With or Without You (26 page)

‘Yes,’ Liv whimpered. ‘Felix . . . he’s . . .’ she managed to say, before she had to take another series of deep breaths to calm herself again.

Jamie listened to her breathing with a rising sense of panic. What had happened to Felix? ‘Take your time, Liv,’ he said, belying the incredible sense of impatience that he was
feeling. If the child was sick or injured, they needed to get to him as quickly as possible. They didn’t have time for his mother’s histrionics.

‘Felix . . .’ she croaked again in a small voice. ‘. . . he’s gone.’

Jamie’s eyes widened in alarm. He didn’t know that much about Liv Mason’s private life, but he knew the child wasn’t very old.

‘Gone where?’ He was glad that his voice sounded less panicky than he felt.

‘To find Charlie. He got up and saw that Charlie had gone and that I was . . . oh God,’ she groaned again, sounding as if she was in agony.

‘I’ll call the police,’ Jamie said, now desperate to get her off the phone and enlist some proper help.

‘No!’ Liv screamed, suddenly panicky again. ‘Please don’t call the police! They’ll take him away from me . . .’

‘But we need to
find
him!’ Jamie shouted back.

‘I know, but please will you come and help me look? He won’t have got far . . . I’ve been calling Charlie non-stop but he’s not answering his phone!’

Jamie stared at the handset in shock. He didn’t know LA. He didn’t know Liv Mason and he didn’t know the kid. How the hell was he supposed to find him? ‘Give me your
address,’ he groaned, groping for the pen and pad beside the bed. He scribbled it down. ‘Check every room in the house and check the garden,’ he said, panting slightly.
‘I’ll be there as quickly as I can.’ He hung up and called the front desk. ‘I need a taxi, really urgently,’ he said, before gabbling out the address.

Where the hell was Charlie and, more to the point, where was Martha? He called her number and listened as it went to voicemail. ‘Call me!’ he said, when prompted to leave a message,
before he hung up and scrambled out of bed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He felt dazed and slightly stunned, as if he might still be dreaming. He splashed his face with cold water,
grabbed his wallet, phone, the piece of paper with the address on and his keycard, then raced to the lifts. At the entrance to the hotel, one of the besuited bell-hops approached him. ‘Mr
Smith? The house car is coming for you now.’

‘What?’ Jamie gaped in confusion, as a sleek black Rolls Royce glided up and pulled to a halt in front of him. The bell-hop opened the back passenger door and motioned for Jamie to
get in. ‘But . . .’ he stuttered, before deciding that he didn’t have time to argue. He climbed in and waited while the door was closed with an expensive thunk before he spoke to
the driver. ‘I need to go to—’ he began, squinting at the piece of paper with the address written on it.

‘I have the address, sir,’ the driver said smoothly and politely. ‘And I will get you there just as quickly as I can.’

‘Thank you,’ Jamie breathed. ‘But can you go as slowly as you can when we get a bit closer, as I believe there’s a little boy out wandering around in the dark and we need
to find him.’

If the driver felt any kind of alarm at Jamie’s words, he certainly didn’t show it. ‘No problem, sir,’ he replied calmly.

The Phantom slid through the surprisingly quiet streets until they turned off the main drag and began to climb up into the Hollywood Hills. ‘You might want to start keeping an eye out
about now, sir,’ said the driver, again with exquisite politeness. ‘May I suggest that you look out of the right-hand side and I will watch the left-hand side. What age is the child we
are looking for, sir?’

‘Uh, I don’t exactly know, but I think he’s around six or seven,’ Jamie replied, shaking his head at the surreal nature of the whole evening. He peered out of the window,
straining to make out anything as the car continued to climb the dark, winding roads. There was very little in the way of street lighting and Jamie thought how scared any child would be out here on
his own. He thought about his own son and his heart went out to the little boy who had decided to run out into the night looking for his dad.

After about ten minutes, Jamie’s shoulders were sagging. There was no sign at all of Felix. A feeling of dread started to take root in his stomach, as he began to worry about what he would
find when he got to Liv’s house. He wished he had ignored her pleas and called the police like he’d wanted to.

‘I think this might be him, sir!’ said the driver suddenly, his voice finally betraying some excitement in place of his usual stilted politeness.

The car slid to a standstill and Jamie leapt out. Up ahead of him on the dark pavement he could make out a small figure walking quickly down the hill towards him. As he got closer, Jamie could
see that he was still wearing his Toy Story pyjamas.

‘Felix!’ Jamie shouted.

The boy looked up in alarm and hesitated, glancing around nervously as Jamie approached. Suddenly, he turned around and headed back up the hill, running.

‘Felix!’ Jamie repeated, jogging after him. ‘There’s nothing to worry about. I’m a friend of your mum and dad. They asked me to come and find you.’

The boy hesitated and looked back at Jamie over his shoulder, before he resumed running again. ‘I’ve never seen you before!’ he cried.

‘I’m Martha’s husband, Jamie . . .’ he called, struggling for breath as he shouted and ran at the same time. He was gaining on the boy easily, though, and within a few
strides he had pulled level with him.

‘Martha, daddy’s girlfriend?’ Felix glanced suspiciously up at Jamie as they ran along side by side.

‘Can we stop running for a second, please?’ Jamie pulled up and put his hands on his knees to get his breath back. ‘I can’t run and talk at the same time.’

Felix slowed to a halt slightly further up the hill and looked back at Jamie. ‘Isn’t Martha daddy’s girlfriend?’ he repeated.

Jamie felt his jaw tighten. ‘Well, she’s a friend of your dad’s and she’s a girl, so I guess that might make her his girlfriend,’ he said, finally understanding the
expression ‘the words stuck in my craw’. ‘But I’m her husband. Listen, Felix, you have nothing to be scared of. I’m just going to take you home to your mum because she
called me and she’s worried sick about you.’

‘What if you’re lying?’ Felix looked around as if searching for back-up.

Sharp kid, Jamie thought. Of course, with high-profile parents like Liv and Charlie, kidnapping must be a constant threat. He considered what to do for a minute. ‘OK, well, how about you
call your mum before you get in the car? Ask her if it’s OK if Jamie gives you a lift home.’ Jamie fumbled in his back pocket for his phone and held it out towards Felix. ‘Here,
take it.’

Warily, Felix inched his way down the hill until he was within reaching distance and stretched out his hand to take the phone. Keeping his eye on Jamie the whole time, he edged a few feet back
up the hill.

Jamie wanted to laugh; the whole situation was so ridiculous, especially now that he knew the child was safe.

‘Do you know your mum’s number?’ he prompted.

Felix nodded and, finally taking his eyes off Jamie, began to tap out Liv’s number. After a few seconds, he spoke. ‘Mom? It’s me. Is it OK for me to get into a car with this
English guy?’

‘Wow, this is gorgeous!’ sighed Martha, as Charlie led her into the restaurant. It certainly lived up to its name –
Little Door
– as the only
indication it was there was literally a small door in the middle of a wall on a nondescript street. But inside it was like stepping into a twinkling, Italianate wonderland. Fairy lights winked from
the lush canopy of dark green foliage and a pink glow hung over each of the candlelit tables, giving the whole room a slightly mystical and romantic atmosphere.

‘I knew you’d love it,’ Charlie smiled back at her as a female maître d’ guided them to a discreet table in the corner.

Martha followed, feeling several curious pairs of eyes on her. She kept forgetting that Charlie was recognised wherever he went. The thought made her feel strangely territorial and possessive of
him, and she realised with a jolt that she already thought of him as
her
Charlie.

Once they were seated, Martha picked up her menu and tried to focus on what to order, but after a couple of minutes she put it back down. ‘I can’t concentrate. We need to
talk.’

Charlie looked up at her. ‘That sounds ominous,’ he said, trying to smile.

Martha exhaled. ‘I’m going home. Tomorrow.’

Charlie nodded but didn’t speak. After a second he reached out and took her hand in his. Martha glanced around nervously but no-one seemed to be paying them any attention.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wanting to fill the silence between them.

‘No, don’t be sorry.’ Charlie gave her hand a squeeze. ‘I knew you would.’

Martha’s throat constricted and her eyes swam. ‘It’s . . . complicated, isn’t it?’

Charlie pursed his lips slightly. ‘The thing is, Martha,’ he began, fixing her with his dark-eyed stare, ‘I have feelings for you that have kind of taken me by surprise . .
.’

Martha smiled sadly in recognition. ‘Me too.’

‘But whatever I feel for you, I also understand that you have to do the right thing by your children.’

‘And my marriage,’ Martha added, looking down.

Charlie shrugged. The meaning of the gesture was clear – he didn’t think Jamie deserved to have her do the right thing by him.

At that moment the waiter appeared, breaking the tension. ‘You order for me,’ Martha said, revelling in the old-fashioned ambiance and smiling at Charlie. ‘Let’s make the
most of tonight.’

Charlie smiled back, before ordering quickly and decisively.

As the waiter departed, Martha continued, ‘I know what Jamie did is unforgivable and I’m not sure we can find our way through it. But for the sake of the children, I can’t give
up on my marriage without at least trying to make it work.’

‘I know. And even though he doesn’t deserve you, I wouldn’t wish it on Jamie to be parted from his kids. I know how hard that is. I would have given anything to be a part of
Felix’s daily life, for him as much as me.’ He paused and looked into the distance for a few seconds, as if remembering the pain of being parted from his child. ‘I suppose what
I’m trying to say, Martha, is that I understand. I don’t want you to go but I also know that you have to.’

‘Thank you,’ Martha whispered, suddenly overtaken by sadness for what might have been. She and Charlie just clicked. They had from the start and she had no doubts that if she was to
choose him over Jamie, it would work. She could so easily picture them pottering about at home together, going on holiday with all three children, and, most of all, she could imagine herself
falling asleep in his arms every night.

They sat in silence for a few moments while the waiter brought the drinks and poured a glass of red wine for each of them.

‘I do believe that he’s really sorry for what he did,’ Martha said, as the waiter left them once again.

‘Are you trying to convince me or yourself?’ Charlie replied.

Martha smiled. ‘Maybe both.’

Charlie took a deep breath and picked up his glass of wine. ‘Well then, let’s drink to new beginnings with old partners . . .’

Martha picked up her glass and chinked it against his. ‘Do you think you and Liv might make another go of it?’ She felt slightly sick as she said the words.

‘No. I mean that it’s a new beginning for me with Liv because I’ve realised that I don’t love her any more. And I’ve only realised that since I met you.’

Their eyes locked and Martha felt her insides swim. ‘Don’t,’ she said quietly.

‘Sorry.’ Charlie held her gaze. ‘I know you have to go home. And although it kills me to admit it, I can’t help noticing the change in you since he arrived here . .
.’

‘In what way?’

‘In your appearance, in your demeanour. Everything, really. It tells me all I need to know.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m sorry too. Let’ s just enjoy tonight and make the most of our last few hours together.’

‘Oh, don’t say that, Charlie!’ Martha cried. ‘It makes me feel awful. And anyway, we’ll still see each other back in the UK, won’t we?’

‘I don’t know if that’s such a good idea . . .’ Charlie finally looked away uncomfortably.

Martha thought she might cry. ‘You don’t want me to do your memoirs?’

‘It’s not that I don’t want you to,’ he said, and she could tell that he was choosing his words carefully. ‘It’s just that I’m not sure it’s such
a good idea.’

Martha picked up her wine and took a long sip. Much as she hated the idea of not seeing him again, she also wondered if it might be fairer all round. Fairer on Charlie, fairer on her, and fairer
on Jamie, not that he deserved it. But she had to give him a chance to make things right. She wasn’t sure if their marriage would ever recover, but she did know they didn’t stand a
chance with Charlie hovering in the background. Once again, her eyes brimmed. ‘Maybe you’re right.’

Charlie reached out and took her hand again, stroking her skin softly with his thumb. He didn’t speak but his eyes spoke volumes, reflecting her own sadness in their depths.

‘So this is goodbye?’

He nodded slowly. ‘I wish it wasn’t. But I think we both know it’s the only way.’

She felt suddenly choked. The thought of going back home scared her. While she was in LA, everything seemed so far removed from her everyday life that she could pretend none of the terribleness
had happened. But she knew that running away wasn’t the answer. It was time to go home, back to reality. She took another sip of her wine and blinked hard. ‘Life is hard, isn’t
it?’

Charlie nodded. ‘Love is harder.’

Liv was waiting by the gates as the car slid up the driveway.

‘Thanks so much!’ Jamie said to the driver, handing him a bundle of notes by way of a tip before he flung the door open and lifted Felix out.

‘Thank you, sir. No problem, sir,’ replied the driver, now firmly back in polite mode, as Jamie climbed out after Felix and closed the door of the Rolls Royce behind him. He watched
the car silently, as it turned and glided back through the remote-control gates.