Wish Upon a Christmas Cake (26 page)

‘Katie, we’re going to Vegas.’ Ann pressed her lips together.

I clapped my hands together as my head was filled with images of smiling newlyweds in flashy convertibles parked outside a picture-perfect chapel with a white picket fence. ‘Vegas? Like the Elvis Chapel? Oh wow! I’ve always wanted to go there. When? I’ll get packing. This is so exciting.’ A trip to the USA would be amazing and what better way to forget my fresh heartache?

‘Katie!’ Ann held up a hand and my stomach flipped as she removed her glasses and big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘I’m so sorry.’

My legs gave way and I knelt in front of them. Of course. At this short notice and with us being business partners and all, there was no way that we could both go. Because of the shop. We couldn’t just up and leave it and Ann
had
to go – she was the one having a shotgun wedding. Plus we had that meeting arranged with the bank manager and it would seem unprofessional to cancel that, which might affect our chances of borrowing more money.

‘Of course,’ I whispered. ‘Of course.’ I slapped my hand against my forehead and the sting helped me to clear my thoughts. ‘How could I have been such an idiot?’

Ann slipped off the sofa and took me into her arms. ‘You’re not an idiot, sweetheart. You’re my best friend in the whole world and you have to know that I want you there but we can’t both leave the shop. This is the only wedding I want to have and I am a traditional kind of girl in lots of ways, so I really want to be married before I have this baby. Mark suggested Vegas. Not the most traditional setting for a wedding, I know, but one we can always remember.’

‘Oh it will be wonderful,’ I said. And I meant it. ‘Now let’s get a cup of tea and you can tell me all about it as I get baking downstairs.’ I swallowed hard.

‘Thank you, Katie.’

‘Don’t be silly. What are best friends for after all?’ I gave her another hug, then went through to the kitchen area and put the kettle on. So I couldn’t be there to see my friend saying her vows, but I would make sure that she went away feeling positive, and that she had an amazing party to come home to. But as I mentally ticked off a list of things that I’d need to arrange, another thought popped into my head. Who on earth would I ask to help me out in the shop while Ann was away?

A handsome face appeared in my mind, but I shook my head at how ridiculous it seemed. Yes, Sam could cook – some things he’d said – but he had his own business to run and he wouldn’t want to spend a week working in the shop with me. So who else could help?

A shiver ran down my spine as I realised who I would have to ask. But there was nothing else for it. I would have to do it or Ann would be a mother before she had a ring on her finger and I wanted to help my best friend out. And being a good friend is all about making sacrifices to help out the ones we love, right?

Chapter 19

I stood in my parents’ kitchen and nursed the mug of steaming coffee that Esther had just handed me. My stomach was churning like I was fifteen again and facing a row for skipping History twice in a week. But it was ridiculous, I scolded myself, because I was no longer a teenager and this was totally different. Still, I didn’t like having to ask anyone for favours, especially not my mother.

‘What is it, Katie?’ Esther asked as she gestured at the kitchen table.

I took a seat and placed my mug on a coaster.

‘Where’s Dad?’

She shook her head. ‘Playing golf, darling, of course. He’s keen to squeeze in a game while it’s sunny.’

I nodded and sipped my coffee. March was turning out to be quite mild and it looked like all the pupils and teachers would get a pleasant Easter break soon, but it also meant that the shop would be even busier. My stomach clenched and the sensation made me gasp.

‘Mum, I have to ask you something.’

‘Okay. Well, whatever it is, Katie, I’m sure it’s not that bad.’

I met her enquiring gaze and marvelled at how attractive she was. How did she do it? Sat before her in my usual baggy jumper, stretchy jeans and with my hair pulled into a messy ponytail, I knew I looked a state. Yet although it was barely nine on a Wednesday morning, my mother looked like she’d just come off a catwalk. Ann and Mark were covering the shop while I came to ask for Esther’s help and I’d promised that I wouldn’t be too long as the aromas in the kitchen were making Ann’s nausea worse.

‘Right, Mum. Well, I need your help.’

‘You do?’ Her cheeks flushed and her knuckles whitened as she gripped her mug tighter.

‘Yes. You know, I wouldn’t ask but I really do need a hand in the shop over the next few weeks.’

‘In the shop?’ She sat forwards and raised her eyebrows.

‘And in the kitchen, if I’m being totally honest.’

‘You want me to come to work with you?’

I nodded and chewed my lip. This was worse than telling her that I’d started my periods. That had been humiliating enough, at thirteen, having to ask for sanitary products but this seemed a thousand times more awful.

‘Well, of course I’ll help, Katie. I’d be honoured.’

‘You would?’ I scanned her face for signs of mockery.

‘But why do you need me? What about Ann?’

‘She’s…uh…going away on holiday.’

‘Lovely. When do I start?’

I nearly choked on my coffee. ‘How would Friday suit you? Would it be too soon because, you know, I could maybe manage until next week.’

She raised her mug and clinked it against mine. ‘Absolutely perfect!’ I sipped my coffee and watched her over the rim of my mug. She had definitely changed but I had no idea why. Why now? Why had she been so reasonable over Christmas? She had clearly bitten back her usual bitter comments on several occasions, which I appreciated, but it made me extremely curious.

I heard a vehicle pull up outside and a firm rapping at the front door. Esther sprang to her feet and disappeared into the hallway. I strained to hear what was being said but all I managed to catch from the man at the door was, ‘Only take five minutes, love.’

I placed my mug in the dishwasher, then walked through to the front room where Esther stood gazing out of the window.

‘What is it, Mum?’ I asked as I placed my hands on the sill and peered out. But she didn’t need to answer me because it was right there before my eyes. A man in jeans and a navy fleece with the words Hansen & Cooke printed in yellow on the back was hammering a
For Sale
sign into the flowerbed at the bottom of the driveway.

‘I was going to tell you but you seemed to have something important to say.’ Mum placed a hand on my arm. ‘When the estate agent came round the other day, the price they quoted for the sale of the house was so good that we just couldn’t risk the market changing again. So, you see, Katie, if I come and work in the shop with you for a few weeks, it will give us the chance to have some time together before we go.’

She smiled, then wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I leant against her as we stared out of the window, watching life changing right before our eyes in the way that it always does.

***

The weeks passed in a flurry of baking, cleaning and sales. Esther proved to be as efficient in the shop as she was in the house. She ran things with a cool head and calm demeanour that meant that I was able to keep baking and even take the occasional break in between batches of cakes and speciality breads.

I considered texting Sam a few times but I didn’t know what to say. I was so raw from finding out that he doubted me but there just wasn’t time to dwell on my pain. I knew that he would be busy with the children and he’d told me that his parents had arranged a few outings for them all at weekends. I did experience flashes of sadness that I couldn’t be with them during their break but I told myself that I had to be realistic too. Sure, I was aware that my feelings for Sam wouldn’t go away overnight, but I also had other things in my life to deal with too. I wasn’t a teenager with the disposable time to fawn over a man anymore. I couldn’t just lie on the sofa listening to Simply Red or Wet Wet Wet and watching re-runs of
Pretty Woman
while fantasising about Sam walking into the shop and sweeping me off my feet.

It was during a quiet period one morning that my mother caught me by surprise. Lynsey, one of our Christmas girls who’d stayed on was serving customers in the shop, so Esther and I were catching up with some baking in the kitchen. I was weighing out currants, as I prepared to make a second batch of Welsh cakes, and Mum was cooking the first batch on the cast iron bakestone. The kitchen was filled with the aroma of cinnamon and sizzling butter and the radio in the corner buzzed with the chirpy voice of a female DJ.

‘Katie?’

I met my mother’s eyes across the kitchen. ‘Yes, Mum.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘About what?’

‘The matter you’ve been trying to forget recently.’

I emptied the currants into the bowl, then stirred them into the flour and butter. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Oh, love. I can see that you’re not. When was the last time you spoke to Sam?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it.’ I pressed my lips together. Not talking about it meant that it couldn’t hurt me. Or at least I could try and pretend that it wasn’t hurting.

‘You
can
talk to me, Katie. I want to help you.’

Did she? After years of making me feel like I didn’t measure up, why was she being nice?

‘I know I let you down, Katie, and I am so sorry.’

I stared into the bowl in front of me and took a deep breath. I’d never thought we’d ever have this conversation but she’d started it, so I was prepared to see where it went. ‘You made me feel inadequate so many times, Mum.’

‘I have always cared for you, Katie, but I know I owe you an explanation. I’ve been working up to it since Granny died. I nearly spoke to you about it at Christmas but the timing was never right. We were all missing Edith and then Sam was there and I just didn’t have a chance. But I want you to understand why I’ve been the way I have.’ Her eyes brimmed with tears and I felt a wave of pity for her. I could, at least, give her the chance to tell me why she hadn’t loved me as I’d longed to be loved.

‘Go on then. I’m listening.’

She turned five cakes on the bakestone and as the fresh dough hit the hot iron, the sweet and spicy fragrance permeated the air. ‘Karl was such an easy baby to care for. As long as he was fed and changed, he barely murmured. But you…you reminded me so much of myself. You were a dreamer, full of hope and love and need. I sensed how needy you were and it frightened me. I was terrified that if I gave you what you needed then you’d turn out like me and make the same mistakes. It’s not that you were a mistake, or that marrying your father was a mistake, but growing up I had different ideas about things. About what I wanted. Different ideas about how things would be.’

‘What do you mean?’ My eyes burnt and it wasn’t the steam in the kitchen causing it.

‘Love is complicated, Katie. It takes different forms. I knew how close you and Dad were and how much you adored Granny. I just hoped that you’d be okay. That you’d toughen up and pull through. My own mother was a hard woman. I didn’t want to repeat her mistakes, but I guess that I did without realising it until it was too late. You know, when I met your father I didn’t even want to get married.’

‘Really?’ I’d always thought that she had trapped him somehow, ensnared him with her beauty and charm, then kept him tied to her with two children and a whole load of guilt.

‘I refused to date him for months. It was only when I had a big falling out with my mother and stormed out of the house with just my toothbrush and the clothes I stood up in, that I finally surrendered.’

‘And what happened?’

‘He was charming and romantic and he persuaded me to stay with him for a while. Before I knew it, I was pregnant and, well…I had to marry him then. I couldn’t exactly run off to France with a baby strapped to my back.’ Bile rose in my throat. Had Dad had gotten Mum pregnant to keep her? It hadn’t been the other way around. And she
had
been pregnant before she was married. ‘Are you all right?’ Mum whispered.

I nodded. I was surprised but I had to hear the full explanation. ‘So you stayed together all these years.’

‘Katie, I wouldn’t have told you all this, but your father and I discussed it after Granny died and he told me that I had to be completely honest with you. I know how much you adore him and I don’t want to diminish your love and respect for him in any way but I don’t want to hide anything from you any longer either.’ Mum exhaled slowly and two pink circles appeared in her cheeks. ‘It’s more complicated than me wanting to follow my girlish dreams but being unable to because of your father. After I had you, I suffered from postnatal depression. It definitely affected the bonding process. I’m so sorry. I thought that I could make you stronger and when I realised I was wrong, it was too late.’

Was it too late? Too late for me and her, too late for me and Sam?

‘When I fell pregnant with you…oh I don’t want you to be angry with your dad.’

‘Mum, if he told you to tell me then you need to.’ I stared at her until she lowered her eyes. This was clearly hard for her.

‘Your…your Dad allowed himself to be seduced by another woman. She was his personal assistant.’

‘Dad shagged his PA?’ My stomach turned.

‘She was a pretty young thing, a bit ditzy, and she made me him feel young and vibrant again. It’s a cliché, I know, but with having one young child and another on the way, I didn’t have as much time for him as I used to.’

‘And you found out?’ I asked my mother.

‘Yes. Karen – that was her name – came to the house to tell me. She stood there in front of me all slim and toned and smart in her size six business suit and told me every disgusting, heart-wrenching detail. I was eight months’ pregnant with swollen ankles and a huge belly. It broke my heart.’

‘I can’t believe that he did that to you. It’s disgusting.’

‘Dad told Karen that it couldn’t go on, but for weeks she’d apparently threatened to tell me if he didn’t continue the affair. When he finally refused to be blackmailed any more and told her that he would tell me himself, she raced to our house and got to me first.’