With Autumn's Return (Westward Winds Book #3): A Novel (33 page)

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked and started to reach for his coat.

She shook her head, refusing to leave the hallway to enter his office. That was the place where they’d shared cakes and cookies and conversation. If she proceeded, memories of the happy times they’d known might overwhelm her. She couldn’t let that happen.

“There’s no need to continue the pretense.” Elizabeth kept her voice as even as she could, but there was no ignoring the anger that bubbled just below the surface. “Tell me, Jason. When were you going to admit the truth?”

He stared at her as if she were spouting nonsense. “What are you talking about?”

“The charade, the game, the ruse.”

Jason’s eyes narrowed, and he took a step closer to her, his motion releasing the scent of soap and starch. Elizabeth wondered whether she would ever be able to smell that particular combination of scents without being reminded of Jason. He looked at her, his expression earnest as he said, “You’ll have to be more specific. I don’t know what you mean.”

For a second, Elizabeth considered the possibility that Jason was telling the truth, that Miriam had been mistaken. But that couldn’t be. There was no reason for Richard and
Miriam to concoct a story of a sham courtship. Furthermore, the evidence all pointed to the truth of Miriam’s tale. Elizabeth drew herself up to her full height and stared at Jason, willing him to back down. “Did you or did you not agree to pretend to court me in an attempt to salvage my reputation?”

The blood drained from his face, leaving him deathly pale. “Yes, but . . .”

Elizabeth spun around to grab the door handle. “That’s all I wanted to know.” She swiveled her head, giving him a brief glance. “I suppose I should thank you for your kindness. Thank you, Mr. Nordling. Your services are no longer required.”

 22 

E
lizabeth tried not to shudder as she looked at her patient. She had wanted something to take her mind off Jason, but not this. Never this. When she had learned of Jason’s deception, she had been hurt. Now she recognized her feelings for what they were—pure selfishness. She should have been grateful for Jason’s friendship and concern, especially since they both knew they had no future together. Instead, Elizabeth had reacted with anger, lashing out at Jason, when he’d done nothing to deserve it. If she’d needed further proof of how wrong she’d been, it was in this room. Elizabeth’s feelings weren’t important. What was important were her patients. She was a doctor, and though she’d done her best, she had failed. If only . . .

But there were no second chances for Sheila.

Elizabeth washed her hands in the basin of warm water that someone—perhaps Katie—had placed on the bureau. They’d used bucket after bucket of water, yard after yard of
cloth, trying to prevent the inevitable. Now all that remained was the final cleansing.

Elizabeth bit back a sob. If she gave in to it, she’d soon be wailing, and that would accomplish nothing. She needed to devote every bit of skill she possessed to her remaining patient. She wouldn’t think about the one she’d lost. Not now.

“How is she?” Phoebe stood in the doorway, her royal blue gown with its pale gray fur trim looking incongruous in the room that had seen so much suffering over the past hour. This was a room of red and white, the red of blood, the white of skin now drained of its life-giving fluid.

“Sheila’s dead.” Oh, how Elizabeth hated pronouncing those words. Though she’d seen people die when she was training, this was the first time she had lost one of her patients, and it hurt more than she had believed possible. “By the time you called me, there was nothing I could do for her.” She’d found Sheila lying in a pool of blood, her heart barely beating. When she had realized Sheila would be unable to deliver her baby, Elizabeth had performed her first emergency Caesarian section, and though her heart ached, she had smiled when she’d seen that Sheila had been right. She had been carrying a daughter.

Elizabeth nodded toward the woman who stood next to the bed, a warm cloth and a tiny form in her arms. After she’d brought Elizabeth to the bordello, Katie had volunteered to assist Elizabeth, saying she’d helped her mother deliver her last three children. Now Katie held the infant whose birth had cost Sheila her life.

“Louella is so small, I’m not certain she’ll survive,” Elizabeth told Phoebe. Though her limbs were perfectly formed, Louella hadn’t taken a breath when she was pulled from the
womb. Even the traditional swat on the buttocks had provoked no response. In desperation, Elizabeth had dipped the infant into a bucket of cold water, feeling an enormous rush of relief when the baby had howled her annoyance. Since then, though her breaths were shallow, they continued, and the ominous blue tinge had left her fingers and toes.

“Louella?” Phoebe raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow.

“That’s the name Sheila chose. She was certain she would have a daughter, and she was right.” But Sheila had never imagined that she would not survive to raise her child.

“I washed her the way you said, Doctor.” Katie held the infant out for inspection. When Elizabeth nodded, Katie swaddled Louella in a clean cloth.

“Thank you.” Elizabeth turned back to Phoebe. “The baby needs constant care if she’s going to live. I’m going to take her to my infirmary.” And, God willing, Louella would survive.

“What’ll you do after that?” To Elizabeth’s surprise, there was a hint of concern in Phoebe’s voice. She might pretend to have no tender emotions, but the sight of Sheila’s baby had softened her expression.

“I don’t know.”

“She can’t come back here.” Though Phoebe’s voice was stern, she gave the baby a long look, almost as if she were apologizing. “There’s no one here who can care for her.”

“I know.” Elizabeth nodded at Phoebe. The bordello was no place for a motherless child to be raised. “I’ll worry about that once Louella’s out of danger. Meanwhile, I’ve plenty to do.” It wasn’t simply the oath she had taken when she’d become a physician. Elizabeth also felt an obligation to Sheila. The woman had given her life for her baby. Elizabeth would do what she could to preserve that child’s life.

When Phoebe had descended the stairs, Katie turned to Elizabeth. “I wanted to call you sooner, but Sheila said not to bother you. She figured it was too early for the baby to be coming. By her reckoning, it would be at least three more weeks.”

Elizabeth looked down at the tiny, dark-haired baby. “Babies come on their own schedule. Louella should be bigger, though. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Sheila kept wearing her corsets.”

“She did.”

The pain Elizabeth had felt at Sheila’s death deepened. “I warned her about the dangers.” She’d told both Sheila and Phoebe that tightly laced corsets gave the baby too little room to move and that they could endanger the mother as well. While Elizabeth couldn’t say that Sheila had died because she’d laced her corsets, she had no doubt that they had been a contributing factor.

“Phoebe insisted. She wanted Sheila to sing for the men, even if she couldn’t entertain them any other way.”

And the men who visited Phoebe’s bordello would not want to see a woman great with child. Elizabeth knew that. “She never told me.”

Katie’s lips turned down. “Phoebe woulda thrown her out if she didn’t sing.”

“I see.” Though it was too late to save Sheila, it was important that Phoebe understand the consequences of her demands. But that discussion could wait. Right now, Elizabeth’s most important responsibility was to ensure that Sheila’s daughter lived. Taking a sheet of paper from her bag, she wrote a brief note to Gwen, telling her she would not be home tonight and perhaps not for the next few days. Phoebe’s
driver could deliver the note once he’d taken Elizabeth and Louella to her office.

The ride took no more than five minutes, but throughout it, Elizabeth kept her eyes focused on the baby. Swaddled in the soft clothes that Sheila had sewn for her and wrapped in a warm blanket, little Louella should have no difficulty with the brief time outdoors, and yet Elizabeth could not help worrying. This mite of a child had already suffered more than an infant should.

As soon as she entered her office, Elizabeth hurried to the small kitchen that adjoined her infirmary. Switching on the light, she found a box that would serve as Louella’s cradle. Lined with flannel, it would protect her and help keep her body warmth contained.

After laying the baby inside her new bed and placing it on the table, Elizabeth turned to the stove. Though Louella had not complained, it was time for her to begin eating. Elizabeth warmed milk, testing the temperature by flicking a drop on her wrist. When she was convinced that it would not burn the baby’s delicate mouth, Elizabeth soaked a rag in the warm liquid. Though she’d considered using a dropper, she knew that babies had a strong need to suck.

“Open up,” Elizabeth said as she softly tickled the skin under Louella’s chin. When the child complied, she placed the dripping rag into her mouth. At first, Louella did not react, other than to open her eyes and stare at Elizabeth, as if puzzled by the foreign object in her mouth. Then she began to suckle.

“Good girl.” When Louella drifted back to sleep, obviously sated, Elizabeth smiled. The first hurdle had been crossed.

What a fool he’d been! Only a fool would have agreed to the courtship pretense, and only a bigger fool would have not told Elizabeth the truth when he’d realized that he wanted it to be a genuine courtship.

Jason stared at the plate of pork chops and mashed potatoes that he’d brought home when he realized he was such poor company that he shouldn’t spend time in a restaurant where people might expect him to be sociable. The food was delicious. It was only his thoughts that soured his stomach.

When had it happened? Racking his brain, Jason tried to pinpoint the hour, even the day, when his feelings for Elizabeth had changed. It might have been the Sunday at the park when he’d watched her pleasure over nothing more special than a boat ride. Perhaps that had been the reason he’d kissed her. Jason wasn’t certain. It might have been the day Kevin Granger had described his life with Ruby. That had been the first time Jason had realized there might be a future for him and Elizabeth. It might have been even earlier than that.

Jason cut another piece of meat, chewing slowly while he tried to marshal his memories. He was an attorney, a man accustomed to identifying facts and placing events in a logical sequence, but when it came to Elizabeth, logic went out the window. All he knew was that at some point, his feelings had changed. He still felt a desire to protect her, but it was no longer enough to defend her reputation as a physician. Now Jason wanted to protect Elizabeth the woman.

He should have been honest with her, but he had not. He had remained silent and was reaping the consequences of his foolishness. Elizabeth was so angry that she wouldn’t listen to him. She had closed the door in his face when he had tried
to apologize, and when he’d attempted to walk home with her, she’d crossed to the opposite side of the street. Even if she did let him speak, it was unlikely she’d believe him. Jason couldn’t blame her. No woman liked being duped. He shook his head, correcting himself. No one—man or woman—liked that. Elizabeth must feel the way he had when he’d discovered that Adam Bennett had lied to him.

He pushed the plate aside, his appetite destroyed by the thought of Elizabeth’s anger. There had to be a way to convince her of his sincerity, but, though he’d wrestled with the problem for days, he had yet to find an answer. Deep in thought, Jason walked slowly to the front window, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw Elizabeth alighting from an unfamiliar carriage. The presence of a horse and buggy was strange enough. What was even odder was the timing. Though Richard and Miriam occasionally lent her their carriage, at this time of the evening Elizabeth should be going home, not to her office. The few times she’d returned here after dark, she’d been alone, not carrying something in her arms.

Though he was curious, Jason waited half an hour before he descended the steps, wanting Elizabeth to be settled before he intruded. Rather than enter her office by the front door, he walked to the rear of the building. There was no point in provoking more gossip by having someone observe him going into Elizabeth’s office at night. That was how he’d gotten into the mess of a make-believe courtship. Even though he desperately wanted it to become a real one, he wouldn’t repeat his mistake.

Rapping on the door, Jason waited for what seemed like an eternity before Elizabeth cracked it open. The light from the hallway spilled out, revealing the surprise on her face.
Though those blue eyes that figured in so many of his dreams were serious, he saw no anger. If he’d been asked, he would have said it was sorrow he saw reflected in them.

“What are you doing here?” It wasn’t Jason’s imagination. Elizabeth’s voice held a hint of sadness.

“I came to ask you the same question.” Now that he saw her, new questions filled his mind. Why was she sad? Did she regret the way they’d parted as much as he did? He wouldn’t ask those questions yet. Instead, he said, “It’s unusual for you to be in your office so late. I wanted to be certain you were all right.”