“Since I was a young girl.” She seemed to find this strange in the way that she had when Li told her that I was with child.
“Have you suffered a more recent loss? If you do not mind my asking. It is just that there is a presence in your face, a kind of sadness.” She said this softly. I was reminded of the way Celia’s mother looked when she told me that my mother was with me. Those words stayed with me and it would seem, would haunt me even on the other side of the world.
“My Aunt and Uncle, whom I grew up with, were killed in a fire... only a year ago. It was murder.” She bowed her head again, this time with her eyes closed.
“I suppose that is what I am sensing. Do not worry, child. All things are mended in time. You carry a great sorrow, but it will pass. You must remember to hold onto the precious memories, forget what has left you in such sadness.” She was looking up into my eyes, her hand patted my shoulder. I was not sure what to say to her because the conversation was making me rather uncomfortable, and I think she could see that.
“Very well, Madame, shall I show you to the library?” she asked in a lighter tone.
“No, I believe I can find it on my own, thank you.” This house was large, but not nearly as difficult to navigate as one of the old English houses. I was glad to have dismissed her because my hands started to shake. I had to stand there for a moment and gather myself when she left me. I closed my eyes for only a second and saw Celia’s mother with the candle and opened them back up immediately. I thought that I was escaping these memories, these nightmares, but it seemed that they all followed me.
CHAPTER 21
The following morning, we took breakfast in the small, but charming conservatory with glass walls and many plants. Avani served us different fruits that were curious, but delicious. We had a lively breakfast trying to pronounce the names of each fruit as Avani brought them over to our table. When we got the correct pronunciation, she would clap her hands together.
“Mango. You will see this fruit often. It is in many of the Indian dishes,” Julian said as he took a piece offered by Avani on a silver platter.
“That’s an easy one to say,” Li said and proceeded to pronounce it perfectly. Leo was sitting next to her with an array of colorful fruits before him, but he seemed to be ignoring the conversation and entranced with his food.
“I have asked the doctor to come and look in on you both. Just to be certain that the travel did not harm you in your delicate condition,” Julian said, and I looked at Li.
“You know, I think that perhaps it was only seasickness. I have felt much better since we arrived...” I began.
“Well, it still can’t hurt to have him look you over to make sure that all is well,” he said as he stood up.
“I must tend to some business, but shall we tour the property together this afternoon?” He stooped to kiss my cheek, and we all agreed before he left with Leo behind him. Avani was standing silently nearby, and I was relieved that no one mentioned the conversation in the parlor the day before.
We removed ourselves to the drawing room, leaving Avani to clean up. It was before nine o’clock, and it was already balmy. The windows were open so that any small breeze might make its way into the room, though even the breeze seemed to feel hot.
I sat down at the spinnet, which I was longing to play since our arrival. It was of a dark wood with a reddish hue and had a carved design of flowers etched into the lid and along the sides. I had never seen one so beautiful and assumed that it must have been made somewhere other than England, because I did not recognize the wood from which it was made. Li listened to me play with her eyes closed.
When I finished playing a piece of Handel’s “Water Music”, Li opened her eyes and smiled at me.
“It is so refreshing to have a little music. This room is not so different from the drawing room at Hilbourne. Like a little piece of home.”
“I shall have to practice, again. The nuns would be shocked at how I’ve let myself go for so long.” I said. Li became serious then and walked over to the spinnet where I sat.
“Tam... I have realized something that is making me worry.” She sat beside me on the end of the velvet covered bench before continuing.
“If I am to be with child for the next few months, I will not be able to travel home when it is time.” This revelation was something that had not occurred to me. I put my arms around her and kissed her cheek because she seemed to need the affection.
“Dear Li, when the child arrives, you will think of nothing else and it will all be worthwhile.”
“Do you think it wise to travel by boat with an infant?” she asked.
“I do not know, but I daresay Aunt Emmaline would be horrified at the thought of a baby at sea.” That got a smile from her.
“Do not worry, so. Time does seem to pass faster and faster the older we get, and before you know it you will have forgotten your longing for home.” I turned and began to briskly play an uplifting Beethoven concerto, which seemed to raise her spirits.
* * *
It was blisteringly warm by the time the four of us left the house to go and explore the land, but Julian assured us that the small camel-drawn cart would cool us as it moved. The camel was a strange animal with a hump on its back and large, innocent-looking eyes. Li commented that they were not nearly as graceful as a horse might be, and that made Julian laugh. He said they were also the most temperamental of animals but they were much easier to maintain than elephants. When we got to the edge of a hill, I saw that there were many people, including women, dotting the hill tending to the plants that lined the ground. As we passed, they would stand, and Julian waved and called greetings to many of them, always in English. They would smile and return the greeting in broken English.
We came to a small hut and an Englishman emerged from the door, calling a greeting to Julian and waving. His skin was tanned from the sun, and he appeared to be a bit older than Julian. He was introduced as Mr. Kinlan, the man who was in charge of the estate in the absence of the Hilbournes. He took our hands as Li and I were introduced, and then he asked how we were fairing in such a faraway place. Then he asked after our journey. He was familiar with Captain Marcato and he commented that there was no better boat on the sea than
The Coragiosso
.
After a bit of small talk, Leo and Julian alighted from the cart to go and speak about something privately in the cottage.
“All business, I can assure you that you would find it all very dull indeed,” Mr. Kinlan said.
Li and I sat in the covered cart admiring the rolling green hills, and I was glad of the shade. A woman with dark skin, hair, and eyes was walking along the path, holding the hand of a small, skinny little girl with much lighter skin than her own. She came right over to the cart, and I could see that she was not one of the workers because of her dress, which was of a dark blue and gold fabric. She had two long gold earrings that dangled from her ears and another smaller, gold ring at the top of her left ear.
“I apologize for the intrusion. I wanted to introduce myself... and my daughter. I am Mrs. Kinlan... Vallari. This is my daughter, Saachi.” She spoke with a perfect English accent, just as Avani had. The little girl moved behind her mother and peered out from around her skirt. Li’s shock was apparent that Mr. Kinlan was married to a native woman, but it seemed that there was a shortage of English women to wed in this country, so I was not as surprised.
“Hello, Mrs. Kinlan,” I said and leaned to look at her daughter hiding behind her, “And Saachi...” She buried her face into the blue and gold fabric but not before I saw a smile cross her lips at being acknowledged. She couldn’t have been more than three.
“My grandmother is keeping you comfortable up at the big house?” she asked, smiling.
“Oh, I did not know you were related. You are Avani’s granddaughter?”
“Yes, madame,” Vallari said.
“You both look like you are sweltering in your English dress. Have you thought about finding something more comfortable? I would be happy to come up to the house and show you how to wrap a sari.” Li and I exchanged a relieved look.
“That would be lovely,” Li said. The shock had finally worn off, and she was desperate for more comfortable clothes.
“If you would not mind,” I said.
“Not at all, Madame.” Vallari bowed her head the way that her grandmother did so often, eyes closed.
“Thank you so much,” I said.
“We bought a bit of fabric during our time in Portugal that we have not yet had a use for. Perhaps that would be appropriate?”
“I’m certain that it will be,” she replied. We continued with more small talk about our journey and our thoughts on Punam, before she told us that she had to go.
“I must be on my way, I am going up to visit my grandmother, now.” We bid her farewell, and to little Saachi. They were on their way just as the men emerged from the hut with several rolled up papers that appeared to be maps.
“I see you have met my wife and daughter,” Mr. Kinlan said to Li and me.
“Yes, your daughter is lovely... and apparently very shy,” I said, Li nodding accordingly, and I was glad that she warmed to the idea of the marriage between a local woman and an Englishman. It was not so farfetched, really. Li was German and she married Leo, who was only partially German, himself. That was not so different from Mr. Kinlan and Vallari.
* * *
Before the doctor even arrived, I had my confirmation that Avani was right. It had been almost two months, but I had been ill and the doctor assured me that this sometimes happens when one is very ill for an extended period of time. What I had mistook for pregnancy, the doctor said was most likely pneumonia that was probably intensified by the sea travel, thus confirming what Avani told me.
I wondered how she could tell that I was not with child. Her senses were uncanny, and I found it a little eerie that she knew. Li was so happy to know that she was pregnant for sure. He said that he would look in on her again in one month’s time to ensure that she was coming along well.
He warned me about the weakness that comes with long bouts of pneumonia and said that I should eat well to rebuild my strength. I showed him the bottle of draught that Marcato gave me, and he said that it would be fine for me to take it again if I started to feel sickly, though it was nearly empty. He said that Li told him I was having trouble sleeping at times, and he asked that I accept a bottle of a serum to help me sleep.
“That woman who keeps the house here, she is known for concocting potions that are helpful at times, but be careful of what she offers you without consulting me first,” he told both Li and I separately. It was a strange thing to say, and I wondered if he was threatened by the fact that someone without formal training could be competition for him. I laughed at the fact that he called her remedies
‘potions’
.
I told Julian that night that I was not with child, and he could not hide his disappointment. There was a tinge of sadness in my voice when I told him, so he put his arms around me.
“We have all the time in the world.” Regardless of his disappointment, he comforted me.
I told him what the doctor said about Avani’s ‘
potions
,’ and he brushed it off saying that she helped him numerous times while dealing with ailments.
“She has never once been wrong, and you don’t have to worry. We are safe in her capable hands.” His trust in her did not change the fact that I was growing nervous around the old woman.
When Vallari came to show us how to wrap a sari the following morning, she showed Fleur so that she could dress me and Li, and herself if she decided to wear one. Bernadine refused, saying that the sari was too ‘
revealing
’ and she’d not wear one no matter how hot it was. I insisted that if Fleur was over-warm she must wear one, but she told me that she was comfortable in her maid’s habit as long as she did not have to wear a bonnet.
Fleur had become quiet and very distant after her farewell with Marcato. She missed him terribly, but she did not say it, and I was sure that Bernadine was not a comforting companion. I hoped that she would get past it soon. If given the chance, I wondered if she would have married the man, but I could not imagine where that would take her. Did a captain’s wife live on board with him, or did she make house at a port? I assumed the latter if there were children and imagined that would be a lonely way to live, apart from her husband for such long lengths of time.
Vallari was tucking a fold of the shiny Portuguese fabric in while my arms were pointed straight out on either side like I was a bird trying to take flight. We stood in Li’s room and when I turned to see myself in the mirror, I saw that the emerald toned fabric made my red hair look even more vibrant, and I thought how easily I’d be spotted in a crowd in such dress.
Avani came into the room with tea, and when she set it down she clapped her hands together.
“Madame, it is as though that fabric was made with you in mind. You are stunning.” I blushed a little, and Vallari stood back to check her work as she placed the end of the long fabric over my shoulder.
“
Bazaari
!” Vallari told me holding out my right hand and then looked at me and said, “Most beautiful.”
Then she took Li’s brilliant blue fabric from her and went to work. She told us she would show us another variation, because a sari could be wrapped in many different styles, and other regions of India had their own variation. The fabric did not hang like the empire waist gowns that were so fashionable in Europe, and you could tell that Li was beginning to show her pregnancy. The look was still becoming on her, and she still seemed to be beaming from the doctor’s confirmation of her condition. I was happy for her and for Leo.