While We're Far Apart (25 page)

Everyone except Penny jumped from their seats, laughing, congratulating each other, saying good-bye. She couldn’t move. She had passed the course. She was a bus driver now. Roy said she should celebrate, but who could she celebrate with?

“Congratulations, Penny,” Sheila said. “I hope we’ll still see each other once in a while.” She already had her coat on and was preparing to leave.

“Yeah. I hope so, too.”

“Call me if you decide to volunteer with me at the USO sometime.” “Okay. Thanks.”

Penny finally found the strength to stand and put on her jacket, but she didn’t know what to do with the remainder of the afternoon. She didn’t want to go home to her parents’ duplex and have them drain all of the joy and pride from her accomplishment. They wouldn’t be happy for her at all. Instead, they would overwhelm her with worry and fear, listing all of the terrible things that might happen to her.

Penny went to the ladies’ room and changed out of her uniform, then wandered out to the front of the bus station. She was trying to decide where to go for a few hours when she remembered her adoption certificate. She had been so busy taking care of Eddie’s kids and learning to drive a bus that she hadn’t had time to return to the records’ office to find out if her birth record was sealed. She had already paid the money. Why not follow through with it?

She got on a bus before she could change her mind and rode to the records’ office. Part of her was afraid to learn the truth. It would be so final. If a clerk somewhere hadn’t made a mistake, then she would have to accept the truth that she really was adopted. But how much longer could she push the whole mess to the back of her mind, trying not to think about it a hundred times a day? She would find out the truth now, while she was still feeling brave, while she carried her brand-new bus driver’s license in her pocket.

The records’ office was crowded, as usual. It looked like a joyless place to work with its colorless walls and drab, functional furniture. Penny glanced around for the clerk who had helped her the last time but didn’t see her. She would have to explain her embarrassing situation all over again. She waited in line for her turn, then laid down the mangled-looking receipt she had carried in her purse all this time.

“Hi. My name is Penny Goodrich, and I – ”

“Let’s see that.” The clerk snatched up the receipt and looked it over before Penny could finish explaining. “One moment.” She hopped off her stool and sifted through the ranks of file drawers in the rear of the office. She returned a minute later with Penny’s receipt and an official-looking piece of paper.

“You requested to see your original birth documents, Miss Goodrich?” “Yes.” Penny crossed her fingers and held her breath, prepared to hear the clerk tell her it had all been a huge mistake, that she hadn’t been adopted after all.

“I’m sorry, Miss Goodrich, but the record was sealed at your birth mother’s request.” She handed Penny the paper and motioned for her to move aside. “Next, please.”

Penny didn’t bother to look at the document. She folded it in half and then in half again, and by the time she reached the bus stop she had folded it into a very small square. She shoved it into her purse and went home.

Mother had made meatloaf for dinner, one of Penny’s favorites, and they sat at the kitchen table to eat it. “You seem quiet tonight,” Mother said. “What’s wrong with you?”

Penny didn’t know how to reply. So many things were wrong. She had a new job, she had passed all her tests, she had finished at the top of the class – and no one cared. She had learned today that she truly was adopted, that it hadn’t been a mistake, which meant that the two people closest to her in the whole world had deceived her for twenty-four years. And not only had her real parents gotten rid of her, they had sealed the record, as well, making sure they would never have to hear from her again. But the worst tragedy of all was that Eddie would be shipped overseas to England soon, to fight in a war that seemed as though it would never end. He would be in danger, he might even be killed, and he had barely noticed her.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she replied. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“You’re not getting sick, are you?” Mother reached over to feel Penny’s forehead, and the motherly gesture nearly brought tears to Penny’s eyes.

“No, I’m fine.” She had to change the subject. “So I guess Thanksgiving is coming soon. If we all start saving our ration stamps, we should be able to plan a real nice dinner. I’ll have the children to care for, and I thought I would invite their grandmother to share it with us – and I’m inviting the two of you, of course.”

“Inviting us where?” Father asked.

“Well, I thought we could all gather at Eddie’s apartment. There’s plenty of room.”

“I’m not eating Thanksgiving dinner in a Jew neighborhood,” Father said. He pointed to the bowl of mashed potatoes and gestured for Penny to pass them.

Penny thought of Mr. Mendel and how kind he seemed. “How can you feel that way, Dad? Especially when we keep hearing about the awful way the Nazis treat Jewish people over in Europe?”

“You’re naive, Penny. You don’t know much about the real world.”

“But the newspapers say that the Nazis may have killed thousands of Jews in Poland – ”

“The papers are making up all those things. Nobody could kill that many people. And for what reason? It doesn’t make sense.”

“I think you should cook Thanksgiving here,” Mother said. “We could all eat here.”

“But we don’t have a dining room, and this kitchen is so small. It would be very crowded with all of us here.” Penny also knew that Esther and Peter would die of boredom in this dreary, overheated house.

“Do whatever you want,” Father said, “but I’m eating Thanksgiving right here in my own house.”

Penny drove her apprentice bus route all week, returning to her parents’ home every evening, sleeping in her childhood bedroom. The house felt as if all of the joy had been sucked out of it and that the walls were ten feet thick and made of cement. She couldn’t bear the thought of moving back after the war ended. She longed to ask her parents who she really was and why they had adopted her in the first place, but every time she tried to ask, fear choked off her words before she could say them. She thought she understood how Peter must feel, unable to speak his thoughts.

On Sunday, Eddie’s last day at home, Penny put on her new gray suit and went to the worship service at Eddie’s church. She had gone there with the children for the past few months and had gotten to know many of the people. It felt like home to her. She sat with Eddie and the kids during the hour-long service, ignoring Esther’s glares of disapproval, and afterward they walked back to the duplex together.

“You kids go on inside and help your grandmother with lunch,” Eddie told them. “I’ll be right in. I want to talk to Penny alone.”

Her heart started jumping around inside her chest again as she stood beside him in the backyard, waiting for the kids to disappear. She knew it was impolite to stare, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Eddie looked so handsome in his dress uniform, even if the army had cut off his beautiful blond curls.

“Listen, Penny. The kids say they’re happy living with you and they want you to keep on taking care of them – if you’re still willing, that is.” His words surprised her. She had expected Esther to complain so bitterly about her that Eddie would find someone else to watch them.

“Of course I’m willing, Eddie. I’m happy to do it.”

“Good. I’ve been talking to my mother about the situation, and she has agreed to let the kids stay here on the weekends from now on so you can get a break. I helped Ma clear a place for them to sleep.”

“That was nice of you to think of me.”

“I also went to see Peter’s teacher like you suggested. She says he seems fine and that he hasn’t caused any problems. She thinks we should just give him more time and that he’ll start talking again. I don’t know, though. Should I be worried?”

Penny didn’t know what to say. She could hardly concentrate on his words, standing so close to him. She longed to touch his face and smooth away the worried creases. “His teacher seems to know a lot about kids,” she finally said. “I think you can trust her judgment. Besides, what good will worrying do?”

“You’re right. . . . But promise me you’ll let me know what’s happening from now on, okay?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Peter. I didn’t want you to worry. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. And I really appreciate your letters, Penny. I hope you’ll keep writing to me. I feel like I’m right back home when I read them, and I can picture everything you’re describing.”

She couldn’t help smiling at his compliment. “I enjoy your letters, too.”

The back door suddenly opened, and Esther stuck her head out. “Lunch is ready, Daddy.”

“I’ll be right there, doll. . . . Well, I guess I’ll say good-bye for now. I’ll be leaving right after lunch. You can take the kids home after I’m gone. Thanks again for everything, Penny. I don’t know how I can ever thank you.”

“You can come home safe and sound, that’s how.” Penny didn’t wait for Eddie to hug her first. She moved forward and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly, pressing her cheek against the front of his wool uniform. After a moment, she felt him embrace her in return.

“I won’t say good-bye, Eddie, because I hate good-byes.”

“Yeah, me too.”

The embrace ended much too quickly. Eddie released her and went inside. Penny watched until the door closed behind him. She started toward her own back door but couldn’t bear to go inside just yet. Instead, she leaned against the rear wall of the duplex where no one could see her crying.

Penny’s first thought when she woke up on Monday morning was:
This is it – the first day of my very own bus route.
She felt nervous and excited at the same time. She said good-bye to the kids and left the apartment a few minutes early so she wouldn’t be late on her first day. When the bus arrived at her stop, she was happy to see her friend Roy on board. He moved over to make room for her.

“Hi, Penny. It seems like ages since I’ve seen you. How did everything go with Eddie?” Penny thought she had run out of tears long ago, but her eyes quickly filled with them. She didn’t want to tell him the truth.

“He’s being shipped to England,” she said, her voice faltering.

“Oh no. That’s got to be tough on you and the kids. No wonder you’re upset.”

She nodded and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. “Listen,” she said when she could speak. “I wrote down a bunch of things you can tell Sally when you write to her . . . if you still want them.”

“Yes, of course I want them.”

She opened her purse and handed him the copy she had made for him, watching his face as he unfolded the page and scanned the words she had written. His eyes got moist. “Hey, this is great. Thanks, Penny.”

“Glad to help.” She took a deep breath, then exhaled. “Now, I have some good news that I’ve been dying to tell you. I passed the driving test. I got my bus driver’s license.”

“That’s terrific! Congratulations!” He offered her his hand. It felt strong and warm as she shook it.

“Thanks. I drove as an apprentice all last week, and today I’m going to start my very own bus route.”

Roy frowned. “Does that mean I won’t get to see you anymore?”

“No, you’ll still see me. My new route will start out from the bus station. I’ll probably be riding this bus every day, same as usual. Hey, how are things with Sally?”

“Great. I’ll get a one-day leave for Thanksgiving, and I think I’m going to propose to her again.”

“That’s wonderful, Roy. I hope she says yes this time.”

“Me too. How’s it going with the kids? Are they being any nicer to you now that their father has been home?”

“A little bit. They told him that they still want me to take care of them while he’s away, so I suppose that’s something.”

“I’ve been thinking about your situation, Penny. Maybe if you did some fun things with them, you could win them over, you know what I mean? I hear Coney Island is fun. Haven’t been there myself. Have you?”

“No, never!”

“Why did you say it like that?” he asked, laughing. “It was as if I asked if you’d been to the moon.”

Penny couldn’t help laughing, too. “My parents have always been very protective of me – and wary of
strangers
. I’m sure they would think the moon was much safer than Coney Island. At least there aren’t any
strangers
on the moon. Believe me, they filled me with all kinds of fears when it comes to Coney Island. It’s the devil’s playground, according to them. I would be lucky to come out of there alive. And the amusement park that’s there – Luna Park? Well, that’s the very pit of hell itself.”

Roy grinned. “Wow. The devil’s playground? Now I have to go there for sure! We don’t have a devil’s playground back home in Moosic, Pennsylvania.”

“You’re so funny, Roy. But if you do decide to go there, you should probably wait until summer. The beach isn’t much fun this time of year.”

“So Coney Island is out for now. Hmm. Where else could you take those kids? I know, how about one of the War Bond rallies in Times Square? I hear that famous movie stars come to those things and singing groups like the Andrews Sisters.”

“I would love that. But I had enough trouble getting Esther and Peter to Grand Central Station to meet their father’s train, let alone handling them in a place like Times Square with so many
strangers
.”

“Well, if I’m not being too forward . . . I’d be glad to go with you and help you out.”

“Oh, Roy . . . really?”

“Sure, I’d love to. You could hang on to one kid and I’ll hang on to the other. Hey, we’re at your bus stop already,” he said as the bus slowed to pull into the station. “I’ll find out when they’re having the next War Bond rally, okay? And if that doesn’t work out, there’s always the Bronx Zoo. Ever been there?”

Penny smiled and shook her head. “Never. Don’t you know there are thousands of
strangers
at the zoo? . . . See you tomorrow, Roy.” She was almost off the bus when she heard Roy calling to her.