Winning It All (26 page)

“Yeah.” Lars managed to offer a half smile. “You, too.”

“Me?”

“Cade’s gonna win the championship.”

Bryan crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re sure about that, are you?”

“Surer than I am about going into Turn One today and not hitting anything.” With a final grin, Lars turned to go back to his team.

Spotting Marcus McCray, the owner of the team his dad had driven for before he started GRI, Bryan waved at him, then strode over, though part of his mind was still on that precious trophy. He wanted it for Cade almost more than he wanted to draw his next breath. This was his year. It just had to be.

You never knew when the next turn in the road was going to stop you in your tracks. You never knew when things were about to change forever.

“Hey, Marcus,” he said, shaking the other owner’s hand, “have you talked to my sister, Rachel, today?”

“No. Haven’t seen her.”

“She’s looking for you. Something about a charity event at the last race. She couldn’t reach you on your cell.”

Marcus frowned. “Can’t stand the thing, ringing or vibrating half the time. My assistant has it some
where.” He glanced around. “Though I have no idea where he is, either. I’ll find Rachel or call her at the office tomorrow.”

“Great. Thanks. Good luck today.” Bryan smiled. “Well, sort of.”

“You, too. And, hey, I hear congratulations are in order. It’s good to see Mitch and Barb together again.”

Marcus had been around through the building years and the glory days with his dad. They’d raced together for a decade and won two championships. Bryan knew his dad’s old boss had been equally as disappointed and confused by the break-up as the family had been. “Thanks. It’s still a little surreal.”

“I told Mitch he blew it, not having a bachelor party. It’s not every day a couple of old dogs like us get that opportunity.”

“Oh, I’m sure you could talk him into a Recently Married party.” He reached into his pants pocket for his phone. “I’ll call Rachel and let her know.” He stopped, realizing he didn’t have his phone.

Marcus patted his shoulder. “I’m always losing the dang thing, too.”

As he headed off, Bryan searched his memory for the last place he’d seen his phone. Between the hectic, pressure-filled racing schedule and his parents’ wedding last weekend, it was no wonder he was distracted.

He’d definitely had his phone last night in the motor home, so that was as good a place as any to start. Rushing in that direction, he wondered how many
people had tried in vain to reach him. Though he agreed with Marcus about the phone being a distraction and an interruption a great deal of the time, it was a vital line of communication on a race weekend.

When he reached his motor home, he called out, “Hey, Darcy! Have you seen my—” He stopped, realizing he was alone. That wasn’t good. He’d been sure she was here when he was eating his forbidden hot dog. Though he supposed his secret was still safe, since, if she’d spotted him, she would have stormed over and snatched the thing out of his hands.

Speaking of spotting…

He saw his phone sitting on the side table by the sofa. Grabbing it, he noticed a legal pad and Darcy’s handwriting.

Reasons I Love Him…

What was this? Reasons who loves—

Again, he stopped, and this time his heart did, too.

He looks at me as if I’m amazing. He likes chocolate. When he touches me, I tremble. He’s kind and generous—though sometimes he has to be reminded he feels this way. He—

And that was as far as he got. The door swung open and Darcy stepped inside.

“Y
OU WEREN’T SUPPOSED
to see that,” Darcy said, her horrified gaze fixed on the pad in Bryan’s hand.

“How is this possible?” he asked, his voice low with shock.

“That I love you, or that I was dumb enough to write it down?”

“That—” He sank onto the sofa. He didn’t look happy or even pleased. He looked panicked.

He wasn’t ready to hear about her feelings. He certainly wasn’t going to say the words back to her. She’d known that, even though she’d been telling herself it was deceptive to keep quiet.

Her hands trembled, so she clutched them in front of her.

“You can’t,” he said finally, staring at her. “We’re not ready for this.”

“When will we be?” she asked, her pain making her voice sharp. “A month? A year?”

He set the pad aside and stood, pacing. “It’ll go away.”

“It’ll go away?
” she repeated in disbelief.

“Why can’t we be together without promises and declarations? Why can’t we just enjoy each other? Why do we have to complicate things?”

Shock rendered her speechless. Who was he? This was not the man who held her tenderly at night, who brought her chocolate when she was upset, who included her in family pictures and virtually every aspect of his life.

All that was fine, she guessed, as long as she didn’t expect promises or, heaven forbid,
declarations.

Angry, embarrassed and hurt, she grabbed her cooler of supplies, then darted toward the door.

“Don’t go.” Bryan grabbed her arm. “We have to…settle this.”

She narrowed her eyes and shook herself free of his touch. She didn’t want him to touch her or look at her or say anything else that would completely shatter her already cracked, bruised and battered heart. “Your feelings on the subject are pretty clear—you don’t have any.”

As she flung open the door, he called after her, “Love doesn’t last!”

She glared at him over her shoulder. “Yes, Bryan, it does. Unfortunately for me, it really does.”

Moving briskly out of the motor home lot and into the garage area, she prayed she wouldn’t see anyone she knew. She had mere minutes of holding herself together, of forcing her fury to make her put one foot in front of the other.

She handed over all the supplies to Big Dan, then she lied. She told him she had a family emergency and had to go home.

Concern darkening his eyes, he laid his arm around her shoulders. “Who’s taking you home? Did you arrange everything with the boss man?”

Nodding, she swallowed a burning lump of tears. She didn’t consider that a lie, since she didn’t think Bryan would be surprised to find her gone. “I’ll be fine,” she said, then squeezed him.

“See ya!” he called after her.

She waved, but wasn’t sure she
would
see him again. That thought alone sent a tear rolling down her cheek. So many people on the team had become like family to her these last several months. To think this chapter of her life was over made her stumble, though somehow she kept moving.

She couldn’t stay with Bryan and love him, knowing he didn’t love her in return. She had too much pride and self-respect.

When she got back to the motor home, Bryan was gone, as she’d expected him to be. It was race day after all. A small personal crisis wouldn’t stop the green flag from falling in a few hours.

After quickly packing her stuff, she grabbed the rental car keys and took one last glance around.

She’d lightened the depressing darkness of the décor with some bright red throw pillows and a fleece blanket tossed on the sofa. Garrison red, of course. She’d
actually consulted with the guy who wrapped and decaled the cars to be sure she had just the right shade.

She saw the pad on the sofa and considered whether to take it or leave it. In the end, she couldn’t make herself go near it, so she simply turned around and walked out.

As she drove, she tried to find a reason to regret putting her feelings down on paper, but she couldn’t. She’d rather be honest and alone, than with him, fooling herself.

Was she running again?

Sure.

But it wasn’t as if she had anything to hang around and fight for. She loved him, and he clearly didn’t love her. Case closed. End of discussion. She couldn’t stay and fight for something that had never belonged to her in the first place.

So that’s it, huh?
her conscience, intrusive as always, asked.

The man you love, traumatized by divorces and a career-ending accident, can’t say three little words, and you’re going to turn your back on him?

“Yep,” she announced to the empty car.

Anger had certainly driven her to leave, but even when her temper lessened, she’d still know she’d made the right decision.

As she knew all too well, life was too short to settle for good when she could have great. Maybe Bryan would eventually trust her with his heart. Maybe he
would get over his issues and come after her. She didn’t think it was likely, though she had hope.

And maybe she was drawing a hard line—love her wholly and forever or goodbye—but she knew she couldn’t accept less. She’d had her love of a lifetime and lost it. She thought she’d somehow managed to find that miracle again in Bryan.

She couldn’t pretend that wasn’t what she wanted and needed.

She’d been devastated before. She ought to be used to it by now.

On that horribly bitter thought, she swung by the grocery store down the street from her apartment building. She bought two giant bags of mini chocolate bars—thank goodness for Halloween—and three bags of truffles.

She was going to need all the help she could get.

S
HE’D LEFT HIM.

Bryan had no idea why he stood in his bedroom, staring in utter disbelief at the empty spot in the corner where Darcy always left her suitcase.

Why should he be surprised? When life got rough or didn’t go as planned, women left. At least the women
he
got involved with.

When she hadn’t appeared at lunch, he’d been concerned. When she hadn’t come for the singing of the national anthem, he’d gotten seriously worried. So, while the drivers climbed in their cars, he’d run
over to the motor home lot. Even now, he could hear the cars taking their pace laps.

Where had she gone?

He dialed her cell phone twice, but she didn’t answer. He needed to be on the pit box, dammit, not standing around, his throat tight, his heart—

Whirling, he strode outside.

Somehow, he pretended to be fine. He held on to his anger and went through his usual race routine, visiting all the GRI teams’ pit boxes, talking to crews, listening to radio chatter.

When Chance got involved in a wreck a few laps shy of halfway and had to pull his car into the garage for repairs, ruining any chance of him winning the race, Bryan felt a brief ripple of excitement. If Cade could finish in the top ten, he’d likely pull ahead of Chance in the points battle.

That excitement quickly wore off, though, and Bryan concentrated on his brother’s efforts to win the race.

For about ten minutes.

After that, he wondered about Darcy. There weren’t an abundance of hotels in the Martinsville area to start with, but on race weekend, there probably wasn’t a vacant room in the entire state.

Where had she gone?

And how had she gotten there?

He hadn’t thought earlier to look for the rental car keys. Unless she was wandering around the garage
area with her suitcase, she had to have taken the car. So, where would she—

Home.

It was barely a two-hour drive to the Mooresville area from the track. They’d actually taken the helicopter up, but the GRI travel coordinator always rented Darcy a car for trips to the grocery store for supplies.

Emptiness settled into his gut at the realization of how thoroughly she’d left him. How easily and quickly. They hadn’t made promises or commitments, after all. There was nothing to hold her to him.

He knew she’d been upset earlier, and maybe he’d handled things badly, but he’d been honest. Did she want him to spout pretty words he didn’t feel?

His heart contracted the way it had the night of his parents’ wedding, calling him a liar. He felt plenty. Maybe too much.

But he didn’t want to face his emotions. He wanted to continue to repress. Keep on denying.

He failed miserably at both.

Because as Cade won the race and moved to first place in the championship standings, Bryan thought of Darcy. As the team erupted around him, he took off his headset and stared at the floor of the war wagon. All he could see were the scrawled words of devotion Darcy had written on a yellow piece of paper.

He makes me happy.

That was the last line on the list.

Yet, he hadn’t lived up to that expectation. He’d
been too proud or cautious or afraid to really make her happy. Instead, he’d driven her away.

I knew my life would never be right without her. I told her I loved her—always had, always would.

His dad had said those words to him when Bryan had asked why his mom had forgiven his dad and taken him back. Would they work the same magic for Bryan? Even if they were a little late in coming? Even if the woman he wanted to say them to had, rightly, run away from him?

Well, they
had
to, because they were all he had. He clenched his fist. They called him Steel for a reason, didn’t they?

He couldn’t use the excuse that love didn’t last, not anymore. The joy of it was everywhere around him—and not just in racing. He’d been running from his feelings, desperate to avoid being rejected.

Instead, he’d been rejected for
not
telling her he loved her.

How dumb was that?

“Where’s Darcy?” he heard his sister shout over the roaring crowd and the team’s whoops of excitement all around him. “I just talked to Big Dan, and he said she had to leave for a family emergency. What happened?”

“She left.”

“Did something happen to her parents?”

“No.” Frustrated, he pushed his hand through his hair. “At least I don’t think so.”

“Don’t
think?
How do you not know—” She
stopped, and he looked up in time to see her plant her hands on her hips. “What did you do?”

“What makes you think
I
did anything?”

She simply stared at him.

“Okay, so maybe I did something.” He shoved aside his pride and the idea that there couldn’t be a worse time or place for a meaningful discussion. None of this—the victories, the championship—meant anything without her to share it. “I need help, Rach. I’m in real trouble.”

“Finally realized you love her, huh?”

Smugness was not a state he normally encouraged in his sister, but there was no point in denying the truth. “Oh, yeah.”

Sitting in the seat next to him, she grasped his hand. “You’ve got to tell her.”

“Gee, that’s a good idea. Wish I’d thought of it when she told me, and I told her love didn’t last.”

She cringed. “You actually said that?”

“Hell, I shouted it.”

“O-kay.”
Pausing, she patted his hand. “Well, don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”

He recalled Isabel telling him he loved Darcy—only to have him argue, of course—but how had she known? He met his sister’s gaze. “Obviously, you know I lo—” He stopped.

“Good grief, Bryan, if you can’t say it to me, how are you going to say it to her?”

“No, it’s not that. I just—” He felt a flush rise up his neck. “I just want the first time I say it out loud to be to her.”

She blinked, then tears filled her eyes. She pressed her lips together briefly. “
Awww.
”

“Yeah, I’m a real romantic.” Since he so completely wasn’t, he knew he had to figure out how to become one. Fast. “So you know how I feel about her, and so does Isabel. But
how
did you know?”

“Oh. Pretty much when you started doing yoga.”

“But—yoga? That was eight months ago.”

She angled her head. “Has it been that long?”

“Yes. How could you possibly have known when I only figured it out ten minutes ago?”

“I saw you in the Real Men Do Yoga shirt.”

It was no wonder he was lousy at romance. He was more confused than ever. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“The Bryan ‘Steel’ Garrison I grew up with would never,
ever
wear that shirt. Even in private,” she added before he could argue that very point.

“So T-shirt equals love?”

She nodded. “See, you
do
have a romantic side.”