’ll get burned. But I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been, you know?” It was bad enough Simone spent the last several years of her life wondering that.

Pepper smiled warmly. “If this is about you-know-who, working at you-know-where, and you both want to do you-know-what, it’s really in your best interest to walk away before you both do something you’d regret.”

Simone hated how easy Pepper could read her. She might as well have been a book opened to the chapter titled,
Hussy
. “Easy for you to say, you don’t have to work with him all the time.”