With or Without You (7 page)

‘Oh God,’ Martha sighed, biting her lip. ‘I wish I had. There’s a bloody photo in the
Mail
that makes it look as if I spent the night at a hotel with Charlie
Simmons! It’s why Lindsay called so early.’

‘No way!’ cried Jamie, his mouth dropping open. ‘Show me!’

Reluctantly, Martha opened up the laptop once more and sat back as Jamie peered at the article. She wasn’t quite sure how he would react. He could be a little possessive sometimes, even
though he knew she would never cheat on him, and she didn’t want it to cause friction between them.

‘You look hot, baby!’ he said at last, causing her shoulders to drop with relief.

‘You’re not cross?’ she glanced up at him tentatively.

‘Well, it’s a bit humiliating, I suppose,’ Jamie rubbed his stubbled chin thoughtfully. ‘But I guess anyone who knows us would know the truth. At least it doesn’t
name you.’

‘True,’ Martha agreed. ‘Anyway, it’ll be chip paper tomorrow . . .’

‘Sadly that’s not true,’ Jamie reminded her. ‘It’ll actually be there for ever and ever now. The joys of the Internet.’

Martha let out a long sigh. ‘Shit. How embarrassing. I’m sorry, honey.’

Jamie bent down and kissed the top of her head, before backing out of the room. ‘Forget it,’ he said, as he closed the door behind him.

Martha turned back to the computer screen and looked at it thoughtfully, as an idea began to take shape. She would get a photo of Jamie and transfer his head onto Charlie’s body in the
newspaper photo and write him a cute little message for when he next logged onto his own computer.

She closed her laptop and scooted her chair over to Jamie’s, which sat on the opposite desk. She logged in using his password and the screen fired into life. First, she needed to find a
really nice picture of Jamie. She scanned through his home screen, trying to suss out which icon represented his photo library. Jamie was a keen photographer, especially since she had bought him a
top-of-the-range camera for Christmas, and he was also a whizz with graphics, so he had several applications that she didn’t recognise.

In the end, she clicked on the icon showing a camera, and a page of photos duly appeared. Each photo represented a folder of pictures and she scrolled through, looking for one that might have
something suitable. Most of the pictures were of their various holidays, but there was one that stood out and caused Martha to suddenly stop scrolling. It was of a woman Martha didn’t
recognise, sitting on an unfamiliar bed, smiling at the camera.

Martha clicked on the image, her throat suddenly dry with foreboding. Immediately, further photos filled the screen and Martha gasped in shock. As the series of photos unfolded, the woman
gradually undressed until she was completely naked, pulling sultry faces at the camera and posing in obscene positions. Martha’s hands started to shake and she moaned to herself slightly as
she continued to click on pornographic picture after pornographic picture. Could there be an innocent explanation for it? She didn’t recognise the woman. Perhaps they were images Jamie had
downloaded from the Internet? Even happily married men sometimes looked at porn, didn’t they?

She hesitated, wanting to stop, so that whatever she had stumbled upon could be unseen once more. But as the next picture rolled up, she knew that it was too late. On the screen in front of her,
causing her to physically retch, she watched as the woman was joined on the bed by a naked man. There was no mistaking who he was. Jamie.

The LA sunshine was really getting on Liv’s nerves. She had lived here for over four years now and had never quite adapted to the place. So many things that she had loved
at the start now grated on her. Like the beach, for instance.

Danny, in keeping with his surfer-boy appearance, loved to go to the beach and had bought a beautiful house in Malibu so that they could spend the summer there. In the beginning, the three of
them would drive up to the beach house whenever they could. Danny had patiently taught Felix to surf, and even at six years old, Liv had to admit he was pretty good. But these days, with Danny on
location so much, they went to the beach house less and less, so she only really got to go if she took Felix herself, and then it didn’t seem quite so much fun for either of them.

She would sit on the sand watching Felix splashing in the crystal - clear turquoise water, wishing that Danny was there. She’d spy Felix looking longingly at other kids who did have their
dads with them and her heart would ache for him.

She had once tried to surf herself, but she was afraid of water after a bad experience when she had nearly drowned as a child. Aged seven, she had been paddling on a beach in Australia when a
large wave had swept her off her feet and sucked her under the water. She was so disoriented that she couldn’t find her feet and was pulled further and further out to sea. She had started to
lose consciousness by the time she was plucked to safety and the fear of the sea had never left her. She would often wonder how different Felix’s life would have been if he had grown up in
the English countryside. If she and Charlie had stayed together. Had had another baby . . .

Today had been a difficult day, which was why the sunshine was irritating her. She had realised at lunchtime that her period was late and she had begun to wonder if she might be pregnant. The
thought had taken root and a tiny kernel of excitement had begun to build inside her. Her mind automatically leapt forward, as she tried to calculate what her due date might be, and she had even
tipped a glass of wine down the sink. Being pregnant would be the perfect excuse to stop drinking. Not that she drank very much anyway.

But this evening, when she went to the loo, there it was. Taunting her. She had tried to take it in her stride and carry on as usual, but after an hour spent prowling around the house, she found
herself crouching in her bathroom, the almost-empty vodka bottle beside her, sobbing uncontrollably.

Just as she was beginning to pull herself together, her cellphone rang. Naturally, she had it with her, even in the bathroom. She never wanted to risk missing a call from her agent, even amidst
her emotional turmoil. LA did that to you. ‘Hello?’ She coughed slightly to clear her throat.

‘It’s Charlie,’ he said, in that formal, stilted voice he seemed to have invented especially for her ever since their break-up. She half expected him to add, ‘Charlie
Simmons?’ as a prompt.

‘Oh, hi!’ she spoke as brightly as she could, sitting down cross-legged on the tiled floor with her back against the side of the huge stone bathtub.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked immediately.

Liv smiled to herself. Even after all these years, and down a phone line from the other side of the world, he knew just by an inflection in her voice that something was wrong. ‘Nothing.
I’m, er, not feeling too good, that’s all,’ she replied, hoping that she wasn’t slurring her words and wishing desperately that she could pour her heart out to him. But it
wouldn’t be appropriate. Or fair.

‘Well, as long as you’re OK. You sound a bit . . .’ Charlie said, bringing Liv back to the present with a start.

‘A bit what?’

There was an awkward pause. ‘Nothing,’ he said at last.

‘Um, Felix is out . . . He had a playdate after school,’ Liv cut in, when the silence had gone on long enough.

‘I know.’ Of course he knew. He was diligent about keeping in touch with his son and always made sure he knew where he was. ‘I’m coming to LA and I wanted to surprise
him, so I thought I’d wait until he was out to call and let you know the details.’

‘OK, great!’ Liv wasn’t sure why she felt so piqued. ‘Are you coming just to see Felix?’ she couldn’t help asking, as her curiosity got the better of her.

‘No, actually,’ Charlie said, and she could tell that he was reluctant to be drawn into conversation with her. ‘I’ve got a . . . couple of meetings as well.’

Liv bit her lip. She knew from various press stories she had seen that some big-name directors were wooing Charlie. ‘I see. Well, Felix will be thrilled to see you. When are you
coming?’

‘Next week. Tuesday.’

‘Great. He breaks for the holidays then so that’s perfect. And . . . are you coming alone?’ she added.

‘Yes . . .’ Charlie said, and she could almost see him frowning down the phone line. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Well, it’s just that I wondered if you might be bringing your new girlfriend? She looks gorgeous, by the way!’ she added, much too effusively.

‘My
what
?’ Charlie snapped, and she recoiled slightly at the tone of his voice.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry—’ Liv began, her throat feeling suddenly dry. She desperately wished she had some water.

‘I haven’t got a girlfriend,’ Charlie interrupted. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Oh, OK, I get it,’ Liv said quickly, eager to change the subject. He was obviously telling her that it was none of her bloody business.

‘You don’t “get it”, Liv, because there’s nothing to get. I haven’t got a girlfriend and I have no idea what you’re on about.’

‘But, I saw a picture on the
Mail
website . . .’ Liv stammered, embarrassed. ‘Of you and her leaving the hotel together? I just assumed you were an item. Sorry, none
of my business . . . sorry,’ she said again miserably.

There was a long silence at the end of the line. ‘Which website did you say?’

‘The
Mail
. Haven’t you seen it? God, I’m sorry, I’m really putting my foot in it, aren’t I?’

Charlie didn’t reply and she could hear him tapping at a keyboard. ‘Oh shit!’ she heard him say, presumably when he had found the offending article. Finally, he came back on
the line. ‘Not quite how it looks,’ he said wryly. ‘Anyway, I’ll be coming to LA alone, without my new girlfriend,’ he added, amusement in his voice.

Liv felt a spike of jealousy shoot through her. Whoever the woman was, he was obviously keen on her. After agreeing the details of his arrival to collect Felix the following week, Liv hung up
feeling a million times worse than she had before.

Not least because Charlie would know that she had been Googling him. She felt miserable and foolish. And lonely. She picked up her phone again and dialled Danny’s number. He was filming on
a Hawaiian island, starring in a movie in which he was supposed to survive alone on a desert island for years. To Liv’s huge relief, there was no beautiful leading lady to worry about on this
one
and
she had a feeling he would win all sorts of awards.

‘Hey, baby!’ he answered breathlessly after just a couple of rings. ‘How you doing?’

‘Am I interrupting filming?’ Liv tried to keep her voice as steady as possible, but she could tell it was quavering.

‘No. Finished for the day,’ he said, exhaling loudly, as if to catch his breath. ‘Liv? Are you OK? You’re not crying, are you?’

‘No!’ Liv said automatically. ‘Well, yes, I am, I guess.’ In a faltering voice, she told Danny about her not getting the part, about her period arriving and then about
Charlie’s impending visit. ‘I just feel really down,’ she finished.

‘Baby, have you been drinking? You sound a little out of it.’

‘No!’ Liv snapped, indignation bubbling up inside her. ‘I’m fine. It’s just . . . I really want to see you. Could I maybe come down and visit you on set for a few
days? Charlie could have Felix while he’s here and you and me could have some grownup time. What do you think?’ Now that the idea had formed, her indignation was rapidly being replaced
by excitement. It seemed so long since they had spent any real time together, just the two of them.

There was another pause before Danny answered. ‘Uh, yeah, I guess . . . Next week, you say?’

‘Yes. Oh my God, it would be so fantastic!’ Liv cried.

‘Yeah, I guess . . .’

Liv wished Danny sounded a bit more enthusiastic, but it was the evening and he was probably tired.

‘Listen, I gotta go,’ he continued, ‘but why don’t you book a flight and let me know when it’s all happening?’

Liv hung up and stood up purposefully, suddenly happy and excited at having something to look forward to. She grabbed the vodka bottle and her phone, before bounding out of the room. She would
call Carrie right away and get her to book her flights.

It was only later, lying awake in the small hours of the morning, that she suddenly wondered why Danny had answered the phone sounding so breathless, and why he had had to go when filming had
finished for the day.

Charlie sat staring at his laptop for a long time after he had hung up on Liv. The phone call had unsettled him hugely. He couldn’t put his finger on what, but he knew
there was something wrong with Liv. He was sure that she had been drinking, just as he had been sure that she had been drinking on other occasions when he’d called over the past few months.
Although she had never actually had a breakdown, there had been times in the past when Liv had suffered from bouts of depression and panic attacks, and Charlie was becoming increasingly concerned
for Felix’s welfare.

He gazed at the paparazzi photo of him and Martha emerging from the hotel the previous afternoon. Laughing in the sunshine. Looking happy. Looking like a couple. Martha seemed especially
beautiful and Charlie wondered if it was because in his world it was so rare for someone to have such a lovely face, untouched by cosmetic surgery, or hair that was shining and thick without the
aid of extensions. Even wearing his baggy sweatpants and t-shirt, she looked effortlessly stylish.

He had been unable to stop thinking about her for the past twenty-four hours, and it was such a new sensation for Charlie to feel anything other than a passing interest in a woman that he was
unnerved by it. Only Liv had ever had that effect on him before.

He had even resorted to going to the bathroom and fishing her dress out of the bin so that he could inhale her scent. Then he had called his assistant, Jess, and asked her to go and buy a new
one. He would give it to her at their next meeting. He smiled to himself at the thought of how pleased she would be.