Why Women Have Sex (9 page)

Women often describe genital vasocongestion as feelings of pelvic “fullness,” “tingling,” or “pulsing and throbbing.” These sensations make some women feel warm and good. They also make some women want to have sex as a way to “resolve” the buildup—like an itch that needs scratching. For some women, genital sensations have an added advantage: Not only do they feel good, they also provide a woman with feedback that her body is turned on. Recognizing this can add to a woman’s experience of sexual arousal. For some women, though, feeling turned on and sexually gratified has little, if anything, to do with how their genitals are responding—physiological arousal does not necessarily lead to psychological arousal.

The fact that a woman’s genital response does not automatically lead to her psychological pleasure is probably why Viagra and similar drugs have not been nearly as helpful for women with sexual arousal problems as they have been for men with erection problems—despite the fact that the genital tissues of men and women are very similar. Both men’s and women’s genital tissues consist of a network of tiny blood vessels surrounded by intricate muscles. For a man to attain an erect penis and for a
woman to experience clitoral and other genital swelling, blood must flow into these tissues. And in order for blood to enter the genital tissues, the muscles surrounding the blood vessels need to relax. Drugs such as Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis work by causing the muscles in genital tissue to relax for a longer period of time, thus providing more time for blood to enter the vessels. Several studies have shown that the amount of blood that flows into genital tissue during a sexual situation is enhanced in women if they have taken Viagra beforehand. Certain herbal formulas such as ephedrine, yohimbine plus L-arginine glutamate, and ginkgo biloba extract can also have the same effect of increasing blood flow to women’s genitals.

Why is it that experiencing genital vasocongestion is more likely to cause pleasurable sexual thoughts, feelings, and sexual desire in men than in women? One explanation is that men are more “in touch with” or have a closer relationship with their genitals than women do. Whether considered from the perspective of anatomy or socialization, this explanation makes sense. A penis is significantly larger than a clitoris and, unlike a vagina, it is on display and ready to be noticed—especially when erect. Men also use their penises to urinate and so, from the time they are toilet-trained, they are taught to touch and hold their penises. Women, on the other hand, are often taught the message “don’t touch down there,” as if their genitals were a biohazard zone. As a consequence, many women have spent their lives not even knowing how many orifices they have down there. Some researchers have speculated that these gender differences in anatomy might explain why men learn to masturbate at an earlier age than women, and why many more men than women engage in masturbation, and with higher frequency. These gender gaps in masturbation have not changed substantially over the past fifty years. For example, a study conducted in the late 1980s found that 93 percent of men and only 48 percent of women had masturbated by the age of twenty-five—percentages almost identical to those reported by Alfred C. Kinsey and his colleagues twenty years earlier. Among college students, the Meston Lab found that 85 percent of Caucasian men and 74 percent of Asian men said they engaged in masturbation compared with only 59 percent of Caucasian women and 39 percent of Asian women. Gender differences in anatomy might
also explain why there are many more penises than vaginas and clitorises with names.

Like most things having to do with sexual pleasure in women, there is great variability in how much women enjoy (or are willing to tolerate) having objects penetrate their vaginas—be they penises, fingers, tongues, speculums, vibrators, dildos, or any other objects, animate or inanimate. All of the nerve endings in the vagina lie in the outer portion of the vagina, near the opening. This means that women are sensitive to light touch or stimulation of their vaginas only when it is applied to this outer region. Further inside the vagina there are sensory receptors that respond to more intense pressure. Vaginas probably evolved this way because having highly sensitive nerve endings threaded throughout the vagina would have made the extended penetration of sex painful.

Because of the way the vagina is designed, some women find stimulation of the vaginal opening the most pleasurable aspect of penetration. And because the nerve endings become less sensitive after repeated stimulation, some women say that penetration feels most enjoyable at first entry. Taking short breaks during sexual activity to focus on other erogenous zones allows the nerve endings in the vagina time to regain their sensitivity. Breaks allow women to reexperience the initial entry pleasure.

Inside the vagina there are two areas that bring sexual pleasure to many women when pressure is applied. One area is the cervix—the small round structure at the far end of the vagina that serves as the opening to the uterus. Although the cervix does not have any nerve endings, it is highly sensitive to pressure and movement. Some women find it unpleasant or even painful to have pressure repeatedly thrust against their cervix. For other women, repeated rhythmic pressure on the cervix is extremely enjoyable. And for some it is even essential for orgasm to occur.

Some women who have undergone a hysterectomy that includes removal of the cervix and uterus report decreased arousal, orgasm, and pleasure during sexual intercourse. Other women who have had the surgery report no changes in their sexual function or pleasure whatsoever.
The differences between these two sets of women may have something to do with the role that cervical stimulation or uterine contractions play in their overall sexual experience. For similar reasons, it is not uncommon to hear that “size doesn’t matter”—but this is not always true. If a woman falls into the “cervix-stimulating” pleasure camp, size really does matter. Unfortunately, contorting one’s body in order to achieve a better cervical aim can only help so much.

The other area of the vagina that brings pleasure to certain women when stimulated is the G-spot, or Grafenberg spot:

I have been with lots of men in my life—probably close to one hundred—and of all those men, only one ever learned how to hit my G-spot. I’m now married and love my husband but I keep thinking about sex with the man with the magic fingers! I swear, when he put pressure on that special spot it drove me crazy—I didn’t want foreplay or anything—just more and more penetration.

—heterosexual woman, age 50

The German physician Ernst Grafenberg, who purportedly first described the region, is the lucky man who has a part of women’s anatomy named after him. There has been much debate as to what exactly the G-spot is and whether it really exists in all women. Recently, researchers at the University of L’Aquila in Italy announced that they believe they have finally identified the elusive G-spot. Using ultrasound technology, the scientists measured the size and shape of the tissue located in the front wall of the vagina. Of the twenty women they examined, nine were able to achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone and the other eleven were not. The findings from the ultrasound exams revealed that the tissue between the vagina and the urethra—the area speculated to be the location of the G-spot—was much thicker in women who were able to achieve vaginal orgasms than in the women who were not. This means that some women may have a region of their vaginas that is densely packed with nerve fibers that make it more sensitive and thus easier to have an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.

The easiest way for a woman to determine whether this area exists in
her vagina is to explore with her fingers—two or three fingers are best. To find the area, the woman or her partner should try applying firm rhythmic pressure inside the vagina, upward toward the belly button in the space almost directly below the urinary opening. Some women say that the first sensation they experience when the G-spot is hit is a need to urinate. But with continued pressure this feeling is soon replaced by an intensely pleasurable sensation. Continued G-spot stimulation can lead to deep orgasms that may be more pleasurable than orgasms achieved through clitoral stimulation alone. For most women, however, G-spot orgasms are much more difficult to attain than clitoral orgasms. This is especially true during vaginal-penile penetration, when it is harder to hit just the right area. Rear-entry or woman-on-top intercourse positions give the best shot at the G-spot.

A small proportion of women claim that having an orgasm through stimulation of the G-spot causes them to ejaculate. Researchers have analyzed this ejaculate fluid and have found that, although it comes out of the urethra, it is not simply urine being expelled during orgasm. There has not been much solid scientific research on female ejaculation, but some sex researchers believe the fluid comes from the Skene’s gland, an internal gland located near the same area as the G-spot.

For men, the answer is straightforward. Although orgasm and ejaculation are controlled by different physiological mechanisms, it is quite rare for orgasm not to be accompanied by ejaculation. So, if one moment a man’s penis is erect and ejaculate is expelled through his urethra, and the next moment his penis is soft, then an orgasm has more than likely taken place. Such an overt signal makes it nearly impossible for a man to fake orgasm. In women, the sign that orgasm has occurred is not as obvious, and that makes it harder to define. It also makes it more difficult to know exactly when or if an orgasm has occurred. In fact, sex therapists often see women for treatment who do not know whether they have ever experienced an orgasm.

In the 1950s, Kinsey and his team of sex researchers proposed that “the abrupt cessation of the oft times strenuous movements and extreme
tensions of the previous sexual activity and the peace of the resulting state” was a sure indicator that orgasm had occurred in women. In the 1960s, William Masters and Virginia Johnson described orgasm in women as a “sensation of suspension or stoppage.” By 2001, there were no fewer than twenty-six distinct definitions of women’s orgasm in the research literature. In 2003, the Women’s Orgasm Committee for the World Health Organization met in Paris, France, and was given the job of reviewing the extensive research on women’s orgasm and creating a definitive description. The group adopted the following:

An orgasm in the human female is a variable, transient peak sensation of intense pleasure, creating an altered state of consciousness, usually accompanied by involuntary, rhythmic contractions of the pelvic striated circumvaginal musculature, often with concomitant uterine and anal contractions and myotonia that resolves the sexually-induced vasocongestion (sometimes only partially), usually with an induction of well-being and contentment.

Sometimes it even amazes us how researchers can manage to take an extraordinary experience and make it sound like a complicated medical affliction. (Full disclosure: Meston headed the committee.) Here, instead, is how one woman in our study described her orgasms:

You get caught up in the moment. You start aching, and sweating. You can feel every inch of your partner beside you. You feel the warmth from their body and start letting your imagination run.

—heterosexual woman, age 21

One thing that both researchers and women at large agree about is that orgasm is an event that involves the mind and body.

A few seconds after orgasm begins, the vagina, uterus, and anal sphincter undergo a series of involuntary contractions. Vaginal contractions are most often described as being the defining characteristic of a woman’s orgasm. These contractions occur at about one-second intervals and vary greatly among women in their number and strength. They
also depend on the duration of the orgasm and the strength of the woman’s pelvic muscles. Masters and Johnson claimed that the stronger the orgasm, the greater the number of contractions and thus the longer the duration of orgasm. They labeled “mild orgasms” as having an average of three to five vaginal contractions with each lasting 2.4 to 4.0 seconds, “normal orgasms” as involving four to eight vaginal contractions each with a duration of 4.0 to 6.4 seconds, and “intense orgasms” as having eight to twelve vaginal contractions each lasting 4.0 to 9.6 seconds—for a grand total of over two minutes of orgasmic delight.

Aching of the vaginal regions and trembling in the thighs. Every muscle in the body tightens and then a huge amount of energy is released. It feels like it comes from between my legs and ascends up my spine, absolutely zapping my brain. Oftentimes I hold my breath, my eyes shut tight, and colors appear behind my eyelids. Immediately afterward I’m very photosensitive, giddily happy, tingly, relieved, and energized.

—heterosexual woman, age 24

Other researchers, however, have failed to find a link between vaginal contractions and the perceived intensity or duration of orgasms. While many women say they have orgasms without experiencing vaginal contractions, for those women the contractions may just be so weak that they are not detectable.

The function of vaginal contractions is not clear. Some women say that the contractions greatly intensify the pleasure experienced during orgasm. Yet, interestingly, contracting these muscles voluntarily is not especially enjoyable. If you are a woman, you can try this experiment yourself. To learn what muscles are involved, the next time you are urinating, practice starting and stopping the flow. The muscles that you use to do this are the same ones that contract during orgasm. Some theorists have postulated that the contractions evolved to serve as a way to excite the male sexual partner to ejaculate during intercourse, allowing her to capture his sperm. The problem with this explanation, however, is that much to the dismay of many women, men frequently ejaculate before women have their orgasms.