Wish Upon a Christmas Cake (14 page)

‘Stephanie! Sportacus! Come on in, you two.’

The bulldogs stopped chasing one another and headed into the lodge. I helped Sam to towel them off then they raced into the lounge to resume their places in front of the fire where they took turns grooming each other before falling into a heavy contented doze. It would be so nice to have that carefree kind of life, to be free of all worries and to have peace of mind. Even if just for one day.

Sam followed Holly and Jack into a bedroom just off the hallway. The lodge was a three bed, one-storey building with a large lounge and a kitchen diner at the rear of the building. It was much smaller than the manor, of course, but really cosy. A lovely place for a family.

Sam tucked the children into their twin beds and read them
The Night Before Christmas
, while I stood in the doorway and listened. They were a beautiful little family with their thick dark hair and big brown eyes. Holly would be a beauty when she grew older. That time would come around soon enough. But right now, they were young, it was Christmas Eve and Santa would be coming with lots of lovely gifts. My stomach clenched. This was so different to last year, admittedly, but that was a good thing.

Sam kissed his children goodnight and I moved into the hallway to give them some family time.

‘Katie!’ Holly called.

I returned to the doorway.

‘Can I have a kiss please?’

I hesitated for a moment. How was I supposed to act in this situation? My heartbeat quickened so I took a few slow breaths. It was just a goodnight kiss she wanted, not a promise of devotion and commitment.

‘Of course.’ I kissed her silky forehead and inhaled her little girl scent of marshmallows and baby soap. My womb skipped, I swear. It was the strangest sensation. Like my body had just recognised something it had been missing. Tears sprang into my eyes and I blinked hard to clear them. I stood up and turned to Jack, but he was shaking his head at me.

‘I guess I don’t get to kiss you then, Jack?’

‘Nope.’ He held out his hand so I took it, suppressing a giggle as my heightened emotional state swung me from tears to laughter in an instant.

‘Goodnight, Jack.’

‘Night, Katie. See you tomorrow.’

Sam followed me into the hallway and pulled the door behind him but left it open a few inches. ‘House rules,’ he explained. ‘Holly’s house rules.’

‘Do they share a room at home?’

‘No. Just when we’re away. Holly settles better although Jack needs the company just as much as she does. But he’d never admit that.’

‘Of course not. So how long do we wait?’ I glanced at the grandfather clock in the hallway. It was nine-thirty.

‘Until we’re sure that they’re asleep. Do you want a drink?’

‘I probably shouldn’t after all that eggnog and Champagne, but it is Christmas.’

‘Red wine?’

‘That would be lovely.’

He grabbed a bottle from the kitchen, then gestured at the lounge. ‘The glasses are on the Welsh dresser in there.’

I selected two medieval-style glass goblets and we sat on the sofa facing the dogs. I tucked my feet up under me while Sam poured the wine. The room was cosy and warm and lit by three large lamps. I was relaxed and comfortable, something I realised I’d rarely been in male company. But this was Sam and I’d known him for for ever. I didn’t have to impress him; I could just be me.

He handed me a goblet then raised his. ‘Cheers, Katie.’

‘Cheers and Merry Christmas.’

He took a sip, then sighed. ‘Katie?’ He placed his glass on the coffee table. I gripped my glass tightly, afraid that I’d spill my Pinotage all over the expensive-looking cream sofa.

‘Do you mind if I put my glasses on?’

‘What?’ I wasn’t expecting that.

‘My contacts are killing me.’

‘You wear contacts?’

‘I am heading towards forty.’ He smiled. ‘And I know contacts might be a concession to my vanity but I just can’t stand having glasses perched on my nose all day. They dig in and irritate my skin. So I try to wear my lenses during the day, then my glasses in the evening when I’m reading or watching TV.’

‘That makes sense. And old age comes to us all, eh?’ I bit my lip as I realised what I’d just said. Old age would never come to Maria. Why did I always have to put my foot in it? ‘Of course I don’t mind.’

‘I’ll just be a moment.’ He headed for his bedroom and I sank into the cushions and took a big gulp of fortifying wine. The dogs were out cold now and their snoring was extremely soothing. It made me feel sleepy too and it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. I had to stay awake, I couldn’t just pass out when Sam needed help with Christmas, but I was so relaxed.

‘That’s better,’ he said as he crossed the room. He’d changed his shirt for a pale-blue T-shirt that showed off his impressive physique. He’d always been firm and toned but now he was like one of those male models on a romance novel cover. I sighed inwardly as I realised that he probably had a six-pack and those grooves that led down to his hips like arrows pointing to his p… ‘Katie?’

‘Yes?’ I finished my drink quickly. Had he seen me staring at his groin? How terribly embarrassing.

‘Were you just looking at my—’

‘Please don’t.’ I held up my free hand. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just, it has been a while and…oh I’m so embarrassed.’ I hung my head and stared into my glass.

Sam sat right next to me, then took my wine and placed it on the table. ‘Hey!’ He lifted my chin with a finger. ‘Don’t be silly. I told you, I like how you look at me. You see
me
, not the grieving widower that other people see. And I see
you,
Katie. How that fool could throw you away I’ll never know.’

I stared at him, gazing into his chocolate eyes behind their black rectangular frames, before lowering my gaze to his full mouth. He moved towards me and my heart started pounding so hard I could hear the blood rushing around my veins. Had Harrison ever had this effect upon me? I doubted it. He’d been attractive, desirable and ambitious. But he’d never made me tremble with desire, with a longing that spanned the years.

I moved closer to him so that our faces were almost touching. I could feel the heat of his skin and smell his mouth-watering scent. But just before our lips actually made contact, he pulled away. His face contorted and he curled his hands into fists on his knees. I leapt up from the sofa and straightened my jumper. ‘Wow. It is warm in here?’ I walked over to the window and peered out. ‘The snow is heavy now. It’ll be snowmen and snowball fights all round tomorrow.’ I glanced at him and my heart sank. He was staring into his glass as if the red wine had the answers to all of his questions. ‘Sam? What is it? What happened just then?’

‘I’m sorry, Katie. I seem to be all over the shop, you know, all muddled up. Seeing you again after so long is strange and it’s stirred up lots of feelings I haven’t experienced in a long time. This is difficult.’

‘I know.’ I placed my hand on the cool glass and watched as the heat from my skin misted the window. ‘I feel it too.’ I leant forward so that my forehead touched the glass and closed my eyes. What were we doing? Was this right or wrong? For so many reasons, I knew I should just say goodnight right now and return to the manor house but there were also reasons to stay. Sam was my friend and if I left right now, it would be cruel. He would likely reproach himself for allowing us to get so close and I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him again.

I approached the sofa and stood in front of him. I wanted to stroke his hair and wrap my arms around him but I didn’t want to increase his inner turmoil.

‘So what do you think of the glasses, Katie?’

‘What?’ His incongruous question, thrown into the middle of such a serious conversation, tore at my chest because I realised how deeply he really was struggling. ‘Your glasses are great. They suit you, they really do. I mean…I can still see your face which is unfortunate but…’

He placed his glass carefully on the table, then grabbed me and pulled me down next to him. I squealed as he pinned me down and tickled me, his fingers digging into my ribs and hips, coaxing me to breathless delight. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been tickled and it was so good to completely lose control. When I was hot and clammy and moaning with exhaustion, he finally stopped and held himself over me. ‘You’re a cheeky one, Katie. You know that?’ His face was flushed, his eyes shone and it was so good to see him smile.

He pulled me up, then refilled our glasses and we sat there for a while, side by side, savouring our wine and listening to the dogs snoring. I wasn’t quite sure what had just happened but I liked it. I could laugh with Sam and I felt safe with him. Safe except for that thing with my heart, where I’d realised that he might actually still have some feelings for me too. But it was too soon to do anything about it. We hadn’t seen each other in a long time and I didn’t know that much about him anymore. He could have changed and I’d changed too. I wasn’t the sweet, innocent, naïve little Katie who’d fallen in love with Sam all those years ago. I knew what could happen if you fell in love, if you trusted someone with your heart, if you forgot to take your pill then missed a period. And this situation was so complicated. There were children and dogs involved now. If anything ever actually happened between us, then there would be other factors to consider. And it was highly unlikely that we’d get to that stage. We were just old friends enjoying each other’s company.

Yet I couldn’t deny that I ached to kiss him, to feel his arms around me, his mouth on mine and him buried deep inside me. Just like it used to be.

Chapter 9

Sam poked his head around the living room door and made an okay signal with his thumb and finger. ‘Operation Santa is go!’

‘Brilliant!’ I’d never been Santa’s helper before and I was really excited. I crossed the room and stood in front of him.

‘Take this.’ He passed me another bottle of red wine, this time a Shiraz. ‘We can drink it once we’re done. To celebrate.’ His eyes shone behind his spectacles and I couldn’t tell if it was down to the effects of the first bottle we’d shared or anticipation.

‘What else should I do?’

‘Keep an ear open for any movement from the kids’ room while I bring the presents out.’

I nodded.

For the next ten minutes, Sam sneaked back and forth across the hallway, carrying piles of gifts. Some were wrapped in pink paper with festive fairies on; the rest in a metallic blue paper with dinosaurs wearing Christmas hats. My eyes stung as I watched him and I had to blink hard to clear my blurred vision. He’d prepared for this thoroughly, even wrapping the gifts before coming here. There would be no last-minute rush to find gift wrap or tape; he was organised and thoughtful. And he’d done it all on his own.

I rubbed my chest right above my heart. There was an ache there that I couldn’t explain. It wasn’t the familiar pain of loss or disappointment. It was something else, not entirely unpleasant, but I did feel as if I needed a good cry.

‘That’s everything,’ Sam said, as he laid a final pile of presents on the floor by the fireplace. Sportacus opened his eyes for a moment and sniffed at the air but clearly decided that nothing interesting was happening and fell back asleep. ‘That’s Holly’s stocking.’ He pointed at the pink one.

‘I never would have guessed.’ I winked at him.

‘I’m not stereotyping them, honestly. We…I mean I…no,
we
…even bought her a camouflage one last year but she wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Maria tried to explain that there are no set colours for boys or girls but Holly has her own mind and cannot be swayed once it’s made up.’

I giggled. The little girl was feisty all right. I didn’t know whether to comment on Sam’s use of
we
. What could I say? This time last year his life had been very different.

‘Could you put all of her smaller presents into the stocking, Katie?’

‘Of course.’

I packed it carefully, then hung it back on the convenient hook at the side of the fireplace while Sam did the same with Jack’s. With a real log fire burning, it would have been impractical to hang them directly over the fireplace itself, and I smiled at the convenience of the hooks, possibly put there for a poker or bellows. When Sam had finished too, we arranged the rest of the gifts into two piles under the small fiber optic tree he had brought with him from home with the larger ones at the back. Sam eyed our handiwork.

‘Thanks, Katie.’

I waved a hand at him. ‘No problem.’

‘It’s really good of you. You didn’t have to help…you could be up at the manor now on Skype to some hunk or enjoying some of Esther’s delicious leftovers.’

‘On Skype to a hunk?’ The image made me snigger. ‘I’m here playing Santa’s helper to a hunk. Why would I want to be on Skype?’ I flushed as I realised what I’d said. The wine had certainly loosened my tongue.

‘You think I’m a hunk, Katie?’ Sam gazed at me and my blush deepened.

‘Well…you’re all right for a man approaching forty.’ I flashed him a smile to show I was joking.

‘I’ll take that as a compliment,’ he replied, ‘seeing as how Brad Pitt is much older than me and still considered to be a hunk.’

‘He is.’
And you are…

‘Tell you what. You pour some wine and I’ll be back in a moment.’

‘You going to slip into something more comfortable?’ My mouth was running away like a steam train and I couldn’t seem to stop it.

‘If you like.’ He wiggled his eyebrows.

Eeekk!

‘Black and lacy, do you?’

‘What?’

‘Didn’t I tell you that I cross dress now?’

‘Uh…’

‘You’re too easy.’ He chuckled and I shook my head. I walked straight into that one. ‘No, I just need to use the bathroom, then get something.’

‘Sure.’ I sat back on the sofa and reached for my wine, trying not to imagine Sam stripping off in the bedroom.

When he returned, he popped a CD into the stereo and pressed play.

‘What are we listening to?’ I asked.

‘Christmas hits okay?’

‘Great.’

He sat on the sofa and I handed him his goblet. He took it and sipped the wine. ‘Fruity and spicy. Just how I like a woman’ He gave a soft laugh to suggest he was joking but my stomach dropped into my glass.