Authors: Wendy Etherington
When he turned around, everybody was busy looking somewhere else.
With the photographer’s help, Rachel directed the shoot. He wound up as far away as possible from Barb in every shot. He deserved the cold shoulder, but he was still proud that he’d been a strong enough man over the years to assure his family’s loyalty, to endure the uncomfortable pauses and know that he would make things right again.
To deserve her again.
As the kids rushed off to do their jobs, he stepped in front of Barb before she could walk out of the room. “Have dinner with me tonight.”
“Have…what?” she whispered in disbelief.
“Dinner. I have reservations. Will you come?”
“No, I—”
“You don’t already have plans. I checked with Rachel.”
Her gaze cut to his. The anger and distance he saw there made him realize how incredibly far he had to go. “Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why are you asking me out to dinner?”
“I’d like to talk to you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “So talk.”
“I…” He’d hoped to have this moment over a candlelit table. “I made a mistake.” He cleared his dry throat. “With us. With you. I—” He forced himself to meet her gaze. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been such
an idiot. I had everything I wanted, and I went crazy. I don’t really know how to explain.” Self-conscious, he slid his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Bryan’s highway accident threw me, messed me up. The way his life changed in an instant, and we all knew nothing would ever be the same….”
“But I was there for him. For you, too. And you kept running away from all of us.”
“I’ve been trying to recapture my youth. I thought I needed to do that alone.”
For a moment, her eyes glistened with tears. “We’re never going to be young again, Mitch.”
“Yeah. I know. I know that now. But—”
“And it’s too late to apologize.”
“Maybe so, but I’d like to try.”
“Don’t bother.” She opened the door, moved out, then shut it in his face.
He stood alone, silent with shock, realizing the true extent of his loss for the first time and doubting he could ever go back.
A
S THE LAPS WOUND DOWN
in the Richmond race, Darcy left Bryan’s motor home and headed toward pit road. Since Cade was so high in the points standings, he’d been guaranteed a spot in the Chase before the race even began, but Shawn’s team had to finish well to get in. With him running tenth, she figured chances were good and that there’d be a significant GRI party that night.
She moved quickly out of the drivers’ compound,
sending a text message to Parker as she walked, asking him if he wanted to leave right after the race to get the party prep started at Cade’s house—the usual gathering spot for friends, family and the team after a big race.
He answered back quickly, saying he and Rachel were leaving as soon as the checkered flag fell and they’d be grateful for her help. She picked up her pace, but because of her distraction, she almost didn’t see the blond-haired woman strolling several feet in front of her.
Nicole.
She’d been absent from the track ever since Indy—the night she’d come on to Bryan. The rumor around the garage was that she and Chance were history. In fact, Darcy had seen a striking brunette on Chance’s pit box only last week in Atlanta.
So what is she doing here?
Suddenly the idea of going with Parker and Rachel and leaving Bryan at the track wasn’t so comfortable.
Watching Nicole head down pit road, possibly toward Chance’s pit, Darcy fought to ignore the sinking in her stomach and turned the other way.
Bryan had spent the last six weeks showing her how important she was to him. He’d told her he wanted her, not Nicole. When he thought of his ex-wife, he apparently thought only of regret. Being jealous over a woman he had nothing to do with, and even avoided, was nuts.
Still, she was.
Because Nicole had had something from Bryan that Darcy didn’t.
Commitment.
Not so long ago, the idea of contemplating a future with a man other than her late husband would have been laughable. Now, it was all she wanted. Practically all she thought about.
And yet, on some level, she was content to drift, to hold her love for Bryan tight against her, not taking the risk of saying those words, fearful he didn’t feel the same way.
There was no denying they were a couple, and everyone they knew thought of them that way. Earlier that day, she’d posed in family photos, which seemed a little crazy and surreal, but no more so than the race-winning pictures in Indy, Pocono and Bristol that she’d been a part of.
Bryan had shrugged off her concerns, telling her she was part of the team. She was a paid member of the team, in fact. But when an event rolled around for just the family to attend, she was part of that, too. Yet she wasn’t family.
She was being paranoid. She definitely didn’t want to act like some of the young drivers’ girlfriends, who obsessed constantly about hard card versus paper credentials and wondered about the true status in their man’s life.
She wasn’t flighty and pathetic. She was a confident, strong-minded, thirty-two-year-old woman.
Of course, she also had a hard card.
By the time she made her way down the packed pit road, the checkered flag was flying. She glanced at the scoring pylon, towering over the speedway, noting Cade had finished third, Shawn seventh and Lars twelfth. While the winning car headed for Victory Lane, reporters descended on Cade’s pit, interviewing Cade, Bryan and Mitch.
The Chase for the NASCAR Sprint Cup had officially begun.
“Did you see that blond traitor is back?” Rachel asked as she, Darcy and Parker stood back to allow the media more room.
Darcy nodded. “Actually, I just saw her heading the other way down pit road. What’s she doing—”
“Her and Chance are back together.”
“No kidding.” Was that good news or bad news? Searching her feelings, she came up with no immediate answer. She only hoped she could find the self-possession to stop worrying about her own life and celebrate with everybody at GRI.
Rachel sighed. “I guess it was too much to hope that he’d date some random bikini model we couldn’t care less about.”
Parker cleared his throat.
Darcy pressed her lips together to avoid laughing. Parker had dated a few bikini models before he got wise and chased down Rachel.
“I was hoping he’d find a brain surgeon,” he said,
his eyes flashing with humor. “There just aren’t enough female neurosurgeons in the world.”
Rachel glared at him for a moment before shifting her gaze to Darcy. “You want to tell Bryan you’re coming with us?”
“Yeah, I should.” As she hung back and waited for the reporters to move away, she considered what to say to him.
After the race-winning photos were taken in Victory Lane, the top twelve drivers had to pose for their first official Chase picture. With Bryan having two drivers among them, there would no doubt be some inadvertent encounters with the Baker family. Shouldn’t she warn him about Nicole?
“Congratulations,” Darcy said when she finally worked her way through the people crowding around him.
His eyes glowing with pride, Bryan pulled her into his arms. “Thanks.”
Well aware of the speculation about her and Bryan’s relationship—how serious it was, how long it had been going on, how long it would continue—she stepped back quickly. That very personal picture of them kissing at Indy had even shown up on the Internet, which had caused old friends of hers and Tom’s to call her up and ask—rudely, she thought—what was going on. She wasn’t wild about having any more probing, uncomfortable conversations like those—especially since she didn’t know the answers to most of the questions she’d been asked.
The one positive aspect of those questions had been the lack of guilt she felt. She was embarrassed by the picture, but she wasn’t racked with shame and uncertainty. She was not betraying the love she’d shared with her husband.
Her love for Bryan simply glowed too bright.
“Are you okay?” he asked, angling his head and sliding his hand up her arm.
“Chance and Nicole are back together,” she blurted.
He stiffened briefly, then he shook his head. “Why should I care?”
Did
he care? was the big question. “I just didn’t want you to be surprised if she shows up later.”
“Okay. Thanks.” Seeming oblivious to the flashing cameras all around, he linked their hands. “I’m going to be here a while with the press and the team.”
“That’s fine. I’m going back with Parker and Rachel.” When he frowned, she added, “Party prep at Cade’s house.”
Grabbing her other hand, he drew her close. “So, I’ll see you there later?”
“Sure, but, Bryan…I—” She cast a quick glance around. “Do you think this is a good idea?”
“Look at me,” he commanded softly.
When she did, the tender, focused expression in his eyes made her heart flip. Chaos reigned round them. Celebrations, disappointments, combinations of sheer exhaustion and relief or utter disappointment could be found within feet of where they were standing.
“Thanks,” he said.
Confused, she cocked her head. “For?”
“Just for being here.”
Abandonment.
His ex had rejected him, his body had betrayed him—both taking away the things he loved. Could he love her as much? Would he allow himself to trust her to stay? To hang around for whatever ups and downs their lives brought?
She swallowed her anxiety over the unanswered questions and pressed her lips to his.
“Big party tonight, people,” Rachel said, breaking abruptly into their gentle moment. “You can have her all to yourself later, Big Bry.”
Reluctantly, she let herself be led away by Parker and Rachel.
And though she spent the next few hours working side by side with them, arranging the buffet, bar, posters and balloons, all announcing GRI’s Chase contenders, part of her was still with Bryan.
A couple of times she thought about his proximity to Nicole, but dismissed her worry each time. Regardless of his ex’s hold on his past, of the way she’d had a part in shaping the man he was today, he would never betray Darcy.
Of course that didn’t mean he would stay with her, either, but she knew he would be honest if his feelings about her changed.
Whatever those feelings were.
Oh, yeah. You are so completely confident and strong-minded.
Before she could dwell any more on her reluctance to have a meaningful conversation about how she and Bryan felt or where they were going, the crowd arrived.
Fresh from the track or their homes where they’d been watching the race, team members, friends of GRI and family streamed into the rec room in Cade’s basement, including, surprisingly, Mitch and Barbara, though in separate groups.
Parker was ready with bottles of chilled champagne and had even arranged for a confetti machine, which popped red, gold and white slips of paper over Cade and Shawn when they walked into the room. To say the least, the mood was ebullient.
Darcy was lighting the burners beneath the buffet trays when Bryan’s arms suddenly slid around her from behind.
She jumped. “Are you crazy? I’ve got a lighter in my hands.”
Turning her by her waist, he set the lighter on the table. “Not anymore.”
The look in his smoky blue eyes could best be described as…hungry. And she had the feeling that the hot wings, Italian meatballs and mini egg rolls had nothing to do with his appetite.
He kissed her with more enthusiasm than the public setting warranted, and she fell into him, forgetting
about everybody around them. Love welled up in her, but her good sense warred with her heart. She wanted a future with him, but she didn’t want to be wholly dependent on someone again. She’d had that once and lost it in a flash.
“Geez, boss, get a room.”
When Darcy tried to jump back at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, Bryan lifted his head but held her body in place, plastered to him. “I am celebrating. Go away.”
Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cade’s car chief walking away. Her face heated. “You’re crazy.”
He smoothed back her hair. “About you.”
Swallowing the urge to push that comment further, to ask with desperate need what, exactly, he felt for her, she scrambled for something impersonal to say. To distance herself from the intimidating feelings that had invaded her heart. “You scared him away.”
“Good.”
“Bryan, I—” She broke off, biting her tongue.
I love you,
she wanted to say. To shout. But she couldn’t force out the confession. She couldn’t take that step. “I need to check on the pasta salad.”
Before he could protest that lame excuse, she spun away from him and raced up the stairs into the kitchen.
I
F SHE’D HOPED
to get rid of him, she’d greatly underestimated his determination, since he followed her.
Once, he couldn’t do ten push-ups, and there were times he didn’t think he had the will or commitment to change that humiliating fact, but he had. And he wasn’t about to avoid any other challenge. Especially one involving Darcy.
“Something’s wrong,” he said, walking up behind her as she stood at the open refrigerator door.
“Not as long as I get more pasta salad downstairs.”
When she whirled around with a covered bowl in her hands, he grabbed it and set it on the counter. He led her to the back deck, which, thankfully, was deserted.
There were several people below by the pool and somebody, who’d apparently hit the champagne too hard, was bouncing on the diving board while fully clothed. At the inevitable splash, Bryan looked away and concentrated on the woman beside him. “What’s wrong?”
“I just feel weird being in public with you.”
“This isn’t the public, and you’re with me all the time around these people.”
“These people work for you.” Her gaze shot to his. “
I
work for you.”
“So?”
She turned, bracing her arms on the deck railing. “It’s weird. I feel…weird.”
It wasn’t like Darcy to not be direct, to not know exactly, with precise, turn-by-turn directions what she was doing and where she was going.
But then they weren’t going anywhere. They were content with where they were. At least he was. Maybe she wasn’t. If so, how did he handle that?
He wanted her, but when he thought beyond the moment and toward the future, he could feel his heart resisting. He
wanted
to let go of his fears about trust and relationships, but he couldn’t seem to manage to do so.
Up until this moment, he hadn’t thought Darcy was ready to, either. Who knew better than them that love and commitment didn’t last forever?
Noting there was no lighter in sight, he slid his arms around her from behind, then kissed the top of her head. “You feel pretty great to me.”
She laid her hands over his and leaned back into him. “Earlier today, I stood beside you in a
family picture.
It’s making me panicky.”
Relieved that she didn’t expect commitment or promises of happily-ever-after, which he didn’t see how anyone could make, much less him, his pulse
slowed. “I’d rather you relax. Everybody here is either like family or actual family. There’s no line drawn between the two. Big Dan’s been in plenty of family pictures.”
“Big Dan’s a legend.”
“You will be, too, if you keep making those grilled ribs and chicken every weekend.”
But he knew what she meant. Big Dan had been his dad’s gasman for more than fifteen years before he’d tried to retire and take up fishing, then wound up driving Cade’s transporter and serving as team chef. He’d been there for the championships, the ups and downs, the victories and defeats. They had history.
But Bryan didn’t like to think about history too much. At least not the recent past. He’d accepted the way his life had turned out, but was he truly at peace with it? Would he ever be?
“Did you see Nicole tonight?” Darcy asked as if she’d read his mind.
“Sure.”
“Are she and Chance back together?”
“Looked like it, the way she seemed permanently attached to his arm. Do we have to talk about her?” Before Darcy could answer, the mystery of her unsettled, worried demeanor clicked. “You’re not concerned about her and…me, are you?”
She glanced back at him. “No. Why would I be?”
“You shouldn’t be.” He turned her to face him. “It’s over between us.”
“But you were tempted.”
He drew the pad of his thumb down her cheek. “Not anymore.”
“And that’s it?”
“That’s it. And, really, I wasn’t ever tempted by her as a person, because she’s not worth it. I was tempted by what she represented—my past. The times when I thought I had everything I’d ever wanted.”
“But your life changed.”
He nodded. “It did. And now I have you.” He lowered his head. “Not a bad deal from what I can see.”
As he kissed her, he knew that they both had unanswered questions about their pasts and futures, but he’d lived in misery and resentment for so long, he wanted to enjoy the corner he’d turned. He wanted to revel in the victory.
“T
HANKS, EVERYBODY,”
Bryan said into the microphone as he looked out at the folding tables full of GRI employees gathered in the auditorium. “Now get back to work.”
Everybody laughed, but most of the chairs scraped back as people got to their feet.
The catered barbeque lunch was part celebration/ part motivation to keep up the championship-caliber work they were all doing. Cade had won at New Hampshire, Shawn had finished fourth and Kevin fifth. The press had officially dubbed GRI as the team to beat.
Bryan headed back to his office with Cade, Rachel, Isabel and Sam. They were going to discuss Cade’s appearance schedule for the remaining races and decide the benefits and consequences of each event. It was important to ride the wave of success and keep sponsors happy, to let those financial partners share the ride to the top, since those rides didn’t come along very often.
But Cade had to be rested, alert and ready to race every week. The slightest misstep could cost him the championship.
“Where’s Dad?” Cade asked.
Bryan opened his office door and let everybody precede him inside. “Don’t know. He said he already had lunch plans today.”
Rachel frowned. “That’s weird. I asked Mom to come, and she said she was busy, too.”
“Maybe they’re on dates,” Cade suggested.
Rachel took her place at the conference table. “With each other?”
Cade waved his hand. “Nah.”
“Could be,” Rachel said.
“There was something going on between them at Richmond,” Isabel added, sitting in the chair Cade pulled out for her. “Some kind of tension. It made me wonder if they were sleeping together.”
Cade stared at his wife. “What?”
Rachel smiled. “Do you really think so? How great would that be?”
“Do we really need to consider Mom and Dad and…
that?
” Cade asked. “It kind of grosses me out.”
Isabel rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Where do you think you came from?”
Cade’s face whitened.
Shaking his head, Bryan sat at the head of the table. “I’m sure Sam is fascinated by our family’s love life, but can we get back to the small, insignificant matter of the championship now?”
Sam cleared his throat. “For what it’s worth, I think your mother is an amazing woman. She and Mitch belong together.”
Bryan, along with everybody else in the room, stared at their usually reticent crew chief. It occurred to Bryan, like it must have occurred to his siblings, that their parents’ divorce had affected a great many more people than just them. The long-term employees had been there when Mom balanced the books and Dad, who’d just retired from racing, ran the shops. They’d built the business together, from their life savings, a crowded trophy case and sheer force of will.
Many years later, they had championship trophies, multiple teams, hundreds of loyal employees—and a heartbreaking division among the founders.
What was left to do but move on? The company had. Mom and Dad had. Bryan had. Darcy had.
Shaking off the personal track of his thoughts, he addressed the more immediate concern of Cade’s
schedule. “I guess Parker’s willing to be flexible?” he asked, his gaze going to Isabel.
“Sure, but he’s given the lion’s share of the sponsor dollars to this team. His employees deserve some recognition.”
“What if postseason we organize an employee retreat?” Rachel suggested. “Whether Cade gets the trophy or not, it’s been a great two years. We could do two different weekends, rotating as many people as possible. Cade could sign autographs and do Q&As.”
“Where, exactly, would this retreat take place?” Cade wanted to know.
“The hotel in St. Croix is pretty amazing,” Isabel said, then offered Rachel a dazzling, out-of-character smile.
“How are we going to get hundreds of people to and from St. Croix?” Bryan asked, thinking of the scary columns of red ink—signifying negative cash flow—that might entail.
“We could always do New York or Charlotte,” Rachel said. “Have the New York appearances when we’re there for the banquet.”
“There’s too much going on that weekend already,” Sam said.
“Okay,” Isabel said, holding up her hand. “I was kidding about St. Croix. How about we do one weekend in Miami—or maybe a Monday/Tuesday after the last race—and do another in New York, sometime before Christmas? We could entertain all
the executive staff that way and easily fly in anybody else.”
Grateful, and not for the first time, for Isabel’s decisiveness, Bryan glanced at Sam. “That work for you?”
Sam shrugged. “Racing’ll be over by then.” His gaze swept the table. “As long as you don’t interfere with the winter work schedule.”
Cade groaned. “Can we focus on
this
year? The one so pressure-packed, I’m about to climb the walls?”
“Tell that to the engineers and fab guys already building your cars for 2010,” Sam said matter-of-factly.
The rest of the shuffling wasn’t so easy. Isabel and Rachel vowed to make deals and promises that would likely keep Cade so busy next season he’d be lucky to make it to qualifying each week. When his brother simply laid his head on the table, Bryan called a halt to the plans.
“What about bribes?” he asked the group.
Rachel blinked. “Bribes?”
“Gifts,” Bryan said. “Autographed cars, hats, T-shirts, pictures, dog leashes, firstborn children—anything that doesn’t require Cade zigzagging across the country every other minute.”
“Gift bags aren’t a bad idea,” Isabel said, tapping her pen in consideration. “We could send a DVD with a personal message from Cade and record those in one afternoon. We could apologize for Cade’s crowded schedule, thank them for their dedication and send along some signed merchandise.”
“And food,” Rachel said.
“Food?” Bryan echoed.
“Sure.” Rachel nodded. “Ooh, Darcy could make those amazing chocolate cupcakes.” She glanced at Bryan. “Though maybe we should check with her first.”
“I can ask her,” he said, wondering why he hadn’t been offered any cupcakes.
Isabel and Rachel exchanged a glance. “Consider that done,” Isabel said.
“Why’s that?” he asked.
Since both of the women seemed reluctant to enlighten him, Cade spoke up. “Wow, dude, are you clueless?”
Bryan leaned back in his chair. “I guess I am.”
“She’s completely crazy about you,” Isabel said.
Rachel patted his shoulder. “She’d make cupcakes for every team in the garage if you asked her.”
How they’d worked their way from Cade’s schedule to his personal life, Bryan had no idea. He’d do anything in his power for Darcy, and it was nice to hear other people thought the same about her, but now didn’t seem to be the right time to talk about it. He definitely wasn’t about to pour out his feelings and worries to his entire family.
“What are her plans for next season?” Isabel asked, her direct gaze meeting his.
“I—” He had absolutely no idea. Technically, their employment agreement ran through the last race of the season. He was as strong and recovered from his
injuries as he was ever likely to get. Even now, he didn’t really need her to work out with him or tell him what he should and shouldn’t eat.
“I’m not sure,” he finally said.
“I suggest you find out,” Isabel said. “We could use her.”
“We could?” he asked.
Rachel glared at him. “Bryan Garrison! You’re not just fooling around with her, are you? She’s an amazing woman, who has done wonders with your snarly self. You should run, not walk, straight to the altar with her, and I can’t believe you—”
Sam lurched to his feet, his chair jolting backward. “I have dyno numbers to look at.” He practically ran from the room.
Bryan felt heat rise up his neck. “Thanks, Rach.”
But his sister, as usual, was undaunted. “You
are
serious about her, aren’t you?”
“I only wanted Isabel to give me some concrete reasons why Darcy was good for the team, so I could tell her when I offer her a new contract.” Was he going to do that? He certainly hadn’t considered next season before this moment. He also noted Rachel’s glare hadn’t budged. “And I’m as serious about her as I can be about anybody.”
“Is this going to turn into a relationship therapy session?” Cade asked, his eyes bright with amusement. “I could be spending this time keeping sponsors happy, after all.”
Bryan rose. “Meeting’s over.”
To say the least, the dispersion was awkward. Cade was way too gleeful to escape without a firm schedule in place, and Rachel was still annoyed.