Authors: Deila Longford
Seventeen
The next morning I wake to a sore head. Did last night really happen? I slowly climb out of bed. It’s nearly seven and I have to be at the studio at eight. I quickly shower and as the water pelts all over my body, I think back on last night. The way Jonathon acted and the harsh words of his dad haunt my morning routine. Their family is so messed up. I can’t allow myself to get involved with all that drama, when I have worked so hard to get to where I am today. I care deeply about Jonathon, but I can’t see a future with him. He has issues of his own to deal with, and I have my past that he knows nothing about. I have enjoyed getting to know him, and I can’t thank him enough for all he’s done to help me with my music. However, he just isn’t the guy I thought he was. He offered me a trial, a chance to try him on and see how he fitted. All I can say about that is that, I tried him and I didn’t like the way he fitted. I have never seen that violent side of him, and if I’m honest he scared me a little bit. He got drunk off his face, another action that repelled me. I can’t give my heart to someone that needs to be carried home after drinking too much. I’m not his mom and I don’t need to be with someone who has two sides. Jonathon is everything that I could possibly want in a guy –on the outside that is. Inside, he’s just like Brandon. He uses his fists to show emotion and that’s a quality that I need to live without.
I walk into the living room
, and I can see that Jonathon is still sleeping on the couch. I quietly walk into the kitchen and as I begin to make some coffee, I can hear him coughing from the next room. I wait impatiently as the machine begins its cycle. I can hear footsteps against the wooden flooring and the coughing is quickly getting louder. I know that he is behind me; I can feel his eyes burning through my back. I don’t want to look at him. I am so angry with him right now. I don’t want to argue with him. Hell I don’t even want to speak to him, I just want to get my coffee and leave as quickly as I can. The machine finally finishes and I quickly pour the coffee into a mug. I take a quick sip and I slightly burn my tongue as I do. Jonathon clears his throat and my heart begins to race. I know that he will want to talk about last night, and all I want to do is forget about it. I finish my coffee, and I my heart falls into a million pieces when I turn around to meet him face on. After a heavy night of drinking, fighting and practically no sleep, he still manages to look stunning. He gently bites his lower lip as he runs a tanned hand through his hair. My heart is pounding as I wait for him to speak.
“Ash…” he trails off before he finishes saying my name. He needs to clear his throat again. “Ashley, I’m so … sorry,” he says in a husky voice. My head is telling me to run away from him and to not give him a reply, but my heart is screaming out for me to tell him how I feel.
“Do you have any idea what you put me through last night?” My mouth has answered before my head has time to stop it. Jonathon moves closer to me as my temper begins to rise further.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he apologises again.
“Sorry isn’t gonna cut it.” I say bitterly.
“Look I’m not perfect, my family isn’t perfect. Sometimes I fuck up
, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a bad guy. Last night was a
one
off. I don’t do that kind of thing all the time.” he fights back.
“You got drunk off your face and you lashed out at your Dad. I can’t baby you Jonathon. I’m not gonna
be your fool.”
“I’m not asking you to be my fool
, and don’t you think he deserved it?” My head is spinning. I can’t be having this fight right now. I need to get to the studio. I try to walk out of the kitchen, but as I pass him, he pulls me back by my arm. He’s forcing me to look into those sinful eyes.
“Regardless if he deserved it or not, you still got violent and that’s something that I can’t
tolerate
.” I plead. He pulls me closer.
“Ashley,” he says softly. His nose is now in my hair and his hands are sliding onto my back
, pulling me even closer to him. I inhale his scent. He smells boozy, but there’s still a hint of his cologne that scratches against my senses. “Please forgive me,” he pleads again. I have a tear in my eye as I pull away from him.
“I can’t do that
. I’m done. I’m leaving and you shouldn’t be here when I get back. I’ll cover for you, but as far as you and I are concerned, it’s over.” I march away from him and I head towards the front door. I pull open the door and I can hear Jonathon running towards me.
“Please Ashley,” he screams. I don’t turn around, I simply push myself through the door and I shut it behind me. I leave
gorgeous Jonathon in my apartment as I run down the stairs. I hale a taxi as quickly as I can; I need to get away from him.
My day at the studio is hectic
. I have so much rehearsing to do before my big performance at ‘The Roxy’. In the absence of Mr Wilde, Tony has kindly offered to help me with my rehearsals. He’s a bit of an ass, but he’s amazing at his job, and I can’t deny that I like his advice.
“Okay so that was better, but still not … there you know? Try it again and this time be more … open engage in the lyrics make them yours.” I readjust myself on the wooden stool and I pull the microphone closer to my mouth. The band behind me begins the intro to ‘written in the stars’ and I wait for my cue. The beat picks up and I let loose on the words. As I am singing
, I have an unwelcome image of Jonathon in my mind. I wonder what he’s doing. He must be hurting over what his dad said to him. I would love to comfort him right now. I want to be his rock. I can’t deny it I miss him and I wish that last night never happened. I know that I can never be with a violent man, but there’s something about him that I just can’t live without. I know that I am weak and pathetic. It’s only been a few hours since we last spoke, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t want to go through all that drama with him, but am I just being too cautious? I don’t want to think about him right now, so I shake the image of his beautiful face out of my mind, and I put my focus back onto the song.
“Stop,” Tony shouts. The music instantly cuts
, and all eyes are on Tony and those blue eyes have frustration in them. “What was that because it sure wasn’t singing?” His voice is firm and to the point all eyes are now on me as I think of my reply.
“What was wrong with my
performance?” I say trying to play cool. Tony rolls his eyes at me as he takes a few strides in my direction. I know that I sucked. My voice was shaky and I wasn’t feeling the words. I have to play dumb, because I know that Tony isn’t as forgiving as Mr Wilde when it comes to music. With Jonathon I know his limits. I know what I can and cannot do, but with Tony it’s a whole other ball game. I don’t want to blow what Mr Wilde and I have been working towards, so I have to appear focused. I don’t want Tony to know anything about my relationship with Jonathon. I don’t know how he would react to something like that. He seems really into his job and a bit of a goody-two-shoes, I don’t suspect that he would understand my feelings for Jonathon. Anyway, I don’t even know if the label allows their employees to date. I better keep quiet on that one.
“Seriously what wasn’t wrong with it? Your voice was all over the place. Your tone was too sharp, your breathing appalling, and don’t even get me started on the high notes.” A bulging vein has formed in his neck and I’m scared that his head is going to burst. I take a deep breath
, as I prepare to stand up for myself, but I don’t get the chance, Tony is talking furiously again. “Don’t you want to succeed? Is this all a game to you?” he asks in a firm voice. My heart starts to pound in my chest. I feel as if he could fire me right here on the spot. A feeling of dread creeps over me. I can’t lose this opportunity. I need to focus.
“I’m sorry Tony
I’ll do better, I promise.” he briefly smiles at me, but his intense eyes don’t fade with the smile. He snaps his fingers and the band begins to play. I wait for my cue and as my point arrives, I prepare myself for the best performance of my life. I wipe every thought of Jonathon out of my mind, until I’m left with nothing but the music. I focus on the words and sing every note with love and passion. I feel that I am doing a much better job this time around and Tony clearly agrees. He’s swaying with the beat and mouthing the words. I smile at him when the music comes to an end. He seems a lot happier with me, and to my relief he has praised my vocals as well as my stage presence. He can be nice when things go
his
way.
I rehearse the rest of my set list with the band and when I am finished and about to head home after a long a day, Tony calls me over for a talk. He sits me down onto a leather chair in front of a small wooden desk. He leans his back against the desk
, and he folds his arms into his chest. He sighs as he looks down at me, and I don’t know what to think. I start to panic as I don’t know what he’s about to say. Have I done something wrong? He can sense the worry on my face and he smiles to reassure me that I’m not in trouble. Then his lips part and words spill out of his mouth.
“Am I right in saying that you’re going on vacation tomorrow?”
his eyes are soft and I have never noticed how stunning they really are. Tony as a whole is a very good looking guy. He has soft blonde hair and perfectly tanned skin. He’s tall and he has amazing fashion sense. Whatever girl is with him, she’s a really lucky girl.
“It’s not really a vacation. I’m flying home to Dallas for my Mom’s wedding.” Tony nods as a sweet smirk erupts from his lips.
“May I ask how long you’re staying away for?”
“It’s just a day and half. The wedding is tomorrow evening
, so I fly out in the morning and return the day after. Is that a problem?” I ask sounding cautious. Tony shakes his head.
“No, no it’s not a problem at all. I just wanted to tell you to have a good time. Things are going to get a bit … crazy for you. Preforming at ‘The Roxy’ is going to change your life. I want you to really enjoy the time you have with your family, because when you get back, your life will be so different.” I never took the time out of my day to think about the ‘fame’ that comes with having a job like mine. I never in a million years dreamt that I would have to worry about such a thing. I start to imagine myself in magazines and newspapers and I cringe at the thought. I wouldn’t want my life played out like some soap opera. I would want to keep my private life private and not be an open book for everyone to read. I have seen paparazzi chasing celebrities down the street and hounding them for pictures. I would hate that, but wait a second am I just getting carried away? I mean who is going to want to read about me? I’m just a simple girl from Dallas.
I’m not Britney Spears or Beyoncé. I’m just me, Ashley Scott Harper who is kind hearted and who loves to sing. I don’t want to be a celebrity. I just want to be respected for my music.
“Thanks Tony, but do you really see my life changing
that
much?”
“Yes I do. I see people’s lives changing every day
, and believe me your one of them.” Tony is serious maybe I should consider his words.
“I have never seen myself as a ‘celebrity’ that title just doesn’t seem real.” Tony smiles at me as he reaches out and offers me his hand. I take his hand and he helps
me off of the seat. He walks me out of the room and into the hallway. His eyes are playful as he says.
“You’re already a celebrity, get used to it darling.”
During the cab ride home, I get a text from Sydney. My heart jumps a little as I read over the message.
Hey ash i
t’s Sid we really need to talk before I fly to Paris tonight. I’m gonna be at the café until five if you’re ready to talk then please meet me there, xxx
It takes me literally a second to think of my next action. I lean across and tell the driver that my destination has changed. Sydney is my best friend
, and there’s no way that I would pass on this chance to make up with her. I am little nervous, but I want this. I hate arguing with Sydney. She’s the only friend I have, and I can’t begin to think how awful my life would be without her. I want to apologise and I want to tell her about Jonathon. Sydney is the voice of reason and I’m dying for her advice. The cab ride is quick, and my heart starts to race as I jump out of the car onto the crazy street. Everyone is in such a rush, and I am almost knocked over by a guy on roller-skates. I pay the driver and I scramble through the crowd towards ‘Pacos’. I’m surprised when a few young girls recognise me. They rush towards me and as they ask for pictures, I have a sudden reminder of Tony’s words
. He’s right my life is changing.
Once the girls are satisfied
, I quickly excuse myself and head in the direction of the café once again. The glass doors are fully open and the aroma of delicious food fills the entire sidewalk. I barge into the café, and a smile comes to my face when I see that all the tables are occupied. Sal and Kevin are a really nice couple, and I would hate to think of them struggling. I spot one of the servers and she smiles and rushes over to me. She congratulates me on my music and then she shows me to the table where Sydney is. The table is quietly situated at the back of the café. Sydney is calmly sipping a soda as she waits patiently to see if I will turn up. I reach the table and Sydney looks a little surprised when she sees me climbing onto the seat opposite her. She is dressed completely in black. Her poker straight hair is pushed into a high ponytail and her eyes are smoky as ever. She looks a little tense and if I’m honest, I feel exactly how she looks. We said some heated things and words are hard to forgive. I just hope that we don’t get into another argument. I order a diet coke and then I make eye contact with my friend.