Who I Became (Who I Was Book 2) (17 page)

“I am sorry Lil.”

“I know.”

He cries on my shoulder as I hold him and I let him get it all out.

“Lucas?”

He looks up and my heart breaks.  He is already gone. He is a shell of the man he could have been.

“I forgive you.” I whisper.

He tightens his eyes and then envelopes me into a hug. I didn’t just say it to make him feel better but I am glad that it does. I said it because I meant it.  I did forgive everything that he was a part of.

“Thank you.” He whispers in my ear then let’s go of me abruptly. He walks off to the kitchen to wipe his face and I sit back on my feet. 

I look over at the boys and can tell they don’t understand why I would forgive him, but they will in their own time as well. My boys are good guys, the best and they will see the broken soul that was once the Lucas we loved.  Who in the end decided to do the right thing and he gave me the answers I have wanted my whole life.

He walks back in with a knife in his hands and my breath hitches until he starts to cut free Parker first then Wesson.  They both look so confused. I smile. I look at Lucas and my heart breaks for him.  He could have been a wonderful man. I watch him closely as he checks the clock and then furrows his brow as if he was late for something.

“Look, you guys should go.” He starts pushing us toward the door.

“What about your demands?” Parker asks, knowing that the deal was he would let us go when they were able to get him out of here alive.

“It doesn’t matter, I don’t deserve them.”

I walk over giving him one last hug and he whispers in my ear. “You were my angel Lil, saving me when I had no hope. Thank you for forgiving me, I don’t deserve it.” I cry for him and what a family we could have been.  I walk over to the table on the way back toward the door where the boys are standing. I glance down at the pictures then at him. He nods.

I pick them up and Parker comes to grab them from me, I turn on my feet and head out of the house.  We don’t run we walk; I think each of us are in shock.  Wesson cradles me to him as we walk.

“We aren’t far love, are you okay?”

“Yeah, as good as I could be I guess.”

“Okay, it’s almost over love, completely over.”

I smile up at him so relieved to finally have this nightmare end.  His big blue eyes shine down at me and I will never be able to forgive myself for the time I wasted not telling him I love him every chance I had.

I stop us and tell Parker to continue, to just give us a minute, alone. Once he is out of the way I turn toward Wesson and wrap my arms around his neck.

“I can last a bit longer than a minute love; I thought you said you remembered everything? Maybe a refresher is needed?”

I laugh. Jackass.

“I remember very, very well. However, I am not having sex with you in this forest just after being held captive by our brother-wow; don’t even know what to think about that.” I shake my head. I mean we aren’t related technically but it still seems weird.

“Why did you stop us then?”

“Because I needed to tell you that I love you. I want to always tell you over and over. I wasted so much time, thinking I knew what would be best for everyone.”

“Let me do the thinking from now on when it comes to things like this okay?”

I try to look stern and upset but I am so happy we are finally free that I’d agree to almost anything.  My pout turns quickly into a smile and I stand up on my tip toes to give him a kiss.

***

WESSON

Looking down into her face is a dream come true. I will admit now that it is over I was concerned. So fucking scared that I would never be able to have her close to me, never been able to hold her in my arms.  There has been so much shit since we have been together that at all times my heart has been in my throat, waiting for the next ball to drop.

I smile while she tries to be pissed; she is so cute when she pouts.  My eyes light up as she turns her frown into a beautiful smile and I hold my breath when she reaches up about to press her lips to mine. 

That’s when I feel the rumble behind me and I grab her around her shoulder, pushing her forward, carefully as not to hurt her or our baby. 

“Run!” I yell, thankful Parker is ahead of us, not wanting to have to worry about both of them.

I pull her around behind a rock that is big enough to shield us just in time.  The blast is loud and debris is flying everywhere.  She is crouched down and burying her head into my chest. My arms are wrapped around her so tight, my fingers are losing circulation as I lock them tightly together to help with keeping her in place.  My head is bent over hers blocking her as much as I can. 

We sit like that for what feels like hours as everything is going in slow motion.  I feel her shaking against me and her tears on my chest. I see the dust kicking up with everyone rushing us, so I put her on her feet and hold her until she is stable.  She looks up at me with questions in her eyes and I wish I had the answers.  Parker reaches us first, he’s covered in dust and has random road rash burns scattered all over his clothes.  His jeans torn and his face covered in dirt, all from him falling to the ground from the impact I am sure.

She goes into his arms holding him tight.  I go up behind her, rubbing her back and she breaks free, coming back into my waiting arms.

“Are you okay, Park?” She speaks loudly, her hearing must have been affected with the blast.

“Yeah Lilbug, how are you?” The question was directed to her but he flicks his eyes to mine. I shake my head letting him know I am okay, we are okay.

“I’m fine, just a little shook-” her voice stops mid sentence and she is staring behind Parker open mouthed.  I follow her gaze and try to stifle the jealousy coming up from inside. I know she loves me but seeing her look at him like that still hurts.

She breaks free from me and runs straight into his arms.  I watch with every muscle I have, on high alert as they tense as he picks her up spinning her around. She laughs then cries into his shoulder. I walk over to them not wanting to be an ass but just needing to be by her.

“You were dead. I was there, I went to your funeral. You were dead. You. Were. Dead.” She says each last of those three words with a sob breaking through each one.  I smile at him when he looks over at me. I can tell he wants to make sure I am okay with this and at that moment I respect him; we are now okay in my book.  I nod and he hugs her back and whispers only loud enough for us to hear.

“Babe, I will never be gone okay? You’re never getting rid of me.  A bullet to the chest wasn’t enough to keep me away. We won’t be what we could have been as you are in love with him.” He eyes me for a second. “But I will take your friendship over nothing, so like I said you’re stuck with me.”

We laugh a little and she looks over at me with tears in her eyes before letting him go and wrapping her arms around my center. I put my arms around her, holding her close. I watch as he looks at us but see no resentment or jealousy in his eyes. He smiles and looks back down to her eyes.

“You ready Lil?”

“Yes sir, Superman.”

He was turning around when she finished so he looked back at her with confusion in his eyes. I look down with the same look mirroring in my eyes.

“Superman Lil?” He asks.

“Yeah you were faster than a speeding bullet.”

He laughs, shaking his head.

“Nah Lil, I wasn’t faster but it wasn’t my kryptonite so I’ll take it.”

With that we walk to meet up with everyone else who has stopped just a few feet from us.  The feeling like this is it. We are finally free to live our lives rushes over me and I look down at my girl just as she looks up at me.

“Ready to let me love you forever, the right way?”

“Yes.” She doesn’t think twice and I give her a quick kiss.

We are bombarded by medical personnel who come over to me first as I look like I am hurt with a few gashes on my head from flying debris.

“Make sure she is okay first.” I growl.

“She doesn’t have any injuries.”

It’s like they don’t see the fact that I refuse treatment until they check her out.

“No injuries that you can see, but that woman is carrying my child and hasn’t had the easiest time here, so until she and my child are cleared, I will be by her side, not getting checked on.”

“Wesson? I am okay, please let them take care of you.”

I glance at her and shake my head.

“After you love, always. You will always come first.”

She smiles and I can tell she wants to fight but doesn’t. She looks over at the medic and walks to him to talk lower, she’s cute trying to hide it from me but I can hear her because her hearing is still off so she is practically yelling each word.

“Look, he won’t budge. Let’s get this done so you can make him better please.”

Parker looks over at her yelling and see’s she’s trying to whisper. He catches my eyes the same time I catch Braxton’s. All three of us bust up laughing and she spins around.

“What?” She yells. 

I try to hide my smile, I try to stop laughing but it doesn’t work. I walk over to her and wrap her in my arms.

“Love, your ears are messed up and you’re yelling everything you say.”

She blushes but then looks me straight in the eyes.

“Well if you weren’t being a stubborn ass I wouldn’t have to try to hide this from you.” Still yelling, maybe just a little less loud.

Then she looks behind me then back directly into my eyes, tears’ clouding hers and her chin starts to quiver. Fuck, what’s wrong. I look behind me all I see is the smoke coming up from the explosion.  She starts to shake and I hold her closer.

“Get her out of here, something is wrong.” I yell out towards the medic who has been standing here this whole time trying to figure out what to do with the situation.

“I’m okay Wes, but, the explosion? Was it Lucas?” Her eyes are so filled with tears and my heart breaks for how good her heart is.

I knew right away that it was his house.  I am surprised it took her this long to figure it out.  I should be surprised by her reaction to his house being blown up but I’m not.  She forgave him and in whatever way she could, she loved him. She at least felt bad for him and tried to understand why he did what he did. 

“Do you think he is okay? That is why he was pushing us out the door wasn’t it.” She whispers.  A real whisper this time as she can barely force it out.

“No love, I don’t think he is okay, I am sorry. But yes, I think he made sure we were out of the house on time.” She nods and buries herself into me. I look up at the medic coming over with another guy and a gurney.  I swear he is taking his fucking time getting her the care she needs.  He isn’t even half way down from the hill where we are when I shake my head at him. I stand up with her arms wrapped around my neck and her face buried in my chest. I have one arm under her neck, the other under both legs and I walk up the hill.

“Thanks for taking so fucking long, I’ll take her to the hospital myself.”

He looks wide eyed and now I notice he is way young and probably new on the job, well now isn’t the time for that shit.

I walk up the rest of the hill where Parker and Braxton had come when Lil was having her breakdown.  They are talking to Chief and all three, five if you include Vanessa and Mia who are standing close, spin their eyes to watch me carry her up.  Vanessa and Mia are at my side in an instant.

“Is she okay?”

“Is she hurt?” Both of them say at the same time.

“I am fine.” She mumbles with her face buried into my chest.

I smile at them. “She says she is fine but until a doctor checks her and the baby, I will not be taking any chances.”

“I am taking her to the hospital chief, I’ll debrief later.”

“Wes-” I hear him start to stop me and I spin around looking him in the eye before continuing.

“Wesson nothing Chief, she is going to the hospital and I am going with her now.  I will not wait for you to ask me the same questions Parker can answer.  I’ll talk to you after she is cleared.”

He nods and waves me on.  I don’t get her buckled into the car that we drove up with before the doors start opening.  I had put her in the middle bucket seat of the car, needing her as close as possible so when all three doors open up I don’t question it.  Next to her is Parker and then piling in the back is Braxton with Vanessa and Mia. I shake my head and lock eyes with Brax in the back seat.

“I think it’s safe to say, we all stick together from now on. Chief can get the information later, it won’t change anything.” I start the car and take Lillian to the hospital, our friends and family in tow.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

LILLIAN             

I fell asleep on the way into the hospital and while we wait in the room for the doctor to come in, I was a little self conscious knowing how this exam will probably go so I asked to be alone. Wesson threw a fit and said, “No fucking way love, I am not leaving you or my child ever again.” Unable to fight his logic, I am sitting in the room with just a hospital gown on while he fidgets in the chair next to me.

It’s sad to think how many times he has seen me like this, I hope this is the last until I deliver our child.  I look over at him picking at his fingers, glancing at the clock and the door every few seconds and smile.

“Relax Wes, It’s going to be okay.”

“Lil, love, I don’t think you understand how sick with worry I am, I can’t lose you, either of you.” His voice breaks and my eyes water.

“You won’t.” I motion for him to come closer and plant a small kiss on the side of his lips.  He turns his head and deepens the kiss just in time for the knock on the door and the doctor to come in. He jumps away like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and I can’t help but laugh. He narrows his eyes with a promise for that to be continued later and I can’t say I mind.

“Good afternoon Lillian and Wesson, My name is Dr. Beckett, how are you feeling?” The doctor asks, bringing us back to why we are here.

“I am tired, both emotionally and physically but besides that I feel fine.”

“She is also very nauseous. She throws up a lot.” Wesson speaks up and I shrug.

“Yeah, there is that too.”

“Morning sickness is normal but we will draw some labs and make sure you aren’t getting too dehydrated.  We will also give you an anti-nausea medication to take when it’s really bad but know it can make you drowsy.”

I nod and Wesson squeezes my hand. I squeeze it back, so glad to have him here. 

“I am going to take a look at the baby and make sure it’s okay now.”

I gasp. I knew this would happen but to actually be able to see the child that is the product of Wesson and me is the most amazing thing in the world.

He wheels over the machine and pulls out a bottle of blue jelly then lifts up my gown with the sheet covering my lap.  I look over at Wesson and keep my eyes locked in on his with my eyes full of unshed tears and his mirroring mine.

“This will be cold.” Dr. Beckett says before putting the jelly all over my lower abdomen. I jump a little at contact but Wesson keeps his hold on my hand and squeezes it gently letting me know it will be okay.

“Okay there will be a little pressure when I press this wand down that’s normal.”

“Okay, I am ready.” I glance at Wesson. “We are more than ready.” Wesson smiles at me, then leans in giving me a kiss on my nose.

Then I hear the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life.

Beat, beat, whoosh, whoosh.

Beat, beat, whoosh, whoosh.

Beat, beat, whoosh, whoosh.

It’s coming so fast and strong that the tears are falling on both Wesson and my face.  I lean over to him a little and he understands, leaning over the rest of the way to give me a light kiss.

“Thank you.” I tell him.

His brow furrows. Before he can ask, I answer. “Thank you for giving me everything I dreamed of and more.”

He smiles and looks at me “Ditto.”

“Huh.” Dr. Beckett says, making both of us snap to his face trying to gauge what that huh means.

I glance at the screen, unable to make sense of the picture before me.

“Well interesting.”

Wesson sits up straighter and looks about ready to kill the doctor if he doesn’t start talking. I squeeze his hand and rub my thumb across his white knuckles.

“What’s going on?” I ask, hoping he answers fast because there is only so much I can do to hold back Wesson.

“Well Lillian, I wasn’t sure but listen closely to the heart beats.”

I do; I close my eyes, wanting to know what he is talking about. My hand going numb as Wesson squeezes tightly but I won’t tell him to loosen his grip, I just hold on tighter.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

“Well, normally it would be this fast but more like a beat, whoosh, beat, whoosh.” He says. I concentrate and listen again.

Beat, whoosh, beat,  whoosh
.

“Is there something wrong with his heart?” I ask, my heart breaking and my breath coming in fast as I start to panic.

He laughs. I look at him and notice Wesson is closer to him than ever ready to break something on him.

“No Lillian, the heart beats you hear are different because you are hearing two very strong, very different heart beats going at the same time.”

I gasp and tears start pouring down my face harder than ever. Impossible.  It takes Wesson a second longer to catch on.

“What are you saying? We were told she lost one.” He says, anger radiating off him. I know he can’t believe Dr. Beckett is telling us the truth.  That’s the problem with how our lives have been. We have grown to trust no one.

“I looked over her record.  They assumed with all the blood and everything that she must have miscarried one.  She wasn’t far enough along to distinguish anything from the ultrasound besides there were two eggs and they could see a heart beating so they knew there was one child still alive.  My guess is that she came close and made baby A’s heart rate lessen so it wasn’t easily visible. With the babies perfectly aligned, Baby A was presumed gone, but if you look here-”

That’s when it all goes to a blur as I listen to the heart beats, both of them, I can hear the difference between the two now and I know that they are both okay.  I look at the screen where he shows us two different heads and two different bodies. It all happens so quickly and before I know it, he is printing off copies for us to keep. I am in shock as I am wheeled into another room and they hook me up to an IV to give me fluids as I was on the dehydrated side. They will keep me tonight and tomorrow, tomorrow we get to start our new life.   Dr. Beckett informs us he will have one of the best neonatal specialists in to discuss how the babies are and what we should expect in the upcoming months.   So we are sitting here waiting for Dr. Banks.

I look over as Wesson pulls his chair close to me and know we share the same look.  Wonder and awe, pure all consuming love.

“They are both okay Wes.” I say between tears as I roll to my side and put my head on the pillow as close to the edge as I can, needing to be as close to him as possible.

He understands my need as usual and puts the rail down on that side that was blocking us from each other. He motions for me to scoot over then climbs in next to me. 

“They are both okay.” He confirms and we hold each other, crying happy tears because we have both our babies. 

I am drifting off when he kisses my nose, making me look up at him with one eye. The seriousness and even some nervousness I see in his eyes makes me open both my eyes and wake up all the way.

“Everything okay?” I ask, unsure if I had fallen asleep and something happened.

“Everything is more than okay.” He clears his throat. I have never seen him look so unsure of himself and it makes me nervous.

“Lillian Marie Jacobson, you have given me more than I could ever dream of or ever deserve. I know this isn’t the best way to do this and I am not prepared but I can’t go another minute. I love you so much, and have forever it feels like.  I need you more than you ever know and I am man enough to admit that without you I am nothing.  I need our children more than I can breathe.  Please do me the honor and make me the happiest man in the world by saying you’ll marry me.”

I can’t help the shit eating grin splitting my face in two.  I love this man more than anything on this planet and he just asked me to marry him in a hospital bed when we are dirty and injured and I couldn’t think of a better way. He is still looking at me unsure of my answer and I would hit him if I could move because there is only one answer I could give. He can’t seriously be worried.

“Yes!” I yell, not even pretending to try to whisper. I couldn’t give two shits who can hear me.

He covers my mouth with his and I let his tongue take over my mouth, claiming me. I then have a small realization and pull away from him.  He looks down at me, concern flashing through his eyes.

“I will marry you Wesson but there is no way in hell I will ever be a Gessati.”

He leans his head back and the laughter coming from him does things to me that we can’t act on while in the hospital. However, if he doesn’t stop it may not stop me.  He finally lets his laughter turn into a throaty chuckle before it stops as his eyes cast down and he can see the desire pooling in my eyes.

“There is no way in hell I would let you be a Gessati, Lil, let alone naming our children after him. I was thinking Wesson Jacobson doesn’t sound so bad, after all it seems your dad was the only semi innocent and decent one in this whole thing.”

If it is possible, I just fell in love with him over again. My dad was the world to me and yes, it seems my parents were far from perfect but knowing he would take my father’s name with me is the sexiest thing he has ever said.

“Stop looking at me like that Lil, I forgot to ask the doctor if you were okay to… you know, and if you keep looking at me like I am the feast for thanksgiving and you have starved all year waiting, I may not be able to control myself.”

I laugh and snuggle into him. My heart finally feeling whole for the first time in, well for the first time ever. His arms engulf me as we tell each other how much we love each other and promise each other so many great things for the future.