Whiskey Lullaby (2 page)

Turning away from me, he
stops in the doorway and looks back. "If she comes back, she's not your girl anymore. You better remember that, because I hope like hell that I can make her mine." With that he slams the door. 

What the fuck have I done?

Chapter 1

Jase

The last nine years have been shit. I lost my girl because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. At first, I thought she'd come back; she didn't. Then, I tried looking for her but always came up empty. I begged her family to tell me where she was and talked to her friends. No one would tell me a damn thing, so I finally quit asking, but I've never lost the hope that I’ll find her someday. 

I turned to whiskey and sex to fill the void that she left. Most days, I'm drunk before nightfall. Half the time, I don't even remember the girl I fucked. If it wasn't for missing a condom from my wallet, I'd never
even know that I'd gotten laid. I never thought I’d be this kind of guy, but I never knew someone could hurt this bad and still be alive. Some days, I wonder if I'm really living at all. Maybe this fucked up life is my own personal hell.

It took a few months
after Jules left, but I finally had the balls to kick Bec aside. I fucked her a few more times, but I was always so drunk that I couldn't even remember it. Finally, it got to a point where I just couldn't be with her anymore. She represented everything I’d lost, and I couldn't forget it. I know it was my fault, but she played a major part.

I tried to do the friends thing, but she was always there trying to get another shot at my cock. I finally had to tell her to hit the road, but she's still always around. Sometimes, I swear she’s my fucking shadow. She's done everything to make me see her as my next Julie, but I would never let that happen. There's only one Julie, and Julie's the only one for me.
I miss her. I miss her laughter, I miss her eyes as they light up when I make her come. Fuck, I just miss everything about her. If I ever get her back, how will I explain Bec?

I can’t say I haven’t
screwed around over the last nine years, because I have. I fucked around a lot. I guess that I've enjoyed it, at least the few that I remember, but no one compares to my Julie.  

I have a different woman ever
y night. I never date; it's always just a quick lay. I never fucked any one at my place: bathroom in the bar, alley, truck.  Anywhere, but the home I shared with Julie. When it’s over, I always go back home and think about how fucked up my life is. Then I drink myself into oblivion. 

Today is family dinner at Pop's. I
think it’s total bullshit. He started it after Mom died. I think it’s too fucking late for him to turn into a family man now.  He should have done this shit when she was still alive. If he had, maybe she’d still be with us. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my
pop. Always have, always will, but he screwed up with Mom. If it wasn’t for him fucking around, she would've been home that night, not running away to Aunt Sue’s. 

There's always disappoint
ment in Pop's eyes when he looks at me. I'm not sure if he's still disappointed about what I did to Julie, or if it’s about all the woman I fuck. Maybe it's the whiskey dinner I have every night. Probably all of it. 

I get out of my truck and walk towards Pop's door. I know my brothers are already here, and I notice Julie’s Aunt and Uncle's car is around back. I don’t know why Pop does this shit to me. Doesn’
t he know how damn hard it is to see Mack and Angie all the time. 

“That fucking bastard did what? How is little Jenny?”

What the hell? Who the fuck is Jenny? 

“You tell Julie that Matty, Kristen, and I will be up there as soon as we can. You keep her daughter with you. I don’t want her bastard of a husband anywhere near Jenny.”

My Julie got married? She has a kid? My heart drops, and I feel bile rising up in my throat at the thought of Julie being married. The finality of it all hits me. Part of me wants to turn around and hit the whiskey, while the other part wants to find out what the fuck is going on.

Temptation wins.

“What the hell is going on?” I say as I storm into the kitchen and see Mack on the phone.

******

Julie

I wake up to the sound of machines beeping. I should be
used to it by now. Lord knows this isn't my first rodeo. I open my eyes and notice the room I’m in. I’ve been in here before. They should keep it reserved for me. 

I look around the room and see my daughter Jenny is sleeping in one
of the chairs, holding on to her favorite doll Lulu. My sister-in-law, Bethany, is sitting in the other chair, stroking Jenny's hair. Bethany notices I’m awake and rushes over to me.

“How are you
, hun?” she says, taking my good hand in hers.

“I’m
…um…I’m okay.” I try to talk normally, but it comes out more of a whisper. “How’s my baby?”

“Jenny is fine sweetie. She’s been here with me the whole time. I told her you fell down the stairs
.” Bethany shrugs her shoulders. In other words, Jenny doesn’t buy it. 

"How long this time?"

"Three days. The doctors wanted to keep you sedated for a while. You had a pretty bad concussion, but it’s all good now.” Three days. Shit! Everyone will be worried. 

I look over at Jenny. She's sleeping like baby. She looks so much like her father that I can't help but think of Jase each time I look at her.

After I ran away from Tennessee, I ended up in Kansas City. Kristen was attending College here, and I wanted to be near her.

I signed up for classes and slept on the floor of
Kristen's dorm room. Luckily, her roommate Bethany was a sweet girl. Bethany is shy, even shyer than me. She is drop dead gorgeous, with auburn hair and blue eyes. Bethany never complained once about having me there. Before long, she became one of my closest friends. I don't know what I would've done without her over the last nine years. 

After leaving Jase, I thought I had cried as much
as a person could, but I was wrong. When the doctor told me I was pregnant, I proved that a body never runs out of tears. 

I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left
Jase.  At first, I didn’t even realize I had missed a few periods. When I did, I didn’t really think much about it. I was so upset about Jase and Bec that I just assumed it was the stress. Then, I started getting sick, so I decided to go into the clinic. By the time I found out, I was roughly three months along.

I was scared shitless. I didn’t know how I was going to support myself and a child without going back home, and I knew that I was absolutely not going back to Cromwell. Even if I could face Jase and Bec again, I didn't think Jase was in any condition to be
a dad.

When I told my family and Pop about the baby, they warned me to stay away. They all said they would help all they could, but that Jase was in no way ready to be a father.
I kept asking them when I should tell him, but they all kept saying to wait. No one would tell me what was going on with him, so I finally called Matty. He said Jase had fallen apart after I left. He was drinking all the time and fucking up his life. In other words, he was getting drunk and fucking anything that could walk.

I hated that Jase was in pain, but a part of me thought he deserved it. Jase didn't just hurt me, he shattered me. I sometimes wonder if that
time I caught him with Bec was the only time he cheated, but I know it wasn't. I remember those nights that he didn't come home. The next day, his clothes would smell like whiskey and perfume. He always had a good excuse, so I brushed it off. God, I was stupid. How could I have thought he loved me?

It took me three years before I moved on.  When I first met Bethany's brother Dean, I thought he was a great guy. He wasn’t handsome in the way Jase was, but he was cute.
His dark blond hair and deep blue eyes immediately grabbed my attention. That, teamed with his drool-worthy body, had been the icing on the cake. He wasn’t just easy on the eyes; he had also just graduated from medical school and joined a small gynecology practice about an hour out of Kansas City. Best of all, he was amazing with Jenny.  Dean was everything a girl could want.

After months of him asking me out, I finally gave in. Bethany tried to warn me. She always acted strange whenever Dean was around, but she never really explained why. She just kept saying, "
My brother is not who you think he is." I wish I had listened.

Dean was a wonderful boyfriend. He was attentive and always included Jenny in our plans. When we
went out, we went to places like the park or the zoo. He even took us to Worlds of Fun and spent the whole day riding baby rides with Jenny. I thought that he would make a wonderful step-father.

I didn’t love him, but I did like him a lot.
There were no butterflies, no erratic beats of my heart. I wasn’t sure I could love anyone except Jase. Naively, I figured like was enough. We dated for two years before he asked me to marry him. I didn't say yes the first time, but a year later, I figured being married to Dean was better than being alone.

I was wrong.

He didn’t start getting abusive until after we were married. He hit me for the first time while we were on our honeymoon in the Bahamas. The transformation in Dean is still difficult to get my head around.

He slept in one morning
, and I decided to go lay out by the pool. I put on the new bikini Kristen bought me as a wedding gift, left a note near his pillow, and headed for the pool.

About an hour later, Dean walked out to the pool. He was looking back and forth trying to find me. I got up and started to walk to him
, and as soon as I stood up, he noticed me. His eyes met mine, and I realized that he was angry. Really angry. He ran over to me, literally knocking people out of his way. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to our room, while everyone watched me struggle to keep up.

As soon as we got through the door, he backhanded me. I flew across the room, but he was on top of me before I even landed.
I was so shocked that I couldn’t even open my mouth. I could not believe that he was the same man that I had married just a few days earlier.   Dean screamed at me for leaving the room. I was never supposed to go anywhere without getting his permission first. He screamed at me for wearing a bikini. I was his, and no one was allowed to see my body but him. He then started hitting me and kept hitting me until I blacked out.

I left him the next day. I snuck out of our hotel while he was sleeping.

I walked through the airport, head down, trying to hide my bruises.

I used most of my savings to fly home. When I got back to Kansas City, I got a hotel room and hid for three days. I kept trying to figure out how to get away from Dean, without telling my family what happened, but came up with nothing. On the third night, Dean found me. 

Dean forced me to come home. He beat the living hell out of me for running away. It was way worse than the first time. After he was done, he got out his doctor bag and patched me up. I ended up with two broken ribs and nine stitches. He warned me that it would be worse if I ever tried to leave him again. He then went to work like nothing ever happened. 

Dean didn't promise not to do it again; he never even said he was sorry. He just told me if I was a
proper wife, he wouldn’t have to punish me. I did try to run away again; I've tried to leave him many times. I did not want Jenny to grow up in a home full of abuse and anger. I pressed charges more than once, but Dean and Bethany’s father is the only judge in our little town. I guess things like domestic violence gets swept under the rug when your Daddy's a judge. I finally quit trying to leave, because I knew getting away wasn’t an option.

At first, I wondered why he changed so much after we were married. I have come to realize that he didn’t change at all. He just hid his true self from me, until he knew that I couldn’t get away. 

“Bethany, can you get me a phone please. I need to call my family. They'll be worried."

“I already did that
, hun. Kristen, your Uncle Mack and Matty are on their way."

"What? You didn’t tell them anything did you?"

Bethany completely ignores me. "Jenny is really excited to see them. She says they always bring her a surprise," she adds with a smile. 

I can tell Bethany is feeling guilty again. She has told me a million times how bad she feels that she didn’t tell me about Dean before
he and I got married. I've told her over and over that this is not her fault, and that she did try to warn me. She is stuck in her own world of pain, all courtesy of Dean and his parents. I know Dean has hurt me, but he has fucked Bethany up in a way that I'm not sure she can ever overcome. Having her parents ignore years of Dean torturing her didn't help either.

Bethany has never told me
everything Dean has done to her, but I know it’s bad. I’ve seen him beat her more than once. I have also seen him look at her in a way that no brother should ever look at a sister. I tried to get her to stay away, but she keeps coming back. She won’t leave me to suffer Dean on my own. 

Bethany tugs on my hand. "I've got some news."

My throat hurts so badly that I just nod for her to go on.

"Well, do you remember me telling you about Cynthia Cook?"

Of course, I remember. She is a big time divorce lawyer from the city. People say she is like a pit bull. She grabs a man by the balls and doesn’t let go until there's nothing left. She'd be perfect, but I didn't have the $25,000 retainer. Yes, I am a doctor’s wife, but I have no money. None! I do not have access to one cent. I could not purchase a Snickers bar without permission.