Authors: Deila Longford
“Explain? Or maybe you just want to lie to me more. Which is it Ashley?” I run towards him and I try to grab onto his hand but he pulls away from me. I sigh. I need to fight for my man.
“I’m not gonna lie anymore. I had enough of trying to hide my past from you. Everything that Abby said is the truth, but there’s a whole other story that she doesn’t know. No one does. Please just give me time to explain. I can’t lose you. I love you.” My tears are now streaming down my cheeks. Jonathon doesn’t look sympathetic at all. He isn’t going to give me a chance.
“I can’t even bear to look at you right now. Do you have any idea how repulsive you seem to me now? I can’t touch you, knowing that someone like
that’s
hands have been all over your perfect little body. “
“Don’t say that.
Please Jonathon just give me a chance.” I grab a fistful of his expensive jacket, as I try to leap into his arms. He sighs and pushes me away again.
“Don’t embarrass yourself Ashley.” I feel so small right now. I can’t go on. “You’re not the girl I
thought you were. I was a fool to open my heart to you. I
won’t
make that mistake again!” his words cut like a knife and now he’s repulsive to me. He isn’t the guy I thought
he
was. The Jonathon I know and love, would have given me a chance to explain. Maybe it’s for the best that he found out. Maybe it was the wakeup call that I needed, to see that he wasn’t the guy for me.
“If that’s how you feel then you can go to hell!” I shout at him. His jaw clenches at my words and
he locks those dark eyes on mine for a final time. He straightens his tie as he says,
“Goodbye Ashley,”
Nineteen
Tonight is my big night. Tonight I am preforming at ‘The Roxy’. I can’t believe that I have come so far in such a short space of time. Eight weeks ago I was a no body. I worked a dead beat job and played karaoke bars to fulfil my passion for music. Now I have a record deal. I have fans. I have amazing people around me that help me with everything that I need. I have an amazing apartment that I get to keep. The label has even bought me a car. I feel so blessed. I am so lucky. I lie awake at night, just thinking of how lucky I really am. I get to do something that I love as an actual job. There are so many people out there who are desperately looking for their big break. I know how fortunate I am and I will never let my success go to my head. I know what’s important. I know that having amazing family and friends around me is exactly what I need to help me stay grounded. I know that none of this would be worth it, if I didn’t have them to share it with. I also know that I owe everything to Mr Wilde. He was the one person who always believed in me. He scolded me when I needed it, and he praised me when I deserved it. I am going to miss working him. He meant everything to me. Professionally I was hurt when he signed off as my manager. Personally I was glad. I have only been back in LA for a day and half, but it feels as if I have been forever without him.
He left Dallas the night of the wedding. He didn’t even say goodbye. I cried myself to sleep that night
, and then in the morning, I woke up and I grew up. I realised that I can’t spend my life pining after a guy, who wouldn’t even give me the chance to explain. Jonathon Wilde
is
the love of my life. I loved him since the very first moment that I saw him. Cleary I was wrong to love him. It’s obvious that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. If the roles were reversed, I know that I would have given him a chance. I would have listened to what he had to say. Then I would have made my decision. I wouldn’t have based my happiness on what a spiteful, drunk girl had to say. There’s no way that I would have given up on him, the way he has given up on me. My heart is broken. I am broken and I don’t know how to breathe without him. He was my world. He was the guy of my dreams and I thought that I had finally found my happy every after. All that said, I know that I’m going to be alright without him. I have my family, my friends and my music. My dreams have come true and I know that I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I don’t need a man to define me.
“Miss Harper, their ready for you in make-up.” I set my phone down onto the glass coffee table
, and I slowly follow the assistant out of the large dressing room. He leads me into the next room, which looks exactly like what a make-up room should look like. It has the busy people rushing around. It has the table with the light-up mirror, a snack tray filled with bottles of water and fruit. I sigh, as the woman dressed in a tight black skirt and matching roll neck sweater, signals for me come over and sit. I plonk my ass down onto the leather chair, and I sigh again as I mould into the back. The woman smiles at me and then begins with my make-up. I close my eyes as she powders and paints my face. She seems to take forever and when she’s finally finished, she urges me for praise.
“Are you happy?”
she says staring into my eyes. I blush and I know that I have to boost this woman’s confidence.
“Yes. You did an amazing job. Thank you.”
she smiles at me and then she urges me to get off of her chair. I smile as I jump off.
“All done
. Good. Now let’s get you into wardrobe.” The assistant chimes into my ear, as he pulls me by the arm out of the room. He pushes me into a small room that’s filled entirely with clothes. I gasp as I look around. This is every girl’s fantasy. “The stylist is on a break, but she’s left your outfit over there.” The guy says pointing to the back rail. I smile and thank him as I walk over and grab the outfit from the rail. I smile. It’s a good choice. I slip on the white denim shorts and hot pink top, the shoes are stylish wedges that I adore, I smile again this outfit is just my style. I am ushered back into the dressing room. Now the hair stylist is finishing off my soft wavy look.
There is a firm knock at the door and I jump. Who could it be? One of the assistants answers the door
, and my panic is over when it’s just Sydney who’s at the door. She comes rushing into the room with a box of doughnuts clasped in her hands. I am surprised to see her. I thought she was still in Paris.
“Hey how are you feeling?”
she says as she reaches me. I try to hide my anxiety as I smile at her.
“How am I feeling about what?” I ask. Sydney frowns at me.
“Your performance.” Thank god I applaud silently. I thought that Sydney was talking about me and Jonathon. I can’t think about him right now. It’s too hard. He should be here. I shake him out of my mind as I focus on Sydney.
“Oh not too bad
, a little nervous, you know.” I say masking my pain. Sydney flops down onto the sofa and she crosses her legs.
“So how was the wedding?”
she says as she takes a bite of a pink doughnut.
“Hmmm it was good,” I say quickly. I don’t want Sydney to ask for details
. I can’t relive that night. “So how come you’re back in LA so soon?”
“I told Austin that I needed to be here for your big night. I felt so bad about leaving you in the lurch
with the wedding. I wanted to make it up to you.” I smile at my friend. I want to tell her everything about my train wreck relationship with Jonathon. She would put everything into perspective and I know that her advice would be amazing. But, I really don’t want to focus on Jonathon tonight. I need to let my music take centre stage. Tonight is too important and I can’t ruin it.
“That’s so sweet but you guys didn’t need to rush back here.” Sydney rolls her eyes.
“There’s no way I was gonna miss my best friend performing at ‘The Roxy’. Even if you have the most beautiful boyfriend to cheer you on, nothing compares with having your BFF there!” Oh crap she thinks that Jonathon is my boyfriend. She’s going to wonder why he isn’t here tonight. Oh fuck. What am I going to do? I don’t know how to respond. My head is spinning. Then I realise that lying my way out of this, isn’t going to solve anything. If anything it’s only going to make things worse. I have lost the love of my life because I didn’t know how to tell the truth. I can’t lose my best friend as well.
“Could you excuse us for a second?” I say to the hair stylist and the two assistants in the room. They nod and quickly excuse themselves. I clear my throat as Sydney begins to wonder what’s going on.
“Ashley …,” she says but I cut in.
“Sydney I need to talk to you.” My urgent tone alerts Sydney that I am serious and she quickly agrees.
“Sure is everything okay?” she asks biting her nails. I take a deep breath as I fill her in on everything.
“The wedding was a disaster
. Abby Smith got drunk and told Jonathon everything. It was horrible.” Sydney looks shocked as she edges on her seat.
“Well what happened? What did Jonathon say? How did he react?”
“Badly, he wouldn’t even give me a chance to explain. He said I wasn’t the girl he thought I was, and that he couldn’t bear to look at me.” I feel teary eyed just thinking back on it.
Stay strong Ashley.
“Hold on
, he blamed you even
after
he knew what Brandon did to you?” I shake my head.
“He doesn’t know about
…that. He wouldn’t let me explain. He just gave up on me.” Sydney jumps off of the sofa.
“Well you can’t give up on him. You need to tell him every
thing that jerk did to you. He’ll understand.” I bite my lip as I disagree.
“He won’t. He even signed off as my manager. He doesn’t want to know me. He doesn’t care.” Sydney begins to pace the room.
“No. No. No. We can’t just give up on him. He’s the love your life for god’s sake. There must be something that we can do?” I shake my head at Sydney.
“There’s nothing we can do. He’s made his mind up about me. Jonathon and I
were over before we even began.” Sydney isn’t agreeing as she runs her fingers through her silky black hair.
“No there’s nothing that you can do, but there’s plenty that I can do!” she says as she runs towards the door. I leap out of my seat and I shoot her a pleading look.
“Sydney,” I shout but it’s too late. Sydney has left me. She’s left me alone on the biggest night of my life. I fall onto the floor and my back rests against the wooden dressing table. I pull my knees up to my chin and I warp my arms around then. My head falls to meet my legs and soon after my tears are flooding me. I have done it. I have given into my pain. I’ve let all my emotion free. As I sob, I open myself up to how I am really feeling. I miss Jonathon more than life. I want nothing more than to be with him. I wish that I could relive that night. If I could, I know that I would make him understand. I wouldn’t give up until he forgave me. I would make him see that I have changed. And that the girl who was under Brandon’s control, is no longer here. I would make him see the real me. I would show him just how much I loved him. I would make him love me in the same way. I would open myself up completely to him. There would be no more secrets. I would never lie to him again. I wouldn’t try to shield him from my past. Instead, I would let him in and hope that he forgave me. If only I could turn back time. If only I could see him. If only I could be in his arms. I need him. I can’t live without him. I don’t know how to pursue music without him. He showed me the world. He made me believe in myself again. He nurtured me through many storms and he gave me a reason to be proud of myself. Knowing Jonathon Wilde has been like a rainbow. There are many different colours to him. There’s the cocky and arrogant side. Then there’s the driven and striving for success side. Then there’s the loving the side to him. All of his sides add up to one amazing guy. I really thought that he and I could have had a future together. I pictured us getting married and having a family of our own. I imagined growing old together and sipping tea on a front porch somewhere. I am heartbroken because I know that those dreams are exactly that, just dreams that will never come true.
Twenty
Jonathon
“Fuck!” I scream as I bang my hand against the fridge door. I was reaching for yet another beer and karma struck me. I slam the fridge door shut and I stumble over to my leather couch. I fall against the softness and I reach for the remote. I start to sip the beer, as I flick through the channels trying to find a distraction. There’s nothing on, so I throw the remote onto the floor in anger. I exhale as I lie down fully onto the couch. My feet hang over the side and my head hurts against the arm rest. My blackberry is buzzing against the glass coffee table. I ignore it for the hundredth time, as I sip on my cold corona. It’s probably just someone from work anyway. It won’t be the one person that I want it to be. It won’t be Ashley. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since the wedding. I don’t want to, but I can’t escape her. I can’t stop thinking about our time together. I have flashbacks of our sex and boy was that good sex. She was amazing. She knew everything. I didn’t have to lead once. Ashley is the type of the girl that’s so sexy it kills me. She has the most amazing body. Her breasts are perfect and her tight little ass is heaven. She has the tiniest waist and the most beautiful skin. Then there’s her face. Oh fuck. Her face consumes me. She has gorgeous blue eyes and stunning caramel hair that falls over her shoulders. He full lips are perfect and they complement mine perfectly. She is every guys dream girl and she knows it. I have driven myself crazy for the last eight weeks trying to keep my hands off of her. She paraded around me in her tiny shorts, and all I could think about was pulling her into my arms and planting my lips onto hers. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted her in my bed. I finally got my wish, when she finally told me how she felt about me. I have loved her since the first night I met her. Hearing her say that she felt the same way was consuming. I finally had my dream girl. Ashley Scott Harper the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen was mine. She was mine for about twenty four hours and then she was gone. I always knew that she was hiding something. I just didn’t know how deep her secrets were. Looking at her angelic face, I would never have believed that she was involved with something as ugly as dealing. Truth be told, I didn’t believe it until the words ‘yes its true’ passed from her lips. My heart broke right there on the spot. She was no longer my perfect Ashley. Instead, she was the dealers Ashley. I couldn’t bear to look at her. I didn’t want to hear her excuses. I couldn’t stand there and listen to any more of her lies. I needed to get away from her. So I took the first flight out of Dallas. I flew home to LA, and the first thing I did was sign off as her manager. I know my actions might seem unprofessional and Don was pissed at me. But I knew it was for the best. I know that I can’t be around her every day and not be with her. I can’t just settle for being her colleague. I need more. I would want more from her. I love Ashley but there’s no way that I can forgive what she has done. She isn’t the same girl. I can’t look at her without seeing all the hurt that she has caused. She was the devil in the disguise and I was fooled from the very start.
“Open up!”
A female voice screams as she beats down on my door. It takes me a few moments to think. Have I slept with any girls lately and not called them back? I shake myself. Of course I haven’t. All I think about is Ashley. There’s no way I could even think about being with another girl. So who the fuck is at my door? The door bangs again and I scowl at the noise as I drag my body off of the couch. I slide my hands into the pockets of my sweat pants, as I head over to answer the door. I look down at my body and I realise that I’m not wearing a shirt. Fuck. I exhale as I realise that I don’t give a shit if I’m wearing clothes or not. I pull open the door and I’m surprised when Ashley’s emo friend rushes into my apartment. She’s a scrawny little thing. She should really wash her face. Maybe she wouldn’t look so terrifying without all that black make-up. She has a sexy body hidden underneath all that clothes though. If I squint she’s almost beautiful. Like I said she really needs a make-over. I don’t understand why she’s here. It’s not as if we are friends. I haven’t really spoken to her. I don’t know if I can even remember her name. My head is buzzing after my beers and I don’t know what the hell she wants from me. She looks serious and angry. I start to worry. What if there’s something wrong with Ashley? That thought is unbearable and I can’t breathe just thinking about it. I need to find out what this girl wants.
“What’s wrong? Why were you just beating on my door like that?” I say moving closer and staring into the girls eyes. She looks flustered as she backs away from me. I can see fire in her eyes.
“I’m here to knock some sense into you!” she shouts at me. I’m taken back by her tone and I don’t know if I can deal with this right now. I roll my eyes at her as I walk back over to the couch. I flop down and I grab my drink from the coffee table. As I pull my corona to my lips, the girl is in my face shouting at me. “How can you just sit there? Drinking yourself into an oblivion when a girl who
loves
you, is about to have the biggest night of her life.” I roll my eyes at her again and this time I down my beer. She reaches out and grabs the bottle out of my hand. Now I am angry.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?” I say as I
stand looking down on her. She shakes her head at me in a disapproving manner. Boy I thought I was tense.
“
I’m gonna make you see sense about Ashley. That’s what the fuck I’m gonna do!” she shouts back at me. I scowl at her as I push past her and head over to the kitchen. I pull open the fridge and I take out another beer. The girl rushes over to me, and she pulls the drink from my hand again. She’s so annoying and if she wasn’t a girl, I would smack her right now. I take a deep breath as I try to calm down. I look in her eyes and I realise that if I want her to leave, then I need to hear her out. I don’t particularly want to talk about Ashley, but it looks as if I have no other choice.
“The
n go on then! Enlighten me!” I say too sarcastically. She frowns at me and then she cannot hold back her fierce words.
“Ashley is a complicated girl and I know that she has made some horrible choices. But you can’t judge her until you know the full story. Trust me.” I exhale deeply and I clasp the bridge of my nose in frustration.
“Maybe there are two sides but how can I know that it’s not all lies?” The girl softens as she lightly licks her lips.
“It’s not my place to tell you, but what I can say is that Ashley has gone through something … horrendous. I know that her actions were wrong
, but you have to trust me when I say that not
everything
is as it seems.” I frown at the girl.
“You can’t just start something and not finish. I think you need to tell me
exactly
what you know!” I say firmly. The girl tenses as she breaks eye contact with me.
“I can’t betray my friend. You need to talk to her. I know that she wants to see you. She … loves you and I know that you love her too. Please talk to her. Don’t wait until it’s too late.”
her words cut like a knife. I do love Ashley. I have loved her since I met her. I never believed in love at first sight until that night I saw her. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I would have done anything for her. I just don’t know if I can trust her.
“
It’s true that I love her. I just don’t know what I want, because I don’t know the truth.” The girl sighs and she moves closer to me.
“Dam it. Okay
. But I’m only telling you because I want her to be happy.” I reach out and grab onto the girls arm.
“Please just tell me,” I plead. The girl shakes her head and she pulls me over to the couch. She sits me down and then she begins.
“As you know Ashley has faults. She is by no means and angel and she knows that. She’s made some stupid decisions. But you have to see the full picture. Ashley was only eighteen when she first met Brandon. He was sexy, alluring and charming. He treated her like a princess and he showered her with gifts. What eighteen year old girl isn’t gonna love that kind of attention?” The girl breaks off. I urge her to continue.
“Go on,” she clears her throat. I can tell this is painful for her. I haven’t
begun to think about what she’s going to say. I am nervous. Do I really want to know the truth? Will it help me to move on, or will it have me rushing back into Ashley’s arms?
“Like I said Brandon was everything that Ashley wanted. He was rich, good-looking and from what she told me
, very consuming. Naturally she fell in love with him. She moved into his apartment and she cashed in on a cushy life. She knew that he was trouble and she knew what he did. She turned a blind eye because she loved him. I guess the fact that she loved him makes this even more heart-breaking.” she pauses again. I am going to burst. I need to know.
“
For fucks sake please just spit it out!” I state. The girl crosses her arms as she begins again.
“Brandon … abused Ashley. He made her life a living hell. She gave herself to the guy
that she loved, and he repaid her by using her as a punch-bag. Ashley was a victim. She was controlled and beaten by him. The only reason she got away from him, was because he got caught. The cops caught him on the night that she flew to LA. Ashley had no one to turn to. She was scared, beaten and alone. She was left with nothing. Naturally her relationship with her mom was strained. She lost all sense of who she was. When I first met her, she was an empty shell, who was terrified of the world. She didn’t believe in good. She only saw the bad everywhere she turned. She had no hope. No hope … until
you
came along. You made her believe in love again. You opened her up to the world and you gave her the confidence that she needed to pursue her dreams. Ashley has done the unthinkable. She’s fallen in love and had her heart broken for the second time. You have the chance to put things right. Now that you know the truth, how do you feel?”
How do I feel? That’s a question that I don’t know the answer to. I can’t bear to think of Ashley being treated like that. I want to rip that guy’s head off for using his fists on my girl. I am sick to my stomach and I think that I am actually going to throw up. I jump off
of the couch and I run to the bathroom. I fall onto the floor and my head falls into the toilet. I puke until my insides are sore. I don’t know if it was the beer or the story about Ashley’s past. All I know is that I need to see her. I need to tell her that I know, and that she doesn’t have to hide from me anymore. I still love her, but I don’t know if I can forgive her. Hopefully, I’ll know when I see her and all of this drama will finally be straightened out.
I pull myself off
of the floor and I splash my face with some cold water. I quickly rinse my mouth with some mouth wash, and then I jog out of the bathroom. I rummage through my closet and I grab the first pair of jeans that I can find. I slip them onto my body and then I rummage again until I find a short sleeved white shirt. I don’t button the shirt. I don’t have time. I run out of the room and I begin to search for my keys. I see them lying on top of the coffee table next to my phone. I rush over and as I grab them, the girl whose name I still can’t remember, grabs them before I have the chance to. She stands and looks up at me.
“You can’t drive. You’ve been drinking.” I frown at her and I reach for my keys. She shakes her head at me. “NO. I’m
not gonna have you dying on my conscious.” she insists. I snap my phone out of her hand I walk over to the door.
“Then give me a ride then!”
she agrees as I hear her sneakers colliding with the wooden floor. She and I both run down the two flights of stairs until we are out into the lot of my building. I scan the lot for her car. I am sure she has an old blue mustang. She races past me and she runs towards her car. Yes it’s a stang alright. She climbs in and starts the engine. I jump into the passenger seat and urge her to hurry. She doesn’t respond, instead she slams her foot down onto the gas pedal. We pull out into the traffic and every car annoys the hell out of me. Why is there always a cue when you need to get somewhere? Is it karma? Or is it just the holidays? Either way I can’t get to her fast enough.
We finally arrive at
the venue and surprise surprise there’s no spaces in the lot. Sydney –I finally asked her name, had no choice but to let me get out of the car. It will take forever to get parked and I don’t have the time to wait. Ashley goes on stage in ten minutes, so I really have to run if I going to see her before she goes on. I push my way through the crowd that’s cueing to get in, and my actions aren’t going unmissed. Angry fans are screaming abuse at me for cutting the line. I don’t care I just need to see Ashley. I run into the front door of the venue and by some miracle, I know the security guy. He hollers at me as I run towards him.
“Johnny,” he gestures. I briefly smile at him as I inform him that I need to go backstage
urgently.
“Max I need you to get me backstage. Its urgent,” he nods as he flicks his hand in the air for me to follow him. I run after him through the sea of people. He leads me away from the noise and up a flight of stairs. The stairs lead to a hallway with doors going off at each side. I follow Max to the end of the hall and that’s when he stops and turns to look at me.
“You wanna see the girl that’s performing tonight, right?” he asks touching his ear piece.