While We're Far Apart (23 page)

Jacob looked down at his feet, not at the rebbe, recognizing the truth of his words.

“Hashem is with you on your journey through this wilderness, just as He was with Moses and our ancestors. If you cry out to Him, my friend, He’ll provide protection and the strength to persevere, just as He did long ago. We sang the words tonight: ‘O house of Israel, trust in Hashem – He is their help and shield.’ And ‘Hashem is with me; I will not be afraid . . . I will look in triumph on my enemies.’ He longs to show you mercy, Yaacov. He longs to comfort you beneath His shelter.”

Jacob couldn’t speak. He turned and walked to the front door, determined to leave this time. Rebbe Grunfeld walked the traditional three steps outside with him to see him on his way. “Good night, my friend.”

“Good night, Rebbe. And thank you.”

Jacob wanted to believe the rebbe’s words, wanted to believe that Hashem had not truly abandoned him. But as he walked home to his apartment, remembering the policemen’s threats, Hashem felt very far away.

C
HAPTER 20

S
O MANY SOLDIERS
poured from the trains and crowded into Grand Central Station that Esther wondered how she would ever recognize her father. The soldiers all looked alike in their green army uniforms and flat-topped caps. The huge, echoing station was a maze of hallways and tunnels, jam-packed with people. Peter clung to Esther’s coat sleeve, wide-eyed. Penny had hovered very close to both of them for the entire trip, but whether she feared losing track of them or getting lost herself, Esther couldn’t tell. After wandering around for several minutes, they finally found the right platform just as a train lumbered into the station.

“I think this is your father’s train,” Penny yelled above the clang of bells and rumble of locomotive engines. “Let’s wait right here where he can see us.”

They could hardly move on the crowded platform. Esther wanted to jump up and down with excitement. Soldiers hung out of the train windows, waving their hats, blowing kisses. And suddenly she saw Daddy standing in the doorway of one of the cars. He jumped off before the train even came to a halt and ran toward them. He dropped his duffel bag as Esther flew into his arms, and he lifted her off her feet in a bear hug. Then he crouched on one knee to hug Peter. He gazed at them with love and tears in his eyes.

Esther couldn’t stop crying. “We missed you so much, Daddy!”

“I’ve missed you, too, doll.” He stroked Esther’s cheek and ruffled Peter’s hair. “What do you say we go home?” He stood, wiping his tears on his sleeve. Then he noticed Penny Goodrich for the first time. She had been standing in the background, giving them space. Esther wished she would leave altogether now that Daddy was here.

“Penny . . . you look different. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“You look pretty nice yourself in that uniform. Welcome home, Eddie.” Penny looked as though she wanted to hug him, but Esther clung tightly to her father, refusing to let go.

“Thanks for bringing the kids down to meet me.”

“I’m glad I did. I haven’t seen them this happy in weeks.”

Esther didn’t like the way Daddy and Penny smiled at each other. She nudged her father in the ribs. “Can we go home, Daddy?”

“Sure. But let’s not wait for the bus. Let’s splurge and take a cab home.” He hefted his duffel bag onto his shoulder and grabbed Peter’s hand. Esther clung to his arm as Penny led the way out of the bustling station.

Daddy hailed a cab outside. Esther and Peter climbed into the back seat with him while Penny rode up front with the driver. Esther had stored up a million things to tell her father and now, in her excitement, she couldn’t remember a single one. The taxi sped out of the glittering city and across the Brooklyn Bridge.

“How was your trip?” Penny asked.

“Long! Time slows down when you’re anxious to get home. But you should have seen the reception we got along the way. In many of the small towns we passed through, people would come out to meet the train and serve coffee and sandwiches and homemade cookies to all the soldiers.”

“Why’d they do that?” Esther asked.

“Just to be patriotic. To show the soldiers they wished us well.”

“I’ll bet it’s because you’re going off to fight in the war and might never come back,” Esther said, remembering Mr. Mendel’s newspaper photos.

“Don’t talk that way, doll. I think it’s because nearly every family has someone in uniform, so they treat all of the soldiers nice, for their loved ones’ sakes.”

They arrived home in no time, and Penny retrieved the roast from Mr. Mendel’s oven. “I had to borrow meat coupons from my parents,” she said as she carried the platter to the dinner table. “I hope it tastes good.”

“It looks wonderful, Penny. Thanks.”

Esther brought in the bowl of mashed potatoes, and when she saw the way Daddy was smiling at Penny again, she set down the potatoes and distracted her father with another big hug. “I helped make supper, too, Daddy. And I set the table.”

“That’s great, doll. I’m sure Penny appreciates your help.”

They all sat down, and after Daddy said grace, they passed around the food and began to eat. They seemed like a happy family again, except that Penny Goodrich sat across from Daddy instead of Mama. And Peter still hadn’t spoken a word, not even to greet him or to tell him how much he missed him.

“We’re so glad you’re back home with us again, Daddy,” she said to make up for Peter’s silence.

“It’s good to be home.”

“How long will you be able to stay?” Penny asked.

“I’ll be on furlough for a week. Then I have to report to an army base in Virginia and prepare for deployment.”

“Virginia isn’t too far away. Will we get to see you more often?”

“I don’t think so, Penny. I’ll be sent over to England on the next troop ship. Very soon, in fact. Ordinarily the army would want me to have more training before being deployed, but since I’m already a licensed mechanic and I’m needed overseas, they want to get me over there as quickly as possible. Have to keep those jeeps running, you know.”

“Why England? I thought the army was fighting in Italy now?”

“We are. But there’s a big build-up of troops going on in England, and a lot of people think it’s because the invasion of Europe is coming next spring.”

“I don’t want you to go to England,” Esther said. “The Nazis are dropping bombs on London. I’ve seen pictures of it in the newspaper.”

“We’re giving it right back to them, doll. We’re bombing German targets now.”

“Will you have to fight when the invasion comes?” Penny asked.

“I don’t know. The U.S. government is keeping very quiet about it all. ‘Loose lips sink ships’ and all that. They never tell you more than you need to know. But I probably won’t be fighting – although they issued me a weapon and taught me how to use it. But once the invasion force is on the ground over there, the generals will need jeeps to get around in, and it’s my job to keep the vehicles running. Ambulances too.”

Tears filled Esther’s eyes at the mention of ambulances. “Please don’t go, Daddy. We need you here at home.”

“Come on, doll. Don’t start all that again. I want us to enjoy our time together, not spend it arguing. I’ve already explained that I have to do my part and help win this war, remember?”

She nodded, even though she didn’t agree. Everyone else ate heartily, and Penny passed the dishes around for second helpings. But Esther had no appetite. As she wiped her tears on her sleeve she saw Daddy give Peter’s shoulder a gentle punch. “Hey, buddy. You haven’t said a word all evening.”

Esther squeezed her hands into fists beneath the table, afraid to breathe. She had worried that Penny would tell Daddy about Peter’s silence in her letters, but it appeared that she hadn’t. Esther had been afraid to tell him, hoping that Peter would start talking again once Daddy came home.

“Hey, it’s too bad about the Dodgers, huh, Pete?” Daddy said. “No pennant this year, I guess. And to think they made it all the way to the World Series two years ago.”

Esther could see how badly Peter wanted to reply. His face turned very red, as if choking on the words he was trying to say. He finally gave up and sagged back in his chair with his shoulders hunched, staring at his lap.

“Don’t take it so hard, son. There’s always next season, right? . . . Come on, say something.”

Peter looked as though he wanted to shrink away and disappear.

“He doesn’t talk very much, Daddy,” Esther said.

He reached out to ruffle Peter’s hair. “You don’t need to be shy around me. I haven’t been gone that long, have I?”

Esther glanced at Penny, wondering what to do. Penny pushed back her chair and stood. “I made chocolate cake for dessert. Who wants some?” She quickly collected the dinner plates and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with the cake on Mama’s fancy cake stand. No one said a word as Penny made two more trips, carrying away the serving bowls and fetching dessert plates and forks.

“I used up an entire month of sugar rations, just so it would taste good,” Penny said. “They print recipes in the newspaper telling you how to make cakes and desserts without using sugar or shortening, but they just don’t taste the same. So I figured I would make the cake the regular way and never mind what that old Ration Board says.” She sliced into the cake and served a big piece to each of them.

“Thanks,” Daddy said. “It looks delicious.” Esther thought the crisis had passed, but Daddy turned to Peter again. “I want to know why you won’t talk to me, Peter.”

For a long moment, everyone was silent. Penny cleared her throat. “He doesn’t talk at all, Eddie. He hasn’t said a word to anyone since you left.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong, Peter? You can tell me.” Peter lowered his head and covered his face. “This isn’t funny, Peter. You have to stop fooling around. You’re worrying me.”

Penny touched Daddy’s arm. “He can’t help it, Eddie. He’s not doing it on purpose.”

“Is that right, Peter?” He looked up at his father and nodded. “Do you need to see a doctor? Would that help?” Peter shook his head from side to side. “Well, what then?”

Peter pulled a folded piece of notebook paper from his shirt pocket and wrote something on it, then pushed it to his father.

“
Stay home.
Is that what this is? A tantrum to get me to stay home?”

“He hasn’t thrown any tantrums,” Penny said. “He’s been good as gold and does whatever he’s told. He just doesn’t talk. His teacher said we should just give him time. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I thought for sure he’d start talking again when you got home.”

“What do you think I should do?” he asked Penny.

“Go see his teacher. She knows more about kids than I do.”

Daddy was no longer smiling. He looked angry and worried. He finished his cake in a few quick bites, then pushed back his chair to get up from the table. Penny sprang to her feet. “You and the kids go on in the living room and visit. I’ll clear the table and take care of the dishes.”

“Okay. Thanks again for the food. I haven’t eaten this well in a long time.”

Daddy sank onto the couch and put his arms around Esther and Peter as they sat down on either side of him. Esther had retrieved Peter’s little chalkboard, and she handed it to him. “He uses this to talk to us,” she told their father. “It’s easier.”

Daddy frowned. “I think it would be easier just to talk.”

“Not for him. Go on, Peter. Tell Daddy what you want to say.”

I missed you,
he wrote.

“I missed you, too.” Daddy’s voice sounded soft and very sad.

Please don’t go away again.

“I can’t stay, Peter. Don’t you understand?”

“No, we don’t understand,” Esther said, joining the battle. “Tell the army people that Peter can’t talk. Tell them you have to come back home and take care of him.”

“The army doesn’t care. They’ll send Peter to doctors and psychiatrists. Is that what you want?”

“You could explain everything to the Hardship Board,” Esther said. “I read all about it in the newspaper.”

“Since when do you read the newspaper, doll?”

Esther shrugged. She didn’t want to tell him that she had been looking at Mr. Mendel’s collection of articles and photographs. Daddy would tell her to stop bothering Mr. Mendel, like he always used to do.

“There are lots of other men who can go and fight the war, but you’re all we have.”

His arm tightened around her in a hug. “I don’t want to spend our time together arguing, doll. Besides, I’m not all you have. You have Penny and Grandma Shaffer and the rest of our family.”

Esther saw her chance to ask him about her mother’s family. “What about our grandparents from Mama’s side?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mama must have had parents. Everybody does. And sisters and brothers? How come we never visit them – or even talk about her side of the family?”

“I don’t know much about them. Your mother and her family were estranged.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means there were hard feelings between them. They disagreed about certain things, and so they went their separate ways.”

“I don’t believe it. Everyone loved Mama. She was always nice to everybody.”

“You’re right, she was. But the hard feelings were on your grandparents’ side, not hers. Your mother tried to patch things up, but . . . both sides have to agree to forgive and forget or it doesn’t work.”

“What did they fight about?”

“Look, there’s no point in talking about it. It doesn’t matter anymore. Your mother is gone, and digging up the past won’t bring her back. And believe me, her family wants nothing to do with us.”

“I don’t think I would like people who didn’t like Mama.”

“Me either. Forget about them, doll.”

She snuggled up close to her father and sighed. It felt wonderful to have Daddy home again, to feel him beside her, strong and warm. She listened as he described the train trip and the scenery along the way. “I’ve never traveled very far before,” he said, “but I think we should all take a train trip out West when the war is over. Would you like that?”