Where You Can Find Me (14 page)

J
ack spent less
and less time with me at night because he began working the case harder. I guessed the night time was when all the people he needed to speak to came out to do their work. I tried not to be bothered by it. I didn’t feel bothered by the lack of time with him as much as fear over the dangerous position he worked in every night. He sure as hell wasn’t going to talk to daycare workers. So even if tracking a serial killer wasn’t enough, he talked to criminals on a daily basis. I tried not to let my fear of losing someone I loved consume me. I just forced myself to cherish and remember the time we spent together.

He still made plenty of time for me. We went on dates and even if we couldn’t make it back to one of our houses before he had to go we still made love before he left. One night he dragged me into a hidden alley and fucked me up against a brick wall. He fucked me so hard the back of my dress had tears in it. It was frantic and amazing. I loved when he gripped me so tight he left bruises on my thighs. I loved to feel his desperation to have me. I loved
him
.

I’d finally accepted it and wanted to tell him. But I became a cliche and wanted to wait for the right moment. Or really any moment. We hadn’t had alone time and I didn’t want to say it randomly or in a crowded restaurant. And I didn’t want to say it while he made love to me. I wanted him to know I said it because I meant it and not in a moment of passion. So while I hadn’t told him yet, I tried to show him every moment we spent together.

One night, he didn’t have any work to do and we ordered in pizza. A movie played but we barely watched it as we made out and groped on the couch. We both had already come once from dry humping each other like a bunch of teenagers. I found it sexy that he just came in his pants and didn’t even care about the mess; like he wore what I did to him with pride. Facing him, I scooted back, resting my butt on his knees straddling him and reached my hands into his pants to rub his come onto my fingers. Without losing eye contact I pulled my wet fingers out and scooted off his legs to sit on the coffee table. I only wore a long t-shirt and panties and I spread my legs so he could see all of me. With my hand coated in his come I pushed my underwear aside and began to rub my clit.

“Oh, fuck.” It came out as a deep moan like he was pleading to God for patience. Or maybe it was a thank you for being able to watch me. “Yeah, baby. Rub my come all over that pussy. You know it’s mine. Mark it as mine.”

I leaned back, resting my free hand behind me as I tilted my head back and pushed two fingers inside my core. I had never pleasured myself in front of anyone before but doing it for Jack turned me on faster than anything before. A fine sheen of sweat coated my skin as a flush rose up my neck and into my cheeks. I pulled my fingers out and circled my clit again letting a moan escape my lips.

“Look at me.” His deep voice vibrated through my chest tightening my nipples to hard points. I lifted my head and met his eyes. “Do you like me watching you?” I nodded. “You keep finding ways to show me how much you love being watched.” We exchanged a knowing look, making the tension thick between us as I waited for him to acknowledge that it made us both think of Grayson and how he watched us. “I love it.” I felt both relief and disappointment that he didn’t bring up Grayson. “Now come for me.”

I let go of the feeling as I rubbed faster and harder and came moments later. I watched his eyes burn as my thigh muscles tightened prolonging the orgasm. My whole body clenched as the euphoric wave ripped through me. I let out a deep breath once it had ebbed and pulled my hand from between my thighs. We both breathed heavily as I licked my lips and brought my fingers to my mouth touching them to my tongue.

His lip curled up and a growl rumbled out of his chest. He stood and picked me up from the table and I wrapped my legs around his waist while he carried me to my bedroom. As soon as we stepped into the room he tossed me onto the bed and began removing his shirt before I even stopped bouncing. Next he moved his hands to the button on his jeans and said, “Get naked.”

I didn’t have to be told twice and quickly removed my shirt and underwear. A small moment passed while we were both naked; me, laying back on the bed supported by my hands behind me and him, standing at the foot of the bed. A moment of silence stretched out between us as we took each other in. The calm before the storm. I never tired of looking over his long and muscular body. Every part of his body was solid in that perfectly lean way of not being bulky. I took it all in before he swallowed me whole and we devoured each other.

“My sweet, dirty Luella. You really do love being watched, don’t you?” I met his eyes and saw in them where this conversation would take us. I had been waiting for it. I gave a small nod as my breathing increased and I swallowed the saliva building in my mouth in anticipation. “You love to push your sexual boundaries.”

“I do with you,” I responded with an unintentional whisper. A glimmer of a smile appeared in his eyes letting me know he approved of my response.

He climbed on the bed and moved over me. “How far do you think we can push those boundaries?” HIs lips fell to my neck and made their way to my jaw as goose bumps spread over my skin. “How far do you want to push them?”

My head fell back and my response fell from my mouth on a gasp as he bit down hard on my shoulder. “As far as you want. I want it all with you.”

He stopped his exploration of my skin with his mouth and settled himself between my spread legs. His eyes stayed focused on me; studying me, as he placed a condom on and lined himself up with my pussy. Just when he was about to push in he stopped. “Do you want it all with me,” He paused and then pushed inside me with one shove and asked, “And to share it with Grayson?”

And there it was. The question I knew he had been waiting to bring up, but no matter how much I prepared myself for it, it still shocked me. It still made me nervous to think about. I couldn’t think about it now while he thrusted in and out relentlessly. “I … I don’t…” I couldn’t form words. I could barely hold any thoughts beyond the feeling of him on top of me, of the desire in his eyes while he fucked me. He grabbed my thigh and brought it up over his hip to get a deeper angle. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. I saw the way your mind wandered when we had lunch the first time. I saw the way you flushed. Your increased breathing. The way your nipples hardened. I see the interest in your eyes when we all get together. You love the attention we both give you.”

I couldn’t focus but I started to worry that maybe he thought I liked Grayson on an intimate level. I began to shake my head no as I gasped for breath. His head dropped to my nipple and sucked it deep into his mouth, ending the torture with a small bite. A moan slipped from my throat as I tried to explain. “No. It’s not like that, Jack. I only want you.”

“Oh, sweet Lu. It’s okay. I know you belong to me.” His hips slowed down to make sure I understood he knew I only cared about him and I heard what he was saying. “I know you would never want anything emotional with Grayson. But I
know
you. I see the curiosity in your eyes. I saw it from night one. I saw it even more when I told you about Grayson’s and my threesomes.” He leaned down to brush his light dusting of chest hair over my nipples and spoke in my ear after a bite. “It’s okay, baby. I want to give it to you if that is what you want.” He pulled back to sit upright on his knees and pulled my legs up to his shoulders. ”Is that what you want, Lu?”

His pace picked up again and he swiveled on his inward thrust to brush against my clit. My brain returned to a ball of mush as I tried to formulate words. “I … I don’t know, Jack.”

“Yes, you do. It’s okay, baby. Tell me. Tell me you want it.” He pushed in harder and harder causing my breasts to bounce up with each slap of flesh. “Tell me you want the attention of two men all on you. Two men pleasuring you; just you. Tell. Me. Yes.” He punctuated the last three words with hard thrusts. He slowed down, but didn’t lessen the force on his movements. He began to bring me down from my peak and withhold my pleasure. “Tell me, and I will fuck you like your body is begging me to right now.” I squeezed my legs around him to get more tension back into my body. I moved restlessly against him, desperate to get back to the pinnacle he refused to give me. I
needed
it.

“Yes!” The word ripped from my throat as I gave into the frustration mounting inside me. I wanted my pleasure and I wanted him to give me everything. I wanted it all, and I wanted it all with him. “Yes. I want you to fuck me. I want Grayson there. I want it.” The words poured out of me on a plea. “Please. Please, Jack.” I didn’t know what I begged for at that point. I just wanted him.

“Good girl.” He reached down and grabbed my hips and began pounding into me. It didn’t take long for both of us to finish and fall into a sweaty heap on my bed.

We didn’t talk about it at all after that. He came back to bed after cleaning up and looked questioningly in my eyes. I gave him a reassuring smile and he leaned down to kiss my forehead before pulling me into him as he laid down.

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” he asked in an amazed voice.

“I ask myself the same thing every day.”

He fell asleep soon after that and I turned to watch him sleep. I loved his imperfect features. His slightly bigger nose that had been broken before. The scar in his eyebrow. The crows feet on the side of his eyes. Cataloguing everything made my heart swell and I had to say it at least once. With just a whisper, I admitted my feelings to the dark. “I love you.”

As soon as the words left my mouth his eyes popped open and he turned to look at me.

“Oh-hi.” It came out as one rushed word. My eyes were wide in my panic and I blurted out a ‘Oh. Hi.’ in one quick word like I was trying to say Ohio without the last O.

I couldn’t remember the last breath I took, but the lightheadedness reminded me I should breathe. I took a deep, shaky breath in and tried to understand the look in his eyes. It looked like wonder. They then crinkled at the corners as his lips turned up. His hand moved up to brush the side of my cheek before saying, “I love you too, Lu.” He leaned down to kiss me as a warm joy filled my chest. Butterflies moved throughout my stomach as I tried to process the happiness my body felt. He pulled back with a full smile and I couldn’t help but return it.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. And next time don’t wait until I’m asleep. What would we have done if I hadn’t heard you?” He shook his head and made a tsking noise but laid his head back on the pillow and pulled me to his side. “Let’s get some sleep.”

A huge smile settled on my face and happy tears burned my eyes as I curled in tight to his chest. I couldn’t remember a time I had felt so happy. I said it again just because I wanted it to be the last thing I heard before falling asleep. “I love you, Jack.”

“I love you, too, Luella.”

T
he next couple
of weeks progressed quickly and uneventfully. Jack seemed to be hesitantly at ease because the serial killer case had gone quiet. They hadn’t found a body in the past three weeks. He told me he didn’t know what to think about it and then the rookie cop, Aimes, had taken a vacation for a week to visit family. During the lull, Jack took on some of the other cases that had been piling up with his security company. Grayson took the lead on any information that came in on the case and reported it all to Jack. Which led to us all having lunch together more and more frequently. Jack and I tried to see each other as much as possible and it worked well that they used the time to go over any important information outside of the office.

At the first lunch after admitting my fantasy to Jack I felt uncomfortable about Grayson. I felt like he could read my confession all over my face. At the second lunch, I feared that maybe Jack had talked about it with Grayson.

“What do you mean, have I talked to Grayson about your fantasy?” Jack asked confused and a little shocked.

“I know guys talk and I didn’t know if you maybe shared with him that … that … that thing I mentioned the other night.” I stuttered my words and felt heat creeping up my cheeks as my eyes dipped to his neck.

“Luella, look at me.” I raised my eyes to his reluctantly. “First of all, I would never
gab
to Grayson like a gossip. Secondly, that
thing
you mentioned the other night,” he dipped his head down and whispered in my ear, “your fantasy of having Grayson and I fuck you like you deserve. Don’t call it a
thing.
Own your fantasies. They’re sexy as hell and I love you more for it.” He leaned back and gave me small kiss on the mouth. My chest felt lighter, having the conversation. I felt like I could relax again at the lunches and stop questioning every move Grayson made or look the guys shared between each other.

Wondering if he kept bringing it up to get me used to the idea, part of me feared that truth while another part desperately hoped for it. His words beyond enticed me and turned me on more than I thought possible. I didn’t know how far Jack planned on taking my fantasy, but he used it wisely when having sex.

Could you imagine a mouth on each nipple?

What about sucking a cock while another licked your pussy?

Would you like it if we tied your hands down and used you? Pleased you? Four hands, two dicks, two mouths? Imagine the possibilities.

Has this sweet ass ever been fucked before? Would I be the first man to claim it? Would you let me?

Could you imagine how wonderfully full you would feel with a cock in your pussy and another in your ass? Completely surrounded. Utterly cherished.

His words painted a picture that made my skin burn with desire. And with each question only one word could leave my lips.
Yes.
I never hesitated. I never wanted to deny it.

Through it all, we fell into this perfect relationship I never knew I could have, or that I would even want. I never thought I would open myself up this way. After we exchanged our I-love-yous that night, everything else progressed naturally. Jack became more involved with my day to day activities. While I spent some nights at his apartment, he mostly stayed with me and began leaving a few odds and ends each time he came. I liked seeing his stuff around my house.

He even began coming to all of our Sunday family dinners with Jameson and Evie. Jameson acted cold and hesitant at first but Evie and I ridiculed him into submission and I think they ended up bonding over being the guys annoyed by us more than anything. Either way, I loved seeing my brother interact with him and get along. It made my family feel complete. Too often I thought it would only be Jameson and me, with the occasional Evie. But she was a social butterfly who would eventually branch out into her own family. Jameson and I used to seem too damaged to share our love with others. The fear of loss lingered with us, clinging and refusing to let go.

The fear still stayed with me, but I held my love for Jack tighter than anything else and I welcomed him with open arms. Every time he told me he loved me my heart swelled, whether he said it at the end of a goodbye or when his eyes lingered and he said it in a way that resonated within my soul. I cherished each and every one.

Since he had been so busy catching up on work all through January, we hadn’t been able to have a proper dinner date until mid-February. We started off our evening at a dueling piano bar in Covington before heading back over the bridge to have dinner near Fountain Square. Before we headed into the restaurant Jack surprised me by taking me on a horse-drawn carriage ride. The white chariot was shaped like a pumpkin and had lights around the curved bars. A clear plastic covered the carriage to fend off some of the cold as well as a blanket. I barely noticed the February air with Jack’s arm around me. We cuddled close under the blanket as we watched the city go by. I always loved the horse rides around the city. We did them as a family, every year around the holidays when we were younger.

When we made our way back to Fountain Square he asked me if I wanted to go ice skating, but I didn’t think my short sequined skirt could hold up to me falling all over the place. He promised me he would only cop a feel once before he pulled me up off my ass. I appreciated his romanticism but still declined with much sarcasm.

After dinner, we made our way to a small high end bar with dim lights and a dark interior. The atmosphere encouraged close encounters and romance between couples with the dark corners and small tables. Light jazz music played in the background as I sipped on my glass of red wine. Jack ordered an Old Fashioned and I joked about him being an old man in a sexy, young man’s body. His laugh sent tingles down my spine. I could never get used to the feeling his smile brought to me. I loved to make people laugh, but it felt ten times better when Jack enjoyed my sense of humor. He was my lover and he was my friend. He made me happy and comfortable. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. He was my person.

Between all the laughter, Jack’s phone began to ring with Shane’s name. Repeatedly. With an apologetic look he answered his phone.

“MacCabe.” Shane’s voice resonated through the phone and while I couldn’t hear the words, I sensed the urgency in them. “What? Slow down.” A pause. “Okay.” Jack began gathering his jacket and throwing more than enough cash on our table. Confused, I followed suit and gathered my purse. “I’m on my way.” He ended the call, shoved the phone in his pocket and reached back for my hand, tugging me along. With a quick glance back he dropped his eyes to my heeled boots. “Fuck. Can you run in those?”

My eyes widened as I nodded my head before saying, “I can try my best. What’s going on Jack?” I tried to keep my mounting fear out of my voice but I was sure he could hear it.

“Just go as fast as you can. I’ll explain in the car.”

He dragged me through the crowds as he shoved people aside, giving a brusque apology. When we reached the crowded wait at the elevators he mumbled a quick “Fuck it,” and made his way to the stairs. Somehow, by the grace of all things holy, I managed to not wipe out and made it to the car with both my ankles intact.

He started the car and maneuvered his way out of the garage. Our gasping breaths filled the silent cab of the truck. I remained silent as we weaved through the traffic heading out of the downtown area and toward the outskirts which were crowded with the factories. “Jack?” He glanced at me with a pained stare. I didn’t want to ask, but I needed to know what the hell was going on. “What’s going on?”

He took a deep breath before explaining. “There’s been another murder. But this time an unknown witness called it in. Said he saw a man dragging a woman into one of the abandoned warehouses. Shane called to let me know so we could get everyone there. We’re closer so we’ll probably get there first.” He took another quick glance in my direction. “Lu, if I could have left you at the bar I would have. Just keep your head down and stay in the car, okay?”

I numbly nodded my head, trying to process the situation. I jumped when his phone began to ring again. “MacCabe.” He listened to the person on the other line. “Yeah, man. I got the call. I’m on my way. I have Lu with me; we were on a date in the city tonight.” I assumed it was Grayson on the other end. “Haha. Yeah, I sure know romance. I’ll let you give me some pointers later. Look, man, just get here as soon as you can. I need another pair of eyes that isn’t part of the department.”

He ended the call just as he pulled into the abandoned parking lot. Killing the lights the car slowed to a crawl as he approached the building. My heart pounded in my chest as my sweaty palms gripped the seat belt as though it would save me from whatever could happen. My shoulders curled forward lowering me in the seat as my eyes darted around looking for whatever might be out there. Not too far off, I noticed a large factory door opened. In the dark of the night my mind struggled to understand the shadows in the distance. My heart lurched in my throat when I saw a movement as we got closer. I shot my hand out to Jack’s forearm and whispered, “Jack.” I nodded my head in the direction as we crept closer.

I sunk further down in the seat, trying to hide from whatever horror awaited us. As we inched closer, the image clarified in my mind at the same time Jack noticed what I saw. An image I would give anything in the world to remove. Vomit rose in my throat as I choked on my own breath. Jack’s hand shot out to cover my mouth. “Don’t scream. Breathe deep, and don’t scream. Don’t look.”

But it was too late. A woman hung from the top of the high door opening. Each arm tied up toward a corner, leaving her feet dangling above the ground. Her head lolled to the side of her nude body. I had never seen a body so brutalized before. I couldn’t turn my eyes away as they opened wider in shock.
Stop looking!
I kept saying it hoping at some point my muscles would function again and I would turn away.

I just kept noticing more details. Her dark hair hung in wet chunks down her shoulders. A colorful spattering of watercolor flowers along her thigh. Where had I seen that?
The waitress at Nada. Whitney.
When I finally noticed her stomach had been cut open to let her organs fall out, the vomit rushed to the surface. Jack reached in his glove box quickly and opened a brown paper bag in front of me. I emptied every good memory from that night into the bag as tears leaked from my eyes. The vomiting continued endlessly. And once it stopped I began to hyperventilate. My breaths came tearing in and out of me. In the distance I could feel Jack’s hand moving up and down my back, as the other lifted my face toward his. His lips moved but I kept seeing her body.

He gave me a firm shake and his demanding tone penetrated the panic. “Look at me, Luella.” He shook my head again jarring me. “Listen to me. Breathe in. Breathe out. Just like me. Look at me and breathe.” This continued until my lungs finally settled. “Okay?” I nodded jerkily and a breath stuttered from my mouth. “I have to go out there and look around.”

Immediately I frantically shook my head. “No. No. No. P-p-please. Please, don’t leave me. Don’t go out there. P-please,” I begged him.

“Luella, calm down. I want you to curl up on the floor. Alright?” I still shook my head no. I knew he needed me to get my shit together but my shit packed up and left. I was saved from being left alone when sirens began blaring in the distance. I took deep breaths trying to regulate my breathing as I stared into his eyes trying to calm the storm raging inside me.

“You won’t be alone. Whoever it was is gone. I just need to look before everyone stomps all over it. okay? Please, baby. You can do this.” Finally my head nodded yes and I lowered my shaking limbs to the floorboards. The cops would be here any minute and I needed to let him get done what he needed.

He left the keys with me and told me to lock the doors once he closed it. It sounded like a horrible idea but I just nodded my head and stuttered out a quick ‘I love you.’ He returned the words and turned to go. I listened to the sirens getting closer to help calm myself. I started to count the seconds that turned into minutes to see how much longer it would take for them to get here. A game that passed the never ending time.

I jumped, hitting my head on the dash, as a small scream escaped after hearing a knock on the window. I looked up hesitantly, not wanting to see a stranger and my possible death. Instead, I saw Jack. I unlocked the doors and latched my arms around his neck just as the flashing lights and sirens arrived.

“Shhh. It’s fine, Lu. I’ve got you, baby.” He ran his hands up and down my back and through my hair trying to soothe me. Once my grip lessened a tiny fraction he pulled back and placed both hands on my cheeks making sure I looked at him. “Listen to me. The cops are here and I’ve got to help them out. One of the officers is going to take you to Jameson’s or Evie’s. You pick. I just don’t want you to be alone right now.” I shook my head in denial not wanting to leave his side. “Stop shaking your head no. You can’t be here. You don’t want to be here.”

“I don’t want to be away from you,” I interrupted.

“Luella, I love you, but I can’t have you here right now. Alright?” I swallowed hard and reluctantly nodded my head. He placed a lingering kiss on my forehead. “Good girl. Now, they’re probably going to question you and then I will take you to someone I know who will get you home safe. Okay?”

“Okay.”

We got out of the car and he led me away from the scene to an ambulance. He wanted me to get checked for shock since I couldn’t stop shaking. While I was being looked over, he called Jameson to explain the situation and let him know that I would be there soon. I could hear my brother’s raised voice, despite the distance between us. Jack came back to my side while one of the officers questioned me. I could see his eagerness to get to the scene and be a part of the investigation. Grayson arrived about the same time everyone else did and Jack had him taking his own notes.

As soon as the questioning ended, Jack led me to another cop he trusted and had him drive me to Jameson’s. My brother tried to pester me with questions when I walked in the door but I didn’t want to talk about it. I took a shower and asked for wine. I was sure he could see how much it affected me and just turned on the television and sat with me.