Wisdom Seeds (8 page)

Alicia was leaving for New York to see Dennis. As far as I was concerned, she had no room to talk. I knew she would be staying with Dennis and assumed she was sleeping with him, too. She loved Dennis, I loved Greg.

Greg was on call the following Friday and I didn't have anything to do – Andrea was meeting with her study group, Alicia wasn't coming home until Saturday and I hadn't made any other friends because I never socialized with my co-workers outside of the clinic. Andrea had frequently pointed out that Greg monopolized my time but I was in love and I was happy. However, realizing that I had not spent much time with my cousins over the past few weeks, I made plans to spend Sunday with them.

“Let's go to dinner,” I announced in the car on our way to church. “My treat.”

“Sounds good to me,” Alicia smiled. “Can I suggest the Southern Platter?”

“Yeah,” I told her. “That does sound good.”

Andrea continued to drive. Alicia turned and winked at me.

“Annie,” Alicia poked her in the arm. “Don't you want to come?”

“Yeah, I'll come,” she said with a straight face. “The Sunday School teachers have a short meeting after church. I
should be done by two o'clock.”

“We'll wait,” Alicia told her. “You're driving!”

Mom sent me a picture of the three of us that Uncle Paul had taken during the summer of 1969 on the beach in Atlantic City. I had the picture copied and framed to present to my cousins as a small token of appreciation.

“This is for you,” I said tearing the paper off the picture after we ate.

“Dani!” Andrea exclaimed. “This is so nice!”

“Where did you get that from?” Alicia asked.

“My mom sent me the picture in one of her letters. I thought it was cute and wanted you guys to have a copy.”

“Thank you,” they said in unison.

“I really appreciate your letting me stay here,” I told them. “I had a great summer.”

“Would it have still been great without Greg?” Andrea smirked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“Well, what about Greg?” Alicia asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What's up with the relationship now that you're going home?”

“I know how to get to Harrisburg,” I smiled. “He's trying to get a job at the Hershey Medical Center. He wants to stay near his parents so he can help them.”

“He's so perfect,” Andrea stated sarcastically.

Alicia changed the subject to their upcoming vacation. She and Andrea were going on a seven-day cruise to the Grand Cayman Islands the week after I left.

August had come too quickly and before I realized it, my internship was ending and I would be going home. I had
not applied to any graduate programs before leaving Penn State, and it became necessary to make some decisions about what I was going to do next. I was sure of my love for Greg and decided to wait until he found a job before applying to graduate school. In my mind our wedding was imminent; I had to be with him. My boss was applying for another grant to support additional staff and said she would be pleased to have me on her team. I promised to keep in touch with her – it was something to fall back on if Greg stayed in Pittsburgh.

Greg was interviewing in Harrisburg for most of my last week in Pittsburgh. I was selfishly disappointed and he promised to come back on Tuesday so we could spend the rest of the week together. Greg called Tuesday night apologizing for feeling torn between coming back to see me and spending a few days with his parents. We made dinner plans for Thursday – that was the last day of my internship and we planned to meet when I got off work at four-thirty.

I was feeling a little tired and had every intention of going home after dinner. When we left Red Lobster, Greg drove to his apartment. Greg said he needed to feel me in his arms before I left. Although I didn't feel like making love, it seemed like the natural order of things.

“I'm going to miss you,” he told me running his index finger down my back. “How will I make it to December?”

“I don't know how I'm going to get through the next two weeks.” I snuggled against him.

“Fourteen days until I meet Reverend Allen.” He paused and coyly smiled. “Will I measure up?”

“I'm sure my mom will like you.” I kissed him.

“Girl, you made my summer wonderful.” Greg changed the subject. “Let's savor these moments.”

“How wonderful?” I asked teasingly, pulling away from him.

“It's not the sex, it's you. You're a jewel.” He pulled me closer to him.

“Are you working a double shift tomorrow?” I whined.

“Unfortunately, but call me Saturday night. I'm off at ten.”

I slept wrapped in his love. In the morning I would wake up in his arms.

Andrea was making coffee when I came in the door at seven o'clock on Friday morning. She shook her head but didn't say a word. Alicia was sitting in the dining room, she didn't say anything either. There was no need trying to rationalize my decision to spend the night with Greg – I knew they wouldn't understand because they didn't believe he loved me.

I went to my room and couldn't decide what to do next. I needed to pack my clothes because my bus was leaving at nine the next morning. I also needed something to wear to the luncheon reception for the interns at noon. My head was starting to hurt and my body ached like I was coming down with the flu. I set the alarm clock for ten-thirty and stretched out across the bottom of my bed – packing would have to wait.

It was one-thirty before I left Pittsburgh. My body was tired and it was hard to get out of bed Saturday morning. Alicia agreed I might be coming down with a summer flu, Andrea thought my body was sleep deprived. My headache wouldn't let me dispute her, and I didn't want to leave on a bad note, so I let her fuss as she drove down Penn Avenue. We promised to write, call and visit and then we took
pictures in the booth in the bus station. I thanked my cousins again and hugged them before boarding the bus.

Thoughts of Greg consumed me on the bus ride home. Love had never been real before him. Mrs. Gregory Henderson, I thought to myself – the doctor's wife. There was no doubt of our love. Mom had no idea of the seriousness of our relationship, but it would be apparent in Greg's eyes when he looked at me. Nana would have been disappointed that I gave myself to Greg before marriage; still I believed she was happy for me. I thanked her for the wisdom seeds – joy, love, happiness and peace – they were all mine. One day Greg and I would be writing love letters to each other on Valentine's Day just like Nana and Grandpa Booker. I would share the letters with my daughters and granddaughters just like Nana had shared her letters with me. My eyes were closed and I smiled at the thought of being in love. I woke up as the bus pulled into the station in Camden.

Mom was leaning on the hood of my dad's Benz reading an Ebony magazine. Her hair was pulled back into a French roll and the orange of the evening sun highlighted her yellow linen dress. She looked up and smiled as I got off the bus. My mom was classy and looked like a model posing for a photographer. We met at the luggage stand and hugged.

Mom wanted to talk in the car but I needed to put my head back and close my eyes. I had chills and could tell I was coming down with something. Mom sang a medley of hymns as we rode back to the house.

The aroma of my mother's honey barbeque sauce greeted me as I came in the back door, but the hoagie I had eaten on the bus was bubbling in my stomach. It took everything in me to make it upstairs to the bathroom. After spending twenty minutes with my face in the toilet, Mom came to the door with a glass of warm ginger ale.

“Get those nasty clothes off before you get in the bed.” Mom's disdain for street clothes on the bed was glaringly apparent and overshadowed her sympathy.

“Mom,” I whined getting up off the bathroom floor, “please let me lay down for ten minutes.”

“I'll make you some tea. You need to get out of those clothes; you don't know who sat in that seat on the bus before you. And you'll feel better in a clean night-shirt.”

There was no need trying to persuade her. No street clothes on the bed had been a long-standing rule in the Allen home. I put on a tee shirt and collapsed onto my bed. When I woke up it was after midnight – I called Greg anyway. There was no answer. I assumed he was still at work.

On Wednesday I was still unable to keep food in my stomach and Mom suggested I go see our family physician. Dr. Morant suspected I was pregnant and I reluctantly consented to an internal exam. My cycle had always been irregular and Greg always used condoms, except the first time. Dr. Morant smiled and said congratulations – I was horrified. My twenty-minute exam turned into a ninety-minute visit. I left the office with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and the names of three OB-GYN's. I was glad I borrowed Mom's car and she hadn't come with me.

Unsure of what to say to my mother, I drove down to Atlantic City and sat on the beach until the sun set. Greg would have to marry me. We would struggle, but we would make it. I could begin graduate school when the baby was about two. This was workable.

There was a message from Greg when I got home. His schedule had been switched and he wasn't able to come to Smithtown the following weekend but he wanted to know if I would come to Pittsburgh for a few days. I returned the call and said I would. He asked me to stay with him and not let my cousins know I was in town – I agreed. My heart
fluttered thinking that Greg knew I was pregnant via some type of paternal intuition. I found moments of solace assuming we would spend our visit planning an October wedding. As there would be no time to get a dress made, I resigned myself to buying one. Greg would have to make time to come to Smithtown so we could tell my parents of our plans.

The chirping of the birds in the tree outside my window greeted me on Thursday as I kicked the sheet off of me. Although it was a humid morning, there was a slight breeze that made the window sheers dance. I heard my dad's car drive away and met Mom in the kitchen.

She poured water in a teacup as I sat on the stool behind the counter. “Good morning. Do you feel any better?”

“A little.” I avoided eye contact and played with the sugar bowl.

“What did Dr. Morant say?”

“It's nothing to worry about.” I changed the subject before she would ask any more questions. “I have to go back to Pittsburgh.”

“Why?” You're still not feeling well. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Dr. Wilkerson, my boss from the internship program, may have a full-time position for me,” I lied. “I need to meet with her next Friday.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“Probably until Sunday.”

Before I could get out of the kitchen she asked, “Who's Greg? Will you be seeing him while you're in Pittsburgh?”

I tried to sound nonchalant. “I think I can fit him in.”

“If he misses you so much, why hasn't he come to
visit?”