Where You Can Find Me (12 page)

T
he next three
weeks flew by. It seemed long, not only because so much had happened, but because it had happened so fast. I had sparse communication with Jameson since we were both so busy preparing for the holidays. I saw Evie a couple of times for lunch and we never mentioned me walking in on her and my brother. We tried to see each other more before she took off to spend a week in California with her mom and the rest of her family for the holidays. She didn’t want to go but she since she hadn’t the year before, she needed to this time. Evie had a great family but a tense relationship with her mom and didn’t necessarily enjoy spending time with her.

“She’s my mom. So even though I don’t like her, I still love her.” She repeated this saying more times that I could count. I wasn’t sure if she said it to convince herself or if it was actually true. Either way, she came home a little defeated. I always let her know she could spend the holidays with Jameson and me, but she held strong. Before she left I gave her a new set of drawing pencils. The way she’d squealed, you would have thought I’d given her a Ferrari. She did love her art supplies. That was my favorite part of Christmas—finding that perfect gift for a person and seeing them open it. Seeing their face as realization settled in that I’d paid attention to them and knew the perfect gift they wanted. It filled my chest to bursting. It felt better than receiving any gift.

When it came to buying a gift for Jack, I struggled to come up with something special. He seemed like the kind of guy who went out and bought whatever he wanted. Not much was left for him to want. So I went the thoughtful route. I got him a date night package, filled with movies and snacks, along with a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label Bourbon. Jameson had to special order the bourbon for me and it came at a hefty price. But I knew it was a top shelf drink and I wanted Jack to know he was the best. I also got a gift card to Rock Bottom Brewery for us to go to again, since it was our first official date. And finally, a couples massage. He mentioned that he loved massages, but hated going since he felt girly. I didn’t care how ridiculous I looked going to get a massage. As long as I felt like heavenly goop when I left, then I would crawl in and beg. I figured getting a couple’s massage would be a good enough excuse to get one and look selfless in the process.

Besides, he had been so stressed over the last few weeks and I hated watching him wear himself out. He stayed with me most nights. Some nights I stayed at his place, but other nights he wanted to spend alone because he worried that he would take his mood out on me. I understood because when we talked he often sounded gruff and grumpy. We would end conversations because his irritability would make him snap. When I did see him, he looked tired. He always made sure to give me his attention but I could see the case taking a toll on him. He didn’t have to tell me when they found a new victim; I could see it on his face. I could feel it in the way he made love to me. He became more intense, as though trying to imprint himself on me. He became rougher as he exorcised his demons from the job. And I let him. I enjoyed being that outlet for him. Because no matter what version I got, I always felt cherished. I always felt the connection between us.

I needed him to imprint himself on me. It gave me reason to imprint myself on him too. When he became rough and forceful, I returned it. Our sex was always passionate. Even the nights when he would be too tired and we would go to sleep early, only for me to wake to him slipping himself inside of me from behind while we lay on our sides and leisurely made love; I felt the passion.

Each day I fell more and more in love with him. I thought about telling him, but he had so much going on. It still seemed too soon. Logically, I knew time didn’t really matter and maybe I felt scared to open myself completely. But sometimes logic didn’t play into my decision-making. So I decided to wait for a better time when
I
felt more comfortable with the words, with these feelings. Until then, I decided to let it be and feel content with how wonderful things were going.

Part of me had hoped that he would have been able to stay for Christmas despite me telling Jameson it was too soon. I would have loved to open Jameson’s and my tradition to him, but he had plans to return to Texas to see his family. It would be a long week without him, but he deserved a week long break from the case. He told me Grayson would be staying behind to carry the load until he returned. I didn’t know how much of a “break” he planned on taking, but hopefully enough to get him rested.

Both Jack and Evie’s flights took off on the same day and close to the same time, allowing me to take them both to the airport. They’d finally met a week before when Evie told me to make her dinner while she grilled my boy toy. I panicked a bit that Evie would call him my boy toy to his face and that he would be alarmed and not accept Evie. In the end, she did call him my boy toy and grilled the hell out of him. Even asked him for his penis size since I was being a stubborn bitch and wouldn’t share the details. And I fell a little bit more in love with Jack when he just laughed at her crude comments and questions and returned her banter. He even brought tears to Evie’s eyes when she laughed so hard at his self-deprecating explanation of his dick size. “Like a button on a fur coat.” Evie laughed and gave him her stamp of approval saying that any man that can make a joke about his manhood was a winner in her book.

Evie’s flight left first and after desperate pleading and a few lies about my boyfriend leaving for a deployment, I managed to score a pass to the terminals so I could wait with him. We had a quick dinner and he even snuck me off to a bathroom. Without any explanation he pushed me into a stall and shoved my back against the door. Eyes remaining on mine, he roughly hiked up my skirt and palmed my ass, grabbing my panties and pulling them down my legs to take them off. As soon as he dropped to his knees he pulled my leg over his shoulder and proceeded to tongue my pussy until I came, forcing a moan from my throat as a heat crept into my body. Once I came, he lifted me up and pushed into me whispering sexy nothings into my ear.

“This is so you don’t forget who this pussy belongs to. Who does it belong to, Luella?”

I gasped my response, “You. It’s all yours, Jack.”

“You like me fucking you in places you can get caught? Do you like the idea of people seeing you take your pleasure? Do you imagine being walked in on again like we were at the club? Did you like the way he watched your tits bounce? How he wanted you, too?”

I just kept nodding my head. Pulling out, he dropped me on wobbly legs and turned me, pushing my chest against the stall, the chill feeling good against my flushed cheeks. Grabbing my hips, hard enough to bruise, he shoved himself back in, pounding relentless.

Crack.

The sound permeated the air before I recognized the stinging on my ass from his slap. The sting spread to a pleasurable heat and my initial yell slipped into a moan. The closer he came to orgasm the harder he fucked me; the harder and faster he landed blows to my ass. I rode out my pleasure as it hit me with a force of a truck. Jack leaned against my back, holding me tight, as we both moaned out our releases. Only our labored breathing rang throughout the empty bathroom as I processed that I let him fuck me in a place we could have been caught. The truth was I didn’t care; Jack made me push my sexual limits and feel safe enough to try new things. Sometimes, when my mind would wander, I would remember how he told me about his threesomes with Grayson and I couldn’t help but imagine.

Once we finished up it was time for him to leave. He dipped me low for a dramatic kiss and promised to call when he landed. He also promised to jack off into the panties he’d confiscated from me, which caused me to flush with a mixture of excitement and embarrassment.

I left the airport and headed home to prepare for Christmas in two days. It would be another holiday with just Jameson and me, but this year I felt more appreciative of it after the argument we had earlier. I had a better understanding of him that I didn’t before; I cherished him more. Or at least made an effort to show it. He was right when he told me I was selfish. I did only think of my loss when I lost Asher, but I still had Jameson and he would always be my family. It was about time I made sure to appreciate every moment even more.

On the way home from the airport, the radio station began discussing murders becoming more frequent around the downtown area. I reached to turn up the volume to hear about any new discoveries. Jack remained tight-lipped about the case and I relied on the news for information rather than ask him. The two hosts argued about whether the murders were connected considering the victim from a few weeks ago was a middle aged businesswoman, stabbed to death, and the most recent victim was a male in his early twenties working at a coffee shop, and had died from strangulation. My shoulders tensed along with my hands gripping the steering wheel as they argued that apparently both bodies had been brutalized before their death and continued on discussing the statistics behind serial killers and their modus operandi. I didn’t know what to think about it. Honestly, I tried
not
to think about it.

I knew it was something Jack dealt with every day, so when we were together, I did my best to take him away from the worries of the case. I wanted to pretend the worries weren’t knocking on our door. Tipping my head side to side, trying to relieve some of the tension, I thought with all the murders happening and seeing families tragically lose their loved ones, I was lucky to still have Jameson in my life. It made me realize how fortunate I was to be alive and I needed to appreciate every day.

C
hristmas morning passed uneventfully
. Jameson came over and we exchanged gifts before I made breakfast. I got him a nice bottle of whiskey, the last season of
Game of Thrones
, and a saccharine sweet brother/sister book that left places open for me to personalize. He told me it was lame in the most brotherly way and I agreed, but I needed him to know how important he was to me and how much I cherished him in my life, no matter how corny. After breakfast and watching the Christmas parade, he left to go get ready for the bar that night. I told him I would be in later.

I enjoyed our Christmases. I loved their simplicity and the calmness of it all. I did miss the chaotic Christmas morning we’d had when we were younger with Mom and Dad, but being able to sit back and relax with my coffee and just enjoy my day made me feel calm and content with life. Besides, it might be the last one I had like this. What if next year, Jack wanted me to go to Texas or have his family here? My heart rate picked up with the thought of change. I didn’t do great with change and I liked my patterns, but somehow Jack eased his way in and became my new pattern. I wasn’t so sure how that would translate to changing the routines around my holiday traditions. Then I laughed because it had only been a couple months and I had let my mind wander off to La-La Land.

Later that evening I got dressed in my skinny jeans and low-heeled ankle boots. I paired it with a simple green, v-neck t-shirt. The V dipped low enough to show my cleavage without shoving it in someone’s face. I liked to try and get as much money in tips without feeling like a hooker. The more money I raised, the better, since I donated it all to the local homeless shelter. My job paid me plenty and I had very few financial obligations. Our parents left us all a good portion of money, which now only went to Jameson and me. I could easily afford to donate my tips for a good cause. I even wore a push-up bra and, damn, I looked good.

I took a quick picture of myself, remembering my conversation with Jack earlier. He called to wish me a Merry Christmas and asked me to send him a picture of myself before I left for the bar. He wanted one right then but I still wore my pajamas and hadn’t showered. I pulled my long brown hair into a quick messy ponytail. I didn’t want my hair on my neck later when the heat in the bar increased with the crowd.

I pulled up to King’s two hours after they opened and already cars filled three-quarters of the lot. Not all the customers were people alone on the holidays. Although I struggled with the concept, a lot of people worked on Christmas and met up with family at the bar for their own tradition. I think it gave Jameson a sense of pride to know he gave everyone a place to go on the holidays. He said he knew he didn’t have to be open and that most bars shut down but he wanted to provide a cheerful holiday-filled place to those who didn’t have one.

As I walked in, it showed. There were the guys who were only there to get shit-faced drunk, sitting at the bar. There were large groups of friends sitting in the corner booth as well as a couple slow dancing to Dean Martin’s
Baby It’s Cold Outside
on the open floor. It felt like a home away from home. Jameson was working the bar and gave me a quick wave gesturing for me to work the other side. I quickly set my stuff aside in the back and bumped into Angela on the way back out.

“Oh, hey girl. Merry Christmas.” Angela gave me a big smile. She worked Christmas Day with us every other year when she didn’t have to travel to her brother’s house for the holidays. Her perky, blonde ponytail swayed when she tipped her head to the side and asked, “Why are you here? I thought you would be spending Christmas with your hunky new boyfriend.”

I laughed and shook my head. “No. He went to Dallas to see his family and I don’t think I’m ready to change up my holiday traditions for someone I just met.”

“Whatever you say. If it was me, I would be glued to him like white on rice. But it’s been awhile since I’ve been close to someone. So a few months could be wedding bells to me. Maybe that is why I haven’t had a boyfriend in so long.” We both laughed as we made our way back out to the bar.

The place filled up fast and the hours flew by. I swear if I didn’t love science so much I could have been a bartender. It was fun meeting people from all walks of life. Even though a few of them could be really weird and creepy, the majority were interesting. I saw two new customers fill a spot on my side of the bar and I made my way down to take their order. I stopped a little short when I noticed Detective Shane Daniels and the newbie cop that Jack had told me about. Instantly, I was alert and a little nervous around the guy, considering what Jack told me a couple weeks ago. I shook off my hesitation and reminded myself not to be a big scaredy cat. It’s not like anything bad would happen to me while I served them.

“Hey, guys. What can I get you to drink?” I didn’t openly greet Shane because I didn’t know if he wanted me to act like I knew him. Last time we talked he wanted me to keep everything hush-hush. I decided to play it safe than assume the wrong thing.

They both turned to look at me and instantly my nerves rose again. The younger cop’s pale green eyes looked me up and down, making sure to take extra time to stare at my chest. By the time he reached my eyes his held disgusting interest paired with a creepy-ass smile. He might have been trying to be flirtatious but instead came off as a creeper.

I didn’t return his smile.

I might have even scowled.

I crossed my arms and turned to look at Shane. Recognition crossed his features and while he didn’t smile, his face softened from the frown. “Hey, Luella. I didn’t know you worked here.”

“I don’t usually. This is my brother’s bar and I work it every Christmas.”

“You know her, Detective?” Creeper Cop asked. His tone implied how impressed he would be if Shane
knew
me.
Ugh! What an ass.

“Not really. This is Luella, Jack’s girlfriend. Luella, this is Aimes Bennet.”

“Nice to meet you, sweetheart.”
Aimes
reached his hand out to shake mine and I reached to grab glasses for their drinks. No way in hell would I touch him willingly. Whether Jack’s gut was right or not, I did not like the vibes this guy put off. I didn’t miss the slight tension that tightened his shoulders at the mention of Jack’s name.

I nodded my head and asked again what they wanted to drink. To be a bitch I asked for Creeper Cop’s ID. In all fairness, he looked about twelve. I thought I even saw Shane’s shoulders shake with a suppressed laugh. I got their drinks and then moved down the bar to serve other customers. I rarely took my eyes off Aimes. I wanted to report back to Jack and give him every detail.

I felt like I should have had my own spy song going in the background as I mentally catalogued details. Then I laughed at myself for being stupid. I had no idea what I was doing and Jack would probably laugh at me for mentioning it. During a slow period I went to refill their drinks and asked Shane, “What brings you guys in here on Christmas?”

Shane took a drink and looked as though he was about to brush off the question when all of a sudden Aimes answered for him. “We were actually working late on a new murder we discovered today. We decided to stop for a drink before heading home after such a gruesome scene. I’m sure Jack has told you
all
about this case he is trying to take over.” He rolled his eyes and kept going. “So you know about the serial killer going around and getting more and more loud with his victims. You should see what he does. It’s actually pretty impressive.” He started talking faster showing his excitement about these murders. It sent chills down my spine just watching him and listening to someone seem happy about the horrifying case. I’d watched Jack grow tired and irritable as the case took its toll on him and here was this guy going on and on like he was talking about his latest crush. “I mean this guy has to be a genius right? He’s been getting away with this for years. At least, until I caught on.” He actually placed his hand on his chest as if in awe of himself before continuing. “He pushes the limits and challenges us to find him. Each murder is becoming more obvious. I swear, he’s so good he could kill someone in the precinct, right under our noses and the department wouldn’t even know. Not even
Jack.
”

I peeked at Shane to see him just staring into his glass and looking like he was counting to ten as he took a deep breath. “I mean, sweetheart, the one we saw tonight had this chick wrapped in Christmas lights like some kind of gift to us.”

My eyes widened in horror right before a hand slammed down on the bar. I jumped and looked at Shane. He focused his rage on Bennet, with his eyebrows drawn as low as they could, over his eyes that appeared black in his state of anger. The right side of his upper lip curled in disgust as a muscle twitched in his jaw. “Shut the fuck up, Bennet,” he growled out between clenched teeth. As Bennet stammered out an apology, Shane finished his drink in one swallow. “Let’s fucking go.”

He threw more than enough cash on the bar and gave me a quick nod. “Sorry about that, Luella. Make sure you stay safe. I’ll see you around.” He turned to walk out, not even bothering to check to make sure Aimes followed. He did follow, but not before he turned one last time to give me a lecherous perusal of my body. “See you around, sweetheart.” With a wink he turned and followed Shane out.

I felt so dirty after the whole encounter. Luckily, Angela announced last call and the stragglers would be leaving in the next hour. I finished out my shift and Jameson followed me home. He did it every time I worked the bar late at night to make sure I got home safe. Just another way he looked out for me.

I immediately showered to try and feel clean again. But no matter how much I washed my skin I couldn’t erase the image of Aimes’s joyful excitement over the murders and the poor dead woman, wrapped in Christmas lights.